View Full Version : Healing tongue
Here's a thought that occurred to me this morning. Many/most on the HA view their body as being something that is constantly under threat from bacteria, germs, viruses, genetics, and assorted other factors. It is as if they have a body that is about to fail at any moment, for which they need to be on the permanent alert as if their body is a weak and (non evolved!) system that needs constant vigilance and hyper awareness to keep working.
So, last night I bit my tongue, quite badly as it happens. As you do, looked in the mirror now and again and waited for it to stop bleeding, but I was convinced that by the morning it would be swollen and have that cut I made still gaping open. This morning, its as if it never happened, and I remember this from before - the human tongue is really everso good at repairing itself, astoundingly so and very quickly. If I was a biologist I would know the reason :winks:
It got me thinking, about the strength and resiliance of the human body, how it has adapted over millenia and how on a daily basis it (usually) heals itself and deals totally effectively with bacteria and the like. Ok, so we can't grow new legs for ourselves, but I know that HA makes people can't actually focus on the fact that aching muscles, colds, cuts and bruises (for example) all sort themselves out thanks to the efficient human body.
Possibly some here will find this hard to relate to; but if more reenforcement is given to the strength, power and abilities of the human body, then some might feel less need to battle. Your body is 'on your side' not permanently 'against' you. I know there will be some who have genuine illnesses or disabilities, and but I think even then the positive power of the human mind to 'expect you will be ok' is very relevant.
So, what healing/ability in the human body surprises you most ? - mine is the tongue ! LOL (and stupidly I've done it a second time on the other side, as chewing gum whilst decorating, but I know by tomorrow itll be fine) Lets sing the praises of something that has surprised you in how well your body responds.
41 views, and no replies.....kinda says it all about this place. Nobody can think of anything positive about how their body works well/heals itself. Ah well, I tried.....:roflmao:
LouiseAndy
01-11-18, 20:41
Sorry the lack of replies! When you're so good to others. You're right! The body is amazing at healing itself. I wish I believe this more myself sometimes! Especially when I love moments on panic (more often then not!)
I guess my funny moments of the body "healing" itself is when I was about eight and I accidentally shaved off half of each other my eyebrows :doh: Don't ask why! Well it grow back....within a month or so!
Sorry this isn't a big positive fact! Just something funny to share! I'm sure my body has looked after me time and time again but this is the first I can think of!
Thanks so much LouiseAndy, I am no longer talking to myself :winks:
Your body helps you out each and every single day, e.g. it takes between 14 - 30 days for your entire epidermis (skin) layer to renew itself. The same applies for everything in your body, constantly renewing and healing.
Isn't that quite trendy shaving eyebrows into shapes ? LOL
So true Carys, I’ve bitten the inside of my cheek today, and I keep catching it. It’s so annoying but come this time tomorrow it’ll probably be gone.
One of the things I find amazing about my child is her ability to be so resilient. She broke her collarbone a few months ago, yet within 2 days was off painkillers and begging to go to the park! I know many people say it, but really we can learn so much from children!
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Yes, thats what I like about many children, they know when they are ok to keep going and know when its time to stop when they feel truly unwell. They are kind of 'on' or 'off' LOL They usually get going after something traumatic or an injury of illness so much quicker than we do.
Lets look at wounds too.....for anyone interested.....its the most incredible process if you think about it.
Most of us take wound healing for granted. If you get a small cut, you may clean and cover it with a bandage, and move on with your life. Yet under that bandage (or in the open air), the body orchestrates a complex cascade of events designed to heal wounds big and small.
The basic steps of wound healing are:
Stopping the bleeding (hemostasis). When your skin is cut, scraped, or punctured, you usually start to bleed. Within minutes or even seconds, blood cells start to clump together and clot, protecting the wound and preventing further blood loss. These clots, which turn into scabs as they dry, are created by a type of blood cell called a platelet. The clot also contains a protein called fibrin, which forms a net to hold the clot in place.
