View Full Version : Normal people don’t check.
My hubby an I were talking last night about my lymph node worries and I asked him “do you ever check your neck or surrounding areas?” And he said “no... no doctor ever tells patients to regularly check their neck.. it’s not something you do...” Which got me thinking... uh normal people aren’t sitting around feeling their neck for lymph nodes. They’re not sitting there trying to feel a lymph node in their collarbone. They Just Live. Why can’t I trust my body more? Why can’t I trust that it will tell me if something is wrong like a “normal person”? I just need to keep reminding myself of this. Just some food for thought.
I'm in exactly the same situation. I have lymph nodes all over my body and I have been absolutely obsessing over them, as I keep poking around I have found more and more. I think I have around 10-12 I can feel now (3 in my neck alone). I get so frustrated with myself because I know if my brain worked normally that I wouldn't be constantly looking for them. My boyfriend never looks for lymph nodes and he thinks I'm stupid for always looking for them on my body. It takes so much for me not to worry and examine my body all hours of the day. It is absolutely exhausting being on edge 24/7.
"Normal" people (those without the chronic anxiety) don't do most of the things those of us with anxiety do. They don't feel for things, they don't compulsively self-test, they don't stay up late at night with their mind racing about everything. That's why things like therapy are helpful, because they teach you to retrain your brain to react appropriately rather than holding onto things and dwelling and obsessing.
MyNameIsTerry
02-01-19, 17:04
"Normal" people (those without the chronic anxiety) don't do most of the things those of us with anxiety do. They don't feel for things, they don't compulsively self-test, they don't stay up late at night with their mind racing about everything. That's why things like therapy are helpful, because they teach you to retrain your brain to react appropriately rather than holding onto things and dwelling and obsessing.
Agreed. I have never had HA elements to my anxiety so when it comes to the lumps & bumps and all the things you guys worry about on this board I'm just not the same as you. I relate to my health the same as someone non anxious.
But my GAD & OCD work in other ways and that's when the exact same issues appear for me, it's just the context has changed.
I admit I have always hated anxiety symptoms but the difference for me is that I know that's all they are. But it doesn't make a bit of difference whether someone thinks they have cancer or is afraid of leaving their house, fear can take us all to the same extremes so we can understand what it's like finding a way out of this maze despite our differences in themes.
Agreed. I have never had HA elements to my anxiety so when it comes to the lumps & bumps and all the things you guys worry about on this board I'm just not the same as you. I relate to my health the same as someone non anxious.
But my GAD & OCD work in other ways and that's when the exact same issues appear for me, it's just the context has changed.
I admit I have always hated anxiety symptoms but the difference for me is that I know that's all they are. But it doesn't make a bit of difference whether someone thinks they have cancer or is afraid of leaving their house, fear can take us all to the same extremes so we can understand what it's like finding a way out of this maze despite our differences in themes.
Very true on what you and him said. Can you tell me the difference between how you react to something abnormal with your health? I understand your ocd doesn’t manifest itself as HA but I really need perspective and want to hear from those who don’t spend every waking hour thinking about a lump or disease. If you were to see something random do you shrug it off? I want to understand the thought process behind someone who doesn’t think like me if that makes any sense.
I think about this as well Goldie!
I have honestly been able to feel my lymph nodes for close 15 years. I’m 31 now. A lot of them are shotty nodes. When I had initially felt them they felt huge and fixed but almost all of them have gone down in size and are now freely movable. However, they’re still there and palpable. I don’t give them any thought anymore. This strange one I found below my collarbone is freaking me out and yes I googled myself to hell, but now I am trying to reason myself. I know that my breasts get sore during my period, perhaps that is what has caused the lymph node to swell NOT breast cancer. Technically I have always had an armpit lymph node swell during my period then perhaps this is the same. I’ve also breastfed my kids and suffered from mastitis, maybe this is what caused my node to swell and I just happened to notice it now.
Also, I’m the opposite, I never go digging because I’m too afraid to find something. This one I found because I could see something sticking out under my collarbone (the rib). I’m a little asymmetrical because the other side is there too but not as prominent. That’s when I felt both properly and they feel very much the same except for this tiny lymph node on my left side. It is movable and a little rubbery but quite small. So anywayyyy long story short, I’m convincing myself it’s nothing and to just focus on life, my kids, husband and my parents. I’m starting yoga and meditation - tonight is the first class. Just trying to keep my mind diverted from these dark thoughts.
