Sparkle1984
05-01-19, 11:23
My most recent episode of anxiety/depression began in late spring/early summer 2015. I went back on my citalopram medication (for the 3rd time!) and had several weeks of one-to-one therapy, which was really helpful. By about March 2016, I felt like I was back to my usual self, although it was a much longer and more difficult recovery than usual for me.
I was originally on 20mg citalopram, and for the last 18 months or so, I've been gradually weaning myself off following the doctor's guidance. For the last 8 months at least, I've been taking one 10mg tablet every 3 days, so it's a very low dose.
Since September 2018, I started feeling more anxious again, although it was nothing compared to how I was feeling in 2015. I noticed that I was ruminating more - going over things which had happened in the past, and imagining catastrophic outcomes (e.g. when someone sent me a scam text in September, I kept imagining to myself what could have happened if I had replied to it, coming up with extreme scenarios such as losing my life savings, my family hating me for falling for a scam, and being destitute when I'm older. Other examples were to do with near-misses on the road - I'd imagine myself being seriously injured or even killed if a crash had actually occurred).
In October and November, this anxiety died down a bit and I felt like I was able to keep it under control. However, in December the anxiety increased again and I've felt quite uneasy ever since. I don't actually have anything in particular to worry about in the future, so I feel like my mind is inventing nightmare scenarios based on near-misses that I've suffered in the past. For example, I ruminate over cases in the past where I nearly sent confidential messages to the wrong recipients, and only noticed just before pressing Send. Then I imagine all the awful things that could have happened if I had indeed sent the messages to the wrong recipients.
I feel like there is a gnawing anxiety in the back of my mind, so I'm worried that it's going to turn into a full-blown relapse.
Can anyone else here relate to the feeling of your mind inventing things to be anxious about?
I was originally on 20mg citalopram, and for the last 18 months or so, I've been gradually weaning myself off following the doctor's guidance. For the last 8 months at least, I've been taking one 10mg tablet every 3 days, so it's a very low dose.
Since September 2018, I started feeling more anxious again, although it was nothing compared to how I was feeling in 2015. I noticed that I was ruminating more - going over things which had happened in the past, and imagining catastrophic outcomes (e.g. when someone sent me a scam text in September, I kept imagining to myself what could have happened if I had replied to it, coming up with extreme scenarios such as losing my life savings, my family hating me for falling for a scam, and being destitute when I'm older. Other examples were to do with near-misses on the road - I'd imagine myself being seriously injured or even killed if a crash had actually occurred).
In October and November, this anxiety died down a bit and I felt like I was able to keep it under control. However, in December the anxiety increased again and I've felt quite uneasy ever since. I don't actually have anything in particular to worry about in the future, so I feel like my mind is inventing nightmare scenarios based on near-misses that I've suffered in the past. For example, I ruminate over cases in the past where I nearly sent confidential messages to the wrong recipients, and only noticed just before pressing Send. Then I imagine all the awful things that could have happened if I had indeed sent the messages to the wrong recipients.
I feel like there is a gnawing anxiety in the back of my mind, so I'm worried that it's going to turn into a full-blown relapse.
Can anyone else here relate to the feeling of your mind inventing things to be anxious about?