View Full Version : Please let someone be awake and message me. I'm in the middle of a panic attack
LouiseAndy
22-10-18, 03:02
I'm sorry to the admims. They can push my threada together. I don't need to. Spam I'm jusy desperate.
So I had a uti and went on tablets for that. It's cleared up in such ways and still on going in others. But tonight is really getting to me.
I can't remember things I done five seconds ago, he get super upset. Like I'm crying right now and struggling to word this right. It's just feels like I loss myself, it makes me. Fear all types of issues. I could just cry and cry for days on end. She never felt comfort at nights. The fear is alot. I jusy need someone to talk to. All my friends are a
So much of this is wrong and I sound crazy. It's just so much. Like even when I lay down and close my eyes the roll in spinning. I've been in therapy like the over a year and making good progress with health and not stiff but tonight broke me. I'm sorry for getting so emtional. I'm just desperate
I don't know all the back story, but I'm sure we have all been there. HA can really grip you at times. I was at a point with it last year where I didn't see a way out, and it does make you crazy. I was getting so many intrusive thoughts, and they just kept coming and coming.
I am doing really well now. I don't know exactly how it all happened, but definitely a part of it was determination but also I don't think our minds can keep up the intensity all the time. It is fatiguing and mental work.
I think people with HA need to be easy on themselves sometimes. You are having a bad night. So, just have a bad night. Cry, be pessimistic, get it out. Then, tomorrow, give yourself a little goal that relates to getting better and stick with it. Try to track your progress and recognize your progress. You say you are alone right now, but I think we are all alone in this anyway b/c people without it simply cannot understand and I find it too MUCH to even try to explain it. Most people don't want to hear it, either.
So, just focus on you right now. Don't put yourself in a position where you have to remember anything. Watch something dumb on tv and know that tomorrow is a new day and if even one tiny thing is better tomorrow, that is progress.
Anxiousamyj
22-10-18, 03:59
Good advice from nervus. You are having a bad night. Try to sleep, take some Benadryl and sleep. It will be better with the morning. If it isn’t , see your doctor or therapist. Tell them you need some help. We’ve all been there. Sending hugs to you. I have noticed your progress and great efforts to improve and you have been. Inspiring to me. This is just a minor blip, it doesn’t have to go anywhere else.
Oh sweetie, you’ll be ok you know you will. You’ve been doing brilliantly, and this is a horrible blip, but it’s still a blip. We all have some low times and this is yours. Be kind to yourself, well done for reaching out xx
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
LouiseAndy
22-10-18, 21:05
I'm so sorry for not replying to this thread sooner. I got super embarrassed after I posted it last night, I didn't want to be annoying to anyone. Then today I wanted to check the thread but I felt so ashamed by my break down on here.
@nervus thank you, thank you for that amazing piece. Thank you for putting in so much time to write that reply. It means so much to me. You have some amazing advice there that I'll truly try to take into account. I'm so glad to see that you've found some peace with your issues. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to reply to this ramble of words I can't even understand fully.
@anxiousamjy Thank you so much for replying. Thank you so much for saying about my process, I've been trying so hard. I think when I have issues like this I get anger at myself and that makes getting better harder again. So once again thank for the reply. It means so much to me.
@Scass: thank you so much for the reply. I know you've listen and replied to me so many times. Every single one of those has meant to the world to me. Pushed me along the path of getting better. Thank you a million times over for each time.
Like it's so strange I could feel fine all day then at night something just washes over me. I feel so strange like I'm moments away from dying. Everything feels so strange, I can't even remember typing that message but I can see the desperation in it. Like it's like I get these moments where I can't remember what I did and clearly my thoughts are not coming out right at all. Like I can bearly understand it but I can remember the feeling.
Like, my health anixety started as some members here who I have talked in private know about. A very dramaict and traumatic event in my life. Shortly after it happened I got a sinus infection that started it all off. It was like the longer and the more I hide behind my health. I didn't have to think about my other issues. The others thing eating away at my chest. Then in that hiding, it became a issue of itself. That I've mainly been doing well with but I've broken in the last few nights.
. I do have a therapy session coming up soon and I'll of course bring this up with her. You can't face a issue without talking the truth about it. Like really there is nothing wrong with my heath, like I actually forgot about the lump thing till right now. I just had a exam down there by a person in that field. (I'm getting the coil in! So no more pregnant worries at least!) So in Reality it's nothing??? I've had so many health checks but it's like...
