I really really need help..

[Panda22]

The past few days my anxiety has been so bad. When i'm at home relaxing and have distraction i feel really good. As soon as i leave the house and go somewhere it's like a nightmare...

I just feel anxiety going trough my body, feel sick to my stomach, sweaty hands and a huge fear of losing control. I think to myself what if i go crazy and start hearing or seeing things suddenly, or lose control.. It never happens though. My biggest fear is going crazy

It's horrible. I really want and need to get better, but i don't know how to anymore.. I don't want to continue like this. Everything is so hard.. i have to do everything to keep myself together and make sure i don't panic. Can someone help me? Is it anxiety or will i go crazy one day?

[Suziewuzie]

Hello panda, are you me?! I could've written this post myself! In fact I just posted a thread yesterday about my thoughts of "going crazy" so please take some small comfort in knowing that you're not alone.
I have anxiety, and I have long periods of time where it doesn't effect me, and then I have times - like now - where it consumes my life. Leaving the house becomes an enormous task & most of the time leads to a panic attack. So I avoid it, because like you, I'm not too bad when I'm at home. I'm currently off work for my second week because of it.
Are you trying anything to help with the anxiety? Here is what I'm doing, if it helps any;

I just started on 10mg Citalopram 2 weeks ago. This made life harder at first but has definitely made leaving the house easier this week.

I see a counsellor once a week for talking therapy.

I meditate 3 times a day or any time I start to feel hyper anxious. I just choose random guided meditations off youtube. I really believe this is one of the best ways to combat anxiety - your body needs to relax, it needs to get used to relaxing and YOU need to know that whenever you're feeling anxious it's ok because you can listen to your favourite meditation and it'll make you feel loads better.

I practise mindfulness - I signed up for an 8 week course and learned about being in the here & now, grounding techniques, staying present. These skills have been literally priceless in combating panic attacks for me. It's not so much a quick fix as it is changing your routine, the way you do & react to things etc but it's a real game changer and I think will be offered to anxiety patients in the next few years via GP's.

I do yoga, specifically ones for anxiety (Yoga with Adriene is a great channel) which makes me feel more calm & grounded.

I journal & rate my anxiety on a scale of 1 - 10 every day, because at times it seems like I've been anxious forever and it's a positive reminder for me that actually - it's not been that long and sometimes I'm not at all anxious.

On top of all this I just try to be really open & honest with the people close to me, and be kind to myself. If I can't leave the house one day then I'll try again tomorrow, beating myself up just makes me feel worse. You're NOT going to go crazy, your mind is just tired and it needs to learn to rest xxx

[Panda22]

Thank you Suzie for your reply. Seems like you're doing a lot to reduce anxiety, thank you for all those tips too

I've been taking Sertraline at 25mg for a few months now. It's quite a low dose tho..

I don't know how i'm going to get through the next few weeks tbh. I have school and other things to do, but i only feel comforable when im at home... Otherwise i just feel really on edge and out of it..

I feel like if i just knew for sure i won't go crazy and it just won't happen i would feel more relaxed, because that's my main fear..

[Suziewuzie]

25mg is a low dose - can you speak to your doctor about increasing? I had excellent results with Sertraline when I was at uni but I always tapered up to 50mg & stayed there.
If I tell you you're not going to crazy, would you believe me? You've never gone crazy before. You've never acted in a way that is crazy. And most importantly, people who do "go crazy" don't realise they're going crazy. What you're frightened of is very common, pretty much everyone with high anxiety fears they're going to "lose it" myself included! Imagine if everyone who worried about going crazy ACTUALLY went crazy?! The world would be full of crazy people! You are just hyper aware of what you're thinking & you're giving it all of your attention. I totally understand why you would want reassurance - just two days ago I cried at my doctor and asked her "Are you sure this is just anxiety? I think I'm losing my mind" and she said this is a question she gets asked ALL THE TIME when people are struggling with anxiety. Can you access some CBT or similar therapy? I think once you realise that what you fear isn't going to happen you'll be fine, it's just hard work getting there x

[Panda22]

I'm going to ask my doctor to possibly increase the sertraline dose

True.. i've never gone crazy and in the back of my mind i know it probably won't happen. But when i get bad anxiety it really feels like it might happen. And then i worry i might just be that one case that's different and does suddenly go crazy.. If i was a 100% sure it won't happen it wouldn't worry me anymore, but i dont know how to be 100% sure

Thank you for your replies i really appricaite it.. have been feeling so bad the last few weeks i just don't know what to do anymore

[snowghost57]

I don't take meds as I can't tolerate the side effects. They do work for a lot of people. I met one man on here and we message on FB. For weeks he stuck with the meds and now they are really helping him. I would suggest you work with your doctor and find a good CBT therapist. Anxiety is terrible trust me I know. I use the tools my therapist have given me to fight it most days. The biggest thing I find is to get out of your own head and live in the moment and practice mindfulness. Good luck with your journey.

[Suziewuzie]

Mindfulness is amazing & has helped me so much. The thing is though Panda, people can tell you that you're not going to go crazy but you're not going to believe them are you? It might make you feel better for a while but later on you're going to start torturing yourself with those thoughts again. So I suggest giving up on that, if you know there's nothing anyone can say to make you believe it then you need to get yourself to a place where YOU know you won't go crazy. It might not be easy to get there, and I don't believe just taking medication alone will get you there, but you will x

[Panda22]

I don't think i'll go crazy because it has never ever happened, i don't know why i still fear it. It just crosses my mind sometimes and it's hard to let that thought go

I'll try mindfulness and probably a higher dose Sertraline. Hopefully this gets better soon it's very uncomfortable. These past few weeks my anxiety seems a lot worse. Maybe it has something to do with the weather too? It's so dark and gloomy here and lots of rain

[Suziewuzie]

The weather here is the same too & definitely making my mood worse. Seems like we only get about 6 hours of daylight, it makes me not want to go outside!
I'm sorry if my response sounded harsh I really didn't mean it to - I know that a fear of going crazy is a very real, scary thing I just want to try and help you see it for what it really is - just a silly, annoying thought that is hard to ignore but won't come true x

[Panda22]

Suzie your reply didn't sound harsh at all! What you say is true and what i needed to hear :)

Its definetly a hard fear to shake off.. when i think about it i feel anxiety, and it's hard not to think about it because the thought holds so much fear for me

I'm trying to relax as much as possible so when the thought comes i can dismiss it easier

[Suziewuzie]

There are some nice guided meditations on YouTube that focus on over-thinking & unwanted thoughts. If nothing else they might give your mind a rest for half an hour xx

[Panda22]

Thank you suzie. I'll listen i really need relaxation today. I just got back from the doctor office (general practitioner) and i had a near anxiety attack when i was there... kinda embarrassing

He told me there was absolutely no way i would go crazy or anything like that and that it was just anxiety. Upped my Sertraline dose and reffered to therapy

So hopefully it gets better from here on

[Suziewuzie]

That's really good, I'm so glad you have a plan in place & hope you're feeling a little more positive about things. Don't be embarassed about panicking, I nearly always panic when I'm at the GP surgery or anywhere that I have to sit in a waiting room actually! You got through it & nothing bad happened, your brain will start to realise this soon & maybe won't panic so much next time.