sadtimes
19-10-18, 18:52
I didn't know whether to put this in OCD or anxiety because it's a bit of both.
But it's my final year of university and I made the decision to live with 3 boys, 2 of them have been my friends since the beginning of university so I have lived with them for 2 years previously. I lived alone for a year while I did a year out in Spain, over that time I got very used to having my space very neat and tidy. To the point where cleaning is an obsession of mine. It used to not be so bad and I used to be able to let things get messy until I cared enough to clean it but now if someone leaves one thing out I start vexxing.
I knew living with 3 boys was gonna be shit but I didn't expect they'd be this bad.
I do EVERYTHING around the house
- I clean the kitchen
- I clean the bathroom
- I put people dishes away when they leave them on the drying rack for days, sometimes I even wash their plates
- I sort out issues with our landlord, and speak to him
- I sort out the recycling and change our bins
I'm not exaggerating, I didn't do anything for a few days, didn't clean just to see if it was genuinely me who did everything, and things got awful, within just a few days it was a tip, no one did the recycling and no one cleaned anything. I couldn't stand it any longer and just gave in and cleaned everything again. It's actually starting to mess with me so bad, it's straining my relationships with these people, because not only am I starting to resent them, but they're starting to resent me.
I'm especially annoyed with a friend who claims he's a 'neat person' he constantly goes on about liking things clean and being a 'clean person' yet he's just as bad as the other two. If I even try to bring it up with him he'll get defensive and try to bring up anything that I do wrong in the house (I left food chunks in the sink once, like god forbid he had to clean something in the house) he complains about mess yet wont do anything to clean it. He says over and over again 'I'm clean' (that's all he says). He made a comment about there being stains on the toilet which I can't get out, if he cares so much about that then why doesn't he help me at all.
He's the friend who I'm starting to get a strained relationship with the most, he's generally being very hostile with me lately anyway but that's a whole other story, not really related to the cleaning thing that much. I can genuinely see myself having an argument with him this year and I've never had an argument with a friend in the 21 years I've been alive. I'm a very non confrontational person and I'll usually just hold my tongue about most stuff but this is getting ridiculous, sometimes it's hard to not wanna argue with him.
I sit up at night sometimes thinking how unhappy I am in this house, but I do still love it here, my room is great, I live close to everyone else, and I do have a good time with these people 70% of the time.
I can either go about it 3 ways
1. Just carry on cleaning up after everyone, not saying anything about it. I'll feel better because everything is clean, it'll keep the peace with me and my friends, however it'll eat me up so much, I get angry every day with everyone because the house will have been trashed moments after I've cleaned it.
2. I can pester people, I can nag them to clean up their stuff, I can ask them to do things like take the bins out. It means it'll get stuff done, it'll keep things clean but it means that my friendships are strained
3. I can just do nothing, no cleaning and let everything get messy and grossed until they're forced to do it themselves. It's not an option for me though, because it'll just make me extremely unhappy, make me hate everyone, wanna move out etc
I just don't know which of the first two would be best.
But it's my final year of university and I made the decision to live with 3 boys, 2 of them have been my friends since the beginning of university so I have lived with them for 2 years previously. I lived alone for a year while I did a year out in Spain, over that time I got very used to having my space very neat and tidy. To the point where cleaning is an obsession of mine. It used to not be so bad and I used to be able to let things get messy until I cared enough to clean it but now if someone leaves one thing out I start vexxing.
I knew living with 3 boys was gonna be shit but I didn't expect they'd be this bad.
I do EVERYTHING around the house
- I clean the kitchen
- I clean the bathroom
- I put people dishes away when they leave them on the drying rack for days, sometimes I even wash their plates
- I sort out issues with our landlord, and speak to him
- I sort out the recycling and change our bins
I'm not exaggerating, I didn't do anything for a few days, didn't clean just to see if it was genuinely me who did everything, and things got awful, within just a few days it was a tip, no one did the recycling and no one cleaned anything. I couldn't stand it any longer and just gave in and cleaned everything again. It's actually starting to mess with me so bad, it's straining my relationships with these people, because not only am I starting to resent them, but they're starting to resent me.
I'm especially annoyed with a friend who claims he's a 'neat person' he constantly goes on about liking things clean and being a 'clean person' yet he's just as bad as the other two. If I even try to bring it up with him he'll get defensive and try to bring up anything that I do wrong in the house (I left food chunks in the sink once, like god forbid he had to clean something in the house) he complains about mess yet wont do anything to clean it. He says over and over again 'I'm clean' (that's all he says). He made a comment about there being stains on the toilet which I can't get out, if he cares so much about that then why doesn't he help me at all.
He's the friend who I'm starting to get a strained relationship with the most, he's generally being very hostile with me lately anyway but that's a whole other story, not really related to the cleaning thing that much. I can genuinely see myself having an argument with him this year and I've never had an argument with a friend in the 21 years I've been alive. I'm a very non confrontational person and I'll usually just hold my tongue about most stuff but this is getting ridiculous, sometimes it's hard to not wanna argue with him.
I sit up at night sometimes thinking how unhappy I am in this house, but I do still love it here, my room is great, I live close to everyone else, and I do have a good time with these people 70% of the time.
I can either go about it 3 ways
1. Just carry on cleaning up after everyone, not saying anything about it. I'll feel better because everything is clean, it'll keep the peace with me and my friends, however it'll eat me up so much, I get angry every day with everyone because the house will have been trashed moments after I've cleaned it.
2. I can pester people, I can nag them to clean up their stuff, I can ask them to do things like take the bins out. It means it'll get stuff done, it'll keep things clean but it means that my friendships are strained
3. I can just do nothing, no cleaning and let everything get messy and grossed until they're forced to do it themselves. It's not an option for me though, because it'll just make me extremely unhappy, make me hate everyone, wanna move out etc
I just don't know which of the first two would be best.