View Full Version : Why can't just can't forgive myself? 😞
wanderer02
14-12-18, 13:06
Dear friends,
I really need some help from you....
I struggled with hocd many years ago. While I was obsessed with being gay I did a lot of checking (watching gay porn) to test if I had a reaction to it... Years after I finally got over it and moved on to something worse - pocd. Again I did some checking by googeling images of little girls in swim suits and child modeling images. While the ocd was as it's worst I just had to make sure that I didn't react to these images so I didn't worry about the guilt it would produce but now that I am over pocd I seem to not be able to forgive myself for looking at potentially sexualized images of children and my ocd is making me miserable about confessing to the authorities that I looked at these images. I know that it's a bad idea to do ocd checking in this way but I didn't look at nude images but even these modeling images can be considered illegal and my ocd is latching on this and won't let go.
I feel like my life will be over when I confess and I'd be locked away which and this urge to confess is making me very depressed.
I am hoping someone could help me make sense of the situation and ease my pain. Maybe someone has experienced something similar?
What can I do or what should I do to be able to move on from this horrible obsession? It makes me feel like a monster, criminal undeserving of life...
Thanks so much
---------- Post added at 14:06 ---------- Previous post was at 11:29 ----------
I am sorry, I know that this topic is very difficult to answer to but I don't know where else to turn. My obsession over this is driving me mad...
Lets look at the facts ;'You looked at 'modelling/advertising images', I presume those are easily available in magazines and on various product sites?
You didn't look at nude images. You didn't go searching for dodgy places online, didn't go taking photos of children out and about in the community, didn't get involved with grooming groups or serial abusers, didn't procure child pornography in any shape or form.
The images you saw were willing child models, I presume, with no background of abuse and coercion behind the images. There was no suffering to any minor, as these are children under the care of adults and modelling products/clothes?! These are the same images that any of us could see at any time.You say 'potentially sexualized images of children', but they would only be images that would be seen as 'sexual' by someone who had a wholly concerning view about seeing minors in a sexual way - the rest of us - and you included - see a child playing on a beach happily in a swimsuit.
So, to be honest with you, you really do have nothing to confess to. If you turn up at the police station and say 'I wanted to test if I had HOCD and POCD, I looked at children modelling things, nothing nude or inappropriate or pornographic. As it happened I didn't have any leaning towards paedophelia'. What can they charge you with ? What relevance does it have to them or anybody ? The only person who is suffering is you due to the guilt you feel at even testing yourself, it is the guilt stuck inside your mind. You are no monster, and no criminal, save those words for those who truly fit that mould. You are actually the other end of the spectrum from those types of vile individuals - you have a strong sense of morality about the thought of abusing children or seeing them in a pornographic light. If society would find no reason to admonish you, then you need to forgive yourself.
---------- Post added at 14:43 ---------- Previous post was at 13:42 ----------
Some more thoughts, probably repeating stuff, but.....
There is something critical you are missing from this, as you are so consumed with fear/guilt, the subject of 'intent'. When men or women go searching proactively for disturbing images of children, because they gain sexual gratification from them, their intent is to get sexual gratification. Your intent was 'testing yourself' and you did not gain sexual gratification and feel very strongly that this would be the WRONG thing to feel. You are also making evaluative judgements about images you believe were 'sexually provocative' as you are aware this is inappropriate. They (paedophiles) are not, and infact would search out the worst of those kind they could find. Those low-lives who have no morality don't care about the children, how they have been abused or how inappropriate or offensive the images are, they only want their needs met, whatever those needs might be. You are even feeling guilt about looking at some mildly inappropriate modelling images from other countries. Paedophiles have no such guilt, they hide (not confess) and feel no guilt or feelings other than the drive to pursue their own agenda.
You are no monster, this needs to be put down to what it actually was - an ill-advised 'test' for someone with OCD. Yep, never a good idea to do this testing thing, as it ends up you finding yourself right where you are now, even feeling bad about looking in the first place!
Let me be clear also - IF there was any shadow of a doubt that what you viewed was that bad, there would be records and you would be being monitored and contacted by agencies/authorities.
Let it go.....:biggrin:
Hi - google something called the Finklehor model. Or to put it bluntly no you're not
---------- Post added at 09:32 ---------- Previous post was at 09:31 ----------
ok - bit too blunt. No but stop it, if you are concerned alsolook at a charity called Lucy Faithful.
Hope you're ok
EmmerLooeez
16-12-18, 22:10
Please can topics like this have a trigger warning on them?
MyNameIsTerry
17-12-18, 01:54
Please can topics like this have a trigger warning on them?
They are normally on the OCD board. Worth remembering these are isolating subjects so they struggle just to post.
Please can topics like this have a trigger warning on them?
Warning about what? The poster is already consumed with fear and guilt about something which, to my mind, should have no fear and guilt attached.
EmmerLooeez
17-12-18, 08:07
Why would adding a trigger warning add to fear and guilt?
Sent from my moto e5 using Tapatalk
What is the trigger here? I mean anything could be a trigger for anyone on these boards, in any shape or form.
The 'trigger warning' concept implies that the subject matter being discussed is really upsetting for others, and this would confirm the OP's thoughts that the problem they are struggling with is socially unacceptable. If you read it properly this person really did nothing wrong.
Please can topics like this have a trigger warning on them?
I think suggesting that he should have used a trigger warning is triggering in itself, OP hasn't actually done anything wrong despite his Pure o/intrusive thoughts making him feel like he has. Suggesting a TW suggests the content in his post is innapropriate etc, when although the topic is agreeably uncomfortable, even more so for OP, for most human beings it is uncomfortable to converse about comfortably (for example, not the kind of conversation you would spark up at dinner)but it is also not something innapropriate, agreeing with his feelings, confessing about crimes committed is something innapropriate and obviously illegal but he hasn't done this, and also it takes courage to post because of all the fear and guilt that consumes OP and the uncomfortable nature of such topics.
His actions have been that of a POCD/OCD sufferer and not a pedophiles. Everything he has written alligns perfectly with the symptoms of a POCD Pure o sufferer, with all the checking etc.
I think the only person that should be triggered by such a post is another Pure o/POCD sufferer (and since I am also unfortunately going through this painful experience, I am not personally triggered).
There are loads of things on this site that could use a trigger warning, I once posted about my swollen glands for my own relief and a woman jumped down my throat for it and told me I should have used a trigger warning and I found that unfair, I was posting for my own relief and I couldn't account for someone else suffering with the same MH issue getting triggered by my post.
Anyway, I am not trying to be rude to you or anything, I hope you can see why suggesting a TW could make OPs spiral worse.
Mav thanks for posting, I was struggling to find the words I needed to explain....you've done so :D
Dear friends,
I really need some help from you....
I struggled with hocd many years ago. While I was obsessed with being gay I did a lot of checking (watching gay porn) to test if I had a reaction to it... Years after I finally got over it and moved on to something worse - pocd. Again I did some checking by googeling images of little girls in swim suits and child modeling images. While the ocd was as it's worst I just had to make sure that I didn't react to these images so I didn't worry about the guilt it would produce but now that I am over pocd I seem to not be able to forgive myself for looking at potentially sexualized images of children and my ocd is making me miserable about confessing to the authorities that I looked at these images. I know that it's a bad idea to do ocd checking in this way but I didn't look at nude images but even these modeling images can be considered illegal and my ocd is latching on this and won't let go.
