View Full Version : HIV fear, again.
Hi,
I’ve been having very bad off and on health anxiety for a while now. I’m dating someone who once had sex with someone (person B) years ag. A few months after their encounter, person B caught HIV. My partner took tests after finding out, since they had had sex with them, and all was good. However, I’m still getting the anxiety over it: I trust my partner, as clearly they’re not sick/taking medicine, but OCD gives that “what if the test was done too early? what if it wasn’t detected?” worry.
The risk of HIV from vaginal sex, from my understanding, is 8 in 10,000. I’m pretty positive my partner made person B wear a condom, but that risk is scary. I’ve expressed my anxiety to them many times, and my partner assures me there’s no way, but anxiety is horrible. Help!
Hi,
I’ve been having very bad off and on health anxiety for a while now. I’m dating someone who once had sex with someone (person B) years ag. A few months after their encounter, person B caught HIV. My partner took tests after finding out, since they had had sex with them, and all was good. However, I’m still getting the anxiety over it: I trust my partner, as clearly they’re not sick/taking medicine, but OCD gives that “what if the test was done too early? what if it wasn’t detected?” worry.
The risk of HIV from vaginal sex, from my understanding, is 8 in 10,000. I’m pretty positive my partner made person B wear a condom, but that risk is scary. I’ve expressed my anxiety to them many times, and my partner assures me there’s no way, but anxiety is horrible. Help!
Hi there,
I'm not sure I am following your timeline, but it sounds like your risk of transmission is very low. I currently work in the field of HIV medicine (as a PA), and it truly is a disease that that is relatively difficult to transmit, especially if it's heterosexual vaginal sex. For instance, even if you were to be stuck with a needle that had previously be used by an HIV + person, the likelihood of transmission is 1:300 (vs. Hep C is 1:30 and Hep B is 1:3). If you want to clear up the timeline a little better for me, I may be able to offer more reassurance. BUT, with what I can already gather, I would say that your risk is very low and that your HA is running rampant once again. Breathe. It's all going to be okay!
Hi there,
I'm not sure I am following your timeline, but it sounds like your risk of transmission is very low. I currently work in the field of HIV medicine (as a PA), and it truly is a disease that that is relatively difficult to transmit, especially if it's heterosexual vaginal sex. For instance, even if you were to be stuck with a needle that had previously be used by an HIV + person, the likelihood of transmission is 1:300 (vs. Hep C is 1:30 and Hep B is 1:3). If you want to clear up the timeline a little better for me, I may be able to offer more reassurance. BUT, with what I can already gather, I would say that your risk is very low and that your HA is running rampant once again. Breathe. It's all going to be okay!
sorry for the confusion, and thank you for the response!!
I think the sex between my partner and person B happened about three years ago.
About three months after the sex, person B got very sick and tested positive.
My partner tested not long after, and at that time, was negative.
Again, it’s been quite a while since my partner tested, and their hook-up only happened that one time. I know it’s just the health anxiety, as HIV is such a common fear, but the facts and stats really help to calm the nerves.
I'm glad I could help. If you want true peace of mind, test both yourself and your partner. The anxiety with the testing itself is immense, but the assurance of a negative test will hopefully go a long way in alleviating your fears!
If you want true peace of mind, test both yourself and your partner. The anxiety with the testing itself is immense, but the assurance of a negative test will hopefully go a long way in alleviating your fears!
I'm not one for paid reassurance but in this case I agree. One of the things that can hurt and destroy a relationship is bringing past partners and sexual activity into the present. Having the past casting doubt and fear into your current relationship isn't very healthy nor nurturing. Settle it once and for all and move past it.
Positive thoughts
It hasn’t been causing us problems in the area of fighting or anything, as my partner is very understanding with my OCD/health anxiety, it’s just frustrating on my end that my issues are causing me to get so worked up over something I trust them over. They did test negative after that incident, and like I said clearly aren’t sick, but... you know how the anxiety can be. Any rationality gets flushed down the drain, lol.
I appreciate the help, again. I was supposed to be due for the one time test with my family doctor earlier this year, and I planned to knock it out at a GUM clinic if I can find one nearby. Just scary to test, even if I know it’s a bit difficult to transmit.
I agree anxiety does suck I currently suffering from anxiety as well but for different reason than you I highly doubt you have hiv since not sick with the symptoms of having hiv but the only way it'll clear your doubt is to get tested for it.
hi,
i’ve been having very bad off and on health anxiety for a while now. I’m dating someone who once had sex with someone (person b) years ag. A few months after their encounter, person b caught hiv. My partner took tests after finding out, since they had had sex with them, and all was good. However, i’m still getting the anxiety over it: I trust my partner, as clearly they’re not sick/taking medicine, but ocd gives that “what if the test was done too early? What if it wasn’t detected?” worry.