Inflammation. Once the wound is closed with a clot, the blood vessels can open a bit to allow fresh nutrients and oxygen into the wound for healing. Blood-borne oxygen is essential for healing. The right balance of oxygen is also important — too much or too little and the wound won't heal correctly. Another type of blood cell, a white blood cell called a macrophage, takes on the role of wound protector. This cell fights infection and oversees the repair process. You might see some clear fluid on or around the cut at this time. That is helping clean out the wound. Macrophages also produce chemical messengers, called growth factors, which help repair the wound.
Growth and rebuilding. Blood cells, including oxygen-rich red blood cells, arrive to help build new tissue. Chemical signals instruct cells to create collagen, which serves as a type of scaffolding, and other tissues to begin the repair process. Occasionally, you see the result of this process as a scar that starts out red and eventually dulls.
Strengthening. Over time, the new tissue gets stronger. You might notice stretching, itching, and even puckering of the wound as that happens. Within 3 months, the wound is almost as strong in its repair as it was before the trauma. The entire healing process might take a couple of years to complete.
Thanks for sharing that Carys. :)
Strangely, I also had an injury to my tongue which resulted in a bleed. Like you, I was looking in the mirror to check for worsening and my tongue also healed itself completely very quickly which surprised me and told me something about the bodies healing process.
I even braved a visit to the dentist to confirm it was OK and he couldn't see anything wrong. :shrug:
Having HA, I used to obsess over every pain, mark, rash symptom, but I let a lot go now as I am beginning to understand how the body works. :)
Hey Carnation (thanks to all those who turned up and answered.....I don't feel so alone anymore!), you tongue-chewing as well LOL !!!
I think that was kind of what I was hoping some 'others' might think about see, that the human body does a fine job of dealing with bumps, scrapes, bruises and minor problems like colds and tummy bugs and so on. Once you understand and trust it to do those things, then you can fear much less. It is only when the body fails to do the things correctly that we sometimes need help from medics.
Here's another encouraging story. :)
My partners mum fell out of bed at the Care Home causing a huge red bump on her cheek.
We went to see her that day and she was in good spirits and felt no pain. She had not seen the injury, because she can't get up to look in the mirror.
3 days later, the bump had gone and was left with a slight mark. This is the best bit. She is 92 years old!!!!!
Passing_for_human
01-11-18, 21:20
Great post. Well the liver I guess to me is the best example of the incredible healing powers of the body. I see so many posts on here where folk worry they've damaged their liver in some way, when you know that there's rarely a chance because the organ is so resilient to begin with and because of it's amazing powers of regeneration even if some minor damage had been done (which it never has on here).
Another trap we HA-ers fall into I think is expecting our body to be perfect, so that any ache or pain or perceived symptom MUST be a sign of something wrong with us and most likely something sinister. In reality we can walk around with all kinds of minor ailments, unexplained "odd things", even test results that are a bit abnormal, and yet it is perfectly possible to live a long and healthy live with those things never being explained, diagnosed or "fixed". Not everything has to be known or understood. Living with those uncertainties is something most of us struggle hugely to deal with I think.
No Carys, I cut it when licking an envelope. I was not paying attention and watching something on TV at the same time. :wacko: I am known for being accident prone, not a good mix for someone with HA. :D
Goodness......I couldn't agree with you more passing for human !!!! Brilliant thoughts. I nearly posted about the Liver too as it astounded me. Until I started looking up earlier about how the body heals itself, I had NO IDEA that it could regenerate as it does. Something like - if 50 percent is damage through say an overdose, within days it can sort itself out.
I have said so many times on here 'odd things happen, you don't need to know or have an answer to everything'!
---------- Post added at 21:38 ---------- Previous post was at 21:31 ----------
Oh Carnation, you and I would be constantly bleeding or hurting, cos I'm that way too, usually from doing too much that I think I can do but shouldn't. There was one day in the summer where I cut flowers in garden using a new pair of scissors and cut straight into the finger behind them, sliced into both sides really deep. I bandaged and dashed off for some dry stitches, sorted it but couldn't use that hand. Later I decided to continue doing DIY and hammered my finger and then cut open a finger on that other hand with a craft knife. I looked a mess when DH came home!
