Vaffis
25-10-18, 13:01
Hello everybody!
I want to share my story with someone and this seems to be the right place for it. I was diagnosed with semi-severe panic disorder about 5 years from now. I remember having my first panic attack at my work place while we were sitting in our conference room filled with my co-workers. Out of the blue I get this feeling that I'm having a hard time breathing and felt like I could faint at any second. I remember I was so nervous and didn't want to say anything about how I felt. I somehow managed to survive through the conference but after that we went to lunch and I got my food and went sitting trying to eat something but even swallowing little bites was too much. Thats when I asked my friend & co-worker if he could drop me at home. I went to sleep when I got home and felt better after that, also worried about what the F was that.
After that I was able to work normally again for about 1-2 months without having any of those sensations I had felt that day. Well that was just calm before the real storm. Next panic attack was the one that changed my life upside down, we were at my friends house for a weekend and we drank heavily for those two days. Sunday morning came and I remember that I was having similar feeling that I've had before at work, this time symptoms were even worse. I remember trying to just lay down and drink water for over an hour but I kept feeling worse and worse every passing minute. After that I had no other choice than to tell my friends I'm not feeling okay and asked if they could drop me to the hospital. Travelling there was absolute hell, I even called emergency-center and asked if I could get to the hospital faster with ambulance. I was so afraid and sure that I was going to die that day.
At the hospital they monitored my heart and did their normal procedures. They found nothing wrong with me physically. I had hard time understanding that how could I feel like this when there was nothing wrong with me. After awhile I calmed down and they let me out of the hospital. I went straight to sleep after that feeling so scared and embarrassed. After I woke up we started to drive back home (200 kilometers), somewhere along the way I started to feel those symptoms again and asked if my friend could drive instead of me.
After that day I think I haven't been like my old self again. Its almost as some part of me really died that day. Weeks went by and doctors took every kind of tests from me that they could think of. After about a month I got diagnosed with panic disorder. At that time I had been working in law-enforcement for years and that kind of work was just too much for me at that point. I had to quit my dream job after awhile because of this, that was (and still is) the hardest decision to make and accept in my life.
Years went by and after many different antidepressant medication I tried we finally decided to stick with Citalopram (30 mg daily) and Diazepam (5 mg, when needed). Good things have also happened in this time Ive found myself new girlfriend and we live together. This september I started studying for new occupation. You know, things are fine as they seem and I'm grateful about that.
But at the same time I'm still struggling with anxiety after all this time. Its there with me everyday, I think it will never fully go away. My symptoms today have changed a lot from what they were. When this started my heart was racing, now when I'm really anxious it feels more like my whole body is shutting down (slow heartbeat, hard to breathe and feeling dizzy) <- is this normal? Also I monitor myself daily (checking my heartbeat from my neck and stuff). Thats something I want to get rid of, I know the symptoms are from anxiety but I'm still scared about every single different feelings in my body. Its so stupid and frustrating. Any tips? :)
Thank you all, this turned to be quite long text sorry about that :O
I want to share my story with someone and this seems to be the right place for it. I was diagnosed with semi-severe panic disorder about 5 years from now. I remember having my first panic attack at my work place while we were sitting in our conference room filled with my co-workers. Out of the blue I get this feeling that I'm having a hard time breathing and felt like I could faint at any second. I remember I was so nervous and didn't want to say anything about how I felt. I somehow managed to survive through the conference but after that we went to lunch and I got my food and went sitting trying to eat something but even swallowing little bites was too much. Thats when I asked my friend & co-worker if he could drop me at home. I went to sleep when I got home and felt better after that, also worried about what the F was that.
After that I was able to work normally again for about 1-2 months without having any of those sensations I had felt that day. Well that was just calm before the real storm. Next panic attack was the one that changed my life upside down, we were at my friends house for a weekend and we drank heavily for those two days. Sunday morning came and I remember that I was having similar feeling that I've had before at work, this time symptoms were even worse. I remember trying to just lay down and drink water for over an hour but I kept feeling worse and worse every passing minute. After that I had no other choice than to tell my friends I'm not feeling okay and asked if they could drop me to the hospital. Travelling there was absolute hell, I even called emergency-center and asked if I could get to the hospital faster with ambulance. I was so afraid and sure that I was going to die that day.
At the hospital they monitored my heart and did their normal procedures. They found nothing wrong with me physically. I had hard time understanding that how could I feel like this when there was nothing wrong with me. After awhile I calmed down and they let me out of the hospital. I went straight to sleep after that feeling so scared and embarrassed. After I woke up we started to drive back home (200 kilometers), somewhere along the way I started to feel those symptoms again and asked if my friend could drive instead of me.
After that day I think I haven't been like my old self again. Its almost as some part of me really died that day. Weeks went by and doctors took every kind of tests from me that they could think of. After about a month I got diagnosed with panic disorder. At that time I had been working in law-enforcement for years and that kind of work was just too much for me at that point. I had to quit my dream job after awhile because of this, that was (and still is) the hardest decision to make and accept in my life.
Years went by and after many different antidepressant medication I tried we finally decided to stick with Citalopram (30 mg daily) and Diazepam (5 mg, when needed). Good things have also happened in this time Ive found myself new girlfriend and we live together. This september I started studying for new occupation. You know, things are fine as they seem and I'm grateful about that.
But at the same time I'm still struggling with anxiety after all this time. Its there with me everyday, I think it will never fully go away. My symptoms today have changed a lot from what they were. When this started my heart was racing, now when I'm really anxious it feels more like my whole body is shutting down (slow heartbeat, hard to breathe and feeling dizzy) <- is this normal? Also I monitor myself daily (checking my heartbeat from my neck and stuff). Thats something I want to get rid of, I know the symptoms are from anxiety but I'm still scared about every single different feelings in my body. Its so stupid and frustrating. Any tips? :)
Thank you all, this turned to be quite long text sorry about that :O