View Full Version : Dating and awkwardness
So, I'm 27. I don't have much in the way of dating/romantic experience because I had really low self esteem when I was an undergrad (due to acne and scars) and by the time I rebounded from that I had developed really low self esteem due to being inexperienced. I struggle with dating/making out/other romantic stuff because I feel like by now I should be a pro and I always feel like I'm doing something "wrong."
Anyway, with everyone I know basically paired up I decided to give the good ol' dating apps a try. I've had a couple of awkward dates and now have been messaging a couple of people. I have one guy who wants to Facetime with me tonight since he lives a couple of hours away. My gut is telling me to do it but my anxiety gut is like, uh, no. I'm debating having a bit of wine beforehand so that maybe I'll be a bit more composed.
I always hoped I'd meet someone through my friends so that I could get to know them a bit no-pressure. Does this ever get easier?
I hear you about social anxiety and the scars too! I don't have a whole lot of experience, and I think if someone was very experienced it'd frighten me off- I'm not that sort i guess.
I tell you what though, you're so brave doing what you have with the apps. I say if you want a drop of wine have it, or keep it by the side of you, maybe even joke to him that it's because you're so nervous! He might find it charming or he might even be doing the same!
With facetime it's not like a date where you're sat down, trapped, I'd say if it's not going well, like if you're not keen after whtever you consider if long enough to make a fair judgment, or if the anxiety takes hold you can always take a moment (like saying i need to answer the door brb) or just say something like you'll be on your way now anyway as you need to do xyz before morning and it's done. You're sat in your own home, it's your choice.
My gut...well that says i think you'll be nervous before but it'll be better than you think when you call/answer, 20 seconds in, mark my words!
Mark,
Thank you. Your response has made me feel a bit better about the situation. I actually made two unrelated phone calls over lunch but one I thought was going to be difficult and it went smoothly. So I suppose there is hope.
I shall definitely have some wine! I have to do house chores tonight so that will help with that too. :D I think I'm having some commitment fears as well, though I never thought I'd be one of those people. I'm just very used to being independent, making decisions that effect me and having those in my life support me no matter what. I fear getting into a relationship where I may have to compromise on certain things. But then, who says it will be a relationship anyway? And...cue anxiety.
I'll just start by seeing how tonight goes I guess.
Well you know these things are best aired, if you end up having a bunch of calls, (a point we're not at yet!) Then tell the guy you need to take it slow, or need some certain freedoms. It's not the 18th century, you're a modern woman who needs her freedoms and space sometimes. You're going to do just fine :)
Mark,
Thank you. Your response has made me feel a bit better about the situation. I actually made two unrelated phone calls over lunch but one I thought was going to be difficult and it went smoothly. So I suppose there is hope.
I shall definitely have some wine! I have to do house chores tonight so that will help with that too. :D I think I'm having some commitment fears as well, though I never thought I'd be one of those people. I'm just very used to being independent, making decisions that effect me and having those in my life support me no matter what. I fear getting into a relationship where I may have to compromise on certain things. But then, who says it will be a relationship anyway? And...cue anxiety.
I'll just start by seeing how tonight goes I guess.
What's the gossip!!!?
What's the gossip!!!?
He had something come up so we moved it to this weekend. I’m a bit bummed - I wanted to get it over with, but I do think the weekend might be better. I will absolutely update when I’m done!!
He had something come up so we moved it to this weekend. I’m a bit bummed - I wanted to get it over with, but I do think the weekend might be better. I will absolutely update when I’m done!!
Aw ok, like you say, perhaps it's worked out better this way. If I'm honest I'd put money on it he got nervous and postponed a little longer to get ready! :)
Well, I finally sucked it up and we did it tonight, but only for about a minute and then he apparently got a call from work. He said he'd call me back but of course now I'm worried that he saw me and was like, "uh no" and decided to cut the call short. So, awesome.
Hi Poppy.
I'm a 35 year old guy who's always been awkward around people. Never been on a date, never kissed, never had a... well, I'm getting to the point where I think I'll never learn what to do.
WiseMonkey
15-11-18, 05:34
Well, I finally sucked it up and we did it tonight, but only for about a minute and then he apparently got a call from work. He said he'd call me back but of course now I'm worried that he saw me and was like, "uh no" and decided to cut the call short. So, awesome.
If he cancels again give him the flick, you deserve better than that. Move on to the next.
Absolutely! You call the shots, Poppy!
Well, I finally sucked it up and we did it tonight, but only for about a minute and then he apparently got a call from work. He said he'd call me back but of course now I'm worried that he saw me and was like, "uh no" and decided to cut the call short. So, awesome.
I'm sure that's not the reason, maybe he is just shy or perhaps he genuinely did get a call from work??? If you don't want to give another call a go then move on :)
Thanks all! You're making me feel better. :hugs:
I figured the ball was in his court and he hasn't answered me yet BUT I am going on a date with a different guy on Sunday so maybe that will go well.
Thanks all! You're making me feel better. :hugs:
I figured the ball was in his court and he hasn't answered me yet BUT I am going on a date with a different guy on Sunday so maybe that will go well.
awesome! :D
So I went on my date and it was WEIRD. Probably one of the weirder ones I've been on, actually.
We went to a restaurant and he seemed funny and nice but maybe not that into me? I was definitely carrying the conversation and also very much "taking charge" of everything, like yes, we're ready to order, thank you, we're ready to leave, filling conversational silences, etc. He just kind of was quiet and avoided eye contact and all that jazz so I was like, okay, this isn't a love connection.
Then, he walks me to my car. He goes in for a kiss. I'm like, okay, and I kiss him and go toward my door ready to leave. And he gets kind of pushy and clearly wants to make out in the parking lot of this restaurant and I didn't know what to do. It just felt really intense for a first date and I didn't like it - is it dumb for me to have felt/feel a little concerned by that? Especially after such a slow and dull dinner?
He wants to go out again but I'm just not sure how I feel or what would happen.
Oh, and I found out that one of my best friends almost went on a date with this guy, but he wasn't willing to take her to a restaurant - he wanted her to just come straight to his house "for coffee." She didn't end up going.
No, it's not dumb, if there's no connection for you there then I agree with you, what's the point in the kiss or anything else for that matter, personally I think he sounds a bit peculiar!
Hello, you sound like me. I'm 29 and don't have any dating experience outside of going on a few dates with one friend at university. It never developed into a relationship. I have social anxiety, general anxiety, and low selfesteem so dating seems really hard, but I want to try and go on a few dates as a sort of New Year's resolution. Partly to get more experience before I turn 30 (I know it's an arbitrary number, but...) I'm sorry your first one didn't turn out well, he sounds pushy. Any more luck with the app?
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