(Just hoping some people who struggle to be positive about the abilites of the human body are also reading this, not just those who have replied and already 'get it'. ;o)
The human body also does a fine job of healing major things too. Yes technology plays it's part in things like major surgery. My Dad when he was 76 had major heart surgery and was out the next day. This was December 18th and he cooked us all Christmas dinner a week later. Last year he had a total hip replacement at 78 and again was out the next day.
I think the mouth if i remember correctly is supposed one of the quickest healing parts of the body, which is amazing with how many germs must be in there.
Good on your Dad BM !!!!!! He didnt fall into the trap of spending too long moping and 'taking it super duper easy'...kept on going and what a star doing Xmas dinner too.
Good on your Dad BM !!!!!! He didnt fall into the trap of spending too long moping and 'taking it super duper easy'...kept on going and what a star doing Xmas dinner too.
It was incredible, he had two stents done, he wen't in and they did the stents going in through his wrist whilst awake and a short stay in recovery, then home. A few weeks later he had a big AAA repaired, that's pretty major, they wen't in through his groin. Then home the next day.
Stents through the wrist whilst awake ! :scared15::scared15::scared15:
Flip me. What a brave man and such a fighter!
Omg Carys, you do sound like me. :ohmy:
Only the other week I was pruning with my secateurs and cut my finger instead. It really hurt and had to bandage it up. Healed in 3 days. :)
Matt that sounds amazing.
I think the secret in faster healing is to just get back to normal as soon as possible. The brain has to know you are healing too!
Carys, this thread was a good idea, I hope members can see the positives and that it will help with their HA. :)
Stents through the wrist whilst awake ! :scared15::scared15::scared15:
Flip me. What a brave man and such a fighter!
He used to suffer from anxiety too. Not sure how i would cope with that, but i suppose you don't have a choice.
On a lighter note, something that amazes me is how quickly your gum heals afrer a tooth exrraction.
41 views, and no replies.....kinda says it all about this place. Nobody can think of anything positive about how their body works well/heals itself. Ah well, I tried.....:roflmao:
You expected more? You've been around long enough to recognize the patterns and mindsets of those afflicted and as someone in recovery, I think you know why.
Reality and logic is like Kryptonite to the HA sufferer. To admit that it's anxiety is to admit their thoughts and feelings are unrealistic would destroy their dragon, and we both know just how hungry the dragon is and what lengths he will will go to feed and defend himself.
I've had my chest cut open from the top of my breastbone to my stomach and my neck cut open from my ear to my Adam's apple. I've had poisonous chemicals pumped into my body and radiation shot into my neck to kill the cancer and I'm still here.
With the exception of only a very few, no one here has realized their worst fear and IMO they never will.
Concerning your point? Humanity would not have survived if we didn't possess the natural healing powers of our bodies.
Positive thoughts
MyNameIsTerry
02-11-18, 02:21
The human body also does a fine job of healing major things too. Yes technology plays it's part in things like major surgery. My Dad when he was 76 had major heart surgery and was out the next day. This was December 18th and he cooked us all Christmas dinner a week later. Last year he had a total hip replacement at 78 and again was out the next day.
I think the mouth if i remember correctly is supposed one of the quickest healing parts of the body, which is amazing with how many germs must be in there.
So, if he's a bit laid up one year and says he doesn't fancy cooking the Xmas meal you will be able to say "remember when you had that major heart surgery and you still cooked us our din dins". :winks:
---------- Post added at 02:21 ---------- Previous post was at 01:55 ----------
There was one day in the summer where I cut flowers in garden using a new pair of scissors and cut straight into the finger behind them, sliced into both sides really deep. I bandaged and dashed off for some dry stitches, sorted it but couldn't use that hand. Later I decided to continue doing DIY and hammered my finger and then cut open a finger on that other hand with a craft knife. I looked a mess when DH came home!
