I can't do this

[lizzie29]

I don't know if anyone else finds this, but I can't cope without my husband nearby, as he is my 'safe' person. I also need my parents not too far away, in case something should happen to my husband, leaving me all alone. My parents are going on holiday for two weeks on Sunday though, and I'm so worried about it. I can't sleep and eat, even though it's days to go, and I'm so scared about it all. I really feel like I can't do this and get through it, when I'm worried I can't eat, but then this makes me feel physically ill, which makes me more worried... vicious circle. I really don't know what to do, it feels like I'm living a nightmare and it's not going to end until they're back. Two weeks feels like forever when I'm worried. This is the most anxious I've ever been and it's horrible. I hope this makes sense, it feels like I'm rambling on a bit sorry.

[belle]

Hi there..
I think most of us who have a "safe person" can understand how you feel. I have these problems aswell, especially when my mother goes away and my husband was working LONG hours (leaving home at 5.30am - 10pm) and a 20 miles away (on public transport!!).
I'm sure, if you're anything like me you worry like hell before, but when your parents have been gone a couple of days, you seem to ease into the situation. I certainly do.
Please don't make yourself ill by not eating, that won't help the way you're thinking....

x

[CarpeDiem]

:) Hi lKenny :)

I understand totally - My partner is such a great support to me & is the only person I've ever told everything to so I feel like he's the only one who is qualified to talk me down or calm me during times of stress.

Last year, he was going away to a stag week in Amsterdam & we were just spending our last night together when out of nowhere I had this weird, brief 'vision' in my head of our friend phoning me crying & saying "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" & telling me that my boyfriend had died. It was so horrifying I actually felt like I had experienced his death & was mourning his loss (with him sitting right next to me:blush:) I was crying + shaking for a while then I had the biggest panic attack of my life that lasted 6 hours. Everytime I managed to calm myself down a bit mentally, I realised my heart was still beating 10,000 times faster than it should & my whole face was numb & it was spreading down my body so I thought I would need an ambulance + then it all kicked off again as I paniced about that. It came out of nowhere & felt so real I began to think I had had a premonition but I knew I suffered with anxiety & didn't want to overreact so I fought the urge to beg him to stay.

As soon as he'd left I felt I'd made a mistake to let him go & would never see him again. Besides the after effects of the panic attack meaning I felt like I'd run a marathon, I felt sick with guilt & was crying + shaking on & off for whole time he was away. I couldn't eat, just sip water occasionally & I was only able to sleep for a few hours in the afternoons as I was up sweating & shaking all night. I was off work anyway, thank god, cos I was meant to be going to London with the Hen party (which I cancelled) but I couldn't leave the house so spent the whole time locked away, feeding the panic.

I'm happy to say he made it home safe but even then I couldn't just be happy about it. I started to focus on my 'premonition' & why did it happen if it wasn't real? Would it happen again? Was I going insane? It was horrible & I really had to battle to get out of the negative thought cycle. I made an effort to be greatful for what I had, discusses it with my therapist + stopped taking the medication I was on as I felt like maybe they had contributed to it & things started to improve.

I now understand that I was just jumping straight to the negative instead of staying with the positive thought that I'm really lucky to have someone like that in my life & I'm greatful for that. Looking back, I think I should have gone to stay with a friend or my parents but I really didn't feel like anyone could relate to what I had experienced & my agoraphobia meant I was glued to the spot. But even then I could have got someone to stay with me instead, I just wasn't thinking straight & I hadn't found this site back then to ask for advice. I've developed my own coping mechanisms now so I'm quite reassured to know they're always with me whatevers going on, even if I'm on my own.

I'm currently fighting the urge to freak out cos his new job will involve going away with work for 2 weeks a year (I know it doesn't sound much but it IS!!!!) & so far so good. Sorry for the mega long post but I wanted to share my experience with you as reading your thread reminded me how utterly lost & desperate I felt back then. It is terribly isolating to feel like your support system is being ripped away - Thats why its SO IMPORTANT to start making yourself the centre of that support; that way, you're never alone.

Good luck with it, I hope you manage to cope while your parents are away, just keep telling yourself that you can get through anything & stay as calm as possible (easy for me to say, right?!) but you know what I mean!
Take care, PM me anytime if you need to talk things over, CarpeDiem
xxxxxx

[O_O]

:) Hi lKenny :)

I understand totally - My partner is such a great support to me & is the only person I've ever told everything to so I feel like he's the only one who is qualified to talk me down or calm me during times of stress.

Last year, he was going away to a stag week in Amsterdam & we were just spending our last night together when out of nowhere I had this weird, brief 'vision' in my head of our friend phoning me crying & saying "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" & telling me that my boyfriend had died. It was so horrifying I actually felt like I had experienced his death & was mourning his loss (with him sitting right next to me:blush:) I was crying + shaking for a while then I had the biggest panic attack of my life that lasted 6 hours. Everytime I managed to calm myself down a bit mentally, I realised my heart was still beating 10,000 times faster than it should & my whole face was numb & it was spreading down my body so I thought I would need an ambulance + then it all kicked off again as I paniced about that. It came out of nowhere & felt so real I began to think I had had a premonition but I knew I suffered with anxiety & didn't want to overreact so I fought the urge to beg him to stay.

As soon as he'd left I felt I'd made a mistake to let him go & would never see him again. Besides the after effects of the panic attack meaning I felt like I'd run a marathon, I felt sick with guilt & was crying + shaking on & off for whole time he was away. I couldn't eat, just sip water occasionally & I was only able to sleep for a few hours in the afternoons as I was up sweating & shaking all night. I was off work anyway, thank god, cos I was meant to be going to London with the Hen party (which I cancelled) but I couldn't leave the house so spent the whole time locked away, feeding the panic.

I'm happy to say he made it home safe but even then I couldn't just be happy about it. I started to focus on my 'premonition' & why did it happen if it wasn't real? Would it happen again? Was I going insane? It was horrible & I really had to battle to get out of the negative thought cycle. I made an effort to be greatful for what I had, discusses it with my therapist + stopped taking the medication I was on as I felt like maybe they had contributed to it & things started to improve.

I now understand that I was just jumping straight to the negative instead of staying with the positive thought that I'm really lucky to have someone like that in my life & I'm greatful for that. Looking back, I think I should have gone to stay with a friend or my parents but I really didn't feel like anyone could relate to what I had experienced & my agoraphobia meant I was glued to the spot. But even then I could have got someone to stay with me instead, I just wasn't thinking straight & I hadn't found this site back then to ask for advice. I've developed my own coping mechanisms now so I'm quite reassured to know they're always with me whatevers going on, even if I'm on my own.

I'm currently fighting the urge to freak out cos his new job will involve going away with work for 2 weeks a year (I know it doesn't sound much but it IS!!!!) & so far so good. Sorry for the mega long post but I wanted to share my experience with you as reading your thread reminded me how utterly lost & desperate I felt back then. It is terribly isolating to feel like your support system is being ripped away - Thats why its SO IMPORTANT to start making yourself the centre of that support; that way, you're never alone.

Good luck with it, I hope you manage to cope while your parents are away, just keep telling yourself that you can get through anything & stay as calm as possible (easy for me to say, right?!) but you know what I mean!
Take care, PM me anytime if you need to talk things over, CarpeDiem
xxxxxx

I relate... oooold post but I searched for "premonitions". Anyone else had this? Seems uncommon tbh, this is probably the closest description to what I've experienced.