View Full Version : Relationship OCD?
Does anyone know about this? My therapist mentioned it and I'm looking for more info.....
Ruth x
Hi,
I am not sure exactly what your problems are but this is an article which may help you , it is about relationship obsessions, it is called 'loves me?, loves me not?',
http://westsuffolkpsych.homestead.com/LovesMe.html
Hope it helps!
x
hey,
so whats the problem? i have had very similar things to this - and my OCD had wrecked 2 serrious relationships and left me gutted - one of which was recent and i am still not over - abnything i can do to help you ? x
"my names lou and im a relationship OCDer"
i suffered from it really badly starting about a year ago for a good 6 months. It comes and goes now but so much more mildly!
Whats your symptoms?
I'm not as bad as I was 3 months ago, but basically fear and panic about what is actually a really happy marriage. It came completely out of the blue. One day I was happy and content and then the following afternoon - bang! It hit me! I can't really explain it, but complete panic about my husband, whether or not I love him, whether or not I'm happy. The whole thing makes me very upset. However, I KNOW i love him, the physical side of our relationship is fine and I know if he asked me to marry him again I'd say yes. BUT i can't stop the thoughts!
Any advice?
soudns like text book ROCD. Pretty much the same as me, after a while of being together and so in love, one night i recieved a mesage saying "I LOVE YOU" and BANG here comes the ROCD. Its horrible, i felt like i was lying when i told him i loved him, i felt like i felt nothing, thought i didnt fancy him, thought i'd cheat etc etc etc whilst at the same time i KNEW i loved him and everything about our relationship was (and still is) amazing.
the feelings you feel are horrible and i completely empathise with you.
but if you reasearch ROCD you'll find loads of peopl experiencing thoughts just like you.
your OCD is liek this big fat liar who makes you beleive the bad things and is dead scary. But if you just dont pay it any attention, all the anxiety iwll go away.
Not only are the feelings horrible, but eventually they make you believe you will never be able to go through with a serious relationship. I hate it so much!
halfwayhome
05-04-08, 03:28
That's interesting - for me the feelings are the opposite. Not that I don't love him, or would be happier with someone else, but that he will leave ME. Does that still "count" as ROCD?
I have that fear my partner will leave me, I look for signs all the time, voice, tone, etc etc - I have OCD, I always assumed my thoughts re my partner leaving me were due to my parents splitting when I was 13. Wonder if it's ROCD then? hmmm:unsure:
Hey there,
I am new here but you might be interetested in this forum
http://www.stuckinadoorway.org/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=53. There are several great threads on this forum including a long thread on on relationship OCD and a thread on Phillip Stevenson who has written several articles on ROCD.
Take a look...I hope it helps.
RDSC
Heaven_Scent
17-04-08, 17:47
I'm not as bad as I was 3 months ago, but basically fear and panic about what is actually a really happy marriage. It came completely out of the blue. One day I was happy and content and then the following afternoon - bang! It hit me! I can't really explain it, but complete panic about my husband, whether or not I love him, whether or not I'm happy. The whole thing makes me very upset. However, I KNOW i love him, the physical side of our relationship is fine and I know if he asked me to marry him again I'd say yes. BUT i can't stop the thoughts!
Any advice?
OMG. This is how i feel. I love my partner but im always questioning myself.
Omg, this is actually so relieving. I thought that it was just me, that I was falling out of love with him or something, even though I actually love him so much... but it's that nagging doubt that I'll end up hurting him or something in the end, that maybe he's not the one for me... I'm so glad I saw this, thankyou so much!
This is interesting, but doesnt everyone feel like this once the honeymoon stage has gone? I never thought these thoughts were abnormal as such?
My ROCD always hits when the "honeymoon" stage is over... around 6 months into a relationship, usually. In past relationships I didn't realize it was OCD, I was young and I actually thought I all of a sudden didn't want to be with that particular person anymore. But with my first serious, loving relationship came the realization that this is more than a normal feeling. I've been suffering from ROCD since the age of 15 and it hasn't gotten better, even though I'm with a guy now that I KNOW I love and he's someone I want to be with for the rest of my life. It's really horrible and it's ruining my life. Just getting past said "honeymoon" stage with my guy now and it's creeping back into my mind, and it's as predictable as ever- I'm not surprised it's back this time... I just don't know a) how I'm going to tell my boyfriend about it (he is amazingly supportive of my anxiety and OCD but I just don't know how to break this to him) and b) how I'm ever going to get back to normal and be able to get married and have kids (which is all I've ever really wanted out of life). Any ideas?
