Stuckinlalaland
19-10-18, 22:40
***Ill try to make it short but probably will be long**
So, this will be my 2nd time on citalopram. The first time it worked wonderfully and gave me my life back. It was insane how it helped me!!
When I first started the medicine I was hopeless, lost, scared and felt like I was in a deep dark hole, inside a cave buried under rock, no exaggeration. I. Was. A. Mess. I had my daughter in 2005 and within 2 weeks of her birth. I had constant anxiety, panic attacks, developed derealization/ depersonalization that NEVER left. It was 24/7. As years went on which was about 6, I then become isolated and developed agoraphobia as well. Horrible!! Even walking to the dang mailbox would set off an attack.
Desperate, lost, confused and mentally about to check out, I got on citalopram. I HATE medicine and only during my whole ordeal took Xanax which of not for having that the 6 years would have went completely insane because it did relieve some of my agony. So taking anything daily gave me major anxiety BUT as I said, I was desperate. So skip forward to 2 months the relief started to come and before I knew it, I had my life back!!! It was incredible. Never thought during those dark times I would ever live a normal life again.
During the 6 years I was in citalopram I managed to leave an unhappy marriage, work a full time job to support myself and daughter, move into my own apartment and start college! You guys just have to really understand that I was BAD before citalopram so all of that was huge.
I met a man, fell in love, married and had a son in 2015. Everything was great but after the birth my anxiety in public started to come back so me freaking out I went to the doctor who then switched me to lexapro. I sooooo wished I would have just went up on citalopram but they said it could cause heart issues at high doses so I went along with the doc.
I did fine on lexapro but it made me an evil witch to put it nicely. I would fly off the handle so easily but it helped anxiety so I stuck with it. Fast forward I got pregnant again and had a beautiful little girl. Same thing after she was born, I started to get anxiety in public places so this time upped my dose and went to 20mg. I was on 10mg. Sorry forgot to mention that. Anyway 20 did the trick and I was ok again.
Here is the dumb me part. I thought I could get off lexapro because I felt fine but also more so because I was so irritated all the time. I weaned off entirely to fast and within 2 weeks BOOM panic attack and derealization and depersonalization came back. So basically I went to the doctor whom suggested Prozac but I insisted citalopram because I had so much luck with it. I started at 10mg and was on it for 5 weeks with very little change so now I’m 4 days into 20mg.
I was hoping 10mg like before would help but I’ve read sometimes the second time around you need more so here I am. I’m worried it won’t help this time and I’m doomed. All the anxiety/ negative thoughts I’ve had in the past.
I guess my point to this post is that A) someone out there who can relate can hear my desperate anxious tired thoughts and feelings and B) someone in a similar situation cane give me hope that I’m not stuck and doomed forever because although I know that’s not gonna be the case and I’ll make it out again I can’t help but hear that old voice of anxiety whisper “ this is it, you will never be the same again.”
Sorry for the long post! I tried to not be a ranter.... that may not even be a word but I failed miserably at keeping it short.
So, this will be my 2nd time on citalopram. The first time it worked wonderfully and gave me my life back. It was insane how it helped me!!
When I first started the medicine I was hopeless, lost, scared and felt like I was in a deep dark hole, inside a cave buried under rock, no exaggeration. I. Was. A. Mess. I had my daughter in 2005 and within 2 weeks of her birth. I had constant anxiety, panic attacks, developed derealization/ depersonalization that NEVER left. It was 24/7. As years went on which was about 6, I then become isolated and developed agoraphobia as well. Horrible!! Even walking to the dang mailbox would set off an attack.
Desperate, lost, confused and mentally about to check out, I got on citalopram. I HATE medicine and only during my whole ordeal took Xanax which of not for having that the 6 years would have went completely insane because it did relieve some of my agony. So taking anything daily gave me major anxiety BUT as I said, I was desperate. So skip forward to 2 months the relief started to come and before I knew it, I had my life back!!! It was incredible. Never thought during those dark times I would ever live a normal life again.
During the 6 years I was in citalopram I managed to leave an unhappy marriage, work a full time job to support myself and daughter, move into my own apartment and start college! You guys just have to really understand that I was BAD before citalopram so all of that was huge.
I met a man, fell in love, married and had a son in 2015. Everything was great but after the birth my anxiety in public started to come back so me freaking out I went to the doctor who then switched me to lexapro. I sooooo wished I would have just went up on citalopram but they said it could cause heart issues at high doses so I went along with the doc.
I did fine on lexapro but it made me an evil witch to put it nicely. I would fly off the handle so easily but it helped anxiety so I stuck with it. Fast forward I got pregnant again and had a beautiful little girl. Same thing after she was born, I started to get anxiety in public places so this time upped my dose and went to 20mg. I was on 10mg. Sorry forgot to mention that. Anyway 20 did the trick and I was ok again.
Here is the dumb me part. I thought I could get off lexapro because I felt fine but also more so because I was so irritated all the time. I weaned off entirely to fast and within 2 weeks BOOM panic attack and derealization and depersonalization came back. So basically I went to the doctor whom suggested Prozac but I insisted citalopram because I had so much luck with it. I started at 10mg and was on it for 5 weeks with very little change so now I’m 4 days into 20mg.
I was hoping 10mg like before would help but I’ve read sometimes the second time around you need more so here I am. I’m worried it won’t help this time and I’m doomed. All the anxiety/ negative thoughts I’ve had in the past.
I guess my point to this post is that A) someone out there who can relate can hear my desperate anxious tired thoughts and feelings and B) someone in a similar situation cane give me hope that I’m not stuck and doomed forever because although I know that’s not gonna be the case and I’ll make it out again I can’t help but hear that old voice of anxiety whisper “ this is it, you will never be the same again.”
Sorry for the long post! I tried to not be a ranter.... that may not even be a word but I failed miserably at keeping it short.