View Full Version : Lymph nodes again
About 1 year ago I found a lump in the back of my skull, right side. At the time I didn't get anxious because I didn't even realize it was a lymph node, as I didn't know lymph nodes existed in that region. Recently I did some googling and I found it's an occipital lymph node. It feels like it was bigger than 1 year ago but I can't tell for sure. It is fairly hard, but movable, and I don't have any lump in that region of the left side.
However, recently I also found lots of other lymph nodes that are worrying me to death :weep:.
It all started a month ago I was worried about colon cancer instead, and during this desperation of seeking signs of metathesis I found I had HUGE lymph nodes on both sides of my groin. They aren't really squishy, but movable, and not symmetric (nodes on left side are much bigger than right side).
Then I found a node behind my left ear, which is also pretty hard, but movable, and I can't feel any node behind my right ear. It feels big, I don't know but maybe about 1 cm.
And perhaps the one that is worrying me the most: at the left side of the back of my head, though I said I don't feel a lump in the same region of my 1 year old lump, if I move my fingers up a few cm, there is a smaller, but harder and immovable lump. And this one definitely got bigger since last week, though it's still less than 1 cm. I'm not even 100% sure if it's a lymph node because it feels very different of the others, but it's not as hard as bone and I don't know what else would cause a lump to pop up there. It has all the dangerous signs: it is very hard, immovable, seems to be growing slowly, and, as all of my other nodes, it's not painful.
As usual, I'm trying to rationalize why it's getting bigger to calm me down: I've been poking and prodding they all a lot, which probably doesn't help. But I don't like at all having a node with all signs of lymphoma :weep:
I know lymph nodes do important work in our bodies, but I still haven't reconciled myself to their existence. I have gone down several lymph node rabbit holes that I thought I'd never escape from. :shrug:
Here's the reality, though, they definitely get bigger if you poke and prod them. I know this from personal experience and consultation with several doctors. I also know that doctors don't get worried about lymph nodes less than 1 cm unless you are having other symptoms like serious night sweats and major unintended weight loss. (My hubby who has lung cancer lost 30 lbs. in two months.)
I had a lymph node swollen in my armpit last December. It was over 2 cm. I was sure I was going to have to have a biopsy (and find out I had weeks to live). Nope. Instacare gave me a CBC blood test and a prescription for antibiotics. It was still swollen when the antibiotics were gone so I tried warm compresses like I would on a boil. It went away in two days.
When I fall down the lymph node rabbit hole, I force myself to stop touching and feeling for two weeks. Then I check to see if they are still enlarged. Most of the time they are not. I also am very careful about how I check. My health anxiety wants me to prod and dig. I've never had a doctor check mine this way. Neither has any of my husband's lung cancer doctors checked his this way. Instead, they lightly touch the area with the underside of their three middle fingers. And, they only touch the area for a second. Most of the time they do it over clothing. One doctor explained to me that a lymph node swollen enough to be worried about is quite prominent and hard to miss.
As I check, I remind myself to not worry about nodes that are 1 cm or less. (I have a lymph node in my neck that is always 1 cm. My doc says it's a normal sized node.) If all is well after I check my nodes once, I stop and chose something else to do every time the urge comes up to recheck. Then I try to "return to life." My return to life means not checking my lymph nodes at all. To do this I have to keep reminding myself that if I get sick, there will be other more significant symptoms to make me aware that something is amiss.
If you keep checking they will most likely keep getting larger. My doctor told me I needed to get used to the idea that lymph nodes are swelling and shrinking in my body all the time. And, that this is a good thing. My health anxiety disagrees. :wacko: I know my doc is right though.
I suspect you are perfectly fine. Your health anxiety has just sucked you down into the lymph node rabbit hole. You'll find your way out. If you get worried enough, you can always go to your doc or Instacare and have them check the places that worry you. I've went in for several "check all my palpable lymph nodes please" exams. Sometimes that is what I have to do to "get back to life." I haven't had to do that for over a year now. See, I'm getting a better. You will too.
