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Hi, just wondered if there's anyone else on here who has anxiety and also cares for someone, whether it be a parent, child, partner ect.
I'm caring for my mum (on my own) who has lung and secondary brain cancer. It's the hardest thing I'll ever do and my anxiety is at its all time worst.
I thought it might be helpful for carers to have a thread of their own to discuss their feelings X
I'm a carer too. My adult daughter has ASD, severe anxiety, social anxiety, OCD and depression. Christmas is always very challenging as she reflects on her isolation and "shortcomings/failures".
BUT I'm certainly not dealing with anything like as major as what you are dealing with, Lissa. How is your Mum? I can imagine how isolated and frightened you must feel. Bloody Christmas just rams it all down your throat, doesn't it?I don't have any help either.
I have great respect for all those caring for another - including animals - and Christmas must be an especially difficult time.
Wish your mum all the best, Lissa, and a peaceful Christmas to you.
I have huge respect for all of you carers. My Dad cared for my Mum for years when she had Alzheimer’s- often to the detriment of his own health, but I know that’s often a carers life choice.
There are some brilliant charities (my sister works for one) who exist solely to offer help, support, advice etc for carers. There are often things available to you that the charities can help with.
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Whoa, didn't realise this would get so many replies so soon. It's very tough having responsibility for another person's wellbeing, whomever that person may be.
My mums symptoms are manageable at the moment, it's just anticipatory anxiety about the future. Getting myself out of bed is hard enough when anxiety is at its worst, never mind getting my mum dressed and to all her hospital appointments. For the first time in my life I'm not being hard on myself, I know this is tough and I'm doing my best
---------- Post added at 21:28 ---------- Previous post was at 21:24 ----------
I have huge respect for all of you carers. My Dad cared for my Mum for years when she had Alzheimer’s- often to the detriment of his own health, but I know that’s often a carers life choice.
There are some brilliant charities (my sister works for one) who exist solely to offer help, support, advice etc for carers. There are often things available to you that the charities can help with.
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Great point. I think it's important to remember there are choices and it's ok to choose options that help you, as a carer. Also, second your point about accessing charities. I've been using Macmillan and they're brilliant.
It can't be easy caring for your Mum and seeing her vulnerable and fragile and dependent on you. You must be doing a wonderful job despite everything and your Mum must be so thankful to have you there.
Do be careful though. You can only do your best, whatever that means on a day to day basis. Have you applied for Carer's Allowance? It may help a little with finances?
I'm a carer too. My adult daughter has ASD, severe anxiety, social anxiety, OCD and depression. Christmas is always very challenging as she reflects on her isolation and "shortcomings/failures".
BUT I'm certainly not dealing with anything like as major as what you are dealing with, Lissa. How is your Mum? I can imagine how isolated and frightened you must feel. Bloody Christmas just rams it all down your throat, doesn't it?I don't have any help either.
How worrying for you, it's so hard to see someone you love sad and depressed, makes you feel so helpless. It's great that you have the knowledge and understanding to support your daughter. Do you have any support for yourself? x
ankietyjoe
23-12-18, 21:36
Here too.
My partner suffered sexual abuse as a child, and after nearly dying during the birth of our second child 4 years ago she suffered a massive PTSD reaction and now suffers with a severe form of schizophrenia called DID. She will 'switch' when under stress, and I'm the one that's on 'call' 24/7 just in case.
We're lucky really, we had funding granted for a very, very expensive form of therapy for 5 years which isn't available on the NHS, and it includes a substantial budget for me too.
My anxiety used to rocket when she used to switch, it was absolutely terrifying, some of them are suicidal. Together we've learned of ways of coping with it though.
So anybody that suffers with anxiety and cares for others too get's big hugs from me. :bighug1:
How worrying for you, it's so hard to see someone you love sad and depressed, makes you feel so helpless. It's great that you have the knowledge and understanding to support your daughter. Do you have any support for yourself? x
No. I'm thought to be a "coper". I'm not.
---------- Post added at 21:42 ---------- Previous post was at 21:37 ----------
Here too.
My partner suffered sexual abuse as a child, and after nearly dying during the birth of our second child 4 years ago she suffered a massive PTSD reaction and now suffers with a severe form of schizophrenia called DID. She will 'switch' when under stress, and I'm the one that's on 'call' 24/7 just in case.
We're lucky really, we had funding granted for a very, very expensive form of therapy for 5 years which isn't available on the NHS, and it includes a substantial budget for me too.
My anxiety used to rocket when she used to switch, it was absolutely terrifying, some of them are suicidal. Together we've learned of ways of coping with it though.
So anybody that suffers with anxiety and cares for others too get's big hugs from me. :bighug1:
I'm not surprised your anxiety rocketed, Joe. Must have been awful and terribly frightening. I'm glad you and your partner have worked out ways of coping with it and how great you had funding for the specialised therapy.
ankietyjoe
23-12-18, 21:49
I'm not surprised your anxiety rocketed, Joe. Must have been awful and terribly frightening. I'm glad you and your partner have worked out ways of coping with it and how great you had funding for the specialised therapy.
Thanks :)
No. I'm thought to be a "coper". I'm not.
And that's what we're here for x
Hi Lissa :), I cared for my mum on my own and helped with the care of my partner's mum. The hardest job in the world! If you ever need any advice, I'll do my best to help. Try to make some time for yourself no matter how small because you matter too! :)
Goodness Lissa, this sounds extraordinarily tough. Is your mum living with you?