I'm not as bad as I was 3 months ago, but basically fear and panic about what is actually a really happy marriage. It came completely out of the blue. One day I was happy and content and then the following afternoon - bang! It hit me! I can't really explain it, but complete panic about my husband, whether or not I love him, whether or not I'm happy. The whole thing makes me very upset. However, I KNOW i love him, the physical side of our relationship is fine and I know if he asked me to marry him again I'd say yes. BUT i can't stop the thoughts!
Any advice?
SNAP!
I had this really bad when I first got with my boyfriend, my brain kept saying I was lying when I said I loved my boyfriend! It really is just your OCD playing tricks on you, making you think your a liar, making you think you're something your not. I know saying that wont make the thoughts stop but if you just ignore them or just pay them no attention, just let them carry on in the background, they will go away with time. All you have to do is shake your head, concentrate on something else and KNOW that there are loads of us that have been through exactly what your going through so you DO love your husband just as I love my boyfriend, its just the stupid OCD thats messing with your head!
Your brains like a naughty child, best way to deal with is it is like Supernanny, when its being naughty and loud just ignore it and let it get on with it, give it no attention and pretty soon it will stop being naughty!
funiXplayXbuni
20-08-08, 14:36
Hey!
I think i might i have this realtionship ocd.?
I just wondered if any 1 could tell me.
Im in a fantastic realtionship and i couldnt be happier with this guy. He loves me and i love him!
But theres always things gettin in the way.
A little while ago i kept on getting thoughts that i cheated on my bf! I would get these fake memories of me cheating on my bf and it would make me sick! And i would have 2 tell my boyfriend.. I would always say.. Steve i think i have cheated on u.. Im not sure but i think i have! It was crazy!
And now im starting 2 think am i still in love with my ex!? Deep down i no im not.. Bu in my mind it always says .. What would happen if u are.. You and steve would split up! and my mind always comapares them 2 2 getha.. steve always comes out better.. and i slaways think if i saw my ex again would i want him back.. Its horrible!!!!! I just wana be happy with my bf steve.. I dont want all these carzy thoughts in my head!!!!!! x
Can any 1 relate.???????
I’m noticing this ROCD is common among those who have fears they don’t love there partner or have fears they made the wrong choice? For me it is the opposite. I have fears that she will leave me. I constantly look for signs, actions, voice tone etc.. Does this still constitute as ROCD?
I am suffering very badly with anxiety with the same as you. My story goes like this. At 16 I met my first boyfriend, after around 7 months a very stresesful time happened with my brother causing him to lose his job, wife to be (wedding was around a month away) when I suddenly thought 'I dont know if I love you' After fighting the anxiety and like you upset because I still loved him or thought I did and was on fluoxetine. I was with this person for a further 3 years after and from the original bout I lost lust and it basically became like a brother/sister relationship. I continually had anxiety throughout and fought it, till I could not take anymore. I had terrible anxiety finishing it through guilt and seeing my ex so hurt. The thought know haunts me. Around 14 months on I met someone else who I am still currently with know, I was apprehensive in the beginning, again anxiety and what if came in, but soon disappeared, I moved in with him, spent everyday together, had our arguments like any couple but never had anxiety or thought I didnt love him over this. I am a home bird and never thought Id move out, but loved being with him, making our appartment our home, never wanting to give up my day off (sunday) for family because it was our only proper day together. Went on the best holiday ive been on with him, this christmas day he proposed - I had an inkling as he asked my ring size but I didnt think he would buy a diamond from over here and didnt want to be dissappointed etc so put it out my mind even then no anxiety just joy the thought of him proposing. I suppose I had been feeling a little depressed with work, and things didnt relate it to him. Had some slight anxiety which went away on the 29th Dec, this is after being elated that we got engaged christmas day. I was so happy, couldnt stop looking at him. Then came new years day - this is when the beast rased its ugly head. I suddenly had the same feelings - dread, fear, anxiety set in and nothing was calming it. As anxiety is I tried to let it pass as it usually can, but it got worse I told my sister eventually, then my mum who I both comfort to when im in the depths of dispear of anxiety. My fiance decided it was best if I went home and I was scared of all old feelinmgs or if I realise I dont love him etc, it has been the most awful bout yet. I am so confused and worried. I am back on fluoxetine (dont know if it works) and was given diazapam. I returned back to our apartment thinking I was ok after the doctors thinking I love him and its all coming back from before triggered by something, I had been there all week suffering previously before I came home and it triggered it so badly I couldnt stop shaking. I took a diazapam - it took over my emotions and I became numb. Upset I talked to my fiance and he said he could go through it no more and I agreed. I left and couldnt get hold of his mum I was so worried about him I drove to his parents house, in which his mother a trainee counsellor, sat me down and I explained everything. She said she didnt think it was the case either - that the pressure of money, job, going 100mph on wedding plans had broke me. I was still under the effects of diazapam and she could tell, I was so numb. We are trying to get through this and my fears are so strong like if its post tramatic stress of happening again I believe it is happening again but there must be an underlying trigger or reason? I am litteratly on the floor with this and dont know what to do, all I want is for things to go back to normal. I have been praying, reading about it, find forums like this one. I was also unsure about staying on fluoxetine as it inhibits your reactions to love im just so worried. I havent been back to work and am losing the will. Please help if you can.
I am suffering very badly with anxiety with the same as you. My story goes like this. At 16 I met my first boyfriend, after around 7 months a very stresesful time happened with my brother causing him to lose his job, wife to be (wedding was around a month away) when I suddenly thought 'I dont know if I love you' After fighting the anxiety and like you upset because I still loved him or thought I did and was on fluoxetine. I was with this person for a further 3 years after and from the original bout I lost lust and it basically became like a brother/sister relationship. I continually had anxiety throughout and fought it, till I could not take anymore. I had terrible anxiety finishing it through guilt and seeing my ex so hurt. The thought know haunts me. Around 14 months on I met someone else who I am still currently with know, I was apprehensive in the beginning, again anxiety and what if came in, but soon disappeared, I moved in with him, spent everyday together, had our arguments like any couple but never had anxiety or thought I didnt love him over this. I am a home bird and never thought Id move out, but loved being with him, making our appartment our home, never wanting to give up my day off (sunday) for family because it was our only proper day together. Went on the best holiday ive been on with him, this christmas day he proposed - I had an inkling as he asked my ring size but I didnt think he would buy a diamond from over here and didnt want to be dissappointed etc so put it out my mind even then no anxiety just joy the thought of him proposing. I suppose I had been feeling a little depressed with work, and things didnt relate it to him. Had some slight anxiety which went away on the 29th Dec, this is after being elated that we got engaged christmas day. I was so happy, couldnt stop looking at him. Then came new years day - this is when the beast rased its ugly head. I suddenly had the same feelings - dread, fear, anxiety set in and nothing was calming it. As anxiety is I tried to let it pass as it usually can, but it got worse I told my sister eventually, then my mum who I both comfort to when im in the depths of dispear of anxiety. My fiance decided it was best if I went home and I was scared of all old feelinmgs or if I realise I dont love him etc, it has been the most awful bout yet. I am so confused and worried. I am back on fluoxetine (dont know if it works) and was given diazapam. I returned back to our apartment thinking I was ok after the doctors thinking I love him and its all coming back from before triggered by something, I had been there all week suffering previously before I came home and it triggered it so badly I couldnt stop shaking. I took a diazapam - it took over my emotions and I became numb. Upset I talked to my fiance and he said he could go through it no more and I agreed. I left and couldnt get hold of his mum I was so worried about him I drove to his parents house, in which his mother a trainee counsellor, sat me down and I explained everything. She said she didnt think it was the case either - that the pressure of money, job, going 100mph on wedding plans had broke me. I was still under the effects of diazapam and she could tell, I was so numb. We are trying to get through this and my fears are so strong like if its post tramatic stress of happening again I believe it is happening again but there must be an underlying trigger or reason? I am litteratly on the floor with this and dont know what to do, all I want is for things to go back to normal. I have been praying, reading about it, find forums like this one. I was also unsure about staying on fluoxetine as it inhibits your reactions to love im just so worried. I havent been back to work and am losing the will. Please help if you can.