The more I do in therapy to work on other issues, the health issues come up and up. Like a way to avoid issues. Which I know it's foolish. It's just with all the boom and gloom sometimes it's hard and alot.
LouiseAndy
25-10-18, 02:09
Today hasn't been great, I got some bad news (contacted by a ex, rather upsetting). So sorry to rant, I just need to vent.
So basically I was leaning my head onto my hand as I was on my laptop trying to do college work. Thought I felt a lump or something strange under my chin. Freaked out for a moment as my mind started racing. Trying to link not needed things together, the exhaustion, this strange lump or whatever.
Somehow manged to pull myself back, calmed before running my fingers along the area softly- not digging for anything. Certain things felt strange or different. Tried to calm myself that there isn't anything visible. I had a huge lymphoma fear so they probably checked that area. I've...sadly gained some weight that I lost in going to the gym. So that's probably a good sign. (I've been having a hard time and not looking my diet the best. Trying my best to work on it again.)
Sorry to go back to the lumps and bumps or whatever venting. I wish I could also vent about other things but I guess there's the fear of judgement or someone I know seeing it. Sorry for being so venty. I don't want to annoy anyone.
Please don’t apologise. You’re not annoying me at all, anxiety can be terrifying.
I’m not here as much at the moment as I’ve upped my working hours and have less free time, but I hope you don’t think that you are unheard.
Night can be a scary time, I remember it well. But the internet never sleeps! That’s why Instagram is nice, there are always pretty pictures to distract you and relax you.
Do you have a bedtime routine? I used to love a warm bath with some kind of aromatherapy oils - usually lavender- before bed. Then I’d get into bed with my relaxation cd.
You’re going to come through this again, it’s rubbish that you have to have the struggle again, but you’ll profit through it faster because of all that you know about anxiety.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
LouiseAndy
28-10-18, 23:29
@scass, I guess it's a issue I have due pass experience with people (long before I even had HA). I hate the idea of putting people out or annoying them. Which I know is ironic as I'm also so desperate to be reassured for a matter of things. Sometimes I can find the balance but I'm struggling right now.
I've tried having a bed time routine but with my college/work hours it isn't always easy!! Thank you so much for the advice and I hope you're enjoying having some extra hours in work!! Thank you once again.
Like the last few days has been a mixture of different feelings. Some good, some bad. I've been totally exhausted, sleeping more then normal which is both good and bad. Like my sleep wasn't great for so long that exhaustion puts me out.
Like I try to remind myself of all the good results I've had, that this time of worrying will also pass sometime soon. That this is just a bump in the road. Not trying to over read into something being something sinster all the time. Like something like a common worry like a heart attack or something more far out there like a rare sarcomas that only one other person in the country has. The last issue I had (some type of infection) has seemed to pass! I also got my period so that's a help and maybe explains some of my worries as my emotions do tend to be a bit more high.
It's already so cold in Ireland! I already have dry skin all over my hands! I've tried putting some cream on, it's rather sore! I don't remember getting it before? Maybe I was more into skin care last year? Sorry for adding this on. I just stop myself from googling red dots dry skin or something like that!! I don't want to go further down. I just put some plain cream on it but it seems to itch now. Sorry for venting so much.
Try to look for the simple reason for sore dry skin in Winter, Louise? Try some plain E45 or aqueous cream and apply regularly throughout the day and last thing at night. No need to google something which happens to most of us in cold weather. You've seen what happens once you automatically catastrophise symptoms.
I appreciate that you're really struggling to convince yourself on here that you are fine. You must be exhausted and your brain will be trying to trip you up with doubts and rumination. You have the knowledge and control over your HA though so take things slowly and steadily and you will keep your head above the murky waters..
Don't apologise for "venting" because you're not-you're just afraid and wanting support because you feel vulnerable and fragile. You've just had an infection and are having a rough spell but you are still in control and will feel stronger mentally and physically again xx
LouiseAndy
29-10-18, 19:08
@Pulisa, thank you so much for replying. You've really come time and time again whenever I've had a blip. It means so much and I hope you know how much that means to me and how thankful I am. I've read over your reply a few times now and it means so much.