You've got this. In the battle of Diego vs. the lymph nodes, I've got my money on Diego. Sending positive vibes your way :bighug1:
ThroatGoat
16-06-18, 13:15
"Unless they are hard, immovable, and getting bigger, we are not concerned about them".
That's what my doctor told me on my last visit.
As Fishmanpa says, even nodes up to 3CM can be considered normal too.
---------- Post added at 09:15 ---------- Previous post was at 09:14 ----------
Also read this: http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=197713
I know lymph nodes do important work in our bodies, but I still haven't reconciled myself to their existence. I have gone down several lymph node rabbit holes that I thought I'd never escape from. :shrug:
Here's the reality, though, they definitely get bigger if you poke and prod them. I know this from personal experience and consultation with several doctors. I also know that doctors don't get worried about lymph nodes less than 1 cm unless you are having other symptoms like serious night sweats and major unintended weight loss. (My hubby who has lung cancer lost 30 lbs. in two months.)
I had a lymph node swollen in my armpit last December. It was over 2 cm. I was sure I was going to have to have a biopsy (and find out I had weeks to live). Nope. Instacare gave me a CBC blood test and a prescription for antibiotics. It was still swollen when the antibiotics were gone so I tried warm compresses like I would on a boil. It went away in two days.
When I fall down the lymph node rabbit hole, I force myself to stop touching and feeling for two weeks. Then I check to see if they are still enlarged. Most of the time they are not. I also am very careful about how I check. My health anxiety wants me to prod and dig. I've never had a doctor check mine this way. Neither has any of my husband's lung cancer doctors checked his this way. Instead, they lightly touch the area with the underside of their three middle fingers. And, they only touch the area for a second. Most of the time they do it over clothing. One doctor explained to me that a lymph node swollen enough to be worried about is quite prominent and hard to miss.
As I check, I remind myself to not worry about nodes that are 1 cm or less. (I have a lymph node in my neck that is always 1 cm. My doc says it's a normal sized node.) If all is well after I check my nodes once, I stop and chose something else to do every time the urge comes up to recheck. Then I try to "return to life." My return to life means not checking my lymph nodes at all. To do this I have to keep reminding myself that if I get sick, there will be other more significant symptoms to make me aware that something is amiss.
If you keep checking they will most likely keep getting larger. My doctor told me I needed to get used to the idea that lymph nodes are swelling and shrinking in my body all the time. And, that this is a good thing. My health anxiety disagrees. :wacko: I know my doc is right though.
I suspect you are perfectly fine. Your health anxiety has just sucked you down into the lymph node rabbit hole. You'll find your way out. If you get worried enough, you can always go to your doc or Instacare and have them check the places that worry you. I've went in for several "check all my palpable lymph nodes please" exams. Sometimes that is what I have to do to "get back to life." I haven't had to do that for over a year now. See, I'm getting a better. You will too.
You've got this. In the battle of Diego vs. the lymph nodes, I've got my money on Diego. Sending positive vibes your way :bighug1:
Thanks very much for your message, Cptdebbie. I will do my best to follow your advice. I've actually tried a few times to tell myself ''let's wait at least 10 days, then I check my nodes again'', hoping they will reduce in size if I wait long enough. But after 30 minutes, there I am poking them again. It's hard to control.
I did present a slight weight loss, but I didn't even mention it in the post because I've learned that it happens every single time I get anxious about something (anxiety kills my appetite).
It is motivating to see you got better with the lymph node rabbit hole. I will try and wait 2 weeks touching them as little as possible. I hope it will work.
I hope it works for your too. If it takes a couple of tries, that's okay. Just keep working on it. :hugs:
I hate so much living with this. There are days I can ignore it but there are days I can't think of anything else.
And now I feel all the time I have a fever, which is the next thing a lymphoma would cause. So I pick a thermometer, measure my temperature and it's absolutely normal. I even tried using a second thermometer because I thought the first was broken, but again, normal temperature. I think it's just my anxiety is deceiving me.
Edit: it's very hard to measure my occipital node, but I think it's between 1 and 2 cm, it's not smaller than 1 as I said previously.
I'm sorry for making a second post about this but I'm losing my mind.