That's interesting - for me the feelings are the opposite. Not that I don't love him, or would be happier with someone else, but that he will leave ME. Does that still "count" as ROCD?
OMG - I am like this so much!!! I ALWAYS worry "what if a girl starts at his company and she's hot?!" or "what if a girl trys it on with him"...
Even tho I know I can trust my BF totally - i still worry about other girls and I feel sick at the thought of him even getting checked out!
I think I have low Self Esteem as well and it doesn't help at all.
Anyone else like this?
How can I get better?!
Thanks
I'm the same. I'm in a fairly new long distance relationship and he's had to cancel our plans to meet a couple of times. I'm torturing myself with the thoughts that he's lying to me about why he's cancelling. I'm becoming a stalker, checking who he's talking to on the internet site that we met on and feeling sick everytime he's chatting to a female friend.
I'm supposed to be travelling to his tomorrow evening for the weekend but I have this dreaded feeling he's gonna cancel it last minute. He knows I have issues and he tries so hard to put my mind at rest, but its just not working.
I'm also supposed to be meeting some of his friends on saturday night at his local pub and I am so scared that they will hate me and try and get him to end it with me. I'm 36, but feel like a 15 yr old insecure schoolgirl right now.
Hi there - Its a relief to know that there's people like us out there!
I wish the ROCD would just go away NOW!
Keep posting please! x
I am so glad that I found this listing. I've been dating a great guy for the past three months and my obsessive thoughts have been driving my anxiety up the wall. I had a total melt-down on Tuesday and almost broke up with him. They were all thoughts built upon thoughts. I have thoughts like, "I wonder if he's right for me," and "Am I making a mistake," "Why don't I feel huge fireworks," and the list goes on and on. We get along great and we're super comfortable with each other. I think that my doubts are keeping me from letting him get close. This is my first real relationship and it's terrifying. Does anyone else experience this?
Hi guys, try looking at http://forums.stuckinadoorway.org/forumdisplay.php?f=53 this site helps me alot x
psychocandy
05-02-09, 14:01
OMG !!! This is so spooky...
Never even heard of ROCD before but some of this stuff rings so true for me.
Been married for 12 years together for 19 years. Over the last years, I've just become so worried about everything in my relationship.
Worried that shes having an affair, doesnt love me. Goes out too often, spends too long on facebook. Didnt kiss me on the lips this morning only the cheek. Is is bad mood because of me. Is bored with me. Hasnt said she lover me for ages.
Then I think the marriage is over. I'd be better off on my own. I think of living on my own. Whaqt would it be like.
You name it I've worried about it. Usually a different thing every few days....
My pdoc has put me on anafranil (clomipramine) so I'm guessing he can see the OCD side of me. Only been three days so far....
PHOBIA MAN
05-02-09, 22:21
To those of you that feel that you are 'In two minds' about your partner/relationship, I suggest you find an NLP (neuro linguistic programming) practitioner who can do what we call 'PARTS THERAPY' make sure they actually do THIS procedure as it can be very effective for inner turmoil, like the examples I see in some of your posts.
It is most likely they will be hypnotherapists that also do NLP, but make sure they are ofe with this technique, the results can be very quick, leaving a feeling of 'clarity'
contact me with questions if you like.
goldilocks
07-02-09, 22:22
Hi Phobia Man
I would be very interested in more details on Parts Therapy as I am sure many others would be on this particular thread! Please can you give us more detail of what it is and how it works (if that's possible??)
Thank u
G xxx
liljess_86
21-04-09, 04:50
Thankyou so much for this website. It has made me realise that i'm not the only one with this type of OCD. Thankyou again.
goingmadder
21-04-09, 12:00
OH MY GOD...