Also. My husband is the same. He never googles anything and I ask him why and he says it’s because he doesn’t think it’s anything bad and he can wait for his symptom to go. I end up googling for him and freaking myself out. He had a lump in his arm that I forced him to get checked. It was a lipoma or something, regardless my husband didn’t care and didn’t even give it a second thought
I used to have major HA, checking pulse, every single lump bump, mark, colour change, every single teeny weeny ache, pain or 'anomally' consumed me. I don't consider myself a HA sufferer anymore, and haven't for about 20 years, although at times I get glitches of worry about certain symptoms - but I consider them no worse than probably 'normal people' would worry about. The only time I've ever felt a lymph node is when it was actually swollen under my jaw (happens with ulcers I get a fair amount, and always have) and I felt the pain of it.
Some tips - don't go on the hyper vigilant looking and searching for things to check, as my policy is that 'anything serious will be far more obvious than having to go looking for it'. I have no idea what 'shotty nodes' feel like that people refer to lol I have had one serious condition in my life, and it was obvious - there was no doubting it really. If you have symptoms, ALWAYS presume the most likely and innocuous reason first, if the symptoms don't resolve then monitor and use self-reassurance and logic for why it isn't serious. I don't google for serious illnesses, and if I do look something up it would be the 'positive' side of it - e.g. treating a long term cough after a cold, treating a mouth ulcer that hasn't healed in a couple of weeks. I am of the belief that you just 'know' if something is really wrong, and if you need to question it over and over and analyse it then it probably isn't anything that is really wrong.
More tips - Accept that one day, in some way you will need treatment for something....in a long life the human body won't be problem free for most people. There's no point sitting fearing and waiting, as you will waste time waiting and checking when you could be healthy and free of worry. Acceptance that maybe you will have something, sometime, can for some people release their mind. For example, I've done lots of long walks recently and it has crossed my mind during them that in the future I might not be able to do them as I will be old, or maybe have arthritis or or or (who knows whats around the corner?) but today, now, and tomorrow, I am going to make the most of the fact that I CAN do those long beautiful walks.
Accept that the body isn't your enemy, that it is pretty darned good and evolved to deal with minor issues like small infections, viruses and illnesses, and trust that if anything was to go wrong with your body, people will do the very best they can to treat you.
Live your life - sounds simple right. However, there are some people on here who are so entrenched in fear of not being alive that they have no quality of life. None of us get out of this journey alive, its a fact, so moderate care towards your health is important but obsessive care ruins living. The people who are not worrying are the ones who aren't mentally suffering lol I have lipomas, lumps and bumps and all sorts of age-related physical changes, goodness knows whats happening inside....if I get anything that I consider worrying then I'll go get it looked at but in all honesty they don't bother me at all. I've only needed to see the doctor for my one major illness and nothing apart from a medication review in recent years - oh and a swollen red and burning up ear lol I never did take the anti-biotics though and it went on its own. I do have certain fears, don't get me wrong - I'm far from 'perfect' with a few other fears I have, but with regard to HA I hope I've found a healthy medium.
MyNameIsTerry
02-01-19, 21:05
Very true on what you and him said. Can you tell me the difference between how you react to something abnormal with your health? I understand your ocd doesn’t manifest itself as HA but I really need perspective and want to hear from those who don’t spend every waking hour thinking about a lump or disease. If you were to see something random do you shrug it off? I want to understand the thought process behind someone who doesn’t think like me if that makes any sense.
This is the thing, it just happens. If I see a lump I will have two possible response:
1) just look away and move onto the next thing I'm doing and not a care would register. It would be no more consequential to me than glancing at one of the bins in the backyard or a leaf on the kitchen floor.
2) feel a thought about it being something of note but a "rider" thought comes along intuitively that says "nah, meh". Then I move on again as with above.
Until you get there with your recovery this is going to seem alien to you or impossible. I've felt the same way about the CBT I was having when I was really bad but looking back, once I had made improvements, I knew my thinking was biased by my emotions.
I used to have problems with intrusive thoughts but I've resolved all that now. I will still get them, we all can, but the above applies to it. A "rider" of "meh" comes with it or it just flashes through very fast or I may think "what a stupid thought" or even laugh/smile.
