Paul87
11-10-18, 20:42
I’ve lived a normal life for a while now so for me to relapse like this it is hard to take, I’m not sure what pushed me to relapse even but I’m scared to even be alone incase I have a panic attack
It’s got so bad that as soon as someone leaves my house I grab the phone and order a taxi or I ring a friend to come round because as soon as someone leaves my house I get panic.... I can’t even be left alone in my house without having a panic attack....
I’ve watched videos and studied a lot recently on anxiety to try and overcome it again and I’ve won a few battles but today has been a defeat after defeat
I woke up with anxiety worried that I’m home alone and relaxed soon as I realised I wasn’t I then spent majority of the late afternoon with butterflies and anxiety while trying to ignore it
I then watched a few YouTube videos on anxiety and realised exactly my fear
And it is that I fear the panic attacks I can’t deal with them or cope with them I always run from them or get someone to help me with it secondly I have a fear of not being able to escape which is why I like a car or taxi outside so I can escape from the panic I’ve realised this thirdly I’m scared the panic attack will kill me but as much as I know it won’t it don’t actually help calm me lol
So a video on YouTube said I have to face panic attacks and cause panic attacks to happen and sit and write what I think and feel when it happens so I tried to go out in taxi down the road but I failed I reached like less then a mile from my house before I broke down and had to ask the driver to take me back
So now I feel drained and sad and to be honest I feel like killing my self I feel like i lost, but one thing I noticed before any panic happened
My head kept saying “you can’t do this” “you can’t go there” “you will panic” “you won’t be able to handle it” etc then before I even panicked I was like “crap I need to go back so I asked my driver to take me back but to do that meant he had to drive a bit more to turn around and at that moment my heart started to face fear started happen but I didn’t have any thoughts that I can remember but soon as he turned around I felt this massive relieve and pressure lifted from me
I don’t know what to do anymore? What can I actually do to be able to be left alone again because that is one of the major things that is getting me down the most the fact I can’t be left alone? Make sure me feel so weak and so depressed and not normal it makes me feel like I’m not normal and I’m crazy or going mad etc
It’s got so bad that as soon as someone leaves my house I grab the phone and order a taxi or I ring a friend to come round because as soon as someone leaves my house I get panic.... I can’t even be left alone in my house without having a panic attack....
I’ve watched videos and studied a lot recently on anxiety to try and overcome it again and I’ve won a few battles but today has been a defeat after defeat
I woke up with anxiety worried that I’m home alone and relaxed soon as I realised I wasn’t I then spent majority of the late afternoon with butterflies and anxiety while trying to ignore it
I then watched a few YouTube videos on anxiety and realised exactly my fear
And it is that I fear the panic attacks I can’t deal with them or cope with them I always run from them or get someone to help me with it secondly I have a fear of not being able to escape which is why I like a car or taxi outside so I can escape from the panic I’ve realised this thirdly I’m scared the panic attack will kill me but as much as I know it won’t it don’t actually help calm me lol
So a video on YouTube said I have to face panic attacks and cause panic attacks to happen and sit and write what I think and feel when it happens so I tried to go out in taxi down the road but I failed I reached like less then a mile from my house before I broke down and had to ask the driver to take me back
So now I feel drained and sad and to be honest I feel like killing my self I feel like i lost, but one thing I noticed before any panic happened
My head kept saying “you can’t do this” “you can’t go there” “you will panic” “you won’t be able to handle it” etc then before I even panicked I was like “crap I need to go back so I asked my driver to take me back but to do that meant he had to drive a bit more to turn around and at that moment my heart started to face fear started happen but I didn’t have any thoughts that I can remember but soon as he turned around I felt this massive relieve and pressure lifted from me
I don’t know what to do anymore? What can I actually do to be able to be left alone again because that is one of the major things that is getting me down the most the fact I can’t be left alone? Make sure me feel so weak and so depressed and not normal it makes me feel like I’m not normal and I’m crazy or going mad etc