View Full Version : Deleting threads, future replies -
...here's a tip (and I bet the person in question probably doesn't even read this!); if the community give you a YEAR AND A HALF of guidance/support and reassurance about your health concern for 64 pages- then deletion of the thread is egocentric, extraordinarily discourteous and it denies everyone a closure on the situation and devalues their input. The result will be that you anger people and nobody will reply in future.
brucealmighty
30-11-18, 13:42
well said, I don`t often post these days for exactly this reason. I`ve lost count the number of times I`ve offered my experiences, tips, encouragement etc only to be ignored or led up the proverbial garden path
I`ve stayed up late into the night supporting someone who was 100% going to kill themselves, they didn`t. absolute head worker, nothing else
try not to let it upset you Carys, you can get pulled into a never ending cycle of trying to help and ending up feeling awful yourself when no one listens
at least it`s friday.
Lovely response brucealmighty, thanks so much for taking the time to type up your thoughts - 'head workers' - yep that covers it. I feel bad for all the 10s of other people on the thread who have taken so much out of their own personal time, to find things out and reassure. USED. DELETED.
Carys, I know I'm a newb but you've already helped me so much. Don't let the jerks get you down, okay? Sending ineffectual internet hugs your way.
nomorepanic
30-11-18, 13:52
I was asked to delete the post and said No and that it would be disrespectful to those who had replied. I have let the poster know about these thoughts here.
I know how admin feel about this - don't worry - I know they view it as disrespectful. :) I was hoping the OP might see and read this, but guess as they never strayed from their own thread, that won't happen (without you letting the person know, which you have). Awww Blue Iris thats so sweet, don't worry, I'm FINnnnneeeee - just standing up for others really. The other thing is (as all posters here know), when new people come on and do searches they find things that help them from past posters, it denies even people reading the suggestions made by everyone in the future.
If i'm thinking of the correct thread/threads/member/person ( i know i am). We had a member go missing recently, this missing member had spent so much time replying and trying to help this member/person.
A thread was started about the missing member and not even a post/reply of concern or anything from the member/person who i think this thread is about.
I don't think this person ever strays away from their own thread/threads and to be blunt it pi##es me off!
I bet many people end up with MH problems because they think/help/care/have manners and generally put others 1st. Sadly not certain people here, it's fine with me if the person or these people acknowledge the replies/help of others, but sometimes NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL!
Sorry to 'set you off' Matt ! :roflmao:Yep, you are correct, and yes, I know it *)%^*| you off (random use of characters there lol). I think, as there are so many members here who give so much to others, we/you/they have a right to have the odd moan about things like this.
I have no respect for the headworkers at all and we all know who they are. When their bluff is called they disappear.
I find it enraging when their behaviours are excused in the name of anxiety/depression etc etc etc. It is downright manipulative behaviour and should be seen as such. No excuses whatsoever.
---------- Post added at 16:48 ---------- Previous post was at 16:46 ----------
well said, I don`t often post these days for exactly this reason. I`ve lost count the number of times I`ve offered my experiences, tips, encouragement etc only to be ignored or led up the proverbial garden path
I`ve stayed up late into the night supporting someone who was 100% going to kill themselves, they didn`t. absolute head worker, nothing else
try not to let it upset you Carys, you can get pulled into a never ending cycle of trying to help and ending up feeling awful yourself when no one listens
at least it`s friday.
Hello Bruce! Great post and very true!
I have no respect for the headworkers at all and we all know who they are. When their bluff is called they disappear.
I find it interesting that when challenged, they suddenly write coherently, get defensive, delete the thread etc. There are several "head workers" on the boards and the patterns are strikingly similar. Some have been here for years. Due to that similarity, I wonder if it's actually a component of their illness?
Anyway... glad it's not just me that sees it.
Positive thoughts
Catherine S
30-11-18, 18:08
well said, I don`t often post these days for exactly this reason. I`ve lost count the number of times I`ve offered my experiences, tips, encouragement etc only to be ignored or led up the proverbial garden path
I`ve stayed up late into the night supporting someone who was 100% going to kill themselves, they didn`t. absolute head worker, nothing else
try not to let it upset you Carys, you can get pulled into a never ending cycle of trying to help and ending up feeling awful yourself when no one listens
at least it`s friday.
