Terrified That I Have Lymphoma

[daniel19001]

First off, happy to join this forum, I am 17 with Anxiety Disorder and OCD, and feel like this is a pretty supportive group of people.

I first noticed an enlarged lymph node on my groin a over a year ago, but suspect it has been there longer, as I only found it after checking to see if I have any hernias (out of OCD). I didn't think much of it, and forgot about it for a while, until this October. I read something about lymphoma online, and remembered my node from last year. I checked it, and it was still there, no difference in size. I was panicking, and checked for more, and ended up find a few more enlarged nodes near that one, all palpable, painless, soft and no bigger than 2cm.

My parents said that they are probably left over from a horrible infection that I had in my knee back in 2015, that was so bad that I needed to stay in a hospital for almost a whole night with IV antibiotics. The first antibiotic pills that they gave me didn't work, and they had to switch them after a few days. My lymph nodes, the same ones that are enlarged now, were also huge and very painful the whole time I had this. My whole groin still feels lumpy, mainly on the side that had the infection before. I remember my groin area feeling lumpy for at least two years, and probably longer though, never thinking much of it. While my parents say that it is normal, and probably just leftover permanent swelling from my bad infection over three years ago, I personally am convinced I have lymphoma.

I don't have any b symptoms, I have never had night sweats and I easily can ride a bike 30 miles on any given day, so not much fatigue. I have been very skinny my whole life though, with not much body fat (which my dad says is why I can probably feel lymph nodes), a fast metabolism and a lot of exercise, but haven't lost any weight. Some nights I won't go to bed until 2am though, having panic attacks about lymphoma and reading about it on Google.

I will bring this up next time I got to the doctor, though I can't stand the thought of needles, or worse, them saying that I have cancer.

How high do you think my chances of having lymphoma are?

Thanks!

[Careful1]

You don't have lymphoma... As far as the odds are, for future reference... Lymphoma and leukemia are actually pretty rare when compared to other types of cancer with fewer then 200,000 cases each per year in the US.

When you see the DR do let him/her know about the OCD and anxiety. Anxiety has a way of snatching away peoples happiness.

[daniel19001]

Thanks for the much needed reassurence! A big problem is that I keep checking them, which quickly sends a wave of panic over me. And after regularly checking them, going as far as to painfully tracing the size of some of them with a pen during a near panic attack, the more painful, and larger they become. I am going to try to go two weeks without touching them, as that isn't doing me any good. You are right, anxiety really sucks!

[Careful1]

And after regularly checking them, going as far as to painfully tracing the size of some of them with a pen during a near panic attack, the more painful, and larger they become.

Deff STOP touching them because the more you touch them the more they will react and they can become shotty and never go back to normal.

I know it's hard once anxiety plants a seed in our minds to stop it from growing but you recognize that this is anxiety and that's the first step to dealing with it.

[Fishmanpa]

Deff STOP touching them because the more you touch them the more they will react and they can become shotty and never go back to normal.

I know it's hard once anxiety plants a seed in our minds to stop it from growing but you recognize that this is anxiety and that's the first step to dealing with it.

Wise advice C1. I see this behavior here to the extreme. There was a member here that was 'convinced' he had lymphoma. He poked and prodded so much that the nodes in his neck and groin were shotty and permanently enlarged (mind you, not "swollen"). He saw countless doctors, had countless tests and nothing. He finally found a doctor that did an invasive procedure (surgical biopsy), removed a node from his groin and yeah, it was negative. He STILL didn't believe it and to my knowledge, never sought help with the real illness.

The fact you're here shows me deep down, you know this is anxiety. Getting help now, at your young age, will go far in helping you live a long a happy life. I hope you heed the advice and avoid the path so many others have been caught up in for years.

Positive thoughts

[daniel19001]

I have tried to not even think about them for a week, which has been making me feel better. I still sometimes worry about them when I am trying to go to sleep though, my question is, would I notice some kind of noticeable growing of lymph nodes that have had lymphoma for over a year (only payed attention to them in the past few weeks, though I knew they were there before, like I said)? Also, can shotty lymph nodes be longer than they are wide, moveable and soft? Thanks!

---------- Post added at 04:12 ---------- Previous post was at 02:52 ----------

I just decided to feel them again, and noticed that one of them, measuring 2cm in length, is oddly flat, hard, elongated and basically immobile. I started panicking after noticing that, this is probably surely lymphoma from what I read online. I'm not sure how long I have had it either.

[Fishmanpa]

I have tried to not even think about them for a week, which has been making me feel better. I still sometimes worry about them when I am trying to go to sleep though, my question is, would I notice some kind of noticeable growing of lymph nodes that have had lymphoma for over a year (only payed attention to them in the past few weeks, though I knew they were there before, like I said)? Also, can shotty lymph nodes be longer than they are wide, moveable and soft? Thanks!

Daniel... I'm going to offer this true life tidbit as reassurance so please take it to heart and don't come back with a "what if" or a "yeah but"...

I was diagnosed 3 months after I first noticed swollen nodes in my neck. I had a sinus infection in Late August and the nodes in my neck swelled. Three weeks later it was still hanging around so I went to the doctor and got some antibiotics. They took the swelling away but one node remained, painless, hard and immovable. Move onto early October and the node was still there but larger and clearly visible. Back to the doctor and another round of stronger antibiotics. Nothing. Now we're into November and I knew something wasn't right. Again, back to the doctor who took one look and feel and I was sent immediately (as in same day) for a CT.

Long story short, it was cancer. What you describe is nothing like I or other head and neck or lymphoma warriors and survivors have experienced. Funny thing is, during all this I consulted Dr. Google and I was sure I had lymphoma too. Turns out I had Stage IVa Squamous Cell Carcinoma. Makes lymphoma look like a baby bear in comparison. and by the time i went in for surgery, close to 5 months after first noticing the node, it looked like I had the mumps on the left side of my neck and I was feeling quite ill.

Cancer is an uncontrolled growth of abnormal cells. It doesn't come and go nor does it stop once it starts.

In a year's time, you wouldn't be extremely ill or with us if you had untreated cancer. End of story.

You're posting on an anxiety forum for a reason. Get help with the obvious illness that's affecting you.

Positive thoughts

[daniel19001]

Thanks! I noticed that my biggest node actually is somewhat mobile actually. I guess I should probably be focusing on the root of my problem, anxiety, like you said. I hope all is well and you are completely cured or almost finished with cancer treatment. Thanks for the much needed reassurence. My next step will probably be to get help for my rather severe anxiety, that has been holding me back in some way or another my whole life. When I was 6 I would regularly have panic attacks about what would happen if the planets fell out of the sky, for example.