I feel like my life will be over when I confess and I'd be locked away which and this urge to confess is making me very depressed.
I am hoping someone could help me make sense of the situation and ease my pain. Maybe someone has experienced something similar?
What can I do or what should I do to be able to move on from this horrible obsession? It makes me feel like a monster, criminal undeserving of life...
Thanks so much
---------- Post added at 14:06 ---------- Previous post was at 11:29 ----------
I am sorry, I know that this topic is very difficult to answer to but I don't know where else to turn. My obsession over this is driving me mad...
Hi, I am also a fellow POCD sufferer and I can understand how much pain and upset you're going through. It's a very tough road, but because none of these thoughts are agreeable to you, because you find zero sexual gratifcation from these thoughts, you find them torturous. What do you think that says about you? It says, you're absolutely innocent.
The monster you're fearing does not exist...let that sink in. It does not exist. You're fearing the worst thing you think can possibly be, happen, or exist. You're being tortured by uncertainty.
Because I am going through and recovering from this also, I have learnt some coping mechanisims. First is accepting the uncertainty, this is truly and by far the most helpful thing, and also by far the most difficult, so in your case your mind is trying to convince you you're a criminal and a monster, say to yourself "Okay mind, I allow you to spend however many hours, days, years convincing me I am the worst monster/criminal in the world" or something along the lines, ofcourse immediately you will feel anxiety, but its the beginning. Soon you will realise, fear diminishes from the mind when the mind allows you to fear (I don't know if I am making sense), should you be in fear, no absolutely not, you and i both know that, however its accepting the uncertainty that will help you get past this.
Second step is stop justifying to yourself, for example you saying to yourself "I only looked up those advertising images so I could check if it was true, if i really was the monster I believe I am, I know I am not, I did nothing wrong and i shouldn't be convicted for doing nothing wrong"...well duh, ofcourse that is the true and you did nothing wrong, but for somereason when the mind is being turmultous and erratic, it will not listen to any reason. So accept this, accept this and don't feed the mind reason when its going to spit it back at you again (the mind is like a stubborn little monkey).
So stop reasoning with a mind that doesnt want to ne reasoned with, thats the second step. I am sure you have come across someome or maybe even yourself debated with in your life an ignorant closeminded person, and at somepoint in the debate you realise there is zero point debating with this ignorant and close minded because they don't even care to listen to your point of view, so you call off the debate right? I mean, you're not going to waste you breath for the next 5 hours if they don't care to even try understand your point of view. Well, the mind is exactly this ignorant and close minded, it doesn't care what you have to say, it truly does not so the best thing to shut it up is to just stop trying to reason with it.
Ofcourse then you probably feel like, if I dont hear my voice reasoning with these thoughts, I will go mad...well the truth of the matter is you will not, you just wont. You have to let the mind speak up whatever fear, whatever doubt, let the mind scream it at you, but you must accept its screaming at you and give it no reason to carry on.
I hope i am making sense to you. The nature of this topic is very upsetting, you ofcourse find it more upsetting than a reader because you're experiencing this, which makes it hard to confide in people ofcourse so well done for making this post, but my point is, this coping mechanism that i have stated can work on any fear on this site, the act of acceptance (not accepting you're a monster obviously, but accepting that you can live with this anxiety for as long as the mind wants to produce it) and to stop reasoning with the anxious mind, stop giving it reasons to keep spitting new things at you. I, without realising it used this exact method to get put of my health anxiety spirals, and when i sadly developed POCD I learnt about this method and realised its exactly the same method I used before for my health anxiety and it worked.
I understand how hard and painful this must be for you, its painful when the mind is trying to convince you you are something or have done something that you are sickened by mere the thought of, just no the mind isn't something to be reasoned with at most times so dont bother and you will recover.
I am getting much better and 2 weeks ago I was in the worst place with this anxiety.
Just a bonus tip, meditation has helped me greatly and calmed my mind down ALOT. I listen to 'mooji's' guided meditations on youtube, you can use any that serve you well, but mooji has taught me that no thought or idea is above me, we percieve ideas and thoughts, they do not percieve us. They have no control of our minds so detachment from thoughts that do not serve you well is a must for a happy life, the method I have stated is one way to help detach yourself from those thoughts that give you so much pain, there may be many more, but this is what is working for me.
Wish you the best, you will overcome this.
---------- Post added at 13:04 ---------- Previous post was at 09:53 ----------
Mav thanks for posting, I was struggling to find the words I needed to explain....you've done so :D
And thankyou for your understanding nature of your posts, it helped me even though i did not make the post. It really is by far the worst theme of intrusive thoughts I have ever personally encountered, absolutely traumatising and debilitating. But I will stay strong and get through it, well i am getting through it :) and OP will get through it too!
I agree with some of the replies on this post wanderer02 is being brutally honest about his intrusive thoughts and he is trying to share them and eventually overcome them.
If anybody on here have had OCD and intrusive thoughts they will Know what an isolating and scarey thing they are.
MyNameIsTerry
17-12-18, 15:29
I agree with some of the replies on this post wanderer02 is being brutally honest about his intrusive thoughts and he is trying to share them and eventually overcome them.
If anybody on here have had OCD and intrusive thoughts they will Know what an isolating and scarey thing they are.
Agreed and Mav & Carys have covered it all.
The only thing I would say is that this is a very emotive subject, more so for those going through it, and there are forum rules that specially apply (which I think should be changed as they marginalise certain OCD sufferers and the forum has changed) but perhaps what is not being considered is that we may have people on here who have a connection to true child abuse and for them POCD might be very difficult to read about.
The OP is one of the many who have posted on here about this. These rarely appear outside of the OCD board. He needs our support and anyone who finds this hard due to a past issue will normally be able to avoid these threads but where not we need to be aware of their needs too (and I don't doubt for a second the OP will think otherwise).
But if it's just that some don't like seeing these themes then they just need to click off because Admin are fine with these threads. Some may not understand POCD so they may learn from the discussions, others may stick to their prejudices which are part of the stigma those suffering fear.
I'm not implying that the trigger warning request is due to any of this, that's for Emma to explain (if she wants to), I'm just putting some possibilities out there. My experience of Emma is she is a caring, compassionate person.
I'm kind of torn here, to be honest. I don't think for a moment that Wanderer is anything other than somebody in severe distress.
However, I'm also aware that even the thought of child abuse can be triggering to somebody in the wrong emotional state, and they might not be aware of this when they click on the thread. Yes, they can click away, but that can still give a nasty jolt before they do.
This is absolutely no criticism of the OP, and doesn't reflect on them in any way - I'm not even sure there's a solution to this that's compassionate to all parties. I don't have a dog in this particular non-fight, but I've experienced other sorts of abuse and there are certain triggers that can instantly ruin my day.
My experience of Emma is she is a caring, compassionate person.
