Soda
09-10-18, 20:17
I need help fast, I'm starting to feel depressed and apathy about my relationship which is what I don't want to do! I think it's a mix of PMS and just me generally feeling impending doom. I wake up in the morning and I feel fine, I have a generally good attitude about my relationship. I love my boyfriend so much and want to spend my life with him. But then as the day drags on, I think about one thing he did that was maybe annoying. Then it just grows into "this is what his response to you bringing up that thing means to you". I start to google about apathy in relationships and all of that. The response is always "you should break up." I start to have a panic attack because I don't want to break up, I love my boyfriend and think if my ROCD wasn't in the way we would be having a fulfilling loving relationship. I keep track of times he is sexual with me, romantic with him, flirts with me. If it's less than normal I automatically spiral.
I'm scared one day I'll ask for a break bc of my mental health and lose him forever. Through all my reading, breaks lead to break ups. I truly believe my boyfriend is my soulmate, the man I am meant to marry and so it's hard for me to feel this constant anxiety. I talk to him about it but the obsession of it comes out, I reveal every little thing I am feeling over and over and over again which worsens the problems (that didn't even exist in the first place and I'm aware of that).
Last night I listened to Brain Lock while I slept and woke up feeling so positive but, crashed and burned as the day went on, went back to googling about not feeling anything, and now I'm back here.
I am starting a new therapist if that's going to be your suggestion. But at this point I'm so stressed and sad and I just don't know where to go. My boyfriend is THE ONE if that kind of thing exists. But, I just keep feeling like I'm going to ruin "The One" for myself.
I used to have death thoughts about OCD and it was quite right. I feel like it's the same as this. I only have ONE life so messing it up or doing something that could put me in danger scares me so bad. I only feel like I have this ONE soulmate so messing it up or doing something that puts it in jeopardy scares me. This depletes the quality of my life, but then also the quality of my relationship.
I just need advice on how to calm down these thoughts. I think stopping googling is the first step, obviously. But, what else can I do? I keep checking my feelings for my boyfriend, and sometimes nothing is there because I'm in such a numb state from all the worry.
I'm scared one day I'll ask for a break bc of my mental health and lose him forever. Through all my reading, breaks lead to break ups. I truly believe my boyfriend is my soulmate, the man I am meant to marry and so it's hard for me to feel this constant anxiety. I talk to him about it but the obsession of it comes out, I reveal every little thing I am feeling over and over and over again which worsens the problems (that didn't even exist in the first place and I'm aware of that).
Last night I listened to Brain Lock while I slept and woke up feeling so positive but, crashed and burned as the day went on, went back to googling about not feeling anything, and now I'm back here.
I am starting a new therapist if that's going to be your suggestion. But at this point I'm so stressed and sad and I just don't know where to go. My boyfriend is THE ONE if that kind of thing exists. But, I just keep feeling like I'm going to ruin "The One" for myself.
I used to have death thoughts about OCD and it was quite right. I feel like it's the same as this. I only have ONE life so messing it up or doing something that could put me in danger scares me so bad. I only feel like I have this ONE soulmate so messing it up or doing something that puts it in jeopardy scares me. This depletes the quality of my life, but then also the quality of my relationship.
I just need advice on how to calm down these thoughts. I think stopping googling is the first step, obviously. But, what else can I do? I keep checking my feelings for my boyfriend, and sometimes nothing is there because I'm in such a numb state from all the worry.