The risk of hiv from vaginal sex, from my understanding, is 8 in 10,000. I’m pretty positive my partner made person b wear a condom, but that risk is scary. I’ve expressed my anxiety to them many times, and my partner assures me there’s no way, but anxiety is horrible. Help!
your current partner had sex at some point with a hiv- person who, after a few months, caught hiv? Or he/ she was already hiv+ when your current partner slept with her/ him?
Don t rely on your partner's hiv status to know your own status. There s only one way to know - get tested for hiv.
Having said that, your risks are very very very low.
WiseMonkey
16-01-19, 22:38
your current partner had sex at some point with a hiv- person who, after a few months, caught hiv? Or he/ she was already hiv+ when your current partner slept with her/ him?
Don t rely on your partner's hiv status to know your own status. There s only one way to know - get tested for hiv.
Having said that, your risks are very very very low.
I agree here, you need to take responsibility for your own status. Many people take the test together when they enter a new relationship, then they can decide if they want to have unprotected sex of not.
If you have suspicions, take the test and then use condoms, then you will be 100% protected.
Meriland30
16-01-19, 22:54
If your partner tested negative, then you don't have anything to worry about seeing as he/she tested after the appropriate timeframe (3 months). If you are truly concerned (and honestly I wouldn't blame you if you were) get tested yourself. HIV is relatively difficult to transmit tbh...it is a scary virus, but also a fragile one that has specific requirements. It also is a completely manageable virus (now) whereas back in the day it was considered a death sentence. Most people today that are diagnosed have the average life expectancy of a normal healthy adult provided they take the right meds. Get tested to put this all to rest and then let it be. I really think you are perfectly fine.
your current partner had sex at some point with a hiv- person who, after a few months, caught hiv? Or he/ she was already hiv+ when your current partner slept with her/ him?
Don t rely on your partner's hiv status to know your own status. There s only one way to know - get tested for hiv.
Having said that, your risks are very very very low.
My partner (FTM trans) slept with the person before the other individual’s HIV+ status, I believe. My partner said he (the HIV+ individual) got sick about a year after they’d had sex, which prompted my partner to take the test shortly after since they’d had the drunken hookup. It was negative.
I’ve only had sex with one other person before, and we always used condoms. I have been meaning to get tested, though. Knowing the risks are low, I think it’ll be good for just the peace of mind itself.
---------- Post added at 01:41 ---------- Previous post was at 01:36 ----------
If your partner tested negative, then you don't have anything to worry about seeing as he/she tested after the appropriate timeframe (3 months). If you are truly concerned (and honestly I wouldn't blame you if you were) get tested yourself. HIV is relatively difficult to transmit tbh...it is a scary virus, but also a fragile one that has specific requirements. It also is a completely manageable virus (now) whereas back in the day it was considered a death sentence. Most people today that are diagnosed have the average life expectancy of a normal healthy adult provided they take the right meds. Get tested to put this all to rest and then let it be. I really think you are perfectly fine.
I’m trying not to make it a big fuss, as I don’t want a past encounter to cause any issues. Knowing that the test is incredibly accurate past the timeframe and knowing how rare it is to catch through vaginal sex is reassuring, but my health anxiety wants to make me nauseous with worry. My partner has been so reassuring, though, and agreed to get the test again with me for emotional support lol. We’ve planned to get it done after my wisdom teeth removal.
I’m not sure where we should get it done, though. A free clinic would be best for our financial situation, but are they as accurate as, say, going to get the test at a Planned Parenthood?
Wanted to give a little update...
We haven’t been yet, as we’ve both been working a lot more. I had another extreme bout of health anxiety last night (I was sick with a flu-like illness Sunday thru Tuesday) and he continued to reassure me that it’ll all be alright. He tested negative then, and he’s done nothing else since, so there’d be no way it would suddenly change. I felt so bad for making him feel as if I doubted what he was telling me, but he understands that the OCD kind of makes the fear take over.
He suggested that from now on, if I feel anxious about anything, I start counting to three and on the third count, list something that makes me happy. Along with this, he said he is going to buy me a journal, so that whenever I feel it taking over, I can also write positive things to fight it. The counting has been helping so far, and it makes me so emotional he’s actively thinking of ways to help me work through it.
I’m taking all of your advice, and we plan to go next week(end) if work allows it. Thank you all for your help!
I had HIV anxiety when I was at university. I remember daysss long googling, and then covering it in lectures made me more anxious (despite the information being reassuring - that is, a 20 year old diagnosed with HIV today has a relatively normal life span, at least into their 70s).