I actually went and brought some E45! I'm not going to let one in the grade thinking of things red patch of my hand be something to push me back into the darker days. I've tried to keep myself busy to and not let myself look at it for to long! Like I'm trying to be reasonable, the exhausted is probably just a mixture of normal factors. Period issues (I have rather bad ones, currently trying to get that under control!) The infection, stress etc. Use methods to self-reassure, like I don't feel the same need to go running to the doctor anymore! Even tho I do have moments. (Don't wanna speak to soon on that either)
Like, I do have a lot of stuff going on that's really testing...it's about trying to face that the best I can and not fall into the HA gap like I have before.
You are dealing with a lot, Louise and it's easy for HA to inch its way back in when we are stressed out and tired. Don't try too hard to fight it though? Maybe accept that you'll have these thoughts and fears but they are only thoughts and fears and not reality. You are not running to the doctor all the time which is major progress. You are aware of the HA traps and are doing your best to swerve them mentally xx
You are dealing with a lot, Louise and it's easy for HA to inch its way back in when we are stressed out and tired. Don't try too hard to fight it though? Maybe accept that you'll have these thoughts and fears but they are only thoughts and fears and not reality. You are not running to the doctor all the time which is major progress. You are aware of the HA traps and are doing your best to swerve them mentally xx
Agreed!
Sorry you are still struggling, but- again- focus on the little progress. Don't put the pressure on yourself to be "cured."
LouiseAndy
30-10-18, 20:00
@Pulisa and @Nervus Thank you both so much for the replays. I guess I can be rather head strong when I have a slip up. It's like I become so upset with myself for it happening, I'm "overly" hard on myself to try and get back on track again!
Like I've been struggling alot today and I've tried to let myself "have this pass" like all the other things have also. I fell asleep twice today I was so exhausted said it was something reasonable like stress or just exhausted from having such a heavy period (Sorry if that's TMI). Like last night I feel asleep around 1.30 am and that freaked me as I'm used to someone who never sleeps so early! I've always had huge issues with sleep. Long before HA. I've also a few run in the lasy few days with my old friend! Heart worries, it seems to be beating over time lately whenever I wake up. I'm putting it down to like, I don't know! Stress or something. Not over thinking it.
Thank you one again, I did make a little progress today besides the other worries! I manged to make a homemade soup from stratch! I know that doesn't seem like alot but as someone who doesn't eat or eats hit during the bad times this is a good step for me!
Making soup from scratch is a HUUUGE accomplishment. I always say I am going to do that and the the next thing you know it's 98 degrees and August!
Personally, I think some of HA relates to having an active brain but being bored, or not having the right outlets, and feeling bad about yourself for that in some way. I find my HA really goes away when I have something to engage me entirely. Right now, I am working on a project for work, and it is really mentally stimulating, and I'm thinking about it even when I'm not working. HA has no room next to these thoughts!
So, today you made soup and tomorrow you will do something bigger and one day you will find you have something crowding out the HA. It's hard to sustain intensity 100% of the time, but in a deep HA period, I think it's worthwhile trying a lot of new things and seeing if there is something you want to throw yourself into. Maybe cooking is it :-)
LouiseAndy
01-11-18, 03:36
@nervus-Thank you so much for this reply! It means so much to me. Cooking is good at moving my mind sometimes! As I really don't want to burn anything or ruin any pots! So it's something to put my mind onto.
I had a difficult day today, I had some strange and scary arm/chest pains things been happening all day! I've taken some gavison and it kinda helps but when it hit hard it scares me tbh. I had some heart work done up awhile back but the minds still carry us places! Even with all of the worries with this, I still went out and enjoyed some time with friends! Which was hard to be in the moment but I did my best to be! Like I had these fears of like oh what it is something serious and I can't get help as I live so far away and the A&E will be full of Halloween issues tonight. So not a great night! But hopefully tomorrow will be a better day :)!
---------- Post added at 03:25 ---------- Previous post was at 00:58 ----------
I'm not having a great night, the pain thing had left for a little bit but it's back again. So it feels impossible to sleep. Like if I go to sleep I'll never wake up again! Then I have this strange exhaustion over me :( I just feel so lost. I don't know what to do . Like I keep burping also...it's just alot
---------- Post added at 03:36 ---------- Previous post was at 03:25 ----------
So I'm trying to be reasonable and talk myself around this...some type of bad relfux
(without the acid) , just finishing my period so issues to do with that. Trapped wind since I've been burping so much. Muscle maybe? If it was something serious it wouldn't come and go all day. It's just rather distressing to me.