I've been panicking big time this past few days... I suffer from GAD but the predominant problem has been this... I never realised or even heard of ROCD... THis is like reading about my life.. THis has happend in every relationship since i was 17 all of which i have ended or caused to end unde the misguided beliefe they desever better than someone who has apparanltly suddenly lost the ability to love...
Does it happen to any of you about all relationships or just withpartners.. once mine is triggered it affects all relationships..even questioning my love for my own kids, my family, my best friends...
I'm in a wonderful relationship with someone i want to spend the rest of my life with but thsi weekend the ROCD went bam and iv been feeling so anxious and stressed for a few days and im so scared it wont pass this time...
Sorry but similtaneously glad im not the only one
Love and hugs
Coming on this website has a calming effect. I am so glad that there are so many strains of R-OCD and that some people worry they don't love their partner, and others worry that they don't love them. In my case, I worry that I do not love my boyfriend. He is my first love and we'll have been together for 3 years in August. He is amazing to me and has never once given me a reason to turn away. Still, my ROCD makes it sometimes makes it hard to feel my love or any feelings for him. I've been with him since the beginning of my last year of highschool, so of course my mind is going to wander... but I figure if I really wanted to break it off I wouldn't feel jolts of panic everytime I think about it.
READING THIS THREAD JUST LEAVES ME FEELING TIRED, USELESS AND LIKE MY WHOLE BLOODY LIFE IS ENGOLFED BY ANXIETY. I have believed all these years that i am working towards normality but this thread makes me realise how far away i am. i have had these problems with my husband for ages and although it comes and goes thinking about it, its the same anxious patterns as my GA. I am at a down point cos i have just decided to move out and leave my husband and my kids until i can sort out my head, i am scared but know i have to do it - i love them all so much but i feel like im climbing a mountain again. i keep telling him that he is part to blame for our communication problem but i think its actually all me cos of the anxiety now. hes a great da and husband but unless everythings exactly perfect i feel like i cant relax with him. think im just a nutter and would probably be better off out of it, at least for a while to .. well i just dont know!
To GAD:
I am terribly sorry that reading this thread did not make you feel better. I hope you find some reassurance that you are not alone with your feelings/thoughts. I'm on the other side of the globe and I feel your pain!
I know that I am young, am not married and do not have children to care for. I know that I truly can not empathise with your situation since you are a little deeper into it. I have only been with my boyfriend for 3 years, but I can honestly say that taking time apart has been the best experience for the both of us. We see each other when we need/want to see each other. This has helped my anxiety calm down (well, some days) and has helped me realize that I truly do love him. Like I said, I know there are more lives than just one riding on your decision to seperate yourself, but I think you're doing a good thing. I know it may not mean much coming from a complete stranger, but I just want you to know that I think you're doing the right thing. Ultimately you are your own person and do not owe anyone anything, so get yourself straightened out. I'm sure your family will be waiting with open arms once you figure out they're where you need to be:)
goingmadder
29-05-09, 16:18
Hey Amanda...
ROCD sucks in such a major way, Im sorry you havin to deal with it too...
I have the same type as you... it comes in bouts and can last anything from a few hours to a few days up to about a week at most then suddenly it goes away for a while and im back to being totally loved up....
Lots of things tend to trigger it and in my case its made worse by jealousy... My own insecurities, i suffer the other side of the coin to , i find it hard to beleive someone as wonderful as he could possibly be in love with... When both side spin together i flip, become overwhelmed by guilt, jealousy, fear, ripped by anxiety, i feel sick, hot, light headed, hard to swallow... Its truly amazing in a bad way....
The only thing saving me right now is this site and reminding mself its a bout and will pass...
On top of it all i suffer from GAD although undiagnosed, i know i have it. Im lucky in a sense if i get all of it in one bout rather than a week of one trail of thought a week of another and a 3rd of the last ... if that makes sense....
I know i love him, hes the best thing that has ever happend to me and yet i can not break free from the ROCD... I wouldnt wish any of this on my worst enemy, and thats saying something...