Those were scary thoughts before I sorted this area of my anxiety out. Now I may as well have had a thought that I need to buy a bottle of milk when in the supermarket for all the height of emotions they bring.
This is what I think it feels like when anxiety is restored to normal. I've got lots to sort out in other areas but I can honestly say that with those I've fully resolved (intrusive thoughts, compulsions) this is how I respond now.
It may seem alien now but put yourself in someone else's shoes and you can appreciate how you can feel if something doesn't bother you. Imagine a thought coming to you that changing your clothes, using the wrong cutlery or eating the wrong meal on a certain day of the week will evoke tons of anxiety or cause something bad to happen to you even if you don't know what it is. How does this thought make you feel? Anything? Thoughts like that were big triggers for me yet those without such themes in their anxiety likely won't feel a thing. If that hasn't bothered you in the slightest, that's how my bumps & lumps feel when I see them.
This is the thing, it just happens. If I see a lump I will have two possible response:
1) just look away and move onto the next thing I'm doing and not a care would register. It would be no more consequential to me than glancing at one of the bins in the backyard or a leaf on the kitchen floor.
2) feel a thought about it being something of note but a "rider" thought comes along intuitively that says "nah, meh". Then I move on again as with above.
Until you get there with your recovery this is going to seem alien to you or impossible. I've felt the same way about the CBT I was having when I was really bad but looking back, once I had made improvements, I knew my thinking was biased by my emotions.
I used to have problems with intrusive thoughts but I've resolved all that now. I will still get them, we all can, but the above applies to it. A "rider" of "meh" comes with it or it just flashes through very fast or I may think "what a stupid thought" or even laugh/smile.
Those were scary thoughts before I sorted this area of my anxiety out. Now I may as well have had a thought that I need to buy a bottle of milk when in the supermarket for all the height of emotions they bring.
This is what I think it feels like when anxiety is restored to normal. I've got lots to sort out in other areas but I can honestly say that with those I've fully resolved (intrusive thoughts, compulsions) this is how I respond now.
It may seem alien now but put yourself in someone else's shoes and you can appreciate how you can feel if something doesn't bother you. Imagine a thought coming to you that changing your clothes, using the wrong cutlery or eating the wrong meal on a certain day of the week will evoke tons of anxiety or cause something bad to happen to you even if you don't know what it is. How does this thought make you feel? Anything? Thoughts like that were big triggers for me yet those without such themes in their anxiety likely won't feel a thing. If that hasn't bothered you in the slightest, that's how my bumps & lumps feel when I see them.
That makes total sense Terry.
When I was around 18 years old for a good year or two, I developed this thing where I 'had' to flick the kettle switch up just before it boiled. If I let it flick up itself then I got anxiety, I found these thoughts coming to me that I would die or something bad would happen if i didn't flick it up, which had me racing to the kitchen all the time. Needless to say after breaking too many kettles that eventually passed and now it doesn't bother me. Would this be classed as a symptom of OCD i guess?
---------- Post added at 23:39 ---------- Previous post was at 23:37 ----------
My hubby an I were talking last night about my lymph node worries and I asked him “do you ever check your neck or surrounding areas?” And he said “no... no doctor ever tells patients to regularly check their neck.. it’s not something you do...” Which got me thinking... uh normal people aren’t sitting around feeling their neck for lymph nodes. They’re not sitting there trying to feel a lymph node in their collarbone. They Just Live. Why can’t I trust my body more? Why can’t I trust that it will tell me if something is wrong like a “normal person”? I just need to keep reminding myself of this. Just some food for thought.
I've had the same conversation with my partner, you're right other people don't even check anything, and if they did they wouldn't be phased by most things we get worked up about. So it's not that other people don't have these Lumos, bumps, twitches and pains, they just don't give them the time of day
WiseMonkey
03-01-19, 01:37
I must admit my trigger is only health related issues. I don't go looking for things in/on my body unless some symptoms arise, then I can go into anxiety mode (depending what it is).
Having CFS and an couple of other autoimmune issues means that I have certain symptoms that do the rounds and flare up from time to time. Sometimes there is a new symptom which I have to get checked out but it's usually just another CFS add-on. Occasionally I can have 10-15 years between certain symptoms which means I have to get them re-checked in case it's something more serious! My Dr says 'never assume it's something autoimmune' as it might not be.
