First Panic & Anxiety RELAPSE. Can’t cope PLEASE HELP

[Jenpeg13]

Hey everyone,

I haven’t been on this forum since 2015. Briefly I had a breakdown (crippling anxiety and panic, suicidal) there was various reasons for this but with medication (sertraline) and CBT I recovered and have been panic for nearly 3 years.

Lots of good things have happened in these 3 years and I’ve been really happy.

I thought I had all the anxiety and panic behind me but about 3 weeks ago my 18 month old son was hospitalised with pnemonia. I coped at the time and he is totally fine now.

However just over 2 weeks ago I started feeling anxious and then the panic attacks started.

My panic and anxiety is now off the charts. Im waking up panicking and the days are awful. I calm down a bit in the evening which was my pattern last time.

My GP has upped my sertraline about a week ago and I went to my CBT therapist this morning.

I’m devasted my anxiety is back and I feel like I’m never going to feel normal again.

I’m finding it hard looking after my son and my husband works away.

I need positive posts please to help me see the light. Has anyone suffered a setback/ relapse and then been fine again?
How long has the relapse lasted?
I feel like I’ve had the rug pulled from under me and I can’t cope feeling like this x

[Suziewuzie]

It's really horrible having a 'relapse' and I can definitely relate to your post. No matter how long we've felt well & lived a normal life, once we fall back down that anxious hole you instantly forget that you've been completely fine for YEARS and think there's no way out now.
Of course you will feel normal again - you have done, for years. Something quite natural has triggered your anxiety and you've just 'forgotten' how to manage it because you probably haven't thought about it for so long.
I'm currently just coming out the other side of a relapse of my anxiety, it first hit me about 3 years ago & I thought I'd never get over it. Then of course I did & I thought it would never happen again - and of course, it did! I have all the same symptoms as last time except this time I find them a LITTLE less scary because I know I've been here before and got through it, just like you have.
What helped you overcome it last time? It sounds like you've been really proactive in facing it head on and as you know, it will take time for the increase in meds etc to help. But they WILL help. Anxiety is probably the biggest, scariest thing in your life right now but soon it will be a tiny dot in your mind.
You have got through this before - remember that!

[Jenpeg13]

Hi Suzie

Thank you so much for replying, I appreciate it a lot.
Do you mind me asking how long you felt bad for aftercyour last relapse? I have been so bad today I had to leave my son with his grandma and take a diazapam. I feel like I can’t look after my son properly, can’t eat or function.

Spoke to my gp today and he has said to up my sertraline to 100mg a day. I used to be on that and felt fine but now I’m scared of side effects and it not working.

Xx

[Suziewuzie]

When I had my first 'breakdown' & was unable to work etc. I think I was bad for around 3 months.
This time, I had one month off work but it was more because I was going through a break up and some other bits and bobs. I still felt anxious after that month and still do now, but I'm able to go to work and function and feel confident that I'll be back to normal soon. I just take each day as it comes, I had to leave work early last week because I had a panic attack and my instinct was to think "it's happening again" but I just went home, relaxed, felt better and wrote it off as a bad day.
It's going to be totally different for you, we're all different and feel things differently. I'm accepting of my anxiety as much as I can be & that's the only difference this time around I think - it's not going to be all good days or all bad days, you're having a bad day now but there's still time for it to pick up. And tomorrow might be good, or average even or just slightly LESS anxious. Or maybe it'll be worse? But that's OK, as long as you remember that good days ARE coming.

[Jenpeg13]

Thanks so much for sharing that with me. I’m sorrt to hear you had a panic attack but they way you dealt with it sounds like you really have a handle on your anxiety now.

I’m still trying to do that. It’s hard.

Do you mind me asking if you took/take any medication?

[Suziewuzie]

When it happened a few years ago I tried sertraline because I'd been on it in the past with really good effect, but I think I was SO severely anxious that I just couldn't tolerate it & thought it was making me worse so I was switched to citalopram. Looking back now I don't think the sertraline did make me worse, I was just in a really bad place and obsessing over my thoughts / feelings & blamed the sertraline. I didn't like the citalopram at first so stopped and started that before finally just sticking with it. It took me probably a month to stop being very bad - I think I could leave the house and do normal things after a month. But it was another month or so before I felt settled completely.
This time round, I'm 4 days into citalopram again and feel dreadful but I knew that would happen so I'm just trying really hard to stay positive & trusting that I'll feel better soon x

---------- Post added at 10:21 ---------- Previous post was at 09:43 ----------

I just wanted to add Jen, I see a counsellor once a week & she's advised that I just try to live moment to moment right now. So instead of thinking "it's a bad day" just try to think it's a bad half an hour, and when you feel a little bit of calm during the day even if it's just for 5 minutes, relish it. I practise mindfulness & it's helped me a lot with those high anxiety moments, when I feel myself spiralling into panic mode I try to ground myself by 'mindfully' doing something - make a cup of tea & listen to the sounds it makes, the smell of it, the colour of the water etc (sounds silly but with practise it helps you get lost in the moment and forget your anxious thoughts)
I also do mindful meditations twice a day - it's just a 10 minute audio I usually do a 'Body scan' one and a breathing one, there are loads on YouTube. Just try to find anything that helps you relax & know that however rotten you feel, you can go and do that and it will calm you down a little x

[Jenpeg13]

Because I was so bad last time I think the side effects of the sertraline just got lost in the general panic and anxiety.
I can’t tell this time if the upped dose is making me more anxious or if I’m so anxious anyway.
My counsellor has suggested mindfulness too. I’m just in such a spiral I can’t get my mind in one place.
My husband is flying home today from tour. He is supposed to go back and tour amaerica for a month but I want him to leave and stay at home. I feel like I can’t look after my son properly at the moment.
I know that I should try and go minute to minute but I’ve been so happy lately that I just want my life back.
I tried for 6 years to have my son, 4 failed IVFs and I ended up in hospital with a life threatening condition from the drugs.
But I got him in the end and I love him so much and now I feel like I’m failing him and I just want our happy, normal and precious life back xx

[Suziewuzie]

You're not failing him! You're going through something which just feels bigger than you right now, it's a perfectly natural thing to go through and you just can't see a way out of it. You've been here before though remember and you DID find a way out of it, and you will do again.
Completely understand why you would want your husband around right now & I hope that's something he's able to do.
Regarding the sertraline causing the anxiety or you just being that anxious beforehand, try not to dwell on it too much - it doesn't matter which one it is, you feel how you feel. The increased dose probably has increased your anxiety - my anxiety was through the roof this morning after only being back on Citalopram for a couple of days - it's normal and it will pass x

[Jenpeg13]

Hi Suzie

How are you doing today?
My husband went away again this morning and I’ve been awful all day. My mother in law had to take my son at 6am and my dad was with me all day. Felt like one long panic attack until I took diazapam about 4.30pm.

X