Next time I'm watching Rambo sewing himself back up I will think of you and say he's not that 'ard :yesyes:
Wouldn't worry about the view counts, Admin have said before it includes all the watchers and tends to be overinflated due to the web spiders. That count might not have included any members, although I did read it before you replied...but I tend to do my posts in a block when I log on later. If a thread gets bumped a lot, especially daily, the counts go mad (look at my games threads, the counts outstrip the number of members by a looonnnggg way and there's no way the watchers are reading them)
Can we add animals to kids? They just get on with it despite being in so much pain. I've seen my dog just carry on without all the whining & sulking we would be doing (not anxiety sufferers, just humans in general). And we don't even get to wear the "lampshade of shame" (now that would be funny if we did :roflmao:). :woof
Perhaps what you posted about skin breaks will help those who are worried when something isn't healing? The fact they disturb the area with poking/prodding is only disturbing that process...which is something I know all too well as a skin picker.
You expected more? You've been around long enough to recognize the patterns and mindsets of those afflicted and as someone in recovery, I think you know why.Yes, I expected more than zero responses. I don't have a problem with my ego, nor do I need validation from replies. I can mentally flip it off, hence the laughing at the end of the post!
I know why it happened of course -but also yes I did think that possibly one of two of those who are serial reassurance posters might think about the posed question. I have higher expectations of people than just 'expecting' the baseline patterns, despite the fact that in many the baseline patterns keep persisting. Thats the only way you can be better and 'recovered' (I was HA decades ago, so yes it was a long time) by actually taking your mind outside of the obsession and really working on it yourself!
I thought out there were some people, just one or two who would have had the ability to push themselves and try and think outside their daily self-absorbed negativity. I'm not referring here to those who did reply, as that was later and I would view those as the ones who are already able to think more logically and who are far more thoughtful posters with regard to the community. Those who replied also 'give' and not just 'take'. I am a positive person who believes that the power is in the hands of each and everyone of us to make a difference to their mental illness if only they would take that first step....and take ownership....
Maybe I need a break from here again......as the fact that so many never return, never say thanks and never think of anyone but them and their needs is becoming depressing again. The power is in the hands of each and everyone of us to make a difference to the mental illnesses on this forum, if only they would take that first step....and take ownership....
Terry -
Thats some interesting perspectives about forums, and counts, not considered those. Terry, you don't need to explain yourself to me!....you are absolutely ace at replying to everyone and so sensitive to the needs of others. Can I be honest.....it doesn't hugely bother me, I'm a pretty confident person (when not at the mercy of my late perimeno hormones)......I posted that laughing comment to actually be devil's advocate to start the conversation. Trouble is, as usual, the conversation is amongst those who probably least need it! :roflmao:
---------- Post added at 08:29 ---------- Previous post was at 08:25 ----------
Ah now, dogs and animals - absolutely - my border collies are a daily reminder of the power of positivity and strength! They carry on despite padding blood from cut paws over the floor LOL
So, if he's a bit laid up one year and says he doesn't fancy cooking the Xmas meal you will be able to say "remember when you had that major heart surgery and you still cooked us our din dins".
Yeah !!!! He's set the bar very very high with that one hasn't he !!!!!!
I would agree that it's very depressing reading the same old stuff but this thread is a breath of fresh-amongst some very stale-air on here, Carys.
Passing_for_human
02-11-18, 11:17
I think it's so important to pose questions and engage in discussion that might encourage someone to challenge their negative thinking. You never know when something is going to "stick" with someone. Some of the most senior/long-term members on here talk about when they were at their worst with HA (often easily as bad as those whose mindsets might seem frustratingly unshiftable at the moment). Yet these members have turned things around in recovery. It can be such a long process accepting responsibility for your illness and committing to the work it takes to recover. Who knows what might jolt someone into taking a first step though.
Thank you ! Those comments are really benevolent and reflective. You are right, at my worst I was definitely like the most extreme here (maybe not for length of time of some i.e. years and years, but certainly in intensity). Infact I was hospitalised for anxiety, which doesn't happen often. :roflmao:You are right, sometimes things stick and you never know when and for who.....and yes it could be a long process...
Don't you think that we should be encouraging people to think of others rather than themselves and their perceived illnesses...I think it should be the first light bulb moment when "all about me" becomes an "actually, I may be affecting others by my self-absorption". We do tend to put self-absorption and HA rigidity down to the consequences of the condition but not everyone with HA has this attitude and mindset and isn't it a bit of an excuse for the all about me brigade to hide behind?