I have for about one year a lump (lymph node) behind my head, on the right side, it's movable and it doesn't seem to grow, so I'm ok with it.
I have also a node behind my left ear that I found a month ago, but it's movable and about 1 cm.
However what is making me crazy is a second lymph node behind my head, on the left side. It is very hard, just slightly movable and it definitely grew significantly since last month. It has just all the bad signs. I can't see it even with a mirror, but I'm sure it has between 1 and 2 cm.
This feels so stupid in retrospect: it all started 2 months ago. Back then I was afraid of colon cancer and I found lymph nodes in my groin, which would corroborate with my fear. I got terrified, but after I had all tests I got convinced I was ok.
However this event made me remember about the existence of lymph nodes. Particularly, it made me remember about that 1 year old lump behind my head, I decided to do some googling and I found it was in fact a lymph node (I had no idea they could grow there). So I did some checking at my whole head and I found a very tiny node on the left side. I could barely feel it. I poked and prodded it a lot for days (stupid me). And as time passed (and I kept poking/prodding), it grew, grew, and now it's almost 2 cm.
When I put the facts this way it seems I did it. I was stupid and I created this lymph node. But my anxiety won't go away while I have a very hard, immovable and constantly growing lymph node. Usually people get reassurance because their node either isn't hard, or isn't growing, but mine is all of these. I don't know what to do.
And I just went to a doctor because of my colon cancer fear, my family will think I'm a crazy hypochondriac if I say I'm afraid of cancer again. I just turned 18.
Flyingpenguin
06-07-18, 17:28
@diego_
We are in this together. I'm 18 as well. I suffer from the same problem(s) as you. I am an hypochondriac as well.
I did reply to you on my thread but I don't think you have seen it there.
99% of lymphoma nodes grow to the size of a golf ball within few weeks. Also, Lymphoma presents with a variety of Symptoms as well. Like weight loss, constant fever, drenching night sweats. You can argue that there are a-symptomatic lymphomas as well. But they are rare. 83% people will show the symptoms. It's a natural human tendency to assume the worst. our brain works that way.
I got a bad cold and two of these lumpies swelled up recently. One has been growing, it is painless and very slippery, movable and soft. Classic infection signs. If I am anxious, I feel that they are very big but measurements show otherwise.
Coming to my OTHER node. It is hard, movable and been there since years. It is 1.2 cms in dia. It keeps fluctuating a little in size.
Until your node goes from the size of a pea to a Golf Ball in few weeks, Hard as stone, and fixed as hell; you needn't worry. I have been to the doctor 4 times. And he is quite irritated of me. He says that he sees swollen nodes day in and day out. He knows what he is saying.
According to him, a hardish node is basically a shotty node that has enlarged from some previous infection and hasn't gone down. There was another girl there with a golf ball sized node. Her FNA results showed that she had TB.
Stop using DR. Google. He is free and free advice is not good. Atleast here in India, we think so. Dr. Google will connect every symptoms with all the possible problems. I advice You to stop googling your symptoms. Don't touch the nodes for a week. See how it goes.
We are both in the same boat. I know what you are going through. HA is a pain in the A**. It spoilt my Maths exam as well.
Take care
Prabal
Thanks for your reply, it made me feel a bit better. Now I saw your message in your post. I will try to stop googling.
My rational half says it's my poking and prodding that is making it to grow, but no mater how much I try I'm always checking it and trying to measure it with my finger... I need to find a way to stop this.
Howanxious
07-07-18, 08:38
Hey Diego! If you want some advice, let me tell you that lymph node anxiety can ruin your mind, I mean, it's not a joke because it's so easy to get obsessed over these little nodes. i was there for almost a YEAR in 2017, going to every doctor I could just to find out that i was healthy (as you surely are). Nothing was reassuring for me, not even the dr's words or any test. My mind was the only problem to treat.
If your lymph node doesn't grows to the size of a golf ball, if you don't have fevers, horrible night sweats, terrible itchiness, chronic cough, bleedings, extreme tiredness and many other symptoms you're miles away of blood cancer. An ENT should be able to evacuate your doubts, trust him and stop this thing as soon as posible. I've had to leave my lymph nodes alone and I'm happy for my decision (I'm still alive and my nodes are still the same lol). Get out of this, because If you don't learn this way, then you'll learn the hard/bad way (but it takes longer and you'll suffer a lot). You're safe, just take care and work harder with your negative thoughts. Saludos!