I agree Terry, and I mean no hard feelings to Emma; I just wanted to challenge and say that intrusive thought posts are no worse than any others really, to my mind. It would be a different matter if someone came on who was actually an abuser/paedophile and posted about that, but these are complex fears from individuals who are far far away from being abusers. Ok, some people find it uncomfortable for their own reasons, but I think that on this diverse set of boards, where a huge range of things are discussed, just about anything could be viewed as 'triggering' to anyone at any given time, and making a judgement about what is an isn't 'triggering' is a tough call really.
Agreed and Mav & Carys have covered it all.
The only thing I would say is that this is a very emotive subject, more so for those going through it, and there are forum rules that specially apply (which I think should be changed as they marginalise certain OCD sufferers and the forum has changed) but perhaps what is not being considered is that we may have people on here who have a connection to true child abuse and for them POCD might be very difficult to read about.
The OP is one of the many who have posted on here about this. These rarely appear outside of the OCD board. He needs our support and anyone who finds this hard due to a past issue will normally be able to avoid these threads but where not we need to be aware of their needs too (and I don't doubt for a second the OP will think otherwise).
But if it's just that some don't like seeing these themes then they just need to click off because Admin are fine with these threads. Some may not understand POCD so they may learn from the discussions, others may stick to their prejudices which are part of the stigma those suffering fear.
I'm not implying that the trigger warning request is due to any of this, that's for Emma to explain (if she wants to), I'm just putting some possibilities out there. My experience of Emma is she is a caring, compassionate person.
I agree with you Terry, I may have jumped the gun a bit soon, but I can see how someone who has unfortunately has encoutered actual child abuse, or someone who doesn't understand POCD may feel about reading this kind of post outside of the OCD section of the forum.
I can see it from both ends of the spectrum actually, but like I said, its not a pleasant topic for any normal human being to converse about, its deeply upsetting in its nature and to suffer from OP and other POCD sufferers prespective is deeply painful also.
Personally, I think OP was quite brave to post about his POCD themed intrusive thoughts, because personally i don't feel comfortable to talk about the kind of thoughts I suffer through openly, thats why I felt like the TW suggestion was triggering in itself. But i don't mean to be rude at all to emma, I can understand the suggestion, but I can see how it can be triggering.
Well, maybe its just me.....you know.....but I don't have an issue with discussing this.
This is no different to similar posts we have had about all sorts of topics where people can't escape their thoughts, and it is the fear of them being socially unacceptable, and possibly getting a bad response that makes people so scared to even post about them. The reason I don't have an issue with it is that I find the OP to be a moral, yet tortured person, he is no monster, no abuser in any way at all, yet feels he is. I dont see that this is any different from someone imagining and feeling all sorts of other frightening things which highlight to them the worst possible things imaginable.
Carys, I agree with you wholeheartedly about the OP.
However (and I'm laying myself open here, so apologies for TMI), if I accidentally stumbled onto a thread about, say, violence towards children, or sexual abuse of a partner, it would still put me into a very bad place. I'm not saying it would make me harbour negative thoughts towards the OP, but reading about these things would still likely make me anxious, or even trigger a panic attack.
As I say, no easy solutions.
I get it; but what about a post about divorce, or an abusive partner, or cancer (for those who have had cancer) or being stalked, or having had a medical misdiagnosis, or having had a family member die. We've had and have all of these and more, and any one of those in theory could upset someone. I just feel we need to be very careful about where we say that lines are drawn.....making evaluative judgements about what is appropriate and inappropriate can make a place such as this (which deals with some of the most difficult and sensitive of mental health posters) seem even more alienating to some.
I think you're right, and I wish there could be an easier answer.
I make a point of avoiding melanoma threads because I know no rationality around that particular topic and I know it'll make me spiral, but these are generally easy to identify from the title. However, thoughts like the OPs are hard to summarise in a thread title.
Hmmmm, yes, I guess......and making the title a positive sort of 'I think I'm a paedophile, am I?' would be an even more odd thing to write. Tricky isn't it.
MyNameIsTerry
17-12-18, 17:32
Hmmmm, yes, I guess......and making the title a positive sort of 'I think I'm a paedophile, am I?' would be an even more odd thing to write. Tricky isn't it.
And then someone complains the thread title on the forum is triggering. I'm sure that is felt plenty on the HA board considering just reading a word of your fear makes your breathing change and the ectopics start.
Then someone else won't like us talking about sex on a forum where we talk about the bodily secretions from that activity if it's about HA.
It's a no win for Admin. All they can do is cover the majority and deal with the outliers as they happen.
I'm like you, very little bothers me on here. However I may read about cases in the news to upset me. Cruelty to animals always gets me. But the point is, it's not my newspaper just as this isn't one person's forum therefore we have to allow others what is allowed per the rules because to another person our subject may be triggering as you've said earlier.
I've mentioned this before to Admin, I disagree with the forum rule about how we can't talk about graphic thoughts (in such as POCD, harm OCD and even suicidal thoughts whether OCD or depression) considering any level of graphic discussion takes place about HA.
EmmerLooeez
17-12-18, 23:04
I'm sorry if I offended people. I log in daily to this site in an effort to help others and when I saw this title I clicked so that I could offer support but it triggered very strong feelings in me relating to the sexual abuse that I endured as a child. I wasn't trying to undermine the OP. I have just thought of NMP as a safe place and didn't expect to find such a trigger as opposed to other forums which I now readily avoid.
I understand that the OP did nothing wrong and I'm not stating that he did. I'm just stating that the topic can be triggering and requested a trigger warning. Sorry to have offended anyone.
---------- Post added at 23:04 ---------- Previous post was at 20:28 ----------
Warning about what? The poster is already consumed with fear and guilt about something which, to my mind, should have no fear and guilt attached.
I accept that and I'm sorry for it, but this is an ambiguous title sitting around in the GAD forum, I think the OP can recognise it's triggering as they said it's uncomfortable to discuss for people. I'm not trying to negate any validity from the OP's feelings or suffering but make it easier to prevent the unneccesary suffering of other forum users. I know that I'm not the only one here that may be triggered like that. I'm not trying to take anything away from the OP, maybe I could have worded it better but to be fair a public declaration of my reasons is something I'd have rather avoided.
Believe me when I say I can relate to the guilt and shame the OP feels. It was a request and I don't see why it's such an unreasonable one???
The OP knows how horrid child abuse is, that's why they have an OCD. Because actually at the OP's core is a thorough disgust at the prospect of feeling like an abuser - why is requesting a little bracket with maybe [TW] at the beginning of the title such a horrid thing for me to request? Why do I have to come on here and humiliate myself just so you people perhaps don't think I'm a disgusting person?
Why do I have to come on here and humiliate myself just so you people perhaps don't think I'm a disgusting person? You don't have to 'humiliate yourself' Emmerlooeez, and nobody did think you were disgusting....we went to pains to make it clear that wasn't the view of anyone. It simply opened up discussion about thread titles, what is and isn't a problem and for whom. It is complicated, the situation on the forum with so many diverse issues to take into account, and I don't know what the answer is but I do know that stigma about certain intrusive thoughts causes a lot of pain to OCD sufferers and didn't want that to be the case here. :) I'm sorry you have felt the need to state you were a child abuse victim, but you do also accept that this person isn't an abuser in any shape or form, very far from it, so aren't they on the same side as you?