It perfectly natural to question your emotions, but with people like us, we get hooked on the question, and analyse and mutate the thought and expect a certain feeling and when its not there we feel guilt and convince ourselves that the mere fact we questioned it must me we dont love them... and thats Bull ....
Find ways to relax, get yourself some rescue remedy, and keep reminders that its just a bout and IT WILL PASS....
In my own personal opinion under no circumstances tell your man about your doubts unless you are absolutely sure you do not love him. Telling him will do nothing but make him feel insecure and inevitably cause a rift that may be irreprable. Talk to friends or family or keep coming on here.. pm me any time you want!
If anyone disagreess please feel free to say so... its just in my experience making someone else feel insecure to quench my own "fake" guilt did nothing but cause harm
Big hugs to you
XXX
Are any of you members of 'Stuck in a doorway'? If not, I'd suggest joining! They have 3 threads focused solely on ROCD, 2 in the archives, and the other one, ROCD #3, is still active.
goingmadder
08-06-09, 11:46
thanks june bug,
stuck in a door way sounds familiar... I'l look it up
x
im wondering what you mean by relationship phobia and wonder if its the same as this... whenever i meet someone i like a lot i get obsessed with them and our relationship. i want to be with them all the time. i worry all the time about what they are REALLY thinking. where they are if not with me. if they mean what they say to me when they say they love me. if they will end the relationship. etc. i get dizzy, shake, sweat and headaches and stomach aches over it. anyone else like this?
goingmadder
09-06-09, 14:39
Hey all...
Just venting ...sorry... I've posted a couple times on this thread... i suppose it what i relate to best right now...
Everything is absolutely fine no reason to worry yet it just won't budge...
I suppose fear of committment is a big issue or trigger im not sure.. find it hard to figure out...
me and the kids are moving in with my gorgeous man, me and him are currently in the process of decorating and preparing the house... I know this is what i want, I know we make a fantastic team and we have a great time together... i know when the anxiety is gone i am totally head over heals in love with him...
Unfortunately Im bang in the middle of a bout of ROCD yet again ... I hate this so much.. i know it's all faulse thougths yet i can't budge them... I feel so terribly guilty and doubt myself and my feelings for him... I feel like a liar when i say I love you and feel that he deserves better than me. I wish it would go away.. whats worse and iv said this before, is I start to doubt the ROCD and GAD... i question whether it really is down to that or if the thoughts are real and im using ROCD and GAD as an excuse for these lies?
I can feel the anxiety taking hold of me and my brain becomes so loud like a crwoded room... a thousand thoughts and images all at once....
Is it really so much to ask to just be able to BE... to simply be in love and enjoy it?
I'l have to take my own adive i suppose and keep reminding myself that it will pass....
GRRRRRR.... Its exhausting..
When i'm going through a bout i act differently without realising, like I become slightly more distant, don't kiss and cuddle him spontaneously, don't say i love you as often, i don't realise it when its happening but he does and mentions it now and again... I feel like such an evil person...
Conversely I just wanna be with him.. i wanna be around him all the time... I think about him all the time.. I wish we didn't have to go to work and we could just stay at home together all day...
He's such a lovely gorgeous caring affectionate beautiful man and I'm so scared of losing him or leaving him because of the ODC and GAD...
I want to marry him someday, and have children with him... I want to build a life with him... yet I can't budge the doubting and anxiety....
Venting over...
thanks to anyone who's read to the bottom :o )
big hugs all
XXX
Hi toystry23! Sweden calling=)
Im glad that i saw what you written! Im feeling pretty much the same as you and its killing me! I met a wonderful man and we been together a couple of months. I have never met a man like him. Hes so nice, warm, respectfull,careful and has big safe arms. Our interests are the same and i know he loves me very mutch.
Like you this is my first real relationship. Before this i have a bad experience with guys and i have been letting down more than once.
Mayby my bad experience is something who is getting away from the relationship Im in now? Im not used to be happy...Im used to getting hurt. And then im building upp some kind of wall that im not getting over ( unconscious) beacause im afraid to be hurt again. Mayby may brain is unconscious is telling me that even this guy is going to leave and because of this im not letting my self getting really in love with him.
My tooughts are like yours
Is he right for me?
Do i love him?
