dillons
12-01-05, 21:55
Hi
My story is a long one going back about 8yrs. It started whilst driving to work, I would start to panic for no reason. I would panic if caught in traffic and would sing to myself to drown out the thoughts of dread. I would however be fine if not alone. I needed an escape route and knew I could not get out and abandon the car. I lived in Milton Keynes at the time and it was not as urban as the inner city.
This progressed into nightime fear. My eldest daughter had left home, my husband was away alot and I started to dread going to bed. I would lay awake and the feelings of panic would wash over me. Although I had a 13yr old son I never looked on him as making the house 'safe' for me. I became completely irrational and a nervouse wreck. I prayed for the morning because I knew I would return to my normal self. I would get up and do the ironing.....anything to distract my self. I then started to panic about the next time I would panic and ended up in a perpetual cycle of utter anxiety. I ended up going to my GP as I thought I was going mad. My husband did not understand and looking back I think he just didn't know how to help me. I was put on anti-depressants which gave me something to hold onto but I was then terrified of becoming reliant on them.
I made my husband sell our home and move back to London where my family were. He gave up a very good job in IT and has not been able to get a decent job since this in 2001. I know deep down he blames me for this.
To cut this long story short I overcome this by sheer gut determination. I refuse to let it control me. Although I can get to sleep now, if I am alone and wake before daylight I still sometimes get edgy. I will not go back to that place in time. it nearly cost me my sanity.
If anyone else has suffered in this way get in touch.
My story is a long one going back about 8yrs. It started whilst driving to work, I would start to panic for no reason. I would panic if caught in traffic and would sing to myself to drown out the thoughts of dread. I would however be fine if not alone. I needed an escape route and knew I could not get out and abandon the car. I lived in Milton Keynes at the time and it was not as urban as the inner city.
This progressed into nightime fear. My eldest daughter had left home, my husband was away alot and I started to dread going to bed. I would lay awake and the feelings of panic would wash over me. Although I had a 13yr old son I never looked on him as making the house 'safe' for me. I became completely irrational and a nervouse wreck. I prayed for the morning because I knew I would return to my normal self. I would get up and do the ironing.....anything to distract my self. I then started to panic about the next time I would panic and ended up in a perpetual cycle of utter anxiety. I ended up going to my GP as I thought I was going mad. My husband did not understand and looking back I think he just didn't know how to help me. I was put on anti-depressants which gave me something to hold onto but I was then terrified of becoming reliant on them.
I made my husband sell our home and move back to London where my family were. He gave up a very good job in IT and has not been able to get a decent job since this in 2001. I know deep down he blames me for this.
To cut this long story short I overcome this by sheer gut determination. I refuse to let it control me. Although I can get to sleep now, if I am alone and wake before daylight I still sometimes get edgy. I will not go back to that place in time. it nearly cost me my sanity.
If anyone else has suffered in this way get in touch.