Over the years I've learned to relax more about things, but I do still get overly anxious at times.
I do try and stay on top of things by having my yearly checks, eating healthily and taking daily exercise. I figured that's the best I can do for myself.
flappergirl
03-01-19, 01:53
HA is funny cos we are all on the alert all the time and stressing about everything. I am sick of it :(
It carries on but like Carys said, I am realising that I have to try to come to terms with illness as being something that will/may happen some time. Many illness are curable or treatable.
Lots of people give me advice such as worrying changes nothing (my Mum who was diagnosed with NHL in 2017)... and it is true. I really need to kick HAs butt this year.
One other pearl of wisdom about Illness I will leave to My favourite doctors:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-Y9C3-DCrjM
I luckily don’t check for lumps so much but I do worry excessively when I feel a new symptom that persists for a while. Mostly these are manifestations of stress or anxiety. :doh:
Nice link to youtube :) 'If you hear hooves, just think horses....not zebras'
I can sympathise, over the past month I have:
- Repeatedly checked my right arm against my left arm for atrophy (MS worries)
- Poked drawing pins into my feet and toes to check for numbness (MS worries again)
- Prodded my feet for pitting oedema (kidneys, liver, heart disease worries etc)
- Testing the strength of my arms and hands (MS worries)
- Checking out poo and pee (bowel cancers / crohn's / bladder or urethral cancer)
It's been exhausting to say the least.
MyNameIsTerry
03-01-19, 17:09
That makes total sense Terry.
When I was around 18 years old for a good year or two, I developed this thing where I 'had' to flick the kettle switch up just before it boiled. If I let it flick up itself then I got anxiety, I found these thoughts coming to me that I would die or something bad would happen if i didn't flick it up, which had me racing to the kitchen all the time. Needless to say after breaking too many kettles that eventually passed and now it doesn't bother me. Would this be classed as a symptom of OCD i guess?
It's OCD behaviour, you can see the cycle in there. OCD behaviours can be present in many people though and it's when it becomes bothersome that a diagnosis is made. Otherwise all those clean kitchen people and safety first types would all be diagnosed too!
When I was a child I would spend time removing & replacing pen tops until they felt "just right". I would feel a strange tension with it. I also did the light switches for a few years.
They say children often grow out of these behaviours naturally. But if you were under stress it could be how it was manifesting in you. If it goes though, rather than leading onto more problems, it's perhaps more those transient childhood development periods?
It's OCD behaviour, you can see the cycle in there. OCD behaviours can be present in many people though and it's when it becomes bothersome that a diagnosis is made. Otherwise all those clean kitchen people and safety first types would all be diagnosed too!
When I was a child I would spend time removing & replacing pen tops until they felt "just right". I would feel a strange tension with it. I also did the light switches for a few years.
They say children often grow out of these behaviours naturally. But if you were under stress it could be how it was manifesting in you. If it goes though, rather than leading onto more problems, it's perhaps more those transient childhood development periods?
Yes it passed very suddenly but still sometimes i'll get the thought that I need to do it again, but realise now I don't. My partner thinks he may have something similar, because he has to do certain things in a certain order and he cannot go about his day if this doesn't happen, he's very routine orientated as am I but I guess when it interferes with your daily life and or gives you anxiety then it could be classed as a problem?
I was having similar thoughts today. For me, I am generally not a looker. I get anxious when a symptom shows up, but I'm not constantly looking (I have no idea where my lymph nodes are and how to feel them. Even when a doctor says they're enlarged from a cold or something I still can't figure out where they are supposed to be!) But, when I get sick I know my response isn't that of a typical nonanxious person. This was just pissing me off today.
I got a sore throat last Thursday that hasn't gone. And the few days lots of ear pressure, some ear pain, and some tenderness around that ear/my neck. My left ear is my Achilles heal because I have TMJ so my eustachian tube is all screwed up. This doesn't usually bug me, but a few months ago it got so bad that my teeth were hurting to the point that I thought I needed a root canal. I ended up going to a walk in clinic and the nurse prescribed antibiotics for an ear/sinus infection. I very rarely take antibiotics and I've never taken it for my ear issues. But since it was so bad and I was scared I had some huge infection in my head I took them. Then, I got horrible diarrhea and was convinced I'd get c. diff. It was such an ordeal for weeks. My regular doctor said I probably didn't need the antibiotics and it was all related to the TMJ.