I agree with Carys and others about this issue too. Hello again Bruce, good to see you and hope you're doing well? Miss you on the boards matey :D
Cath x x
AMomentofClarity
30-11-18, 19:57
I find it interesting that when challenged, they suddenly write coherently, get defensive, delete the thread etc. There are several "headworkers" on the boards and the patterns are strikingly similar. Some have been here for years. Due to that similarity, I wonder if it's actually a component of their illness?
Anyway... glad it's not just me that sees it.
Positive thoughts
In my opinion, a lot of it comes down to attention seeking behavior for these types of posters. In the end, it’s not about anxiety or treating their anxiety, or even being given reassurance. It’s a demand for attention. They post and post and post someone tosses them a crumb of acknowledgement, then instead of engaging in a conversation with those who reply, it’s right back to listing symptoms and concerns.
You can usually tell who they are immediately, because they refuse to acknowledge even the slightest about anxiety. They push people to the limits of patience because for them even negative attention is better than no attention.
I’m truly sorry I upset everyone it really wasn’t my intent. I deleted the thread because I felt it was too toxic for myself. I’m still going to update everyone on everything I promise. I realize that coming here for reassurance constantly isn’t helping me one bit. Again I’m really sorry if I made anyone upset. I am in no way seeking attention I just lose myself when I get really anxious and everything. Thank you all for your responses I really do appreciate it.
Thank you Hypo, for taking the time to come to the thread and quite courageously give a response and apology. I genuinely appreciate you doing so, and trying to explain.
However......these types of thread are helpful for people in the future and it is upsetting to have all our words and responses from so long deleted. They aren't just your words on that thread, but lots and lots from other posters. I think you could have just avoided the thread. I will look out for your future update, and wish you the best.
I realize that coming here for reassurance constantly isn’t helping me one bit.
That's good progress !
Thank you Hypo, for taking the time to come to the thread and quite courageously give a response and apology. I genuinely appreciate you doing so, and trying to explain, however......these types of thread are helpful for people in the future and it is upsetting to have all our words and responses from so long deleted. They aren't just your words on that thread, but lots and lots from other posters. I think you could have just avoided the thread. I will look out for your future update, and wish you the best.
I realized after deleting the thread I immediately regretted doing so. Wish I could take it back but I can’t.
Hypo, Sorry i replied to this thread and to be honest i thought it was referring to certain other members.
I don't know what went on with your thread and wanted to wish you all the best.
That's good progress !
12 hours and one logical statement does not progress make IMO. It just affirms what I said in my post of a coherent statement when challenged. If you expect anything to change, I'll have the "Told Ya So Gang" pay a visit ;)
In my opinion, a lot of it comes down to attention seeking behavior for these types of posters. In the end, it’s not about anxiety or treating their anxiety, or even being given reassurance. It’s a demand for attention. They post and post and post someone tosses them a crumb of acknowledgement, then instead of engaging in a conversation with those who reply, it’s right back to listing symptoms and concerns.
You can usually tell who they are immediately, because they refuse to acknowledge even the slightest about anxiety. They push people to the limits of patience because for them even negative attention is better than no attention.
Agreed. It's a behavior flaw associated with some severely affected.
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR9CtFDc94WjAGVvIAKqxAaTL3uK6x23 I7kaXOsuDqcADBxaErL
Positive thoughts
I realized after deleting the thread I immediately regretted doing so. Wish I could take it back but I can’t.
I can do that for you justl let me know
Decent of Hypo to apologise for deleting his thread but he's hardly the only one. Personally, I'm past furiously paddling upstream trying to "help" these members when they are so selective in their replies. But anxiety can make us very empathetic to others suffering in the same way and we naturally want to help. Therefore such selfish behaviour can be a real kick in the teeth when we're struggling ourselves. And for regular members on NMP it's not always as easy as simply avoiding or ignoring certain threads when they are constantly bumped by demanding posters.
Head workers indeed :lac:
I can do that for you justl let me know
Ok then yes I would like you to undelete it please. It’s was selfish of me to do so.
Decent of Hypo to apologise for deleting his thread but he's hardly the only one.
Absolutely! ...and in reply I will say that usually admin comment or other users comment to those people who do so. I know I have in the past made comment to people who have deleted threads, saying it was disrespectful. I think the reason this one hit home more was the length of time and input that was put into it by so many, and the timing and reason for the deletion. (which I won't detail here)
a real kick in the teeth when we're struggling ourselves.
Yep, you've hit it on the nail there!
Well just waiting on the administration to reinstate the thread.
