i'm new here! think i have social anxiety...

[chicky]

hi guys

just wondered if anybody has any advice? i'm new to the site and hav never quite faced up to all this before... let me tell you about things....

i have spent the last 12 years (im 25 now) struggling to cope, i was and still am very shy, i left school early, i used to skive when i was there anyway. i then had loads of different jobs, basically, i wanted to succeed but each time i felt like somebody at work didn't like me i became so self conscious that i couldn't go back. i would then cry and feel so down and like such a failure. a vicious circle because then i worked myself up so much that i couldn't go out. then when i hit 18 i started going out clubbling and drinking, this really upset my family but i thought i had found some confidence in myself. now i know this wasn't really confidence, it was a short-lived feeling that i got from having a few drinks, letting go and feeling attractive (due to the drinks!)
i, thankfully, came out of this phase fairly quickly. my family have always been so supportive and they basically told me what a cow i was!

believe it or not i then became airline cabin crew, which i believe has helped me overcome some of my feelings, however now i need to face up to things, as i am jeapordising my job and my sanity! I have been off work sick recently because i am finding it hard to cope, when i go out i feel like everyone is staring at me, i blush so badly, can you imagine how bad that is in my job! i get really hurt by very small things and i have lots of trouble sleeping. i am over eating but daren't join a gym because i'm too self conscious. Does anybody else understand and if so have you got any good advise? i have recently started taking cipralex which i guess is a step forwards, although one i have manged to avoid all these years.

thanks for listening:)



chicky x

[mico]

Hi Chicky

First of all, welcome to the site.

I'm very much the same as you, always been very quiet and self-conscious, I can never go anywhere that there is people without thinking everyone is looking at me. It's not a very nice feeling at all, I can rarely fully relax unless I'm on my own.

I wish I could offer you some good advice for this, but I've always found it a hard one to deal with. This didn't come with my anxiety, it's just something that's always been there, I guess much of the time I've just thought of it as being me, so have never really looked too hard in finding a way to deal with it, I just never considered it an ilness I guess.

If anyone does have any good advice on this, or know where to find it - books, etc - I would be much appreciative, as I'm sure chicky would too, from what I've found it's not very well documented at all.

You mentioned the gym in your post though chicky, I think that's a good idea if you can build yourself up to it. You may find it very difficult at first, but you may well find that most the people who go there are regulars and in time you'll become familiar with their faces, and in turn more relaxed. You may even find that the gym becomes your comfort zone. As well as the 'getting out into social activity' side of things, it will also help distract you from what's going on and generally make you feel better.

I wish I could offer some more advice, but I'm still looking for it myself. Overall though, take one step at a time, don't give in to it, keep pushing to do more and find some good quality time to relax.

Hope you find some more help here

mico

[nomorepanic]

Hi Chicky

Welcome aboard the forum.

I hope we can be of some help to you on here.

The best cure for this sort of anxiety is exposure and I know that sounds scary but it is the only way that you will ever get over it.

It is also about confidence and sometimes low self-esteem. You may think that people are looking at you etc but in reality they probably aren't.

You have done well to be on a plane full of people cos you will be the centre of attention there and obviously have to talk and interact with people. Has something happened recently that has knocked that confidence a bit?

As for the gym then Mico is right, and you may make some great friends there. Most people keep their heads down and do a work-out so they won't be bothered by you. If you are self concious about your body then wear some loose clothing - track suit bottoms and a t-shirt. We don't all have to have the trendy gear to go to the gym. In time you will get fitter, get toned and get more confidence.

Nicola

[Karen]

Hi Chicky

Welcome to the site. I have social phobia and have similar feelings to you regarding being around people. I think you have done really well working as a cabin crew as this is something I wouldn't even contemplate. I find speaking is what I have the most difficulty with, but any situation where other people are around or where I might be the centre of attention is difficult.

I am still trying to get over these problems myself and feel I have a long way to go. I agree with Nicola that slow exposure is really the only way to tackle these fears. I have spent years avoiding contact with people until I reached the stage where I have become very isolated. The more you avoid people because of the fear, the worse it gets.

