elik
19-10-18, 04:55
Having spent at least the last two years of my life trying to be perfect for everyone and following after them in their lives, I think I am finally on the cusp of packing this in now I feel I am on the verge of exhaustion and realise I am wasting my life. I don’t mean this selfishly at all but my friend (who my task alongside my therapist was to ask to come my way when I next see her) has just told me she’s feeling really low at the moment. Of course I have offered my support and advice but I should really go and see her (she lives a good hour and a half away) as it’s what I normally do. I feel I now have to put on hold my transitioning behaviour to protect her because she is someone I adore but she is used to the very submissive me who will be at every event, happy to do anything and I worry she won’t like the more assertive person I need to be to live my life. I need to be more ME. I regretfully feel that some of my ‘closer’ friends don’t know me at all - I have moulded myself to what I believe they want me to be. It’s goong to be very hard to do this as I have never argued, when I’m in company I always do what others want, etc. This is all my fault btw, people are only going to go off of what they’re given..... any tips on how I can move forward with this? Thanks