panicy potato pasta
31-10-18, 17:56
its like im loosing my memory's, or there locked away somewhere. it feels sometimes im forgetting how to type or communicate to people offline, its like my head just shuts off sometimes. im thinking that its because im on the computer for to many hours and its literally damaging or rotting my brain away, i feel like im becoming stupid.
on top of this, i been stressed and vary depressed from my constant "heath problems" and health anxiety. IT..NEVER..STOPS... i may get a week break and thats it, back to a new thing. in the last two years it was.. almost all last year i was having horrible pains and thought it was a urinal problem, no, apparently freaking anxiety can do that to you to.. i get a break from that, then feeling trashy from starting new meds, then it was the vary severe allergy's, then yellow bowels for some weeks, then mucus (sorry for tmi), back to yellow, then bad sleeping problems for a month or so, went away before i seen a doc, then came back after, then came the loosing my mind stuff, feeling crummy, depressed, not healthy feeling, then this cold came in, weirdly i been feeling a bit better mentally during this time. and now its back to,"im becoming stupid, im loosing myself"
i cant stand this constant cycle anymore, its leading to me being depressed and really stressed. i feel like im cursed for the rest of my life, im not shore what i did to deserve it, but somehow sometimes i think i do. i pray for help but doesn't seem to help, so maybe i did do something really bad...
i feel so broken, hopeless, and lost, i cant take much more of this... im told god doesn't throw you out, so where is he when i need him most...
on top of this, i been stressed and vary depressed from my constant "heath problems" and health anxiety. IT..NEVER..STOPS... i may get a week break and thats it, back to a new thing. in the last two years it was.. almost all last year i was having horrible pains and thought it was a urinal problem, no, apparently freaking anxiety can do that to you to.. i get a break from that, then feeling trashy from starting new meds, then it was the vary severe allergy's, then yellow bowels for some weeks, then mucus (sorry for tmi), back to yellow, then bad sleeping problems for a month or so, went away before i seen a doc, then came back after, then came the loosing my mind stuff, feeling crummy, depressed, not healthy feeling, then this cold came in, weirdly i been feeling a bit better mentally during this time. and now its back to,"im becoming stupid, im loosing myself"
i cant stand this constant cycle anymore, its leading to me being depressed and really stressed. i feel like im cursed for the rest of my life, im not shore what i did to deserve it, but somehow sometimes i think i do. i pray for help but doesn't seem to help, so maybe i did do something really bad...
i feel so broken, hopeless, and lost, i cant take much more of this... im told god doesn't throw you out, so where is he when i need him most...