Fear I’m dying!

[LouiseC1896]

Hi, can’t believe I’m back on here panicking! I’ve returned to my old fear of soft tissue sarcoma. I have a lump in my left forearm, in fact I have lumps all over my body, but the lump in my arm is bigger with smaller ones near it. I can move it and it’s not exactly hard. I’ve had it for two years, well I discovered it two years ago and don’t think it has changed. Sometimes my wrist on that side gets sore, especially when I use it a lot.

The thing is I have been so tired lately, I go to sleep early but I can’t get out of bed on time for work. My body aches, especially my legs, when I have been sitting and I get up it’s hard to walk, I am so stiff, the same in the morning. I have not exercised in weeks due to tiredness. I fear that what I thought was a lipoma is actually a soft tissue sarcoma and it’s spread right through me.

I am sick of constantly thinking I’m going to die soon!

[jojo2316]

I hear you on the last sentiment!!

Surely if it was an aggressive sarcoma it would’ve grown in the last two years?

[roseanxiety]

I agree with Jojo. If you’ve had it two years , it’s not sarcoma. Maybe it’s a ganglion cyst if it’s near a joint?


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[bin tenn]

It sounds like a lipoma, IMO, but I know almost nothing about soft tissue sarcoma. I worried I had one (which is just a lipoma) several years ago. I showed it and a few others to my doc, and he asked "is it growing, hurting, changing, etc?" I said no, and he never said another word about it. Didn't even send me for scans. I have numerous lipomas in my arms, legs, abdomen and back. They have grown, but ever so slowly. Doc said he would only be concerned if they grew from small to obviously large in a very short period of time.

[LouiseC1896]

No it’s not grown and I know I’m being irrational! I just jump from one thing to another on my body, this morning I’m back to being worried about two big freckles on my face that I think are skin cancer even though I’ve had them for 7 years. I really want to go to the doctors to get help but I’m terrified. I’m scared of going for my health anxiety then the doctor actually finding something wrong with me! Does anyone else’s body ache?

[roseanxiety]

Yes we all have aches and pains all the time. It’s only our HA that makes us worry about them. I am very scared of going to the doctor too. For the same reason. And since you’ve had the freckles for more than 7 years, the likelihood of them being something other than just freckles is almost nil.


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[bin tenn]

I agree, it's the anxiety that makes us worry about these things. Since I've gotten a grip on anxiety (and that includes therapy) I have since noticed that I continue to experience the aches and pains and other oddities, but anxiety no longer runs wild with irrational thoughts about them. It's important to go to your doctor or a therapist about anxiety if it's getting in your way, and it sounds like it may be.

I was absolutely terrified a few years ago to get a physical. It was my first in over a decade! I just knew they were going to find all sorts of problems. They didn't. Doc said I was a "very healthy 28yr old with obvious anxiety issues." I laughed at myself all the way home. ��

[LouiseC1896]

It really is getting in the way, my partner is starting to get really annoyed at me, I keep asking him to look at my freckles everyday and now a spot that’s on my thigh I’ve had for about a month, it’s hard and pink, obviously I’m convinced it’s skin cancer! I need to get a grip, it’s having an effect on my relationship.

I just keep picturing myself telling my family I’ve got cancer and going to hospital to get chemo. And that it’s terminal. Even when I hear of someone having cancer or when a character in a film or tv program has cancer I freak out!

[Fishmanpa]

I'm scared of going for my health anxiety then the doctor actually finding something wrong with me!

Louise, you really do need to speak to your doctor about your anxiety. I've been around here a while and it's quite apparent you're pretty deep in the rabbit hole and need some real life help.

Positive thoughts

[LouiseC1896]

Hi Fishmanpa, I know, I really need to, I tried at the start of this year with CBT but did not help, I hated it and stopped going as I was trying to deal with something that happened to me, I had/have ptsd and need to deal with that also. I’m just so scared about going to the doctors, but my health anxiety is getting out of control!

[bin tenn]

It really is getting in the way, my partner is starting to get really annoyed at me, I keep asking him to look at my freckles everyday and now a spot that’s on my thigh I’ve had for about a month, it’s hard and pink, obviously I’m convinced it’s skin cancer! I need to get a grip, it’s having an effect on my relationship.

I just keep picturing myself telling my family I’ve got cancer and going to hospital to get chemo. And that it’s terminal. Even when I hear of someone having cancer or when a character in a film or tv program has cancer I freak out!

Those are intrusive thoughts, and they're common. I agree with the notion that you should speak with your doc about seeking help for the anxiety. With that being said, I used to have similar thoughts. I would lay out a scenario in my head when I was convinced I was having heart problems. I would imagine calling 911, arriving at and being admitted to the hospital, undergoing tests, possibly surgery, all the way to discharge and recovery. I spoke to my therapist about those thought patterns, and she suggested challenging those thoughts (of course). Challenge the rationality (they're very irrational), challenge the practicality, etc.

[LouiseC1896]

That’s exactly what I do and I’m sick of it. I’m so glad I found this site though, it really helps to hear about other peoples health anxiety, especially when I go to a dark place, it calms me down a bit. But I know I have to get help.