Hi Lissa :), I cared for my mum on my own and helped with the care of my partner's mum. The hardest job in the world! If you ever need any advice, I'll do my best to help. Try to make some time for yourself no matter how small because you matter too! :)
Thanks Carnation, I may well take you up on that. How kind of you to also care for your partners mum. I guess it's a bit like parenting, no-one trains you for the job! Did your mum pass away? I guess this is what bothers me most, that there's no happy ending X
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Goodness Lissa, this sounds extraordinarily tough. Is your mum living with you?
My mum lives in specially modified pensioners housing. She has an open plan living room/bedroom, kitchen and wet room. So, it would be unfair to move her but, at the same time, it's tough on me. I have my own flat but I need to stay with her a lot. So I sleep on the couch. My mum gets up several times during the night so I don't sleep much. X
---------- Post added at 13:53 ---------- Previous post was at 13:50 ----------
Here too.
My partner suffered sexual abuse as a child, and after nearly dying during the birth of our second child 4 years ago she suffered a massive PTSD reaction and now suffers with a severe form of schizophrenia called DID. She will 'switch' when under stress, and I'm the one that's on 'call' 24/7 just in case.
We're lucky really, we had funding granted for a very, very expensive form of therapy for 5 years which isn't available on the NHS, and it includes a substantial budget for me too.
My anxiety used to rocket when she used to switch, it was absolutely terrifying, some of them are suicidal. Together we've learned of ways of coping with it though.
So anybody that suffers with anxiety and cares for others too get's big hugs from me. :bighug1:
Ah, this is got to be the very definition of love. Very, very few people would stay in a relationship like this. Much respect to you Joe x
Yes Lissa, my mum passed away nearly 2 years ago. :(
You can only do your best and your mum will be very aware of that. You are also human, so don't despair when you feel short fused or angry. It is harder on you than your mum Lissa. I mean emotionally. It's OK to get upset and you can only take everything in your stride. :hugs:
Warmest wishes to you and your Mum, Lissa. I hope things are manageable and that you are able to have some quality time with your Mum xx
Yes Lissa, my mum passed away nearly 2 years ago. :(
You can only do your best and your mum will be very aware of that. You are also human, so don't despair when you feel short fused or angry. It is harder on you than your mum Lissa. I mean emotionally. It's OK to get upset and you can only take everything in your stride. :hugs:
Oh Carnation, I'm sad to hear that. You sound like an amazing daughter and a very kind person. I do get irritated very easily, luckily I have a dog so if everything is getting too much a long walk usually sorts my head out. I honestly think it's my dog that keeps me sane some days!
---------- Post added at 14:39 ---------- Previous post was at 14:36 ----------
Warmest wishes to you and your Mum, Lissa. I hope things are manageable and that you are able to have some quality time with your Mum xx
Thanks Pulisa! Merry Christmas to you and yours too. How's it been? I've just passed my test and got a car a few days ago but worked up the courage to take mum and the dogs on a little run to the woods where we had a small walk. V proud of myself haha it'll probably be another five years before I work up to dual carriageways! X
Sending you best wishes for Christmas Lissa and a cuddle for your mum and dog. x
ankietyjoe
25-12-18, 19:45
Ah, this is got to be the very definition of love. Very, very few people would stay in a relationship like this. Much respect to you Joe x
When I was in my dark years of anxiety, she was there for me all the time. We have two children. To leave, would to be a complete a55hole.
I'm not saying that some days I don't think that I just can't do it any more, because I do think that. But it's just not an option.
Good for you, Joe. Plenty of people would but loved ones are much more than their mental health diagnosis and there are ways to work through the hard times together.
Hi Lissa, I'm not sure I count as carer , I don't really see myself as that because my partner who has long term physical health problems ( heart and respiratory) and mental health issues ( depression, several suicide attempts ) the reason i don't see myself as her carer is she is as stubborn as a mule and hates anyone looking after her even Doctors , she usually discharges herself from hospital against Doctors orders .
I feel for you with your mum as my mum has become very ill this year she was recently in hospital which takes over your life trying to be there everyday, she isn't going to get better this time , my brother lives with her she has serious health issues and the beginning of dementia ( no short term memory so the same questions again and again) , I help out as much as I can but I do feel huge guilt that he is with her so much .
I guess we just do what we can .
Take care .:hugs:
Hi Lissa, I'm not sure I count as carer , I don't really see myself as that because my partner who has long term physical health problems ( heart and respiratory) and mental health issues ( depression, several suicide attempts ) the reason i don't see myself as her carer is she is as stubborn as a mule and hates anyone looking after her even Doctors , she usually discharges herself from hospital against Doctors orders .
I feel for you with your mum as my mum has become very ill this year she was recently in hospital which takes over your life trying to be there everyday, she isn't going to get better this time , my brother lives with her she has serious health issues and the beginning of dementia ( no short term memory so the same questions again and again) , I help out as much as I can but I do feel huge guilt that he is with her so much .
I guess we just do what we can .
Take care .:hugs:
Hey Buster, you sound like you also have a lot on your plate. Having had a ten year relationship with a bipolar sufferer I totally get the strain and hard work that can be involved. Sometimes it's hard to see the person you know that they are.
So sorry to hear of your mum's poor health. It's so sad to see a loved one deteriorate. As long as your mum and brother know you're there for them it will be a huge comfort x
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