Flyingpenguin
07-07-18, 14:00
+1 Howanxious
If you search for nodes, you'll always find them. I know that I don't have lymphoma or CLL as confirmed by blood smear.
However, I always find 3-4 new lymph nodes of I set out to find them. We are biological creatures. There's no such thing as exact symmetry in biology.
Another example i must give to you. My uncle has about 20 nodes in his neck since last 15 years. He dosent have lymphoma. These Nodes are known as Shotty nodes.
Just geroff Google. Should be enough.
If you or someone in your family notice a golfball sticking out then get it checked out. Even a golfball sized lump can be benign. (Usually Tuberculosis)
Regards,
Prabal
Some update... Sometimes I'm able to forget about it, sometimes I get extremely anxious again.
The particular node I was worried about is still there, hard and immovable. It might have gotten a big bigger, I suppose it's now somewhere between 1.5 and 2 cm.
While there is a reasonable explanation for its growth (I couldn't avoid keeping poking and prodding them 24/7, except for a few days of mental health), it also fits perfectly with lymphoma. So far no secondary symptoms.
I'm sorry for asking for help yet another time but I'm not doing well recently. I've already posted about my lymph nodes and how I thought I had lymphoma. - I have 2 occipital nodes (one is there for more than 1 year, the other for a few months, and it's 1.5 cm, hard and fixed. I believe I might have 'created' this node due to poking and prodding.).
- I also noticed months ago many nodes in my groin (they might be there for much more time, I don't know), one node behind my left ear a few months ago, and a tiny one behind my neck that comes and goes. I can also feel a smaller one in my neck and one in my right armpit. There are just too many. Something is wrong.
- Yesterday, while blowing my nose I saw some blood. This was inconveniently a couple hours after I searched for leukemia's symptoms and I read bleeding is one.
- Today, before living home I was really late and I had to brush my teeth really quickly. There was something on my teeth I couldn't remove. I rubbed the brush very hard. When I checked, my gums were bloody.
- Just now, I saw two red spots in my fingertips. I immediately googled it and small red spots is a symptom of leukemia. Then I looked at my hand again, and they weren't there anymore. Either they can go away in less than 3 minutes or I'm hallucinating symptoms. What worries me more are the lymph nodes and the bleeding anyway.
Except for the disappearing red spot I still don't see any bruises. But the bleeding + ton of lymph nodes are already extremely frightening. I'm struggling to make a rational analysis and I'm freaked out all the time, that's why I ask for help here. Thank you very much for reading.
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
Elen
utrocket09
04-10-18, 09:57
I'm sorry for asking for help yet another time but I'm not doing well recently. I've already posted about my lymph nodes and how I thought I had lymphoma. - I have 2 occipital nodes (one is there for more than 1 year, the other for a few months, and it's 1.5 cm, hard and fixed. I believe I might have 'created' this node due to poking and prodding.).
- I also noticed months ago many nodes in my groin (they might be there for much more time, I don't know), one node behind my left ear a few months ago, and a tiny one behind my neck that comes and goes. I can also feel a smaller one in my neck and one in my right armpit. There are just too many. Something is wrong.
- Yesterday, while blowing my nose I saw some blood. This was inconveniently a couple hours after I searched for leukemia's symptoms and I read bleeding is one.
- Today, before living home I was really late and I had to brush my teeth really quickly. There was something on my teeth I couldn't remove. I rubbed the brush very hard. When I checked, my gums were bloody.
- Just now, I saw two red spots in my fingertips. I immediately googled it and small red spots is a symptom of leukemia. Then I looked at my hand again, and they weren't there anymore. Either they can go away in less than 3 minutes or I'm hallucinating symptoms. What worries me more are the lymph nodes and the bleeding anyway.
Except for the disappearing red spot I still don't see any bruises. But the bleeding + ton of lymph nodes are already extremely frightening. I'm struggling to make a rational analysis and I'm freaked out all the time, that's why I ask for help here. Thank you very much for reading.
