The complete fear of losing control.

[clank]

im really scared today.
i have a lot of negative thoughts
like life is so weird to me
I feel like i dont belong
feel like an inevitable doom is coming my way regardless
really ****ing scares me when i think like that
i dont want anything bad to happen to me
dont want to harm myself either
sometimes i feel like ill lose control and I will
i just dont feel normal
but im ****ing scared.
Feel like I’m living a false reality
Idk there’s no way ****ing anxiety could make me feel like this
How do I feel “real”
Sometimes I feel like I need to lock myself away for my own safety. I know anxiety wont make you lose control but I feel like I will.
My health anxiety is bad. I'm scared my heart is failing.
I'm too scared to take medication.
I'm too scared to take seek out help.
I'm too scared to leave my house and do anything "normal"
I just feel fake and not alive even though I am. Just feel like I lost a purpose.

I don't know what to do anymore. i'm completely lost, scared of myself, scared of my own mind. How do I become a human again, how do I feel real?

[jrcoleman]

Try not fighting it. Refer to it as your new normal. If you can't beat it, work around it. You might have to move slower or take more breaks but you can still live life. Accept it. Remember that of all the times you have the symptoms, you still lived. It might help to create a wall of symptoms, you can write them down so that when you have them again, you can remember you have already survived it, instead of forgetting and treating it as a new symptom. You can live normal, your new normal.