I've had a lot of help and support from people here to start me on my way to trying to overcome my difficulties. As speaking is such a problem for me, this started by having someone phone me regularly until I became comfortable talking to her, and then adding in someone else and so on.

Getting some exercise by going to the gym will help you in general, although I feel to self-conscious to go alone too.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[chicky]

thanks everyone!

i think that the trigger for how i feel right now was going back to england on leave to see everyone over christmas, then having to leave and come back to dubai which is where i live now. i'm here with my fiance.

i'm hoping that the anti-d's i have been given will brighten my mood and stop me from worrying so much, which will hopefully help me to regain some confidence. i just wish there was a magic solution to this, but i know there probably isn't.

i think that the original trigger for all of this was being bullied at school, although i have always had a sensitive personality even when i was a little kid! i feel so envious of people who can be themselves all of the time, i just feel like i have two me's, the me that my family and friends know and the "social" me, which is anything but social. i have been told that i come across as aloof, but i really don't intend that, what i desparately want is to make more friends, not put up invisible barriers all the time.

i am going to try and go to the gym soon, just need to psyche myself up first and find one that isn't full of super fit leotard wearers!

it really helps to talk to people who understand, i've never experienced that before, because although my fiance and family are really great they just don't get it!


chicky x

[Rennie1989]

Hiya

i have social phobia and i do get shy. i freeze or loose my words when talking to peeps. also i found it very hard to socialise so in a way it takes me weeks to start talking to someone new. i think its because i dont want to show a bad impression of myself or think that they are talking about me etc

aircabin crew hay, i wanted to be one of those when i was little, where abouts do you go, short hale or long hale flights???

ow and one more thing welcome to the site, im Jade, 15! yes the youngest!!!lol

Scooter Girl AKA Jade

[chicky]

hi jade

nice to meet you! sounds like you have the same problems i do. isn't it just so annoying!

i fly all over the world, or can if i want to. the airline i work for goes just about everywhere. we pick our rosters and i choose lots of flights home to england to see my family:)

it's a great job, just wish i felt well enough to get back to work, am going to try go back on saturday.

take care

chicky x

[stimpy]

There is nothing worse than having your confidence taken away from under your feet.

I hate going out as I feel people are constantly looking at me. (Even though they aren't.)

We are often feed images of ourselves which aren't true.
Told how stupid we are, how untidy we are, how negative we are...
Once we begin to suffer from social phobias then all of these comments seem to hit us harder and we start to believe them.

Breaking this cycle of low self worth is very difficult.
Being exposed to "staring eyes" is scary but it is the best way forward.

Just remember there is always someone out there who looks worse in a tracksuit than you do ! :D



Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

[camilla]

hi i can relate 2 what are feeling
i always found it hard to fit in at school. which wasnt help by the fact i left school at 14 due to bad mental health. got a few jobs at 16 but none lasted long. i tried to go back to college in sep04 but only went a couple of months before i hardly went any more. stopped now as im too far behind.
as for clubbing it seems like my idea of a nightmare.
hope the cipralmex is helping you
best of luck
camilla

[vernon]

Hi chicky, welcome to the site. I am so glad you got of the drink before it ruled your life fully. I started drinking at 15 becouse I found it made me feel good, go places i was afraid to go and feel good about myself. I the end i couldnt even do anything or go anywhere without a drink, but this didnt bother me I just got cheap cider and maybe vallium to feel good. Any way after 40 years of heavy daily drinking i stopped 14 months ago. Yes the anxiety, panic and phobias was so bad for months. I got prescribed about 9 weeks ago same med as you Cipralex and this has made me feel much better than i have felt for so long.I asked the doctor for this med as so many here on this site said how good it was to them. I only wish like you I stopped drinking years ago and faced my problems, maybe then i would have been better years ago. good luck and take care Vernon

[seh1980]

hello Chicky,

Welcome to the site!! I have been on Cipralex for just over a year now and it has helped me loads. As you say, you have taken the first step so well done!! Things can only look up from here.

Sarah :D