Ok then yes I would like you to undelete it please. It’s was selfish of me to do so.
Could it be closed instead of deleted? I feel that hypo’s comment about finding it toxic is relevant to this discussion. After all, it is his thread.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Yes, absolutely, thats a good point and idea Scass. Reinstated thread, but locked. Then the words aren't lost for future reference, but Hypo isn't tempted to add more to it.
The thread wasn't just toxic for Hypo though and I agree that it should be locked not reinstated. We don't want more of the same once this has blown over and business is resumed...
---------- Post added at 08:48 ---------- Previous post was at 08:17 ----------
Decent of Hypo to apologise for deleting his thread but he's hardly the only one. Personally, I'm past furiously paddling upstream trying to "help" these members when they are so selective in their replies. But anxiety can make us very empathetic to others suffering in the same way and we naturally want to help. Therefore such selfish behaviour can be a real kick in the teeth when we're struggling ourselves. And for regular members on NMP it's not always as easy as simply avoiding or ignoring certain threads when they are constantly bumped by demanding posters.
Head workers indeed :lac:
An argument for locking controversial threads when the desire for attention is the overriding motive?
Violet Blue
02-12-18, 03:13
An argument for locking controversial threads when the desire for attention is the overriding motive?
I don't know anything about Hypo or the thread that was deleted. However I do know what it's like to feel wound up by people on here, and we do I think have to remind ourselves that this only an anonymous online forum. I feel that Hypo has been got at a bit. I mean does anyone ever actually reread any of these posts? We all get annoyed when we try to help someone and we're ignored but having a strop about it only harms ourselves.
I completely agree with Pulisa's suggestion to lock controversial threads, and indeed I can't believe this isn't already the policy. I do know from my experience on here that the person seeking the attention usual gets a clear path and the people trying to help or who get wound up by it get a telling off from admin.
And as people rightly point out, we each have our real life issues we have to deal with, so adding to our woes because of the cyber world seems a bit unnecessary and is surely preventable.
This is a reoccurring situation on the Forum.
Members need help or reassurance and if I am honest, substitute therapy. And there are some great people on here that put their own problems to one side to help others and strangely they are the ones that don't ask for help often and just get on with life. That becomes frustrating to those members, especially when they have found time to help someone. So then you get a situation where the poster keeps posting the same problem, same questions, not replying or taking any notice of what people are saying to them, then the whole thing gets out of hand and anger then comes in to play and out of control. So the poster deletes the thread which causes more problems as members see it as a complete waste of time and the poster of the thread just wants it closed because it has got out of control to the point of being aggressive and hurtful. Some members see this as an opportunity to jump in and attack when the thread becomes toxic, remembering that anger can be an issue with some anxiety sufferers and they see this as an opportunity to vent their own grievances.
And I agree that the thread should not be deleted, for the reason of reference and members time spent. Deleting causes more bad feeling and a sense of control over others. Like a 'there', I had the last word, you can't say anything now scenario. A scenario that could go on for weeks, months, even years.
Hypo, well done for coming on and answering to all this and agreeing to reinstate your thread.
That is a very honourable thing to do.
How do we get round this problem? By closing and not deleting? That's a good start. As for the hostility on threads or not replying or listening to members?
Unfortunately that is real life as it is today. Not nice, but a fact. I recently sent five texts with no replies.
It's rude, it's annoying, but sadly out of our control. Or is it? My o/h says, if someone doesn't reply to you, don't bother with them. Either they don't want to know or can't be bothered.
In the end, we have to look after ourselves first and foremost. And although we may want to help solve the world's problems, there is only so much you can do.
Hiyer, some good thoughts from last two posters. I just wanted to say though that this particular thread wasn't deleted because people got irrate (though there was some frustration building), admin hadn't had to step in to deal with any issues. I thought it was still useful communication (mind, I might had missed some later posts). The thread was deleted, that I could see ,for the reason that the OP 'was entirely certain they have/had cancer, beyond any doubt' despite having no evidence. The OP thought the thread could trigger people, as other people struggling with HA about oesophagal cancer might think they TOO would also have cancer !Closing and locking threads is a good way to go, if the OP wishes them 'ended', and it still leaves the information attached to the OP so that all the assistance offered can be read back. What do admin think, or is that already a policy ?
In that case Carys, it begs the question as why the thread was deleted as it could well help others and a good amount of time was obviously spent discussing a topic that could prove beneficial for any future similar situations.