Maybe the answer is for anyone to contact admin if you feel a thread needs a warning and let them do so? You see, I think, the same title with a (TW) inserted in brackets would still not tell you what the discussed issues were....and so maybe admin should have a policy for how to deal with those threads which allows them to be inclusive for the poster and sensitive to others. The OP hasn't returned that I can see anyway, so a quicker way to deal with it would be via moderators. Maybe moving the post to a more relevant forum would be easier? I don't know....just throwing out thoughts....
EmmerLooeez
17-12-18, 23:16
I agree with some of the replies on this post wanderer02 is being brutally honest about his intrusive thoughts and he is trying to share them and eventually overcome them.
If anybody on here have had OCD and intrusive thoughts they will Know what an isolating and scarey thing they are.
Can I also say that during my breakdown last year I had horrible intrusive thoughts relating to killing myself and abusing my own children so I do sympathise and understanding. Literally all I wrote was "PLEASE CAN POSTS LIKE THIS HAVE A TRIGGER WARNING ON THEM"
These assumptions that people are making are really hurtful.
---------- Post added at 23:16 ---------- Previous post was at 23:11 ----------
"The 'trigger warning' concept implies that the subject matter being discussed is really upsetting for others, and this would confirm the OP's thoughts that the problem they are struggling with is socially unacceptable. If you read it properly this person really did nothing wrong."
The trigger warning would not confirm that anything the OP did is socially unacceptable but would just be a warning that anybody triggered by child abuse or adults viewing pictures of children in such a way should not look.
I know the OP didn't search these images out in a lustful way but when in a bad place. The intent, however, was to see if he felt any sexual attraction towards the children that were in bathing suits and that is quite obviously triggering for some people.
Quote:
Why do I have to come on here and humiliate myself just so you people perhaps don't think I'm a disgusting person? You don't have to 'humiliate yourself' Emmerlooeez, and nobody did think you were disgusting....we went to pains to make it clear that wasn't the view of anyone...infact quite the opposite. It simply opened up discussion about thread titles, what is and isn't a problem and for whom. It is complicated, the situation on the forum with so many diverse issues to take into account, and I don't know what the answer is but I do know that stigma about certain intrusive thoughts causes a lot of pain to OCD sufferers and didn't want that to be the case here. :smile: I'm sorry you have felt the need to state you were a child abuse victim, but you do also accept that this person isn't an abuser in any shape or form, very far from it, so aren't they on the same side as you?
Maybe the answer is for anyone to contact admin if you feel a thread needs a warning and let them do so? You see, I think, the same title with a (TW) inserted in brackets would still not tell you what the discussed issues were....and so maybe admin should have a policy for how to deal with those threads which allows them to be inclusive for the poster and sensitive to others. The OP hasn't returned that I can see anyway, so a quicker way to deal with it would be via moderators. Maybe moving the post to a more relevant forum would be easier? I don't know....just throwing out thoughts....
EmmerLooeez
17-12-18, 23:59
"but you do also accept that this person isn't an abuser in any shape or form, very far from it, so aren't they on the same side as you? "
You do understand what I'm saying don't you? I'm saying:
- I know that the OP is disgusted by his OCD and thoughts
- I have experienced intrusive thoughts and sympathise with the OP
- I recognise these thoughts aren't wanted and are causing distress to the OP
- I recognise the OP isn't an abuser and doesn't want to be an abuser - so much so that they are afraid of it
My initial sentence just wanted to reflect that
- The nature of the OP's OCD is an emotive subject and is triggering. It's unfortunate and sad like almost all types of OCD, but it is triggering. A trigger warning does not detract from a problems validity or add to it shame, it is quite simply the acknowledgement that the subject can trigger some
And yes I know a lot of things can be triggering here. Which is why I avoid certain forums such as the rabies subsection and sometimes I have to avoid the health anxiety forum. However this in general anxiety surely warrants a trigger warning and I fail to see how suggesting this is labelling the OP as wrong or an abuser or that I don't understand OCD or whatever else.
---------- Post added at 23:59 ---------- Previous post was at 23:31 ----------
I think I wrote a better explanation to my friend. I'll repost here.
He hasn't done anything wrong in my opinion. I don't think he's done anything wrong, I know it was a compulsion from his OCD.
I don't mean any offence to the poster and have nothing against him. I just think it's a triggering subject and requires a warning that all.
That's literally it. Like I went on yesterday to help others and was triggered and have had a bad day today because of it.
I was doing okay then 'X' kindly messaged me something and I checked the thread again and felt the need to explain and now I'm laid here 5mg diazepam later and literally shaking/twitching almost all over.
I don't think the guy has done anything wrong. I don't understand why my requesting a trigger warning implied that. It is just a triggering subject. That's all
Like in the pregnancy forum, someone has a miscarriage. They'd likely put a TW. Not because they did anything wrong and not because they aren't suffering, because it is triggering for pregnant women. It's nothing personal
MyNameIsTerry
18-12-18, 02:56
There is no guidance on trigger warnings in the rules therefore (assuming there are no threads about it on the Admin board and then those may not have been read) we don't know what anyone wants. Some people may be so triggered by cancer they don't want to even see the word in a thread title yet it dominates the HA forum. Some people may be triggered by all sorts of content on there yet the majority won't even right a trigger warning. In the past some have argued they don't even want to see sexual obsession threads on here and it was good to see Admin disagreed, and it's obvious you don't feel this way as evidenced by your caring words about the OP despite feeling as you do today.
It's very subjective. Therein lies the problem. Unless Admin write a policy for us to follow, it's left to us to decide and as this thread alone shows opinions are mixed. Some need it, some don't.
If it's needed, great, but lets not further add to the rules on here that marginalise OCDers with themes other than the HA that dominates this forum where they seem to have carte blanche to discuss anything.
I agree it's because it's not in the OCD forum, it's not the first thread on GAD about this and I've found some do leave a bland title. I guess that may be because they aren't thinking about whether it could be triggering as they are so upset themselves or because they fear condemnation.
As Carys pointed our earlier, we have people on here who have loved ones dying of cancers or have lost them (some have lost their kids) and it's clear to see how some threads upset them. They have the choice to avoid such threads if the title is clear or they know what it's about from previous contact with the raiser, although some continue to get involved even when it's obviously upsetting to them.
I think it's a matter of to some level we are all in agreement. But a clearer policy is needed.
It's best flagged to Admin. Let them steer the adjusting of the thread as it will avoid what has happened here. This avoids any questioning and misconstruing of motives in challenging on either side.
Emma, I'm really sorry to hear you have been through abuse and you know we are here for you if you need us as we jump in on your other threads. What I said earlier was in an attempt to point out (in a general way) that some members could be triggered for those reasons (and we do have people on here who have suffered domestic abuse too) but also that some people just can't read stuff like this anyway as it's too upsetting (parents sometimes say this) just as animal lovers can't always read about neglect & abuse.
This was in no way aimed at pressuring you into an answer and I apologise if it came across that way or if it made you feel this way. In my mind it could be as simple as you've found media articles upsetting and I know from my own GAD when it's tough anything can be just emotionally overwhelming. I hope you get any support you need.
