obsessing over cancer, furious with myself for it!

[Mezzo]

I feel like such a nut at the moment. I've had health anxiety before but nothing to this degree. I think it's connected to other stressors in my life at the moment.

I've just - as the title suggests - been so horribly obsessed with the potentiality of cancer that I feel like I'm totally losing my mind over the whole thing. A few months ago I was convinced I had skin cancer - that lasted a few weeks, then receded. Then I became convinced I had ovarian cancer - at the age of 25, for heaven's sake! - because there's a strong history of breast/ovarian cancer in my family, but a) only one relative had ovarian cancer, who died in her 70s, and b) breast cancer has only hit women in their 50s or above - it's not as though people are getting anything in their 20s/30s.

I had a blood test last week for legitimate, non-hypochondriac reasons and when the doctor called to tell me there WERE oddities I became so convinced I had leukemia that I could barely function for 2 days until I managed to speak to a doctor and I'm just really deficient in vitamin D - like that was it. And I'd convinced myself I was DYING, and I'm so sick of it.

Barely anyone gets ovarian cancer <40, barely ANYONE, and all the symptoms I have are so non-specific they could be caused by IBS (which I have) or, obviously, stress (WHICH I REALLY HAVE!) and of COURSE I know this, and I am really unwilling to go to my GP about it because I don't want to be a hypochondriac nightmare of a patient. At the same time, I just so badly want to go and get that reassurance, but I know that if I go I'll just find something else to obsess over so it's all so pointless and I feel so trapped in this terrible cycle.

[ErinKC]

I'm so sorry, Mezzo. This is exactly how I spiral and it's so frustrating to know in your rational mind that you're fine, but not be able to convince your anxious mind of it! Do you treat your anxiety at all? Therapy has helped me so much. My therapist actually tells me to go to the doctor if I'm really worried about something, to break the cycle. But, if I'm not keeping up with therapy treatments or other ways of keeping my anxiety in check, it does just fuel the fire.

[flappergirl]

Mezzo, you sound like me! I have a few weeks of panic over one condition and then I am calm until my next worry emerges! In the past year I have worried about pancreatic cancer, bone cancer, skin cancer, breast cancer, sinus cancer, ovarian cancer etc etc etc!

Writing this list makes me see how nuts it all is although every time I am certain I am very ill. I have gone back into meds and trying to use some CBT skills

Good luck x

[Mezzo]

I'm so sorry, Mezzo. This is exactly how I spiral and it's so frustrating to know in your rational mind that you're fine, but not be able to convince your anxious mind of it! Do you treat your anxiety at all? Therapy has helped me so much. My therapist actually tells me to go to the doctor if I'm really worried about something, to break the cycle. But, if I'm not keeping up with therapy treatments or other ways of keeping my anxiety in check, it does just fuel the fire.

I've had a few rounds of CBT but because I'm too complex for the 12-week system on the NHS (I have a bunch of different diagnoses, traumas, etc... it's all a bit messy) my HA has never been treated - partly b/c it wasn't, then, the most pressing issue so I actually never mentioned it. I've had CBT for other anxieties, so I should get out the literature and see if anything's relevant I suppose.

flappergirl - I'm considering going back on medication too actually :/ I've been off it for a good year now and feel a bit down at the prospect of going back on it but if it puts my mind in a bit of a less nutty state I guess it's worth considering

[escapeartist]

I feel your pain. It also sounds like you have good insight into what is happening in your mind and body. I am in the same place, I'm 90% convinced it is anxiety/somatisation, but keep having obsessive thoughts about cancer.

I found CBT useful, up to a point, but you mind also have a look at ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy).

For now, don't be so hard on yourself, health anxiety is tough and is a moster with many heads. Keep working at it and keep showing yourself the compassion you deserve!