Well, dear friend, you know I'm going to basically agree with you. :D
I put the 'lightbulb' moment of realising there were people around me that were struggling too, that I was affecting them, as a primary part of my recovery. Even if I was dying (and I truly believed I was at 20!!!) then I just had to make those around me smile and have good memories of me.
Honestly, I can recall being hospitalised and having lists longer than your arm of symptoms, I was unable to use my left leg and arm at this point due to my 'brain tumour'. I lay in bed for days 'waiting to die'. Then, when I didn't, I thought that with the few days I had left I would make my last ones matter.....to those I loved and even the nurses. I would give a smile here and there, do something small to make the lives of others better, like make a cup of tea for a fellow patient. It worked......I started 'seeing' life outside myself. The anxiety cave where only I resided, had an exit.
Thats why so often on here I spout on about volunteering, going to do a task for someone else and so on....not that I think everyone should be devoting themselves entirely to just being there for others like some missionary...but because as a form of helpful distraction and as a way to remind yourself of empathy towards other human beings and their struggles. HA is a 'selfish' indulgent condition and if you put some of that effort into 'worrying' about the old lady down the road then I think its helpful. I'm not saying all HA people ARE selfish deep down, I know they are in agony and would rather NOT be dealing with it! What I like about the 'going to do a small thing for someone else' approach is that it is proactive, you are taking ownership of saying that you have been far too introspective and are going to think of someone else for 30 mins. It also builds your confidence and genuinely means you have to clear your own thoughts for a short while - you can't talk about your bowels with the old lady on the corner who needs her drive swept. Well, maybe you could, but she'll 'out bowel you' ;o)
Of course, as you rightly say, I believe some people aren't trapped in a spiral of HA that quashes their natural altruism and thoughfulness, they are 'me me me' anyway. Hard to say though isn't it, who is which type of personality. I do think though, to return to what you said, that it is helpful to remind hardened HA people that they DO affect others around them when they are in out of control anxiety states. Many will be all too aware of this factor and so it needs to be carefully considered if appropriate.
Edited to add -
Thats why I get cross at times on here, and I know many others do too. Making exuses like 'well what did you expect, people have HA' doesn't wash for me. People who are rude, don't say thanks, ignore posts, ignore the time and effort that others give to typing them replies, never return after making a desperate post, should be told that they are rude/thoughtless/unappreciative and treating others with a lack of respect. Maybe they are just rude people, or maybe they are just in a spiral of deep HA, but whatever the reason I still think its good for them to be reminded that others have feelings too.
Well, dear friend, you know I'm going to basically agree with you. :D
I put the 'lightbulb' moment of realising there were people around me that were struggling too, that I was affecting them, as a primary part of my recovery. Even if I was dying (and I truly believed I was at 20!!!) then I just had to make those around me smile and have good memories of me.
Honestly, I can recall being hospitalised and having lists longer than your arm of symptoms, I was unable to use my left leg and arm at this point due to my 'brain tumour'. I lay in bed for days 'waiting to die'. Then, when I didn't, I thought that with the few days I had left I would make my last ones matter.....to those I loved and even the nurses. I would give a smile here and there, do something small to make the lives of others better, like make a cup of tea for a fellow patient. It worked......I started 'seeing' life outside myself. The anxiety cave where only I resided, had an exit.
Thats why so often on here I spout on about volunteering, going to do a task for someone else and so on....not that I think everyone should be devoting themselves entirely to just being there for others like some missionary...but because as a form of helpful distraction and as a way to remind yourself of empathy towards other human beings and their struggles. HA is a 'selfish' indulgent condition and if you put some of that effort into 'worrying' about the old lady down the road then I think its helpful. I'm not saying all HA people ARE selfish deep down, I know they are in agony and would rather NOT be dealing with it! What I like about the 'going to do a small thing for someone else' approach is that it is proactive, you are taking ownership of saying that you have been far too introspective and are going to think of someone else for 30 mins. It also builds your confidence and genuinely means you have to clear your own thoughts for a short while - you can't talk about your bowels with the old lady on the corner who needs her drive swept. Well, maybe you could, but she'll 'out bowel you' ;o)
Of course, as you rightly say, I believe some people aren't trapped in a spiral of HA that quashes their natural altruism and thoughfulness, they are 'me me me' anyway. Hard to say though isn't it, who is which type of personality. I do think though, to return to what you said, that it is helpful to remind hardened HA people that they DO affect others around them when they are in out of control anxiety states. Many will be all too aware of this factor and so it needs to be carefully considered if appropriate.
