I am an anxious mess! I know I should go to the doctor but scared!

[Heather1234]

I'm a current smoker wanting to quit. I also have very bad health anxiety over smoking, that's been present for a few years. This leads to not being successful at quitting. I know that sounds odd. Im 37 & have been smoking for 20 yrs. :( I am riddled with fear over going to the doctors& finding out that I've already got COPD or something. I do have a smokers cough i think, cough there but not a lot of phlem or mucus most of the time. No breathlessness, pain or wheezing. Google is not helping ease my anxiety on any of it either. My question is should I just go at it cold turkey or do gradual cut down? Is there still hope that I may not have COPD???? I know you can't say for certain. I'm just looking for something to help ease my anxieties so that I can tackle quitting & not so worried. I've tried Zyban & it elevated my BP to 130/90. It's normally below 120/80. On my most anxious days it can get up to 125/83.
I recently did quit for a bit but then started again & this quitting attempt seems so much harder.
I do walk 5 miles abt 4 times a,week at abt 14.5 min mile. I like to think that is reassurance I don't have COPD, but I'm still riddled with anxiety. I have talked to a few online doctors who don't feel I have enough symptoms, to worry about it. I'm just feeling so down.

[Sparky16]

Doesn't sound like you have COPD, but I'm basing that on my personal experience of knowing smokers and people who have COPD. Can you try Chantix instead of Zyban? One of my coworkers used Chantix to quit with great success. Like you, she had tried to quit on her own several times before.

[Heather1234]

I can see. Thank you for your reply. I know smoking is such a negative thing. All of those thoughts are consuming me & driving me insane. I feel like im battling a war with myself. Anyhow, 130/90 seemed high to me but someone told me it was ok, as long as it doesn't go higher. Maybe I'll try the Zyban again. Ugh....idk. last night I hit rock bottom, I was so anxious & a crying mess. I thpught i was short of breath which is what started it. I wish i could just block out symptoms for a week, to quit. Knowing I have to quit bc it's making me miserable, but not knowing how to handle the feelings of sheer panic. I'm killing myself eitherway :( I've got to quit, I just have to figure out how to cope I think.