So, now that the pain and ear issues came back I started to worry again. I wanted to do it right and see my regular doctor but she's on maternity leave and the covering doctor could only see me today if I came at 4 and waited at least and hour. Since I have a 4 year old I didn't want to do that. My next step way going to the urgent care, but when I stopped by it was packed. So, I relented and went to the walk in clinic at Target that I'd gone to last time. The nurse looked at my throat, said it wasn't strep, looked at my ear and said "the beginning of an infection" and prescribed me antibiotics even after I said I only like to take them as a last resort.
So, I started to panic, cried, and went to another urgent care nearby to get a second opinion. There, the doctor said there is only fluid, no sign of infection, and did a strep test, which was negative. He said no need for the meds unless it gets much worse or I get a fever.
So, I was relieved. But, when all was said and done I spent almost 5 hours of my day, exposed myself and my daughter to germs in two offices during flu season, and spent at least $100 for something I realize most people would just pop a pain killer for and call it a day.
I'm in therapy regularly and it helps dramatically with avoiding major spirals and day to day anxiety, but I still wonder if I'll ever be able to kick this aspect of it and be able to react to health issues the way a typical person would.
MyNameIsTerry
03-01-19, 23:25
Yes it passed very suddenly but still sometimes i'll get the thought that I need to do it again, but realise now I don't. My partner thinks he may have something similar, because he has to do certain things in a certain order and he cannot go about his day if this doesn't happen, he's very routine orientated as am I but I guess when it interferes with your daily life and or gives you anxiety then it could be classed as a problem?
Obsessive traits can be in so many people and can vary. Those successful people who work all day & night can just be a different type of obsessive. And then there is the PD version which differs again.
I assume with any such trait they will advise you to seek help if you or someone else notices it has become a problem.
With routine it again is something many people have to varying degrees. When it's to the point of it taking over or you can't cope without it then something needs looking into.
I think if fear us involved then you can work on it from an anxiety/OCD angle. When it's more about obsessive drive it's going to be tied more into reward seeking or perfectionism.
I used to have major HA, checking pulse, every single lump bump, mark, colour change, every single teeny weeny ache, pain or 'anomally' consumed me. I don't consider myself a HA sufferer anymore, and haven't for about 20 years, although at times I get glitches of worry about certain symptoms - but I consider them no worse than probably 'normal people' would worry about. The only time I've ever felt a lymph node is when it was actually swollen under my jaw (happens with ulcers I get a fair amount, and always have) and I felt the pain of it.
Some tips - don't go on the hyper vigilant looking and searching for things to check, as my policy is that 'anything serious will be far more obvious than having to go looking for it'. I have no idea what 'shotty nodes' feel like that people refer to lol I have had one serious condition in my life, and it was obvious - there was no doubting it really. If you have symptoms, ALWAYS presume the most likely and innocuous reason first, if the symptoms don't resolve then monitor and use self-reassurance and logic for why it isn't serious. I don't google for serious illnesses, and if I do look something up it would be the 'positive' side of it - e.g. treating a long term cough after a cold, treating a mouth ulcer that hasn't healed in a couple of weeks. I am of the belief that you just 'know' if something is really wrong, and if you need to question it over and over and analyse it then it probably isn't anything that is really wrong.
More tips - Accept that one day, in some way you will need treatment for something....in a long life the human body won't be problem free for most people. There's no point sitting fearing and waiting, as you will waste time waiting and checking when you could be healthy and free of worry. Acceptance that maybe you will have something, sometime, can for some people release their mind. For example, I've done lots of long walks recently and it has crossed my mind during them that in the future I might not be able to do them as I will be old, or maybe have arthritis or or or (who knows whats around the corner?) but today, now, and tomorrow, I am going to make the most of the fact that I CAN do those long beautiful walks.
Accept that the body isn't your enemy, that it is pretty darned good and evolved to deal with minor issues like small infections, viruses and illnesses, and trust that if anything was to go wrong with your body, people will do the very best they can to treat you.
