Anyone lonely yet to scared to meet new people?

[Berry4]

Over the last few years I've found myself becoming increasingly lonely. I haven't much family and I have no friends but the idea of going out and meeting new people scares me. Sometimes I go weeks at a time without seeing anyone or speaking to anyone other than the occasional call from my sister. I don't really have any hobbies and given I haven't gone outside in years I don't have any life experiences to talk about. I know I'm boring which makes talking to people hard. I also have a health condition that causes chronic fatigue so I struggle to do anything too active.

I feel like giving up on everything. My life is pointless and empty. Does anyone else feel like this and struggling to carry on. Most days now I just stay in bed. Its like I have nothing left to try for anymore.

[Fishmanpa]

As a musician and performer, I don't have an issue with meeting people if I so choose to do so. That being said, my wife has been socially isolated since her illness and I can see how that affected her. I saw a post on one of our town Facebook pages about a woman (roughly our age) who wanted a hiking buddy or buddies. I showed my wife and now that group (Wandering Sole Sisters) has over 100 members and this past weekend 8 ladies, including my wife, did a short backing overnight camping trip! While she's been camping, she's never done anything like that before. She's getting out, exercising, meeting new people and making friends. Seeing her tackle it with joy and enthusiasm makes me very happy :) My wife is an artist and designed the group logo too.

Point being, you don't necessarily have to force yourself to meet new people. You say you don't really have hobbies but everyone has some special interest. It could be arts and crafts, music etc. Find an activity you enjoy and join a group or club. This gets you out of the house and doing something you enjoy and having that shared interest makes it easier to interact and make friends and acquaintances.

Positive thoughts

[Emilie Turner]

I almost had the same situation. And it happened when I was fired. I was afraid to find the new job cause it meaned I could meet new people....

[Phoenix76]

Over the last few years I've found myself becoming increasingly lonely. I haven't much family and I have no friends but the idea of going out and meeting new people scares me. Sometimes I go weeks at a time without seeing anyone or speaking to anyone other than the occasional call from my sister. I don't really have any hobbies and given I haven't gone outside in years I don't have any life experiences to talk about.

Don't overestimate other people's lives. Not everyone joins the SAS and fights in Afghanistan, or studies at Oxford, or moves to some hip part of London or New York to become a performance poet. On the contrary, most people's lives are pretty dull. They get up, argue with their partner, grab some toast, sit in an office and then spend their weekends doing household chores.

I know how you feel; I too have social anxiety (actually, an avoidant personality disorder). Often, I will go for long periods without meeting people, and that then makes it much harder. But socializing is a skill like any other. At first it is hard, then, gradually, you improve. Why not try with someone easy. Maybe you could put up a thread on here asking if anyone in your area wants to meet for a coffee. That's what I have done. It's so much easier to talk to people who've struggled with similar things (and there are LOADS out there, believe me).

One final tip. Try reading out loud in your home. I know it sounds weird, but it helps a lot. If you read aloud from good books, you improve the tone and rhythm of your voice, and that makes you a better conversationalist. Lots of people have incredibly dreary, flat voices.

[mark84]

I can be lonely, I just don't get how other people meet to be honest. I mean I can chat to someone for a min and it seems like they might be nice, but then what, I can't ask for their details, it'd look creepy or sexual!

[jcd_gad]

I'm having the same problems - i'm scared to go out and meet people.

Anyway if its somewhere i'm familiar with like a cafe / coffee shop i'm happy. Anywhere else and i'm stuck.

[Mav]

Don't overestimate other people's lives. Not everyone joins the SAS and fights in Afghanistan, or studies at Oxford, or moves to some hip part of London or New York to become a performance poet. On the contrary, most people's lives are pretty dull. They get up, argue with their partner, grab some toast, sit in an office and then spend their weekends doing household chores.

I know how you feel; I too have social anxiety (actually, an avoidant personality disorder). Often, I will go for long periods without meeting people, and that then makes it much harder. But socializing is a skill like any other. At first it is hard, then, gradually, you improve. Why not try with someone easy. Maybe you could put up a thread on here asking if anyone in your area wants to meet for a coffee. That's what I have done. It's so much easier to talk to people who've struggled with similar things (and there are LOADS out there, believe me).

One final tip. Try reading out loud in your home. I know it sounds weird, but it helps a lot. If you read aloud from good books, you improve the tone and rhythm of your voice, and that makes you a better conversationalist. Lots of people have incredibly dreary, flat voices.

That last tip is incredible, I have never thought about doing that and I hate how my voice comes out. Tha kyou for that :)

[doctorallen]

Over the last few years I've found myself becoming increasingly lonely. I haven't much family and I have no friends but the idea of going out and meeting new people scares me. Sometimes I go weeks at a time without seeing anyone or speaking to anyone other than the occasional call from my sister. I don't really have any hobbies and given I haven't gone outside in years I don't have any life experiences to talk about. I know I'm boring which makes talking to people hard. I also have a health condition that causes chronic fatigue so I struggle to do anything too active.

I feel like giving up on everything. My life is pointless and empty. Does anyone else feel like this and struggling to carry on. Most days now I just stay in bed. Its like I have nothing left to try for anymore.

Start walking or volunteering. Get a pet. Travel to a new place every 6 months. Learn a new language.

[jojo2316]

Hi Berry
I’m sure there are LOTS of people who are near you, who are lonely and yet scared to meet people. You are in Essex, yes?
Have you contacted your local Mind?
https://www.seandcessexmind.org.uk
Maybe they could help put you in touch with people in a similar situation and you could begin by messaging them?
I’m so sorry you are having such a tough time. Feel free to PM me if you would like someone to vent to...
Jojo xx

---------- Post added at 22:15 ---------- Previous post was at 22:11 ----------

I see this is actually quite an old thread...... i hope you are doing better now Berry...

[fishman65]

My wife and I first met at our local Mind group. I was recovering from a breakdown, she had become agoraphobic due to a diagnosis of epilepsy. I was living alone at the time, I had lost my job as a bricklayer due to anxiety and didn't think I could get much lower.

But the Mind group met up every Thursday and would organise days out once in a while. Just one small step can change things Berry, don't give up. I wish you luck.