Having debilitating health anxiety after illnesses

[JennaMehl5]

I am a mom to 15 month old twins. Since they began daycare they have brought home a ton of illnesses to me. In Oct they gave me a severe case of hand foot mouth disease and I just haven't been well since. I am guessing since it's a virus it really did a number on my immune system as a month after I was better, I got a rare side effect of the virus where some of my fingernails peeled off. I had reas it can happen so I knew what it was when it began. In the last weekend of nov/first weekend of December I got randomly sick for about 2 days with fever, chills, sore throat and I had a very weird edema (swelling my my eyelids) the 2nd week of December my entire family got the flu. I luckily recovered in 4 days but after the flu, I still has bad throat pain like a sharp pain on one side felt like swallowing glass. For all of December I was just more tired than usual. We also moved the week I had the flu, so there was a lot going on. Right before Christmas I went to the ER for the throat pain (early dec I had gone to 2 urgent cares about it and tested neg for strep) but this time it came back positive. Antibiotics made it a little better but it still hurt on one side a little so I went back and told him I was freaking out anxious that I had throat cancer which he assured me I definitely did not. Last week I went to another urgent care and the dr said it sounded from my whole story like this all began with me having mono. He took my blood, walked out and said it would take max 5 mins but he came right back in and said it was positive on the monospot test. I'd had a feeling it was mono bc even the eye swelling is an early onset symptom plus the persistent sore throat and many people get flu and /or strep when they have it. Unfortunately I think the multiple illnesses and original doctors telling me they didnt know why had set me into a downward spiral. I started having anxiety, night sweats, insomnia and I felt nauseas and scared and worried non stop. I couldn't eat much bc of the worry and lost weight. Stupidly I saw that in very rare cases a monospot positive can mean you have lymphoma instead of mono. That coupled with night sweats just turned me into a mess. I also unfortunately suffer from psychosomatic illness where I actually get a mild fever when my anxiety is raised for a long time. My face feels burning hot and my temp will read around 99. And of course low grade fever also a cancer symptom. I've also had a little post nasal drip cough just a nagging cough here and there. My dr did a full CBC to check my liver and spleen bc mono can effect those and he wants to just make sure my blood counts were ok. Blood work confirmed epstein barr infection and he said my blood counts and my blood work for my organs were all absolutely perfect. I was still an anxious mess convinced I had cancer. I talked to my best friend the other day who has bad anxiety and I asked if she gets night sweats and laughed and said she has to change her pajamas multiple nights a week. I felt better and haven't had a night sweat since that was 3 days ago but I still keep waking up, having nightmares and insomnia. Today I was borderline panic attack all day because I am still fixated in thinking I have lymphoma. I took my temperature probably 500 times with temporal scanner and mouth thermometer ans of course it was high 98's or 99 degrees all day bc all day my face was burning hot and I felt sick to my stomach and was trying not to panic and cry. I dont know what to do. I clearly had mono. I even called back my urgent care dr and told him I was freaking out about having cancer and he said I am young (34) and besides the virus, healthy and he said if I had a blood cancer something would have been at least slightly off in my blood and he again assured me my blood was perfect. I just keep getting waves of nausea, hot flashes, cold hands and feet...its like I cant calm down. Every time I think I'm ok another wave of panic feelings come over me. Saturday night I broke down crying to my husband and admitted all this to him (he had no idea I was holding in all this panic) and talked to my best friend and I slept so good that night and felt mostly ok yesterday but as the day went on the anxiety creeped back and I had nightmares and insomnia all night last night and today I'm a mess. I am waiting to hear back from a few therapists I called to set up therapy. I have had issues with this in the past but bit since my teen and early 20s ...it has been ok for many years but now its just terrible. Does anyone have any advice, ever been thru this?! I cant calm down and I am so upset.

[ErinKC]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

First of all, kids are horrendous germ factories. I have a 4 year old and we're still sick constantly all winter thanks to her preschool. It is definitely tough on my anxiety.

Second, 15 month old twins must be HARD work. Even without illnesses you would be exhausted. And, I assume you're working also if they're in daycare. You're a real champ for handling all this!!

I got absolutely debilitating postpartum anxiety after my daughter was born. Even though most people say it's within the first year, mine got worst right around her first birthday and I didn't finally get help until right around 15 months, right where you are. Don't think it's ever too late for this to be related to hormones and the overall stress of motherhood. I started seeing a therapist and it's helped me so much over the years.

