djgallant
31-08-07, 11:40
I typed this up in another thread (Anxiety and panic related to drug use) for my first post and was informed that I should post an introduction here first. This kinda has some introduction type stuff in it, along with some views on why panic disorders exist.
I also used to be a raver and used a wide veriety of recreational drugs. Currently I'm in the process of learning how all the drugs effect me. It's seems that since I have developed the panic disorder, everything I used to do effects me differently. I have found that I cannot do coke anymore, it sends me into immediate panic. As for E, I don't feel the panic at all while I'm high, but the come down and the next few days are terrible. Same goes with alcohol. Being drunk...ok. Hung-over....very panicky. The only drug I still do is ketamine. It is a sedative so it has little effect on the panic unless I used large quantities. I'm trying to get off it now because I'm beginning to find that I'm not doing it for the same reasons I used to. Used to be I would do it to have fun, now it only seems that I do it when I'm going through a rough patch. When I do it for the negotive reasons, I use alot and the last time I did this, I ended up crying for hours and wanting to end my life. Changes are definenly being made as I am learning about this thing disorder. I always think that my past drug use has brought me to my current state. It wasn't until the panic attacks started that I told my parents about my drug use. For me the drug use is definently connected, but not in a physical way. All this time using drugs there was a darker monster forming in my mind.......guilt. When I told my parents about everything I was overwhelmed with guilt and my anxiety hit an all time low. It started effecting my life more then ever. I simply couldn't function in the world. All my attention needed to focused on not "losing my mind." I would keep telling my friends that I think I'm going crazy. I feel that I always need to warm people about my unstability because incase I start panicing, they were warned. I warn because of the guilt. Anytime someone tries to help me with this I feel like a burdon. I think people just think I'm lazy and don't care, when really I'm tired and unable to focus. So now I'm on Celexa for the depression, Ativan for the attacks, and Amoran to help me stay asleep. I hate pharmaseuticals more then recreational drugs but I didn't know what else to do.
I think panic is something that is only going to become more common in society unless something drastic changes about how society functions. I think these disorders are triggered by our way of life. We live in a society that is constantly improving "safety." Doing everything we can to make life less scary and risky. It is part of life to experience times where you feel your in danger. If you never take any real risks, your mind compensates by making events which in the past were commen place, seem like the event that could end your life. To better explain what I mean. I never have to worry every day that while I sleep, a lion might tear me to shreads. I never have to worry about not having any food tomorrow. However, I do worry that my heart might stop beating or I might go insane. Why? Because of all the stupid things I done in that past that were harmful to myself. Because of all the things I took for granted.
I also used to be a raver and used a wide veriety of recreational drugs. Currently I'm in the process of learning how all the drugs effect me. It's seems that since I have developed the panic disorder, everything I used to do effects me differently. I have found that I cannot do coke anymore, it sends me into immediate panic. As for E, I don't feel the panic at all while I'm high, but the come down and the next few days are terrible. Same goes with alcohol. Being drunk...ok. Hung-over....very panicky. The only drug I still do is ketamine. It is a sedative so it has little effect on the panic unless I used large quantities. I'm trying to get off it now because I'm beginning to find that I'm not doing it for the same reasons I used to. Used to be I would do it to have fun, now it only seems that I do it when I'm going through a rough patch. When I do it for the negotive reasons, I use alot and the last time I did this, I ended up crying for hours and wanting to end my life. Changes are definenly being made as I am learning about this thing disorder. I always think that my past drug use has brought me to my current state. It wasn't until the panic attacks started that I told my parents about my drug use. For me the drug use is definently connected, but not in a physical way. All this time using drugs there was a darker monster forming in my mind.......guilt. When I told my parents about everything I was overwhelmed with guilt and my anxiety hit an all time low. It started effecting my life more then ever. I simply couldn't function in the world. All my attention needed to focused on not "losing my mind." I would keep telling my friends that I think I'm going crazy. I feel that I always need to warm people about my unstability because incase I start panicing, they were warned. I warn because of the guilt. Anytime someone tries to help me with this I feel like a burdon. I think people just think I'm lazy and don't care, when really I'm tired and unable to focus. So now I'm on Celexa for the depression, Ativan for the attacks, and Amoran to help me stay asleep. I hate pharmaseuticals more then recreational drugs but I didn't know what else to do.
I think panic is something that is only going to become more common in society unless something drastic changes about how society functions. I think these disorders are triggered by our way of life. We live in a society that is constantly improving "safety." Doing everything we can to make life less scary and risky. It is part of life to experience times where you feel your in danger. If you never take any real risks, your mind compensates by making events which in the past were commen place, seem like the event that could end your life. To better explain what I mean. I never have to worry every day that while I sleep, a lion might tear me to shreads. I never have to worry about not having any food tomorrow. However, I do worry that my heart might stop beating or I might go insane. Why? Because of all the stupid things I done in that past that were harmful to myself. Because of all the things I took for granted.