---------- Post added at 02:56 ---------- Previous post was at 02:30 ----------
Dear friends,
I really need some help from you....
I struggled with hocd many years ago. While I was obsessed with being gay I did a lot of checking (watching gay porn) to test if I had a reaction to it... Years after I finally got over it and moved on to something worse - pocd. Again I did some checking by googeling images of little girls in swim suits and child modeling images. While the ocd was as it's worst I just had to make sure that I didn't react to these images so I didn't worry about the guilt it would produce but now that I am over pocd I seem to not be able to forgive myself for looking at potentially sexualized images of children and my ocd is making me miserable about confessing to the authorities that I looked at these images. I know that it's a bad idea to do ocd checking in this way but I didn't look at nude images but even these modeling images can be considered illegal and my ocd is latching on this and won't let go.
I feel like my life will be over when I confess and I'd be locked away which and this urge to confess is making me very depressed.
I am hoping someone could help me make sense of the situation and ease my pain. Maybe someone has experienced something similar?
What can I do or what should I do to be able to move on from this horrible obsession? It makes me feel like a monster, criminal undeserving of life...
Thanks so much
---------- Post added at 14:06 ---------- Previous post was at 11:29 ----------
I am sorry, I know that this topic is very difficult to answer to but I don't know where else to turn. My obsession over this is driving me mad...
Wanderer,
I think the first thing to consider here is Cognitive Distortion and whether you are not seeing it as clearly as you could be. Remember that child modelling, even in swimsuits, is perfectly legal and can be found from catalogues to the internet. They are looked at by parents everywhere.
This will potentially differ by country but to my understanding (UK) sexualised imagery of children (clothed) is more about the intent behind what the image is trying to show e.g. positioning of the body. Therefore a child just standing there in a swimsuit is legal and can be found in any catalogue by a major company, online & offline.
This might be where your thoughts & feelings have collided with logic a bit in that because you see your reasoning behind viewing them as unacceptable you have judged the image to be so. Obviously a paedophile may use an image (legal) for sexual gratification BUT that's not what you did. You did the classic checking/testing compulsion see in OCD themes like this to attempt to check that you don't respond with any sexual stimulation or thoughts/feelings of a sexual nature. That's obvious, you even state this.
But I would add that the body doesn't always work like that and you need to be careful in how you view the response. For example, if someone is aroused then that will need to go away in a normal manner and consciously (and subconsciously through things like our intrusive thoughts) we realise that being aroused in a certain situation is inappropriate. Imagine all those parents who have been walked in on by their kids whilst they are having sex? The body doesn't just shut that off but the mind can. But I find with sexual obsessions in OCD that the sufferer often thinks the body being in that state is wrong to hence it must prove they are the monster they fear. That's just more skewed thinking.
I just wanted to mention that as it comes up in OCD. Sufferers don't always see the expected reaction. And this takes me onto another connected part, your body doesn't always respond to testing in the same way. For instance, sometimes we can be so exhausted by all this our reactions aren't the great fear response and it's more a low mood reaction. I've seen sufferers then say "oh god, I'm not panicking over this being wrong so I must be starting to like it". This is flawed thinking. Again, the body can be drained and the reaction is different but we still don't like or agree with the content of the thought, the morals don't change.
Let me put this to you in another way. How do view those who have got over these types of thoughts? They have learned not to be triggered by them. Does that mean they are turning into a monster because they no longer spiral? Of course not. If they couldn't use techniques such as acceptance to allow thoughts to exist without being negatively triggered by them how can they recover? It's not about agreeing with the thought, only that the mind can send all sorts of strange thoughts which we don't need to pay attention too.
Like I've said loads on here, and this comes from what medical professionals have documented as I've show in past links on many a thread, it's ego dystonic and the subconscious is unable to process it and asking the conscious mind to tell it what to do. A negative reaction is viewed by the subconscious as a confirmation of validity of that fear, it isn't looking at the part of the reaction where we are saying we don't want these thoughts. That takes more work to change those fears that have been built and it means changing that reaction so we don't react with the expected actions that the fear cycle was built to accept.
So, I think you need to consider what you have actually done here and how you are looking at it. What I see if someone who has performed a testing compulsion and then gone on to berate themselves for doing it also with the addition of skewed viewing of what they actually looked at. (typical Cognitive Distortion stuff like catastrophizing, Labelling, Generalising, etc).
To Emmerlooeez,
The nature of the OP's OCD is an emotive subject and is triggering. It's unfortunate and sad like almost all types of OCD, but it is triggering. Emmerlooeez, I will need to agree to disagree with you, but genuinely mean no hard feelings at all. I appreciate and understand your background and how it understandably continues to affect you. I just wanted to try and explain myself and why I feel so strongly about this. I am sorry for you that this affected you so majorly and think there must be triggers all around for you in real life that are equally upsetting (e.g. real paedophiles are reported about in the news all the time for example.)
I personally don't find it an emotive subject because the OP is not an abuser, and I don't feel its my place to make a judgement about what is or isn't emotive for people to discuss with regard to their suffering (which I know you do understand, as you've been kind enough to state your understanding of the situation). I also don't personally find 'almost all types of OCD triggering'. (definition of triggering being; causing someone emotional distress, typically as a result of memories associated with a particular traumatic experience.)The nature of the OCD is that this person has been tormented by their 'self-testing'on a variety of themes, not just this one. In my mind its almost irrelevant what the 'testing' was about; it could have been seeing if they were aroused by animals, dead people or chocolate bars. I don't mean that flippantly, but I'm saying that the intrusive thoughts are the real issue here and not what those intrusive thoughts are actually about.
This is a mental health forum, a very diverse and tough one at times, those suffering with the thoughts around these themes, are around and about but tend to be lurkers rather than active posters.They are often not active posters because they fear they will upset and offend people and they realise that there are taboos society places on discussion of their deepest fears. In reality, I feel that there could be literally any thread on here that someone, somewhere could find upsetting or offensive. There have been some threads on here that get to me hugely and I find grossly 'offensive' in personal terms for a variety of reasons, but despite that, I will still stand up for those people to openly discuss such things.
I stand by what I said at the start - do feel that just saying 'trigger warning' isn't the way to go on it, as the 'trigger warning' indicates that a set of value judgements have been applied about what is and isn't 'acceptable' to this mental health community and this can cause damage to the person making the original post. It is subjective as Terry said above, your subjective view clearly isn't the same as mine. I agree with you - Titles are often really unhelpful on the forum in general, and I'm sure many stumble across reading things they would not have opened with a more accurate title applied. I just want to repeat what I suggested earlier, and I think Terry has said the same, if you are affected by something then why not contact Admin as it is the quickest and most effective way to get a point across and doesn't run the risk of making OCD sufferers feel marginalised and gets things looked at quickly. I respect that you absolutely have a right to feel the way you do, and to request a change of title or moved to a sub-forum :) (I was kind of hoping an Admin might come to/see this thread and offer some insight and offerer a clearer policy on it?!)
I will probably re-read this in the morning and it will make little sense, as I'm kind of half awake right now :scared15: I honestly have no hard feelings about any of this, and actually I know I am a bit of a pain at times as I do like to challenge perceptions of some mental health problems.