Edited to add -
Thats why I get cross at times on here, and I know many others do too. Making exuses like 'well what did you expect, people have HA' doesn't wash for me. People who are rude, don't say thanks, ignore posts, ignore the time and effort that others give to typing them replies, never return after making a desperate post, should be told that they are rude/thoughtless/unappreciative and treating others with a lack of respect. Maybe they are just rude people, or maybe they are just in a spiral of deep HA, but whatever the reason I still think its good for them to be reminded that others have feelings too.
So do you think me dressing up like a mummy just in case my leg or arm bursts is a bit OTT?
MyNameIsTerry
02-11-18, 15:28
So do you think me dressing up like a mummy just in case my leg or arm bursts is a bit OTT?
It sounds like you've been to a Spanish A&E * :biggrin:
* remember those medical programmes where you go in with a bad toe and come out with plaster up to your groin? :biggrin:
Matt, I only one piece of advice from you.....NEVER push a woman going through the menopause.It won't end well. :scared15:
(There were about 10 emoticons I could have added to be honest, they could ALL apply from one hour to the next!)
MyNameIsTerry
02-11-18, 15:33
Matt, I only one piece of advice from you.....NEVER push a woman going through the menopause.It won't end well. :scared15:
(There were about 10 emoticons I could have added to be honest, they could ALL apply from one hour to the next!)
http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/agressive/t0120.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-agressive.php):sofa:
Carys, you might not get the responses you endeavoured, but people read and that is the important issue here. :)
I also wanted to point out that some members leave and not stay on to help others for sometimes fear of spiralling down again. I have had breaks from the forum and it makes no difference to me whether I am attached to the forum or not. I actually prefer being around. :)
My HA was also severe to a bedridden state with lengthy symptoms, but with the knowledge of understanding and facts, you DO become more rational.
We expect a 'light bulb' moment, but in reality, it is more a gradual realisation and collection of reading matter and learning from others and yourself.
That is why it can be helpful for a thread such as the one you have started here.
You will always have people sit on the side of the fence, that's life in general.
I became self obsessed with me and the way I was feeling. Once I started to put that to one side and channelled my energies to doing things and helping others, somehow, my woes didn't seem so daunting.
And strangely enough I do sweep the next doors old lady's drive of leaves. :D
Remember the people who criticise are normally the ones who struggle the most. :winks:
Yes I'll admit that I struggle more than most and it has helped me enormously not to be in the position to become self-absorbed.
Pulisa, you are doing a very difficult and hard job, you have the right to say you struggle. You wouldn't be human if you didn't. And it takes a brave person to admit it. :hugs:
---------- Post added at 19:31 ---------- Previous post was at 19:26 ----------
P. S. The menopause and anxiety together, not a great mix. Maybe they can battle it out between them and leave us in peace.:unsure: Sometimes I find it hard to differentiate between the two. :wacko:
Hey Carnation,
See ! It worked for you too....I said it works the 'do something for somebody' routine.:)
Remember the people who criticise are normally the ones who struggle the most.Not sure what you meant by this, clarification s'il vous plait ? I wasn't being critical....if you are referring to me? I think people should feel open to express their views, anyone on this thread, as different perspective could be what kick starts the thought processes in the right direction for someone.
Pulisa, you've not got time to be 'self-absorbed' you are so darned busy being a carer, under very challenging circumstances. I think you do amazingly!
Anxiousamyj
02-11-18, 20:16
This is a good thread and I've often said and thought that the positive ones don't get enough attention around here! Everyone is in a different spot in their journey with HA, and often it's a circular one for a while before we set out on the right path. I am doing very well as of now, but do have a blip here and there. No matter what state I'm in, I appreciate what you're pointing out here, and it certainly is true.
