Problems with friends

[matt1981]

I am having a real tough time with a friend atm... I keep thinking I don't want her friendship but I think deep down I do :( I am shaking as I am typing this! I cannot see any positives in her at the moment even though they are many. I keep saying to myself I am discounting the positives and exaggerating the negatives.. I wondered if any of you have had the same problem?

Please if you have any advice.. this is pretty upsetting :(

[matt1981]

Please.. Anybody? I always try to help others when I am on here.. I have been prescribed citalopram will start taking them tomorrow. I would really appreciate it if anybody could give me any advice.... There's nobody in chat either :(

[Slothette]

Hi Matt

Sorry youre having problems at the moment.

If deep down you know that you want to be friends with this girl then maybe it's just anxiety playing tricks on you.

Maybe write a list of your friends good points and then compare this to a list of bad points. If you see these points in black and white then maybe this will help you.

Everyone has bad points and it would be impossible to find the perfect friend with no bad points at all! Perhaps her bad points aren't so bad after all. :)

Lexxie

[belle]

Hi..
This situation has just happened to me, exactly how you put it. My HUSBAND left me because of my agoraphobia, there was nothing else really he could blame it on, but yet - like you, really exaggerated tiny little things that may p*ss you off.

I think what is very important here is that you said "Deep down you DO want her friendship". What is stopping you from being friends? Is it something that could be rectified or is there no chance?

x

[lucy0927]

Hi Matt,

Sorry to hear things are not going to well. Can you put your finger on why this friend in particular is making you feel like this? Is it just this one friend or is it all of them?

If you feel deep down that you really want to be friends then that's a good place to start. Try focusing on that, but you need to think about why at the moment you feel like you can't find any positives in her.

This happened as well to me recently, I had a bad breakup with someone because I couldn't deal with a few things and he couldn't deal with my reasons for leaving him. We tried to be friends afterwards and he's a lovely guy with a lot of positives but I focus on the negatives and he makes me uncomfortable, even as a friend. I've realised that it just isn't going to work and in the long run the friendship isn't as important to me as me feeling better.

Maybe what you've got to think about is whether what you're going through now is going to be worth it in the end (you may have already answered that by saying deep down you want to be friends). With me the answer was no, with you it may be very different and if you try to hang onto the fact in the future its worth it, you may find a way to get through this.

Maybe take a break from seeing her for a while, get yourself sorted. Remember that the drugs may make you feel a little worse at first so try not to make too many decisions if you're not feeling great to begin with.

PM me if you need to chat

Lucy xx

[matt1981]

I can't think of anything specific I get stressed when I am around her becasue she likes me and I rejected her (this was about 2 months ago)and everytime she goes quiet I think is she upset with me? I worry about upsetting her and how anxious I may feel when I am around her. I just spent the weekend in Bournemouth with her and a couple of our friends and I always find holidays stressful. She can be very overbearing and I am not the only one who has thought this. She is absolutely fine with me now (I upset her a few weeks back because I had a go at her for being off with me). It seems to be when everything is OK between us I have these thoughts. Its almost like I cant acceot that everything is fine so I have to look for a reason. I look for negatives when I am around her when I am feeling like this. I have aslo started a new part time job which sometimes stresses me out and I am starting back at college in a few weeks which worries me. My psych said maybe I am just seeing her too much and I am predicting how I might feel.

xx