__________________________________________________ ______________________________
To the OP and anybody else reading who is experiencing themes that cause them extreme distress. Please do continue posting on this thread or on the OCD boards. Terry has given some great insight (as I thought he would) in the post above.
EmmerLooeez
18-12-18, 10:44
Can I add that I never meant to imply that I think this post shouldn't have been posted? Or was inappropriate. I would never ever ever stop anybody from asking for help with any problem.
I was simply trying to say that pocd is a triggering subject for some people and a trigger warning would help said people know not to click on the post? Therefore everyone wins don't they? I don't understand why this is being taken so awfully.
Also Carys I didn't mean all OCD topics were triggering. I think you have misread. As seems to be happening a lot with my replies.
I think the first thing to consider here is Cognitive Distortion and whether you are not seeing it as clearly as you could be.
I didn't know there was a term for this, but this seems to be exactly what I have been going through lately and what I went through the year before last at my heightened anxiety state. I will research more on cognitive distortion, thanks for sharing that.
MyNameIsTerry
18-12-18, 11:49
I didn't know there was a term for this, but this seems to be exactly what I have been going through lately and what I went through the year before last at my heightened anxiety state. I will research more on cognitive distortion, thanks for sharing that.
They are definitely worth understanding, Mav. I never came across them in my CBT, it was later when I joined a self help group, a local mental health charity. It was a walk in session where we had a free floor to talk but half way through they always got us reading a CBT based module together and this one was a regular read.
They explain a lot of our faulty thinking. How we misread people (Mind reading), see things as the worst outcome (Catastrophizing), have a tunnel vision approach where we focus on emphasis of the worst whilst reducing the more likely (Maximising and Minimising), view ourselves negatively (Labelling), etc. There are more and the Wiki page matched what the charity used.
When you read them you will realise we discuss them already on here without realising as there is a lot of conventional wisdom in them.
It's about recognising faulty thinking patterns and changing how you see/judge things.
I found it easier to learn to spot them by picking them out of people's threads. That made it easier to spot my own.
trigger warning- noun
a statement at the beginning of a piece of writing, before the start of a video, etc., warning people that they may find the content very upsetting, especially if they have experienced something similar:
Trigger warnings are supposed to protect people from post-traumatic flashbacks.
Some people have been victimized in ways, which you could not even begin to imagine. In my opinion, the fact that Emmer's request was "debated" on this thread, rather than given the consideration and validation, that it deserved, is truly appalling .
There are people who have worked extremely hard to overcome past traumas, I can certainly see how a post of this type of content could be triggering and cause a setback.
I think a post with this sort of content most certainly should have a trigger warning. For content, of this type of subject to not have, a trigger warning, is just irresponsible on the part of the powers to be.
-Mop a floor in a public place and then don't put out a "slippery wet floor" sign. When someone falls and breaks a leg see what happens.
Emmer your request was not out of line and you are under no obligation to justify it or feel that you have to explain they whys behind it, to anyone.
In my opinion, the fact that Emmer's request was "debated" on this thread, rather than given the consideration and validation, that it deserved, is truly appalling .There are two people here, the OP and the person who wants the trigger warning. Both have equal rights within the forum rules, both deserve consideration. People have debated this because it is a theme that comes up here often, and it is relevant to talk about. I've done a lot to overcome cancer, as a survivor I don't ask that every cancer thread has a 'trigger warning'. (and god knows they are two a penny the 'I have cancer' posts)
MyNameIsTerry
18-12-18, 12:27
trigger warning- noun
a statement at the beginning of a piece of writing, before the start of a video, etc., warning people that they may find the content very upsetting, especially if they have experienced something similar:
Trigger warnings are supposed to protect people from post-traumatic flashbacks.
Some people have been victimized in ways, which you could not even begin to imagine. In my opinion, the fact that Emmer's request was "debated" on this thread, rather than given the consideration and validation, that it deserved, is truly appalling .
There are people who have worked extremely hard to overcome past traumas, I can certainly see how a post of this type of content could be triggering and cause a setback.
I think a post with this sort of content most certainly should have a trigger warning. For content, of this type of subject to not have, a trigger warning, is just irresponsible on the part of the powers to be.
-Mop a floor in a public place and then don't put out a "slippery wet floor" sign. When someone falls and breaks a leg see what happens.
Emmer your request was not out of line and you are under no obligation to justify it or feel that you have to explain they whys behind it, to anyone.
It's not even what I would regard a graphic POCD thread.
What of the trauma of implying this is so much worse than other OCD themes? That's one of the isolating stigmas people with this have to overcome. Many just sit & suffer as has been reported about it in the media in the past.
We are back to subjective again. There can be a policy that supports those with traumatic pasts (which can be war, terrorism, bereavement, illness, accidents, racism, poor treatment, etc. Just reading threads about workplace stuff was triggering for me earlier in into my relapse) without an effect it marginalises another.
Emma doesn't have to justify her experience but if you raise a point that challenges the OP it may be challenged by others. The OP is as entitled to understand it considering how many of us would then have more anxiety about whether we had upset someone.
Trigger warnings I don't agree with but a simple better title would have avoided this.
Emma, I don't see anyone offended by what you have said, it's simply being discussed.
Well said EZibie
I don't understand what was to debate, go on any other anx or mh forum or page and you will see TW on majority of posts.
Nothing against the OP i understand he hasn't done anything wrong at all.
I don't understand why you're ganging up on somebody for a simple request even giving an explanation to why she asked!
A tw is nothing bad against the op it just warns others that it may cause upset.
It's not even what I would regard a graphic POCD thread.
What of the trauma of implying this is so much worse than other OCD themes? That's one of the isolating stigmas people with this have to overcome. Many just sit & suffer as has been reported about it in the media in the past.
We are back to subjective again. There can be a policy that supports those with traumatic pasts (which can be war, terrorism, bereavement, illness, accidents, racism, poor treatment, etc. Just reading threads about workplace stuff was triggering for me earlier in into my relapse) without an effect it marginalises another.
Emma doesn't have to justify her experience but if you raise a point that challenges the OP it may be challenged by others. The OP is as entitled to understand it considering how many of us would then have more anxiety about whether we had upset someone.
Trigger warnings I don't agree with but a simple better title would have avoided this.
Emma, I don't see anyone offended by what you have said, it's simply being discussed.
I agree with every word of this.
---------- Post added at 12:41 ---------- Previous post was at 12:39 ----------
it just warns others that it may cause upset. (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=1843912)
So where do trigger warnings start, and trigger warnings end? I can guarantee that for every post on here there is someone who is offended/upset/reminded of something.
I agree with Terry, it wasn't even graphic in any shape or form.
trigger warning- noun
a statement at the beginning of a piece of writing, before the start of a video, etc., warning people that they may find the content very upsetting, especially if they have experienced something similar:
Trigger warnings are supposed to protect people from post-traumatic flashbacks.
Some people have been victimized in ways, which you could not even begin to imagine. In my opinion, the fact that Emmer's request was "debated" on this thread, rather than given the consideration and validation, that it deserved, is truly appalling .
There are people who have worked extremely hard to overcome past traumas, I can certainly see how a post of this type of content could be triggering and cause a setback.
