Health anxiety from what OTHERS may think

[DustingMyselfOff]

I've had "health anxiety" all my life but it occurred to me last night that mine is of a slightly different type. When I was younger, yes, I would worry that every symptom I felt was from a life-threatening disease and that I was going to die soon. But for the past 20 years or so my health anxiety is different: I don't obsess thinking every ailment is going to kill me or become serious, but instead I worry night and day that I will start to feel unwell while I am with others and/or at a social event. If I don't feel well when I'm home that's fine, I can give in to it or I can lie down, etc. But my overwhelming fear which keeps me from making plans with others or accepting invitations is the fear that i might not feel well while I'm away from my house.

It's always the first and foremost thought when someone invites me somewhere, I instantly freeze and panic because "what if I accept and then I don't feel good that day or I start feeling ill while we are there?" I'm trying to dig down and figure out WHY this is affecting my life so much. Am I afraid of being embarrassed? Am I afraid an illness will look like a weakness? Am I afraid of ruining plans for others if I suddenly become ill?

This is becoming very strong right now because I'm getting on a long flight to stay with my daughter and her two children in about a week. I'm terrified I'll be sick while I'm on the plane (that's the worst!) and terrified that I will need to lie down or not feel well while I'm visiting. Of course my daughter would be sympathetic, kind and compassionate, so I can't figure out why the thought of it happening terrifies me.

I think part of it is because I don't want to feel like the oddball... I hardly ever see anyone else complain of not feeling well when they are out and about, while, for me, it happens often and I struggle to hide it.

Anyone else feel something similar that might help me figure out what causes this and how I can overcome it?

Thanks for listening.
Sue

[pulisa]

Is it a feeling of being out of control and vulnerable away from your place of safety? Having nowhere to "hide" when the panic symptoms strike? Being scrutinised by those around you? Being taken ill in a strange and unfamiliar environment?

Basically feeling out of control and frightened?

---------- Post added at 17:59 ---------- Previous post was at 17:57 ----------

I have never wanted people to know how badly my anxiety affects me and I would hate to be considered "weak" so I get these feelings too, Sue.

[Stupefy333]

I am the same. When I am anxious I have to be in my place of comfort, at home in my bedroom with a light hearted sitcom on. The world scares me. Things I see or hear scare me and make me feel awful. I avoid try hearing or seeing anything to do with illness and if I do then I end up haven’t to wash my hands ( that’s the ocd side for me). When you have HA it’s very usual that no one will understand. Family or friends might try to be supportive but palm you off as a hypochondriac. Or if they are anything like my partner get angry and abusive because I’m apparently being selfish for feeling this way and attention seeking. I get how it may look like that especially when you are constantly asking people for reassurance but it is an illness that consumes us. We don’t mean to be this way and we certainly don’t want it. Are you on any medication, I’ve just been put back on beta blockers.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Is it a feeling of being out of control and vulnerable away from your place of safety? Having nowhere to "hide" when the panic symptoms strike? Being scrutinised by those around you? Being taken ill in a strange and unfamiliar environment?

Basically feeling out of control and frightened?

---------- Post added at 17:59 ---------- Previous post was at 17:57 ----------

I have never wanted people to know how badly my anxiety affects me and I would hate to be considered "weak" so I get these feelings too, Sue.

Yes, yes, and YES! I think you helped me zero in on the root causes. One is my overwhelming desire to always have control over everything, and not knowing if and when an illness will hit reminds me that I have no control over that, and I HATE THAT! I guess I need to learn and practice acceptance and "accept the things I cannot change".

And yes, I was picked on when I was younger by family members if I showed my tics, nervous habits, or felt ill.... so I guess that would explain why I'm terrified of being "less than perfect" in front of others. Not sure how to heal that one, though. And I definitely don't want others to see any sign of "mental disorder". :(
Sue

---------- Post added at 00:33 ---------- Previous post was at 00:30 ----------


I am the same. When I am anxious I have to be in my place of comfort, at home in my bedroom with a light hearted sitcom on. The world scares me. Things I see or hear scare me and make me feel awful. I avoid try hearing or seeing anything to do with illness and if I do then I end up haven’t to wash my hands ( that’s the ocd side for me). When you have HA it’s very usual that no one will understand. Family or friends might try to be supportive but palm you off as a hypochondriac. Or if they are anything like my partner get angry and abusive because I’m apparently being selfish for feeling this way and attention seeking. I get how it may look like that especially when you are constantly asking people for reassurance but it is an illness that consumes us. We don’t mean to be this way and we certainly don’t want it. Are you on any medication, I’ve just been put back on beta blockers.

I actually don't mind feeling physically ill as long as I don't have to be anywhere. If I had the luxury of staying home whenever I got sick I'd be a happy camper, but working full time and having other commitments always has me scared that an illness will take me down while I have commitments, responsibilities, and will disappoint or let down others.

I've been on Prozac forever, recently tried adding Gabapentin, and keep tranx on me at all times for emergencies.
Sue