In that case Carys, it begs the question as why the thread was deleted as it could well help others and a good amount of time was obviously spent discussing a topic that could prove beneficial for any future similar situations.
Yep, exactly. :lac:
I think I have a simple solution to the closing or locking of contentious threads. Anyone who feels the thread is causing more harm than good should use the "report post" feature to make their views known. Admin could set a reasonable number of "complaints" (eg 10) before the thread is locked or closed to further posts. Each member would have one "vote".
Just an idea anyway :shades:
Um.... what is a “Headworker”?
I find it interesting that when challenged, they suddenly write coherently, get defensive, delete the thread etc. There are several "head workers" on the boards and the patterns are strikingly similar. Some have been here for years. Due to that similarity, I wonder if it's actually a component of their illness?
Anyway... glad it's not just me that sees it.
Positive thoughts
Or if you agree with them that what they are describing does sound like a matter for the doctor they go into denial and tell you why it can’t be anything serious. lol
---------- Post added at 21:48 ---------- Previous post was at 21:46 ----------
If i'm thinking of the correct thread/threads/member/person ( i know i am). We had a member go missing recently, this missing member had spent so much time replying and trying to help this member/person.
A thread was started about the missing member and not even a post/reply of concern or anything from the member/person who i think this thread is about.
I don't think this person ever strays away from their own thread/threads and to be blunt it pi##es me off!
I bet many people end up with MH problems because they think/help/care/have manners and generally put others 1st. Sadly not certain people here, it's fine with me if the person or these people acknowledge the replies/help of others, but sometimes NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL!
I actually understood all that. :roflmao:
The reality is, serial posters, and there are several on the boards, will continue to be serial posters. No amount of reassurance or advice will change that. You can continue to try and while it's noble, all you're doing is feeding the dragon. It doesn't matter if it's a slap upside the head or tea and sympathy. It's just not going to change nor help the OP.
For whatever reason, they are unwilling or unable to help themselves and this forum is essentially being used as a sounding board and public blog of their illness. Sadly, some will be this way they're entire lives. Even with professional help, some will never recover.
Also, even when those that have been around for a while see the patterns and refrain from posting, there will always be a fresh supply of members who aren't familiar with the OP's history that will feed their dragon. Perhaps that's part of the appeal to them on the forum. There is an inherent attention seeking aspect as well whether it's intentional or not and a constant supply of food and attention. The stray cat analogy applies.
The best advice (should you feel compelled to reply) should be to seek professional help and/or to guide them towards the ample resources (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/articles) on the site.
Positive thoughts
venusbluejeans
05-12-18, 22:58
I think I have a simple solution to the closing or locking of contentious threads. Anyone who feels the thread is causing more harm than good should use the "report post" feature to make their views known. Admin could set a reasonable number of "complaints" (eg 10) before the thread is locked or closed to further posts. Each member would have one "vote".
Just an idea anyway :shades:
When threads are closed then the member will just start another thread about the same thing unfortunately
When threads are closed then the member will just start another thread about the same thing unfortunately
Agreed... Some members will start another thread on same topic, and same rules could apply, resulting in new thread being closed too if members "report" it. "Punishing" people is not the objective here but it might help these members understand that it's unacceptable to constantly use this forum as their own personal symptoms blog or sounding board without giving anything back to the forum.
I feel that the balance between the "givers" and "takers" has grown massively over last few years and something should be done to address it. And let's be honest - these epic threads are not helping these individuals get the help they need. It keeps them in an isolated state in their own heads. Perhaps closing their threads will motivate them to interact and post on other threads, offering their support/advice (for a change) :lac:
Difficult situation :shrug:
I think the main thing here is 'courtesy', a dying art. :unsure:
The reality is, serial posters, and there are several on the boards, will continue to be serial posters. No amount of reassurance or advice will change that. You can continue to try and while it's noble, all you're doing is feeding the dragon. It doesn't matter if it's a slap upside the head or tea and sympathy. It's just not going to change nor help the OP.
For whatever reason, they are unwilling or unable to help themselves and this forum is essentially being used as a sounding board and public blog of their illness. Sadly, some will be this way they're entire lives. Even with professional help, some will never recover.
Also, even when those that have been around for a while see the patterns and refrain from posting, there will always be a fresh supply of members who aren't familiar with the OP's history that will feed their dragon. Perhaps that's part of the appeal to them on the forum. There is an inherent attention seeking aspect as well whether it's intentional or not and a constant supply of food and attention. The stray cat analogy applies.