I had a day of strange pains too! I think it's great you went out and put yourself in the moment. I hope you got some sleep and are refreshed today. The coming and going could mean you are hyperfocusing at times and magnifying the sensations, and engaged in something else at others so not noticing. I get like that sometimes and decide if I can make it come and go like that, it is probably best to leave it (unless it gets really bad or debilitating, which has never happened!)
It is so hard when you can't trust your instincts! But keep living life as you are doing. That's the important thing- to live through the ups and downs of the physical end of this.
Try not to be distressed by your symptoms, Louise. Let them float over you and carry on with what you are doing. You don't need reassurance from people on here so I won't give it. You're doing a good job of reassuring yourself and that is your goal.
LouiseAndy
01-11-18, 20:37
@NervUS Thank you for the reply again! I hope your physical issues are over soon! You seem to be doing a great job! Oh and good luck with that work project you mentioned earlier!
@Pulisa Thank you once again for the reply. I guess in the moments of desperation during the night I tend to post here in panic. I do my best not to come here to often in times of desperation. Like I did have some issues today, a few moments of panic- but I'm still here! I went out into town like I promise my Mam today like promised. I got some moments of pain/panic. Yet I carried on! Inside I was worried- yet I manged to finally pick up a laptop to replace the broken one in my room and helped my Mam with some of her stuff!
Like, while the idea of wanting to google all these horrible things like heart attack, block edge etc...I've manged not to! My mind makes up some of these fears! I've manged not to add to them. While when I feel it at the moments and it's scary...this is day two and I'm still here! So that's a great positive!
LouiseAndy
03-11-18, 18:35
So it's my sister hen night today! I've been committed to the whole day! I've felt off, strange feeling s but it hasn't ruined anything! The only downers I have is trying to sleep night. That whole heart feeling strange/pains etc still kinda there but I'm still kicking!! I'm buzzed to go and spend the n weekend and enjoy myself. Do some deep breathing and hopefully this will pass again! But without something sinster happening! I wish ye all a good weekend! ❤️
Nothing sinister is going to happen-you are young, fit and healthy!
Have a lovely celebration and kick HA into touch for the weekend! Your sister and her friends will keep you safe! xx
i have just come on here tonight because i was terrified after having blinding flash of light so i could not see for a few seconds - it happened about an hour ago and my eyes are still a little light sensitive.
Having suffered severe anx and health anx for many years - i don't have to tell you how badly this has affected me.
reading your post has given me some hope as there is nothing i can do till doc opens on Monday - thank you xx
LouiseAndy
04-11-18, 20:37
@Pulisa Thank you once again for the comment! I hope you've had a good weekend yourself! I manged to actually be mostly HA or just anxiety free the whole weekend! I'm just home now! It was a good one. I was able to enjoy everything and clearly...nothing happened to me! Like realty I'm trying to tell myself it's totally something non-sinister!
@June, I hope you're doing okay!! I know when things happen it can be so scary! Please give me a update on how you are x Sending you lots of positive thoughts! Sorry that you feel this fear, I know the exact same! It can be so overwhelming.
Like whatever it is it's mainly been coming and going for a week now and I'm still here! So just trying to roll with the waves of it! I have therapy tomorrow (Not pushed appointment, I have session every 5/6 weeks! and it so happens to be tomorrow.) Like I had to go to the doctos twice in the last three months (I had a urine infection both times, so need to take some meds and it cleared up in no time!). Like...it's kinda nice not having to pay so often for visit.
Like I have sat down and thought to myself. While I did have some med issues...it was nothing sinister! I'm doing good right, so the chances of this being a heart issues is so so small it's not wroth thinking about. I have to stop playing the but, but, but game. Like my mind can jump to thing and thing, like in a few weak moments this past week or so. Its gone like oh no heart attack or issues to oh no constantly exhausted! Cancer etc etc but I hopefully not speaking to soon but I feel like I might be on a good track again.
LouiseAndy
06-11-18, 01:07
So! I had a right mix bag of a day today.
Had some strange neck pain, headache- just feeling generally bad and slightly on edge.
Yet I went to therapy tonight! My therapist is honestly the best. We went over some methods tonight to help with stuff. We also got a good talk about a issue that;s been upsetting me for awhile.
So really going with the waves of good and bad times!
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.