Worried about my boyfriend.

[Missjensen]

So I myself suffer from HA and was always glad that I dident worry too much about others health!

BUT

My boyfriend has problems with his stomach, and I find it very difficult to stay cool. When we met he told me he sometimes, maybe a couple time a year had gallstone attacks, he had a scan some years ago and got it confirmed. It never worried me, it was under control and testet. Lately the attacks had become more frequently, and this month he had 5 attacks. Naturally he went back to his (very sweet and capable) Dr, that I would trust my life with. She said he had to go back for another scan for the gallstones and get a colonoscopy because it could also be problems with the beginning of his colon, she did some blodwork for infection and stuff that came back negative.

I must admit im freaked out about the colon stuff, my brain straight jumped to cancer, I tried to ignore my panic but when he then yesterday came home from the gym saying he lost 2,5 kilos, I was back at square one. He just had a stomach virus and I keep telling myself that's why he lost weight.

A also try to say to myself that the pain comes in attacks in the right side of his stomach, he says the pain is the same as two yeas ago it just happens more frequently. So cancer dont come and go like that (properly) and two years is a long time without getting further symptoms.

I can't bear to see him in pain, and there is nothing I can do, and I can't go fearing for his dead either. He is getting the test done 7 and 9 January.

How do you support your loved once without projecting all your anxiety and unhelpful knowledge onto them ?

[RadioGaGa]

Hi Missjensen

2.5kg is about 5lbs? So unless your boyfriend weighed ~25kg (that's about 4 stone) to begin with, this is not a significant amount of weight loss at all! You *only* need to be worried if you have weight loss exceeding 10% total body weight with a normal appetite, no intention, in a VERY short space of time

I think your doctor is just playing it safe, going by guidelines and referring him for the dictated tests. You don't state his age (which is very important in bowel cancer), but this is probably just to 'cover all bases'.

I'm not entirely sure how you can proceed without projecting your anxiety on to him. If he's been diagnosed with gallstones in the past, as you say, and this is presumably just a 'flare' of symptoms, I really wouldn't worry.

It may be worth discussing Ursodeoxycholic acid with his doctor. It is helpful in preventing people at high risk of developing gall stones (e.g. obesity).

Good luck

[Missjensen]

Thanks for the answer.

He is 47 ( 48 in January ) and is not in any way obese 5,9 feet (180 cm) and between 152-158 pounds ( 69-72 kg) So not the "normal" candidate for gallstones at all ! That's why i'm worried its never been gallstones that caused the problems but something els like the colon. I know that even if it is something els its properly still not cancer because of it going on for two years and in attacks.

He is my brand new ( 8 months ) boyfriend and i know he is going before me because of our age difference, but not now !

[Missjensen]

Well, the one thing I wanted to avoid happened, he got annoyed with me because I was too worried and asked to many intime questions. I feel like im this anxiety consumed person that just can't mind my own business. I think it's the most embarrassing thing and it will take some time getting over. Even though he did say he knew it was out of worry and he loved me im so embarrsed to be this kind of person.

Ive decided to just completely ignore the subjekt, im gonna be there if he askes or wants love and pity, but otherwise I'll stay out of it and I'll make an effort not to talk about health related subjekts.

[Fishmanpa]

i know he is going before me because of our age difference...

Ive decided to just completely ignore the subjekt, im gonna be there if he askes or wants love and pity, but otherwise I'll stay out of it and I'll make an effort not to talk about health related subjekts.

That's a wise move especially since this age difference thing is causing some really morbid thoughts. You may want to get help coming to terms with it or it will rear it's head every time something health related comes up.

Positive thoughts

[Missjensen]

That's a wise move especially since this age difference thing is causing some really morbid thoughts.


I know it sounds morbid, but I guess its something you have to think about and come to terms with, when you chose to be with someone 20 years older, so im not overreaction on the " he is going before me" BUT I am properly overreaction on the hole stomach thing.

I find it really difficult not to talk about when he still brigs it up, but I do try not to ask questions about details and just listen and be agreeable with him instead of going into inspection mode. But its something i have to constantly think about and be aware of.

Im annoyed that it's so difficult for me being a normal person.

[Scass]

My partner also has gallstones & it terrifies me too so I completely understand.

He lost loads of weight as well. He was just too scared to eat for a while, plus having less fat in the diet helps.

He went for a scan but never went to get the results because he doesn’t want surgery. Gallstones were confirmed though.

Does he have apple cider vinegar with the mother in it? My partner took some the last time he felt an attack coming on & it seemed to work.

All we can do is let them make their own decisions about how it’s dealt with. I hate it when he tries to interfere in my health stuff, so I completely understand. It’s really hard to not worry, but you are there if he needs you and that’s the main thing.

If you need to talk I am only a message away x


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Missjensen]

My partner also has gallstones & it terrifies me too so I completely understand.

Thank you so much for the reply and understanding Scass :hugs:

I know that's its annoying when people interfear to much and that's why im really trying to do my best not to, I would be devastated if he starts to find me annoying.

I feel really helpless when he got the attacks, there is nothing i can do to help him, I'll think that's why im compensating with good advice and useless information, because I myself feels pretty useless. On top of that the hole being uncertain if its the gallstones causing the problems or someting in the bowl system is killing me.

January can't come soon enough I just want some certainty.

[Missjensen]

*UPDATE*

Yesterday he went for at scan off his gallbladder and today he had a colonoscopy.

The scan said he had gallstones, and properly more that the last scan the colonoscopy was all clear and he didn't even think it was painfull AT ALL without medication, made me wonder if its less painfull on men than woman, I thought it was quite painfull. The Dr said he could wait and see or be proactive and get the gallbladder removed.

I hate when people close to me gets operated, but the Dr made a good point, the operation is was more simpel when planed ahed, they can go trough the bellybutton, but if he comes in with an infected gallbladder they have to cut him open. Ultimately it's his decision.

I manage not to be worried about him too much and manage to find a balance in it all. I guess everything is very new for me, being this is my first relationship.

[katniss]

Glad to hear colonoscopy went well! Gallstones are an incredibly common problem, however I would not belittle the pain they cause. Wishing good health to both of you.