It really sounds like you just have had totally crap luck with illnesses. I had an Epstein Barr virus in college and it was the worst, but it did clear up and I was fine. The cancer worries are definitely your anxiety getting the best of you since you have very clear explanations from the doctor about what's going on.

I absolutely get night sweats when my anxiety is bad, but it's not out of the question for them to also be caused by your body fighting the virus. All this, while so stressful for an anxious person, seems normal and like something you will get through for sure.

What you're experiencing sounds so much like how my anxiety was when it got severe.

I'll add that I also only had mild anxiety starting around age 18 that was completely under control for years and years until my daughter was born and then it was like the flood gates opened!

[JennaMehl5]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

First of all, kids are horrendous germ factories. I have a 4 year old and we're still sick constantly all winter thanks to her preschool. It is definitely tough on my anxiety.

Second, 15 month old twins must be HARD work. Even without illnesses you would be exhausted. And, I assume you're working also if they're in daycare. You're a real champ for handling all this!!

I got absolutely debilitating postpartum anxiety after my daughter was born. Even though most people say it's within the first year, mine got worst right around her first birthday and I didn't finally get help until right around 15 months, right where you are. Don't think it's ever too late for this to be related to hormones and the overall stress of motherhood. I started seeing a therapist and it's helped me so much over the years.

It really sounds like you just have had totally crap luck with illnesses. I had an Epstein Barr virus in college and it was the worst, but it did clear up and I was fine. The cancer worries are definitely your anxiety getting the best of you since you have very clear explanations from the doctor about what's going on.

I absolutely get night sweats when my anxiety is bad, but it's not out of the question for them to also be caused by your body fighting the virus. All this, while so stressful for an anxious person, seems normal and like something you will get through for sure.

What you're experiencing sounds so much like how my anxiety was when it got severe.

I'll add that I also only had mild anxiety starting around age 18 that was completely under control for years and years until my daughter was born and then it was like the flood gates opened!

Oh my gosh mine picked up right around them turning 1 as well. A lot of it is centered around health. I had a small cyst in my breast and freaked out it was cancer so I went 2 days later after some freaking out and had a mammogram and ultrasound which luckily came back totally normal just a small cyst from hormones. I feel like I'm being a bad mom because I am so preoccupied with my thoughts of having a horrible illness. I am seeing a pcp next week because I usually just go for my yearly but I realized I need an established dr and cant rely on urgent care. I don't know what else I could have done to tell me I'm fine. All my poking and prodding has not found any swollen nodes to biopsy. I have no pain internally to biopsy and my blood results were normal which you'd think would make me see I'm fine. I really hope therapy will help me stop this. Its ruining my marriage, my career and me. I mean with everything that I had done I am fine you would think, right?

[ErinKC]

Oh my gosh mine picked up right around them turning 1 as well. A lot of it is centered around health. I had a small cyst in my breast and freaked out it was cancer so I went 2 days later after some freaking out and had a mammogram and ultrasound which luckily came back totally normal just a small cyst from hormones. I feel like I'm being a bad mom because I am so preoccupied with my thoughts of having a horrible illness. I am seeing a pcp next week because I usually just go for my yearly but I realized I need an established dr and cant rely on urgent care. I don't know what else I could have done to tell me I'm fine. All my poking and prodding has not found any swollen nodes to biopsy. I have no pain internally to biopsy and my blood results were normal which you'd think would make me see I'm fine. I really hope therapy will help me stop this. Its ruining my marriage, my career and me. I mean with everything that I had done I am fine you would think, right?

My was always health focused, too. I think the huge emotional pressure of motherhood is just A LOT. Small things would get me worried that something was seriously wrong with me and I wouldn't be here for my daughter. It just because such an overwhelming fear. I went through illness after illness, spent so much on doctor visits and tests and urgent care, etc... It was just a nightmare. By the end I was just sitting in my house crying most of the day and it put so much stress on my marriage because I'd have to call my husband and ask him to come home from work because I couldn't cope.

It's definitely good to have a PCP in place so you have someone to turn to. Mine told me that she treats people for anxiety and depression more than anything other illness, so I'd definitely bring it up at your appointment, too. I was able to work through mine with therapy alone, but your doctor could also discuss medication options with you.

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Oh, and you are NOT being a bad mom! Motherhood is the hardest thing I've ever done. All we can do is our best and you are! And, focusing on taking care of yourself is so important and the only way you can be there for your kids.