Paul87
06-10-18, 21:52
I was hysterical and I don’t even know why.....my mind created a panic and a fear out of nothing and in the end I was hysterical it was horrible and it was all cuz my mind was saying I can’t do this or I can’t do that my anxiety is trying to control me and take over my life so a friend came pick me up to take me to shops it’s only like 3 streets away lol but my anxiety is that bad that my mind says I can’t do that even so we sat parked outside for 10 mins talking I kept getting some symptoms and kept trying stay calm I went into the shop and I started to breath different and legs shake and I went all pale even my friend said the color went out of me I looked ill I was so full of fear I couldn’t move 2-3 mins stood there I was able to move slightly and get my shit together and shop I started to be moody me the I don’t give a **** type of attitude came back the fight in me came back then by time I reached the next aisle my fight left again and noisy loud people came in shop too my legs and arms started get stiff I kept breathing different or believed I was? And then my eyes started to not focus properly I had keep rolling them and I started to get stuck in fear my legs started shaking I said to my friend shit my legs are shaking now he said no they was moment u walked in the door but I guess I didn’t notice them I couldn’t do the next aisle we left the basket and went back to the car for 5-10 minutes then I decided I’m go back in I didn’t think I just instinctively opened the car door and walked in we decided to finish the shop even tho I needed more stuff I just didn’t wanna tell him cause I couldn’t go to the next aisle....in the end my head said while he was in queue that when my friend is at the till I will be trapped and stuck so as he was finishing and I had to pay I went to the exit and begged him to come and forget the shopping and just come he came over I didn’t leave the shop I still was stood there not knowing to run or stay after 2-3 minute talk I went and paid and we went in the car and drove by his house because my anxiety also said I couldn’t go to his house but I did! I even walked down his road! I couldn’t go inside tho cause of anxiety on the way home we went the long way home on purpose to push my boundaries while I’m excited over a victory and then we headed towards another area
Then we pulled up on my street and i said just ****ing drive were going back to co op 😂 that spark and fire inside me came back that glare in my eyes was back the I ain’t scared of anyone attitude came back and we drove there I took one or 2 sharp breaths on the way got out the car not thinking put music on in one ear did my shop effortlessly and even went down the aisle I refused to and got more stuff then I got the first time round and did it in a few minutes I myself queued up and also paid for the shopping myself so while looking calm and maybe moody too but all while not thinking or overreacting or over thinking my brain was like empty? If you get what I mean I took a sharp breath while leaving and it did give some anxiety only a tiny bit then his gf called me a pussy for not coming in earlier so we went to his house and I walked in without knocking and said I’m a pussy yeah? 😂 and we hugged etc and discussed my adventure and how the next step etc and I went home not thinking and all relaxed and calm yet again! But I reached home and my mind was like well you didn’t stay at his? And other mini excuses like oh but the shop wasn’t that far at all? So my mind was already downgrading my accomplishments I unpacked my shopping when I went indoors and then felt tired and exhausted and butterflies and I have no idea why I have anxiety or butterflies? I just did something good I just fought anxiety and faced some of the symptoms for over a hour without running and now even in my safe spot? My home? I feel anxiety still? I just want it to go
Then we pulled up on my street and i said just ****ing drive were going back to co op 😂 that spark and fire inside me came back that glare in my eyes was back the I ain’t scared of anyone attitude came back and we drove there I took one or 2 sharp breaths on the way got out the car not thinking put music on in one ear did my shop effortlessly and even went down the aisle I refused to and got more stuff then I got the first time round and did it in a few minutes I myself queued up and also paid for the shopping myself so while looking calm and maybe moody too but all while not thinking or overreacting or over thinking my brain was like empty? If you get what I mean I took a sharp breath while leaving and it did give some anxiety only a tiny bit then his gf called me a pussy for not coming in earlier so we went to his house and I walked in without knocking and said I’m a pussy yeah? 😂 and we hugged etc and discussed my adventure and how the next step etc and I went home not thinking and all relaxed and calm yet again! But I reached home and my mind was like well you didn’t stay at his? And other mini excuses like oh but the shop wasn’t that far at all? So my mind was already downgrading my accomplishments I unpacked my shopping when I went indoors and then felt tired and exhausted and butterflies and I have no idea why I have anxiety or butterflies? I just did something good I just fought anxiety and faced some of the symptoms for over a hour without running and now even in my safe spot? My home? I feel anxiety still? I just want it to go