Oh Cary, you are so like me. :D
Of course I didn't mean you personally. I was referring to people that give you a hard time or criticise or project negativity. It wasn't aimed at anyone in particular. It just means that sometimes a person can seem negative and critical when secretly they are crying for help or struggling in silence. There's always a reason for everything! I've learnt that a lot with work colleagues and family.
This is a good thread and I've often said and thought that the positive ones don't get enough attention around here! Everyone is in a different spot in their journey with HA, and often it's a circular one for a while before we set out on the right path. I am doing very well as of now, but do have a blip here and there. No matter what state I'm in, I appreciate what you're pointing out here, and it certainly is true.
Wow, thanks Amy ! That was the aim, something a bit more positive and thought-provoking, not just continuous reassurance cycles. I'm really glad you are doing well, I'm sure thats taken a great deal of effort on your part, but very much worth it.
Carnation - ok, I get it, thanks for explaining. :) That a very valid point, whatever is projected isn't necessarily what is going on inside. Some of our most prominent comedians are a good example of that.
Exactly Carys!!! :yesyes:
MyNameIsTerry
03-11-18, 02:20
Well, dear friend, you know I'm going to basically agree with you. :D
I put the 'lightbulb' moment of realising there were people around me that were struggling too, that I was affecting them, as a primary part of my recovery. Even if I was dying (and I truly believed I was at 20!!!) then I just had to make those around me smile and have good memories of me.
Honestly, I can recall being hospitalised and having lists longer than your arm of symptoms, I was unable to use my left leg and arm at this point due to my 'brain tumour'. I lay in bed for days 'waiting to die'. Then, when I didn't, I thought that with the few days I had left I would make my last ones matter.....to those I loved and even the nurses. I would give a smile here and there, do something small to make the lives of others better, like make a cup of tea for a fellow patient. It worked......I started 'seeing' life outside myself. The anxiety cave where only I resided, had an exit.
Thats why so often on here I spout on about volunteering, going to do a task for someone else and so on....not that I think everyone should be devoting themselves entirely to just being there for others like some missionary...but because as a form of helpful distraction and as a way to remind yourself of empathy towards other human beings and their struggles. HA is a 'selfish' indulgent condition and if you put some of that effort into 'worrying' about the old lady down the road then I think its helpful. I'm not saying all HA people ARE selfish deep down, I know they are in agony and would rather NOT be dealing with it! What I like about the 'going to do a small thing for someone else' approach is that it is proactive, you are taking ownership of saying that you have been far too introspective and are going to think of someone else for 30 mins. It also builds your confidence and genuinely means you have to clear your own thoughts for a short while - you can't talk about your bowels with the old lady on the corner who needs her drive swept. Well, maybe you could, but she'll 'out bowel you' ;o)
Of course, as you rightly say, I believe some people aren't trapped in a spiral of HA that quashes their natural altruism and thoughfulness, they are 'me me me' anyway. Hard to say though isn't it, who is which type of personality. I do think though, to return to what you said, that it is helpful to remind hardened HA people that they DO affect others around them when they are in out of control anxiety states. Many will be all too aware of this factor and so it needs to be carefully considered if appropriate.
Edited to add -
Thats why I get cross at times on here, and I know many others do too. Making exuses like 'well what did you expect, people have HA' doesn't wash for me. People who are rude, don't say thanks, ignore posts, ignore the time and effort that others give to typing them replies, never return after making a desperate post, should be told that they are rude/thoughtless/unappreciative and treating others with a lack of respect. Maybe they are just rude people, or maybe they are just in a spiral of deep HA, but whatever the reason I still think its good for them to be reminded that others have feelings too.
Lots of very important and understanding points in there, Carys.
The charity meets I used to go to for mental health were very committed to encouraging volunteering, most of which was for other charities. They agree with you that it is important to help others for that reason alone but it also brings so many useful ways to improve your mental health without the need of a therapist.
Confidence, sense of worth, fulfilment, self esteem, etc all feed into each other and volunteering is a way to commit to something that isn't cynical like a job is.
You also get a boost, however small, from just helping someone whether they are in need or not. I think for compassionate people the isolation is destroying and you don't realise how much it has affected you until you start getting back into situations where you can feed the aspect of your personality.