The best advice (should you feel compelled to reply) should be to seek professional help and/or to guide them towards the ample resources (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/articles) on the site.
Positive thoughts
Can I just say in defence of serial posters, as a serial poster myself, that it can be very therapeutic to just write fears down. And then, in the future, it can be good to have a log of the “faulty thought patterns”. I refer back to mine all the time. Even my therapist agreed with this!
I agree jojo, I do the same. But the main issue in discussion is the deleting of such threads and your comments have giving the absolute reason for not deleting a thread. :)
And then, in the future, it can be good to have a log of the “faulty thought patterns”. I refer back to mine all the time. Even my therapist agreed with this!
Agreed, hence why I thought the long thread should not be deleted. :D
Oh I totally agree! It is also incredibly helpful to read other people’s threads- they should never be deleted!
Can I just say in defence of serial posters, as a serial poster myself, that it can be very therapeutic to just write fears down. And then, in the future, it can be good to have a log of the “faulty thought patterns”. I refer back to mine all the time. Even my therapist agreed with this!
Certainly not lumping all HA sufferers together and wouldn't class you as a "serial poster", Jo. You interact with others, offer advice, support etc. I'm referring to the members who constantly ignore advice and appear to just crave attention, hence all the melodrama and catastrophic thinking in their posts.
After a hundred or so posts of people offering the same advice, and it being ignored or rejected, the thread becomes a drain on the forum, sucking in new members who don't know OP's history, and continuing to frustrate those who are determined to try and help. Unwittingly, both keep the cycle going.
Certainly not lumping all HA sufferers together and wouldn't class you as a "serial poster", Jo. You interact with others, offer advice, support etc. I'm referring to the members who constantly ignore advice and appear to just crave attention, hence all the melodrama and catastrophic thinking in their posts.
After a hundred or so posts of people offering the same advice, and it being ignored or rejected, the thread becomes a drain on the forum, sucking in new members who don't know OP's history, and continuing to frustrate those who are determined to try and help. Unwittingly, both keep the cycle going.
Couldn't agree more, KK.
Jojo, you are certainly not a "serial poster" and I can't imagine any of said posters doing as you have done and looking back over their "faulty thinking". I can't see them getting any positive benefit at all from these threads.
I can't imagine any of said posters doing as you have done and looking back over their "faulty thinking
Absolutely!!!
AMomentofClarity
07-12-18, 17:43
Posting in order to discuss anxiety and it’s associated fears, concerns, etc and seek some reassurance is fair enough....it’s why a site like this exists.
The challenge is those who a) refuse to even acknowledge their anxiety, nonetheless try to help themselves and b) cross the threshold from inquiring/seeking reassurance to DEMANDING that they have xyz condition. These posters refuse to accept any of the feedback or advice they’re given, and quite frankly there’s nothing the forum can do to help them.
Yet day after day, they’re back posting the same things over and over again, desperately seeking any crumb of acknowledgment they can find.
These go well beyond the Normal HA patterns.
brucealmighty
07-12-18, 17:49
for my tuppence worth on this, I think a lot of it depends on where you`re at with your condition, or how you see it.
I have spent many happy times arguing on here about thread deletion over the years, and how - good or bad - your rantings should be left up so when you`re ready you can either blush, make notes, or think `oh lordy` and choose another way in future.
I won`t use the word troll as it causes all manner of upset, but I think 99% of people on here really do try to help one another so if you`re being ignored or feel you`re being led up the garden path, it can affect your own recovery and pull your strings when you least need it.
there are people on here who make a career out of never actually trying to recover. when I was seriously ill I tried everything possible believe me, and eventually I got somewhere near what I`d class as normality. that`s not bragging in any way, I`m just saying it really does take quite a lot of applied effort rather than finding ways to ignore advice.
anyway, happy friday one and all.
when I was seriously ill I tried everything possible believe me, and eventually I got somewhere near what I`d class as normality. that`s not bragging in any way, I`m just saying it really does take quite a lot of applied effort rather than finding ways to ignore advice.
THIS ^
Congratulations, you deserve congratulations, because you put the work in !!!
mezzaninedoor
08-12-18, 06:47
probably quite selfishly I have mainly ignored the advice threads on NMP as I have been sucked in, in the past
I dont think we can be too harsh on too many people though as folks posting frequently can be a symptom on their mental health
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