I think a post with this sort of content most certainly should have a trigger warning. For content, of this type of subject to not have, a trigger warning, is just irresponsible on the part of the powers to be.
-Mop a floor in a public place and then don't put out a "slippery wet floor" sign. When someone falls and breaks a leg see what happens.
Emmer your request was not out of line and you are under no obligation to justify it or feel that you have to explain they whys behind it, to anyone.
I disagree. No one said the request is out of line, it's completely understandable, however just posting with " Why can't posts like this have a trigger warning?" with no reason or indication as to why Emmer believed his post needed a TW, with nothing else (reassurance or advice) that may help OP on OP's thread, is unfair to OP.
He, like the rest of us on this forum, make threads to receive reassurance, advice, some clarity, a TW request is understandable, however perhaps not on his own thread while he is already distressed, it has the possibility of inducing even more fear, and isolation, where he may feel like he has no safe space to share the thoughts that traumatise him.
As you can see, nobody is going after Emmer for requesting a TW, she is entitled to request it, perhaps like it's already been suggested request it to an admin? Or perhaps an admin can make that a new forum rule? however on OP's thread, it probably wasn't the best time, or the best way to say it and therefore triggering in itself.
Thats my opinion anyway, I don't appreciate having been perceived as "appalling" for replying back to Emmer to explain why her request could be received badly by OP and could cause him more distress.
As it's already been pointed out, there is no right or wrong here.
MyNameIsTerry
18-12-18, 12:48
Well said EZibie
I don't understand what was to debate, go on any other anx or mh forum or page and you will see TW on majority of posts.
Nothing against the OP i understand he hasn't done anything wrong at all.
I don't understand why you're ganging up on somebody for a simple request even giving an explanation to why she asked!
A tw is nothing bad against the op it just warns others that it may cause upset.
No one is ganging up. I specifically stated Emma would have to explain the reasoning behind her request but only if she felt comfortable. In past debates about this we've had parents saying they just don't like talking about abuse of children. That, in my opinion, is a poor reason. But I attempted to put a few reasons out there so we considered it might be simple dislike, as I've seen in the past, or something more and we need to be mindful that there may be reasons we shouldn't know of.
I think a tw should be added to anything that may cause upset I don't know why u don't understand that.
Serious go on any other page u will see "tw miscarriage"' "tw suicide" all serious topics that if it was made obvious what it's about someone more appropriate could comment and also people struggling with these problems can avoid the post.
You're just bullying and picking apart someone for a reasonable request. Grow up
EmmerLooeez
18-12-18, 12:51
Nobody said it was graphic and I really honestly don't understand how a trigger warning invidates the OPs experience. Can you explain that? What is offensive about a trigger warning? It's a protective measure and nothing else. I get that the OP is struggling with his OCD and I am struggling with my PTSD but a TW is a means of ensuring we can both exist without issue within the same space because we're making an informed decision to click on a post.
Two letters could have prevented my insomnia, flashbacks and anxiety but I'm in the wrong or being offensive because I mentioned the idea that pOCD could be a triggering subject? Id be surprised to find one person that has been through CSA OR CSE that didn't find that triggering.
In requesting a TW I am in no way taking away the OP's free speech or undermining their struggles, I'm just requesting that a warning be put up for sensitive content? Something doesn't need to be graphic or explicit to me sensitive.
Well said EZibie
I don't understand what was to debate, go on any other anx or mh forum or page and you will see TW on majority of posts.
Nothing against the OP i understand he hasn't done anything wrong at all.
I don't understand why you're ganging up on somebody for a simple request even giving an explanation to why she asked!
A tw is nothing bad against the op it just warns others that it may cause upset.
I am so surprised, and almost disgusted by the fact that I or anyone else here who responded to emmers request are being perceived as "ganging" up on her. I have no intentions to cause any upset to Emmer by merely pointing out how her request has the potential to trigger OP.
Then why not contact admin and ask them to do so ? The OP has not even returned to take that action. Sensitive content is subjective, that is the point we are making, over and over.
Nobody is saying that the subject matter might not be upsetting for you, nobody wants or needs you to justify anything. We are simply discussing the 'trigger warning' thing as a concept and I think many people agree that (TW) tells you nothing, and better titles to the post would be more helpful ?! There is no doubt that after someone bravely puts forward their thoughts in this way, as the OP did, that being told they should give a 'trigger warning' ( I so don't like that phrase) will make them incredibly unlikely to continue discussion and reenforce that their original guilt was merited.
This is still a taboo subject, no matter what angle you look at it from. It's not an individual judgement or prejudice but a societal one unfortunately. If it wasn't, the OP wouldn't feel such shame in the first place, despite not having committed any real crime.
If the OP had posted this in the OCD Forum and added a "Trigger" or "Graphic" warning, and perhaps made the thread title clearer, we wouldn't be having this discussion and Emma wouldn't have likely posted at all. I don't think adding that the subject/topic is "graphic" or could be a "trigger" to some in any way demeans or implies the OP has done anything wrong. It just helps people make a more informed choice as to whether they want to read such material. And of course we can't eliminate all potential triggers but this topic is a taboo one, whether we like it or not, whereas discussing, for example, cancer is not. The argument of whether this should or should not be taboo is moving away from Emma's initial request of adding a warning. It might make the OP feel worse, and that shouldn't be the case, but it's a reflection of our society as a whole, not NMP or an individual, as I initially pointed out.
This is still a taboo subject, no matter what angle you look at it from.
Well, it shouldn't be, and I challenge it because I despair of there still being mental health taboos and I know there are lots of 'silent' people out there feeling lots of OCD themes which they are too scared to mention. The themes they talk of are not graphic usually. This subject is NOT paedophilia, it is someone testing themselves and having POCD.
I am so surprised, and almost disgusted by the fact that I or anyone else here who responded to emmers request are being perceived as "ganging" up on her. I have no intentions to cause any upset to Emmer by merely pointing out how her request has the potential to trigger OP.
When joining this page I was made to believe it was to support those with anxiety not to cause it which I have seen you all doing to poor emmer.
Not one of you have asked if she is OK after saying its caused upset instead you all go in attacking her for a request. I hope you're all happy.
Some people would be doing themselves a favor by educating themselves on PTSD, before making any opinionated comments with regard to it on how, or how it may not, affect a person.
When joining this page I was made to believe it was to support those with anxiety not to cause it which I have seen you all doing to poor emmer.
Not one of you have asked if she is OK after saying its caused upset instead you all go in attacking her for a request. I hope you're all happy.
This is very melodramatic. There are TWO people here, the OP has incredible anxiety too. Why are the OPs needs less than Emer's?
For anyone interested in POCD, here is a link..
https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/ocd-symptoms/pocd-pedophile-ocd/
In the short article is says -
The difference between someone living with POCD and an actual pedophile couldn’t be greater.
I'm leaving this thread now.
MyNameIsTerry
18-12-18, 13:12
Well, it shouldn't be, and I challenge it because I despair of there still being mental health taboos and I know there are lots of 'silent' people out there feeling lots of OCD themes which they are too scared to mention. The themes they talk of are not graphic usually. This subject is NOT paedophilia, it is someone testing themselves and having POCD.
