Mezzo
04-10-18, 17:45
I feel like such a nut at the moment. I've had health anxiety before but nothing to this degree. I think it's connected to other stressors in my life at the moment.
I've just - as the title suggests - been so horribly obsessed with the potentiality of cancer that I feel like I'm totally losing my mind over the whole thing. A few months ago I was convinced I had skin cancer - that lasted a few weeks, then receded. Then I became convinced I had ovarian cancer - at the age of 25, for heaven's sake! - because there's a strong history of breast/ovarian cancer in my family, but a) only one relative had ovarian cancer, who died in her 70s, and b) breast cancer has only hit women in their 50s or above - it's not as though people are getting anything in their 20s/30s.
I had a blood test last week for legitimate, non-hypochondriac reasons and when the doctor called to tell me there WERE oddities I became so convinced I had leukemia that I could barely function for 2 days until I managed to speak to a doctor and I'm just really deficient in vitamin D - like that was it. And I'd convinced myself I was DYING, and I'm so sick of it.
Barely anyone gets ovarian cancer <40, barely ANYONE, and all the symptoms I have are so non-specific they could be caused by IBS (which I have) or, obviously, stress (WHICH I REALLY HAVE!) and of COURSE I know this, and I am really unwilling to go to my GP about it because I don't want to be a hypochondriac nightmare of a patient. At the same time, I just so badly want to go and get that reassurance, but I know that if I go I'll just find something else to obsess over so it's all so pointless and I feel so trapped in this terrible cycle.
I've just - as the title suggests - been so horribly obsessed with the potentiality of cancer that I feel like I'm totally losing my mind over the whole thing. A few months ago I was convinced I had skin cancer - that lasted a few weeks, then receded. Then I became convinced I had ovarian cancer - at the age of 25, for heaven's sake! - because there's a strong history of breast/ovarian cancer in my family, but a) only one relative had ovarian cancer, who died in her 70s, and b) breast cancer has only hit women in their 50s or above - it's not as though people are getting anything in their 20s/30s.
I had a blood test last week for legitimate, non-hypochondriac reasons and when the doctor called to tell me there WERE oddities I became so convinced I had leukemia that I could barely function for 2 days until I managed to speak to a doctor and I'm just really deficient in vitamin D - like that was it. And I'd convinced myself I was DYING, and I'm so sick of it.
Barely anyone gets ovarian cancer <40, barely ANYONE, and all the symptoms I have are so non-specific they could be caused by IBS (which I have) or, obviously, stress (WHICH I REALLY HAVE!) and of COURSE I know this, and I am really unwilling to go to my GP about it because I don't want to be a hypochondriac nightmare of a patient. At the same time, I just so badly want to go and get that reassurance, but I know that if I go I'll just find something else to obsess over so it's all so pointless and I feel so trapped in this terrible cycle.