Sounds like you were looking for symptoms. Nose bleeds can be as simple as breathing in dry air. My husband get bloody noses most often in the fall. Also, you brused your gums too hard which can cause bleeding.
My father in law had leukemia. Had none of the symptoms you are talking about.
It's definitely the case that some small red spots are popping up in my skin, and they go away within 3-5 minutes. So I wasn't crazy. I'm afraid of what this symptom indicates. A lot of sites say leukemia can cause red spots on skin.
My anxiety keeps going and coming as my situation doesn't improve... though the bleeding was indeed just a coincidence, it's been almost 40 days and my right armpit node is still there, just as big. As well as my occiptal nodes, the one behind my left ear, etc. Aren't them supposed to shrink? They always say benign lymph nodes shrink after some weeks, some of mine are up for months or even 1 year. I do my best to try to measure them and they aren't growing either, but definitely not shrinking.
In my failed attempts of getting reassurance in Google I've been finding conflicting information. Some websites say 'rubbery' means lymphoma, what others say rubbery is good and 'hard' means lymphoma. I have lymph nodes of both of these kinds anyway.
After relaxing for a while, I'm losing my mind again due to lymph nodes. I have lymph nodes behind my head, behind my left ear, on my groin, and last month I found one in each armpit as well. I don't know for how long they were there, I've found some of them many months ago, and the first one around 2 years ago.
None of them seems to grow, though none of them has ever gone away. I don't understand how this is supposed to work. They say if it's cancer it will grow and if it's not it will go away, but mine are forever with the same size. I do poke and prod some of them a lot when I feel anxious, but even the ones I rarely touch don't go away. They all feel the same - quite hard (though I think it's exaggerated to call them 'rock hard'), movable and slippery.
Today after having something close to a 'panic attack' (for an unrelated reason) I started feeling itchy on my whole trunk and neck. I had some itchy yesterday too, but it was located in my groin and abdomen and it had an ugly rash. Now I just found lymphomas can cause rashes pretty similar to mine, and this triggered my anxiety again. I'm literally shaking as I write this so I'd appreciate any help.
They never "go away". Lymph nodes are always present, but not always swollen/enlarged. That's not to say that some people have naturally larger / palpable lymph nodes - that's a very real possibility, too. Poking and prodding also does not help and can often leave them permanently enlarged to some degree. Leave them alone. If you're concerned, ask your doc. When he/she says they're normal, that alone is enough to stop worrying.
I forgot to mention most of them are ~1 cm long, so I'm pretty sure they are swollen. The exception are some of my groin nodes that are bigger, and one of the nodes behind my head, which was prodded by me a LOT and is ~1.5 cm long. I know they wouldn't completely go away but shouldn't them at least diminish in size?
Cancer is an UNCONTROLLED GROWTH of abnormal cells. It doesn't come and go nor does it stop once it starts.
We have 500-700 nodes in our bodies. Poke and prod enough and you're bound to find a few. Poke and prod enough and you can make them shotty (permanently enlarged, not "swollen').
In the six months since this fear started you would be incredibly ill or not with us. I think you can this to bed. Keep your hands off of yourself and seek help for your anxiety to help break the self examination behaviors and undue worry.
Positive thoughts
The general guideline is that they are considered normal up to roughly 1cm. As with anything medical, however, that's just a standard and not a hard rule. It varies from body to body.
I replied on you other thread (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showpost.php?p=1842251&postcount=18).
Positive thoughts
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.
Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
Elen
Thanks for the replies. I'm checking them less often since I made the post, and I didn't have a too bad of an attack since then.
I had the bad idea of weighing myself today, and it looks like I lost 1.5 kg in 2 weeks. In total I lost 4 kg since January. I've always been thin (currently 56 kg, 183 cm) and I've never tried to lose weight, so naturally this has worried me. I know anxiety can induce weight loss, but normally I don't suffer of it during most of the day (I usually have peaks of 'panic/anx attacks' that only last 1 or 2 hours), so I don't think anxiety is the reason here.
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