The last point is hard to gauge. Mental health issues amplify our characters so some can be waging an argument because of how they feel when normally they wouldn't act that way (I've had some times like that before I came here and my anxiety was really bad) but I often think the difference is you will feel bad for it afterwards and feel the need to apologise or make peace. The intensity may still be too strong to feel that in some.
But then there are those who were already that way just as there are those anxiety sufferers who were nasty before the anxiety. Add all the symptoms on top of that, and mental torment, and it just adds up to an inflation of those aspects of personality.
The same with reassurance seeking stuff. Some people were already uploading duck pouts with a picture of what meal they act today on social media for likes so it's only going to mean they are more prone to it about their anxiety.
Collie's are ace, my brother has a rescue one. He's lovely.
---------- Post added at 02:20 ---------- Previous post was at 01:59 ----------
Carys, you might not get the responses you endeavoured, but people read and that is the important issue here. :)
I also wanted to point out that some members leave and not stay on to help others for sometimes fear of spiralling down again. I have had breaks from the forum and it makes no difference to me whether I am attached to the forum or not. I actually prefer being around. :)
My HA was also severe to a bedridden state with lengthy symptoms, but with the knowledge of understanding and facts, you DO become more rational.
We expect a 'light bulb' moment, but in reality, it is more a gradual realisation and collection of reading matter and learning from others and yourself.
That is why it can be helpful for a thread such as the one you have started here.
You will always have people sit on the side of the fence, that's life in general.
I became self obsessed with me and the way I was feeling. Once I started to put that to one side and channelled my energies to doing things and helping others, somehow, my woes didn't seem so daunting.
And strangely enough I do sweep the next doors old lady's drive of leaves. :D
Remember the people who criticise are normally the ones who struggle the most. :winks:
I agree with you, Carys and pulisa about escaping cycles by looking in the mirror and deciding it's not right.
I've found if it's something for I'm more likely to put it off. For others I'm more likely to prioritise it. A lot of the battle with safety routines is harder when there are less public goals as our inner needs to help others, not to let others down, etc take over.
As usual Terry, a fascinating read with lots of points in there I hadn't thought about. I hadn't realised that there was actually a much longer list than I thought with beneficial reasons to volunteer, I had never been told anything about benefits of doing so......I just learnt it along the way myself. You are so right about the fact you are more likely to go and do something for someone else.
The last point is hard to gauge. Mental health issues amplify our characters so some can be waging an argument because of how they feel when normally they wouldn't act that way (I've had some times like that before I came here and my anxiety was really bad) but I often think the difference is you will feel bad for it afterwards and feel the need to apologise or make peace. The intensity may still be too strong to feel that in some.
But then there are those who were already that way just as there are those anxiety sufferers who were nasty before the anxiety. Add all the symptoms on top of that, and mental torment, and it just adds up to an inflation of those aspects of personality. You always do this - put things into words in a MUCH better way than I ever could. You are right of course, its far too complex an issue to make sweeping generalisations about reasons for behaviours. Of course, this is made even harder by the fact that we are often seeing a tiny snapshot of people at their worst and don't have a 'whole' personality to base our impressions on.
However, I still think, that in any circumstance you can and should expect someone to behave with respect to other people posting here, who are also people with some mental health problems, who take time to do so out of their own lives. I KNOW why it happens that people are 'rude' (using that word as a cover-all for socially accepted discourteous behaviours), but I also don't think we should say that its ok to be that way. It doesn't mean being 'rude' back, and sensitivity is required to individual posters, but still.....We can show understanding of the reasons, and boy do I understand! but not actually accept it as the right way to behave. I have to do my fair share of apologising in real life, for being draining on others at times. Anyhow, only my thoughts, and I'm sure many will disagree.
I am so full of admiration for those who despite ongoing battles come back to say thankyou. Not because they needed more reassurance, but because they know its the right thing to do.
It doesn't take a lot to say thank you for advice or support given. Who knows how vulnerable or low the person giving it is feeling and it could mean a lot to someone really struggling with their own issues but wanting to help others. Just because people help others it doesn't mean that they are necessarily in recovery-they may just recognise distress and need in others and want to do their small bit and be supportive.
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