Agreed. It's up Admin to set policy. It's all subjective.
In the OCD forum this wouldn't have happened but when it has I've always found it to be members who wouldn't post in there as much.
I hope the OP doesn't feel bad after seeing this just as I feel for Emma.
---------- Post added at 13:12 ---------- Previous post was at 13:11 ----------
Some people would be doing themselves a favor by educating themselves on PTSD, before making any opinionated comments with regard to it on how, or how it may not, affect a person.
And OCD.
When joining this page I was made to believe it was to support those with anxiety not to cause it which I have seen you all doing to poor emmer.
Not one of you have asked if she is OK after saying its caused upset instead you all go in attacking her for a request. I hope you're all happy.
Do you think you attacking me, which is EXACTLY what you are doing, makes me happy and does nothing for my anxiety?
It's a matter of perception whether what I or anyone said was an attack to emmer, it wasn't but, choose to believe what you wish.
However thankyou for accusing me of making someones anxiety worse, that does nothing at all for my own anxiety and makes me feel absolutely great :) !
Anyway, I'm done for the day on this forum, sad to see a place that is supposed to supportive and give us relief is being turned into this.
When joining this page I was made to believe it was to support those with anxiety not to cause it which I have seen you all doing to poor emmer.
Not one of you have asked if she is OK after saying its caused upset instead you all go in attacking her for a request. I hope you're all happy.
This is very melodramatic. There are TWO people here, the OP has incredible anxiety too. Why are the OPs needs less than Emer's?
For anyone interested in POCD, here is a link..
https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/ocd-symptoms/pocd-pedophile-ocd/
In the short article is says -
The difference between someone living with POCD and an actual pedophile couldn’t be greater.
I'm leaving this thread now. I will add...
Some people would be doing themselves a favor by educating themselves on PTSD
Some people could educate themselves on OCD themes also. One doesn't 'trump' the other.
Just a note to admin, please don't take down the thread or something because of the arguing that has taken place, because I do believe I and others have offered some valuable advice, words of reassurance to OP that he may really need, when he wishes to return to his thead.
[QUOTE=Carys;1843941]This is very melodramatic. There are TWO people here, the OP has incredible anxiety too. Why are the OPs needs less than Emer's?
I never once said the Ops needs were less than emmers at all I'm saying I understand and I can see the anxiety you have all caused Emmer which is why I piped up.
I feel bad for the op that this has taken over his thread when he is asking for help! All over a simple request.
Melodramatic maybe but at least I'm not a bully
Melodramatic maybe but at least I'm not a bully You are calling me a bully ? For trying to see both sides, and offering helpful suggestions in how I thought it could be addressed (this perennial trigger warning issue), and trying to be considerate to both sides. Wow. I won't rise to that statement.
All over a simple request.
The simple request could, to a person at this point in their OCD theme, indicate that they are viewed as on a par with a paedophile.
https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/blog/monster-overview-common-features-treatment-pocd/
Among the many themes within OCD there is perhaps no theme that carries more shame, guilt, self-loathing and stigma than pOCD.......
The idea of coming to therapy and talking about something that is deemed so shameful feels like an impossible undertaking. This is unfortunately reinforced by society and to a lesser extent, the mental health field, which does not have an adequate understanding of pOCD.
That is my last reply here.
MyNameIsTerry
18-12-18, 13:51
Just a note to admin, please don't take down the thread or something because of the arguing that has taken place, because I do believe I and others have offered some valuable advice, words of reassurance to OP that he may really need, when he wishes to return to his thead.
Agreed. I reported this thread last night so they knew there was a thread that was upsetting to some.
Deleting or locking could send another signal the OP can't discuss this. It would be better to delete any comments off topic, inform the OP it's nothing to worry about, make some changes to help people who could be triggered. And move it some the OCD board where I suspect it will continue as the other POCD threads do without this happening (it's rare it does).
The OP has not broken the forum rules on graphic content, which I think need addressing anyway as OCD is more prevalent on here now, and made a simple error in judgement that was probably just not in their mind at the time and I think will be mortified by what has happened which will only fuel the anxiety further.
And if Emma needs support too, she knows we are all here for her as we have been on her other threads.
Best we get back to the topic really as KK was saying.
At what point did anyone say that? Infact the amount of times myself and emmer have stood by the op saying we know they havent done anything wrong.
I hope this drama doesn't stop the OP getting the support they deserve.
MyNameIsTerry
18-12-18, 14:01
The simple request could, to a person at this point in their OCD theme, indicate that they are viewed as on a par with a paedophile.
https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/blog/monster-overview-common-features-treatment-pocd/
Among the many themes within OCD there is perhaps no theme that carries more shame, guilt, self-loathing and stigma than pOCD.......
The idea of coming to therapy and talking about something that is deemed so shameful feels like an impossible undertaking. This is unfortunately reinforced by society and to a lesser extent, the mental health field, which does not have an adequate understanding of pOCD.
That is my last reply here.
Sadly so. As KK was saying, this is all because of the current opinions of society. You are more mature than me so you will know more about how child sex abuse wasn't viewed anywhere near as seriously as it is these days. Back in my school days we had teachers get away with relationships with underage students. That has had a knock on effect to OCD.
Much of my intrusive thoughts were about harm. I would be committing some various serious violent acts in those thoughts/images. Yet will society judge me anywhere near as much? Nope. Unless your harm involves kids(or any other vulnerable group e.g. the elderly, disabled, etc) it just won't evoke the same reaction. Yet the law judges murder a worse crime.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/culturally-speaking/201212/could-i-be-pedophile-the-worst-kind-ocd
https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/ocd-dark-sides-kitchen-cleaning-disorder-channel-4-a8508611.html
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/aug/31/pure-ocd-the-naked-truth
We just need to be mindful to the needs of those with these fears and those who have experienced abuse. In both, break down barriers to discussion which have existed due to how society view "no smoke without fire" ignorance or judge victims of abuse.
Fear of becoming a monster. But I wonder how many people would view POCD or harm based OCD against a vulnerable group above harm based OCD against other non vulnerable groups? It's obvious, and its something the media play off in stirring people up in other subjects.
It's interesting the OP has mentioned HOCD too. This has crossovers with POCD but it doesn't come with the added negativity of illegal activity. I wonder how HOCD compares in cultures where being LGBT+ is illegal? Highly religious societies where it's an offence to God? There must be crossovers to those who are LGBT+ that suffer at the hands of society e.g. depression, self harm, etc. Luckily I've not come across POCD sufferers who self harm on here, well it's not been mentioned, but perhaps medical professionals do in more severe cases?
But back to the point of HOCD crossover, as one gay woman on here explained about being gay and going through HOCD it's very different as the attraction element is just not there. OCD gets complicated with feelings/sensations and more but they still hate all this. Just like HOCD can't drag you kicking & screaming into changing who you are to be gay/bi/other (and gay people get HOCD too where they fear being any other group e.g. straight. There is even a Trans form and that must be very complicated given how being trans is a massive struggle in society) neither can POCD.
Admin are looking at this
In the meantime this thread will be closed.
To the OP this is nothing to do with the subject of your post and I hope that you appreciate that.
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