breast cancer awarness triggering my anxiety

[maianixon]

So I’ve not been on this forum for ages, my health anxiety was much better for a year with some ups and downs but overall I was fine.
However, there has been suddenly something that I find really triggering and I can feel myself getting worse and that is breast cancer awarness month. My first big HA was about breast cancer. About 2 years ago i found a lump that matched perfectly every description of a “bad kind of lump” online and at the time I freaked out. I went to a couple of doctors and they all felt it, said that they think it’s nothing but to have it checked with ultrasound. So I got the ultrasound and it showed that it is a benign lump probably a side effect of birth control. My doctor told me to just forget about it but go off birth control because my body clearly isn’t reacting well but that the lump will eventually probably disappear. He also made me do a full blood test including checking for breast tumor markers and the results were all fine. So I stopped worrying about it, although the lump never disappeared (it’s been like I said almost 2 years now) and I always mention it to my doctor when I see him and he’s not bothered about it. it’s also not changed/grew in size so i figured it must be fine.

Anyway for the last 2 days I’m seeing ALL OVER social media so many posts about breast cancer and self checking and whatnot and details on how to recognise a dangerous lump and Im just being reminded of how mine fits all of the criteria and it’s just really triggering my anxiety about it after a long time. I see loads of scary posts like “it’s never too early i found a cancerous lump at 18” or “doctors told me i was fine but 2 years later turns out i had stage 3 cancer” that are really getting to me.

Now i’m confused as to what to do, i feel like i should trust my doctor and also like i said it’s not changed in 2 years but it’s like the media is screaming at me that i should be worried and i feel like i’m being irresponsible if i just ignore it so yeah... idk i guess i just came here for some support i feel very confused and anxious

[emm5412]

I think if you have already gotten it checked out, it's probably okay. A couple years back I had a dimple in my boob that matched all the descriptions of cancer. They did a mammogram and an ultrasound, and told me they couldn't find anything.

It's still there, 2 years later. I just try not to think about it too much.

I feel similar to you, because for a year and a half I was pretty much anxiety-free... until I started worrying about the newest thing, which is a mole / wart on my hand and now I "probably have skin cancer" lol. It's like a never ending cycle. Sometimes I spend hours looking up pictures or stories about diseases I probably don't have. There's no point in wasting life worrying, but it's so easy to do. I just try to get outside or go to the gym and forget about it.

[hellorinny]

I totally understand you! I am just coming out of a big BC scare my self and this awareness month IS NOT helping me cope at all. But unfortunately media tends to focus on all the sad stories and none of the good. They especially like the ones with younger patients. It triggers me like crazy, especially since im only 22. ��

[travelgirl77]

Consider yourself in "good" company. BC was my first HA trigger and it stays with me to this day with other stuff mixed in. I am currently worried over my kids, so we just got out from Childhood Cancer awareness which was triggering on many levels onto this month. I got off of most social media almost a year ago for this very reason. I could not screen out all of the stories shared that inevitably led to me googling the stories and more stories and getting into a bad depression/anxiety spiral. If you can, I highly suggest doing that...at least for this month.

And, I agree, since you have been checked, you really can put this aside. I have lumps and bumps that have been there for years. I freak about them all of the time, but most have been checked. I get exactly where you are coming from.

[maianixon]

Thank you for all your nice replies <3

I hate how much it’s getting to me, I thought I was doing better by now. It’s just mainly getting to me how its fitting perfectly the descriptions of dangerous lumps. I don’t know I’m considering maybe going back to the doctors when I get a chance (but I’m not going to rush it). I just keep getting this thought what if it’s something bad and I’m wrong by not reacting and it will just get worse... although all logic is telling me that if it was cancer it would hve changed/got worse in almost 2 years but then again i can’t be sure i’m not a doctor

[ktdid2000]

OMG, I think I could write a book about breast cancer anxiety! :(

I've had a lump in my right breast for 2 years now - it's round, smooth, and somewhat squishy/rubbery. It's been about the same size for almost 2 years. I've had probably 6 ultrasounds and a 3-D mammogram on it during those 2 years with almost no change in size/appearance/etc. I look at the ultrasound pics while I'm at the breast specialist and see a classic dark black hole just like all the pictures of a simple cyst I see online. Docs and ultrasound reports all say simple cyst.

BUT - it's really really hard to accept this as fact. I have health anxiety, so my perceptions of reality are off anyway, but BC awareness drills into our heads that anything different in our breasts must be WRONG. It can never be normal or some variation thereof. It must be cancer or some pre-cancer that people are missing. Especially if it hangs around and dosen't go away, right?!?

By now even I'm starting to think this thing in my boob is "normal". My doc offered me a biospy (offered, didn't recommend) because I told her I was just super nervous about the lump a few days ago. After reading what that entailed, re-reading all the reports from the past 2 years, and recalling that this thing has not changed at all I decided not to go through with it.

I'm just going to have to accept that this is my normal and move on with life. VERY HARD, but I've got to try. Hardest thing for me to accept is why it hasn't gone away - I feel like only abnormal things hang around, cysts are supposed to resolve over time and for some reason this one has stuck. That's what keeps me worried despite everything else.

[maianixon]

Yeah I get what you’re saying. My lump is really hard which is what I read everywhere is a bad sign and I can’t move it around (another warning sound i read everywhere) although it moves around when I move my arm. I once asked the GP about it that it has all characteristics that I read are symptoms of a tumor and he just shook his head and said it doesn’t feel like a cancer lump, so I guess it’s not as black & white as it seems idk. On my ultrasound its just like this little dot in there it doesnt seem like anything special tbh. Oh well i guess the fact its not changed in a long time should be reassuring. It’s just annoying because for most part I was okay with it but every now and then i just get an overwhelming “but what if?????”. And then reading all the breast cancer awarness posts and horrid stories of some women it just really scares me what if i’m neglecting my health

[hellorinny]

Yeah I get what you’re saying. My lump is really hard which is what I read everywhere is a bad sign and I can’t move it around (another warning sound i read everywhere) although it moves around when I move my arm. I once asked the GP about it that it has all characteristics that I read are symptoms of a tumor and he just shook his head and said it doesn’t feel like a cancer lump, so I guess it’s not as black & white as it seems idk. On my ultrasound its just like this little dot in there it doesnt seem like anything special tbh. Oh well i guess the fact its not changed in a long time should be reassuring. It’s just annoying because for most part I was okay with it but every now and then i just get an overwhelming “but what if?????”. And then reading all the breast cancer awarness posts and horrid stories of some women it just really scares me what if i’m neglecting my health

I understand the feeling of being so reassured but still feeling unsure. I have embarassingly been seen by about 9 medical professionals and they all told me Im fine, through just clinical exam, mammo, and ultrasounds. and im still haunted by the what ifs and horror stories.

[maianixon]

Yeah it’s terrible. I was out of this never ending cycle for a long time and then suddenly i’m back where i started..
I think i will make an appointment for another check up though. It’s been 2 years and just for the peace of mind. Today my left boob hurts (the one with lump) and its causing me even more anxiety. I just keep thinking what if it’s cancer and i ignored it for 2 years and it will be really bad now