If your partner had sex with this person more than three months BEFORE the test, he does not require further testing. (although the current HIV 4th gen test is >99% accurate at 28 days, in high-risk scenarios, it must be repeated at three months post-exposure)
I assume your anxiety regarding the "flu like illness" is that it is caused by acute retroviral syndrome, or "seroconversion illness"? Again, that's impossible if your boyfriend has been tested, and negative - you can't catch HIV from a negative person if you've both been monogamous.
Although the guidelines are that testing is done at 28 days using the HIV "Duo Test" (p24+antibody), if you had "true ARS", your test would be positive now as the p24 antigen peaks during this time, and the antibodies are made to the virus, hence your illness. During the course of the infection, the p24 antigen gradually declines (we're talking monthsssss) and the antibodies remain (from memory) stable.
Remember, "flu" symptoms are not caused by the virus - its your immune response that causes them.
Either way, from what you've said, you have a "no risk" situation - e.g. your monogamous partner has tested negative one year post the event!
If he has remained monogamous since then, no further testing is required!
HIV is transmitted through rectal and vaginal sex, and IV drug use/needlestick injuries.
I posted on here recently that oral sex is not a risk factor for HIV. This was from knowledge acquired both during HIV training taken in work, lead by Genito-urinary medicine staff, at university we were always told it was not considered a "real" risk factor (albeit, they weren't as vehement about it being risk free).
This seems to exist a rather grey area - there are specialists out there that consider oral sex a risk factor for HIV, in certain scenarios:
* Recent tooth extraction,or other major damage to the oral/buccal mucosa
* Severely decayed tooth/teeth
* Any otherwise open wound where the virus could gain access to the "blood stream" via the oral or pharyngeal cavities
There are specialists that counter argue this, saying that such a person is unlikely to want to perform oral sex in the first place, due to the severity of their injury/injuries. As such, this is how it is considered "risk free" - in the "normal" person, saliva neutralises the virus and it cannot infect as their mucosa is intact.
Public Health England "estimates" that ~2% of HIV infections are acquired via the oral route. I was surprised by this, considering the recent training I'd received where we were told oral sex is not a risk factor, in a rather vehement manner. There is also this study which followed HIV "serodiscordant" couples (that is, one is -ve, one is +ve). No transmissions occurred. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12045500)
Undoubtedly, people practice some very "extreme" sexual practices and lifestyles, whereby HIV could in theory ("theoretical risk") be transmitted by the penile-oral route. However, there lacks a study whereby it has documented HIV has been transmitted by this route. Conversely, such a study would not be ethical - make someone perform oral sex on HIV+ individuals until they caught it. They could end up performing oral sex everyday for the rest of their lives, and not catch, which isn't exactly a lifestyle most would wish for. You're exposing someone unnecessarily to what remains an incurable, potentially fatal "without treatment" illness - although there are no documentated cases of oral sex causing HIV to date. There are other ethical issues I can think of, but won't bother listing for the sake of this already lengthy post.
As a gay man (therefore, I'm automatically at increased risk of HIV infection) I do not worry, nor test, over any oral encounters that I have. I do remember, when I had the HIV anxiety during my younger days, and I went to get tested, they always looked at me surprised and in a sort of "why are you here?" way, when I said I'd only had oral sex.
Oral sex is practiced allllllllll the time, if it really were causing HIV infections I suspect the rate would be much higher (and also much more common amongst heterosexuals). The only "discriminatory" factor between gays and straights, is that gays only practice anal sex - straights do, but to a lesser degree. BOTH practice oral sex all the time.
This is a difficult to transmit virus. Viruses do NOT discriminate, unlike humans which do.
I do apologise for the rather lengthy, if somewhat blabbering post, but its really to clarify ambiguity regarding the oral transmission route.
I don't think you have HIV and you can move on from this episode!!
Good luck
Thank you for the informative reply! I, personally, like being hit with the facts whenever my health anxiety kicks up. Helps me rationalize things.
I trust that he’s negative. It’s been years since his encounter: he’s pre-transition, and the encounter would have been the vaginal sex route... which I know is even harder to catch from one time.
Convincing my health anxiety the same, however... that’s a little harder. It’s always trying to find the slim chance.
It’s flu season in Ohio still, so my sickness shouldn’t have set me off. I think knowing everyone associates the “flu like illness” with their HIV anxiety might have triggered it. Rationally, I know my sinuses have been horrible this time of year, and that the flu is going around, but it’s too easy to jump from that, to the anxiety.
I’ve only been with one person before him, and all of those sexual expereinces were protected.My rationality knows we’ll get the all clear, but to have 100% certainty I’ll have no reason to feel anxious over it again, we’re going to get the tests next weekend. I’m so glad he’s been understanding and supportive.
The ARS is extremely severe in nature. It mimics glandular fever and people are in bed with it unable to move.
But "yes" by all means get tested, and then you both have a baseline and can move on from this anxiety!
Best of luck to you both
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