Do i really wants to spend my life with him?
why dont i feel butterflys i my stomach all the time?
Am i just telling my self that my feelings of ocd is falce when the reason is that i dont love im?
and so on...
Im also is looking for signs if i love hem or not.This could be like looking att a photo of him because im want to feel what my feelings are. Im also can look att im now and than just because im looking for sings of what my feelings are. This is absolutely insane!
Im so afraid im going to destroy this relationship and discover that i do love him when i left him and he met some other girl. Im getting worrid with the thought that he is leaving me and the thought of seeing him with another girl is killing me! Despite this the awfall feeling of not being in love is nagging my brain several hours a day. Sometimes i just wana give up because im so tierd to feeling so bad that i does. Im wonder if this is getting over sometime or if im going to live with this feeling all my life.
This is my experience...i hope that i mayby have helpt you a little=). GOOD LUCK AND KEEP FIGHTING!! Think about that its often your ocd that thinks your not love him and not you!
CatherineH
04-05-13, 11:36
Hi - I have been married nearly 40 years but have recurring relationship OCD (can't think of any other way to describe it but it's out there on the internet, mainly from the US). I sometimes feel very panicky that I might not really love my husband. It sounds crazy but things can trigger it (and then after a while I feel OK again!) - usually comparing us to other couples we know (comparing is another obsession of mine!) or seeing something on television. We have talked about it loads and he tries to reassure me, but as with all obsessions the reassurance only works for a limited time before a 'what-if?' emerges. He's a lovely man - honest, totally trustworthy, kind, and the only person I can truly be myself with, who loves me unconditionally, and we share life philosophy, political views and ideals, as well as trips to theatre, countryside, walks etc. Because I am often anxious and depressed (I have a diagnosis of Borderline PD too) I get irritable and snappy and then feel terribly guilty about it and worry that that means I can't feel love. There are things we don't share - he isn't romantic and isn't that interested in clothes, for instance - and while that doesn't bother me much of the time, now and then it does, and then I worry that 'if I am so anxious about things like that I don't really love him'..... He puts up with a lot from me - I am not easy to live with though I do try to recognise my faults and we talk a lot. My depression and anxiety mean that I often don't feel happy or content and I feel so guilty about that and wonder if it's my marriage at fault that's causing it - even though I had issues of self esteem from my teens and have never felt OK about myself. I have such a lot to be thankful for but I wish I could shake this recurring anxiety - one of several obsessive worries! We've come through a lot of hard times bringing up two children, one of whom had a rare disability and mental health problems and I was hoping that once they were independent and we had more time to ourselves, I would feel better and more relaxed. The opposite has happened - I feel worse, more anxious, depressed and guilty and full of self loathing. I could go on, but I think that's enough for now - would welcome any constructive thoughts or contact with anyone who's been through anything similar.
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Animalhugger
04-05-13, 15:09
I've just read this thread and am wondering if it's what I am going through. just over 4 months ago I was perfectly happy. I have been with my husband for 9 years, never EVER thought about leaving him. In fact have always considered myself really lucky to have such an amazing man and relationship. 4 months ago I fell into a bout of PD and Depression, alongside that I had reaccuring obsessive thoughts/anxiety about children, wether I wanted them or not when I never really have. I almost developed a phobic response to anything child related..even the word family made me get knots in my stomach. During this deeply depressed and anxious time a thought popped into my head 'what if you don't love your husband?' since then it has grown into a monster. It was only a few days previously that I was telling my therapist how lucky I was to have him and talking about our plans together. I've tried to rationalise it to myself over and over by telling myself it's just a thought. My brain has gone through every scenerio of us breaking up which has increased my anxiety further. I tell myself that it's NOT going to happen so deal with it but it doesn't go away.. it's like a constant fight in my brain. I felt so low at how one little thought has potentially ruined my perfect life that I have even thought about taking it. I hate the fact that 4 months ago I looked at him with complete admiration and love and now I just feel uncomfortable, low, anxious and full of doubt. It can't be real but it feels so awfull. Incidently the child related anxiety has eased..i'm hanging in there in the hope that with the right meds, and time etc... that this will too
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