Live your life - sounds simple right. However, there are some people on here who are so entrenched in fear of not being alive that they have no quality of life. None of us get out of this journey alive, its a fact, so moderate care towards your health is important but obsessive care ruins living. The people who are not worrying are the ones who aren't mentally suffering lol I have lipomas, lumps and bumps and all sorts of age-related physical changes, goodness knows whats happening inside....if I get anything that I consider worrying then I'll go get it looked at but in all honesty they don't bother me at all. I've only needed to see the doctor for my one major illness and nothing apart from a medication review in recent years - oh and a swollen red and burning up ear lol I never did take the anti-biotics though and it went on its own. I do have certain fears, don't get me wrong - I'm far from 'perfect' with a few other fears I have, but with regard to HA I hope I've found a healthy medium.
This is very good advice. I’m so tired of self checking. I know my underlying reasons for it (father passed from nhl) and am just constantly checking to ensure nothing is “there”. My husband and others on here knocking sense into me helps. I’m in therapy but I’m still constantly living in fear. I haven’t been checking my neck in a loooong time so for it to come back fast and furious pisses me off. I know rationally our bodies tell us if something is truly amiss. I remember talking to you Carys about my husband who was having very obvious symptoms. He even lost 20 lbs in a short time span. Even that turned out to be harmless ... I just need to keep remembering worst case scenarios are usually rare.
unsure_about_this
05-01-19, 16:58
I can't help self checking myself, I am worried about every bump, pain, lump etc.
Mainly i think it it the big c, even though I can't think rationally it something less serious
This is the thing, it just happens. If I see a lump I will have two possible response:
1) just look away and move onto the next thing I'm doing and not a care would register. It would be no more consequential to me than glancing at one of the bins in the backyard or a leaf on the kitchen floor.
2) feel a thought about it being something of note but a "rider" thought comes along intuitively that says "nah, meh". Then I move on again as with above.
Until you get there with your recovery this is going to seem alien to you or impossible. I've felt the same way about the CBT I was having when I was really bad but looking back, once I had made improvements, I knew my thinking was biased by my emotions.
I used to have problems with intrusive thoughts but I've resolved all that now. I will still get them, we all can, but the above applies to it. A "rider" of "meh" comes with it or it just flashes through very fast or I may think "what a stupid thought" or even laugh/smile.
Those were scary thoughts before I sorted this area of my anxiety out. Now I may as well have had a thought that I need to buy a bottle of milk when in the supermarket for all the height of emotions they bring.
This is what I think it feels like when anxiety is restored to normal. I've got lots to sort out in other areas but I can honestly say that with those I've fully resolved (intrusive thoughts, compulsions) this is how I respond now.
It may seem alien now but put yourself in someone else's shoes and you can appreciate how you can feel if something doesn't bother you. Imagine a thought coming to you that changing your clothes, using the wrong cutlery or eating the wrong meal on a certain day of the week will evoke tons of anxiety or cause something bad to happen to you even if you don't know what it is. How does this thought make you feel? Anything? Thoughts like that were big triggers for me yet those without such themes in their anxiety likely won't feel a thing. If that hasn't bothered you in the slightest, that's how my bumps & lumps feel when I see them.
Very good advice as well. Thank you for taking the time to write this. It’s so hard to believe that people don’t wake up in dread. Also whenever I have a good moment I immediately go back to the scary thought .. or checking. It’s exhausting. I hope with my therapy I get to be to that point.
I can sympathise, over the past month I have:
- Checking out poo and pee (bowel cancers / crohn's / bladder or urethral cancer)
It's been exhausting to say the least.
I guess at least you aren't alone in OCD checking of your pee. I always look closely in the bowl now after I pee to see if I see anything unusual, clots, specks, etc., in my urine since I had my episodes of blood in the urine.
Like the title of the thread says, normal people don't check, they don't do this like I'm doing, and I know it's kind of crazy, but I can't stopp checking. I absolutely feel so compelled that I must check and that I will miss something life threatening if I don't.
On Christmas day my sisters confronted me over my health fears. Before that I thought I was being subtle when asking friends and family if I could check their lymph nodes or CBC.
I've been obsessing over the same lymph nodes for 1 and a half years now. It's all made me consider getting real therapy, but I don't know if it will help. I think I'm afraid of somehow being right and all therapy does is dupe me into delaying appointments until it's too late.
But also, therapy will help you to realise that your fear of therapy is another anxious thought.
I had therapy and got some very valuable tools. Then I had some more and got some more tools, I think I could probably do with some more to be honest, but it has helped me to be a bit more realistic and I have a few more ideas up my sleeve now.
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