Parental love as health anxiety trigger? Anyone else?

[ErinKC]

The root of my health anxiety is a paralyzing fear that I'll die young and miss out on my daughter's life. All of my health anxiety started when she was born 4.5 years ago. I've made so much progress over the years with therapy, but I still can't complete shake it.

Does anyone else feel so immensely overwhelmed by your love for your child/children that it's an anxiety trigger? I have recently noticed that when my anxiety is spiking I think I pull back or shield myself from my daughter because when I'm focused on her full on it overwhelms me and triggers me more. Like, I'll put the TV on or let her play games on my phone to get a break from so much intense interaction.

Since she was born my love for her has been so overwhelming to me that I sometimes don't know how to handle it. I will occasionally just start crying when I'm talking to her because she's so wonderful and then my mind immediately goes to this sadness at the thought of possibly not being here for her - both my own missing out and how terrible it would be for her since we're so close (I've been home with her since her birth).

I'm definitely bringing this up with my therapist next week, but I wondered if anyone else had a similar experience. There are plenty of triggers for my anxiety that I've discovered over the years, and I make it a point to avoid them - but I can't avoid (and don't want to!) my daughter. I want to be able to enjoy every moment with her, especially since she'll start kindergarten in the fall and I won't have as much time with her.

Any advice?

[fidgetninja]

Yes, that is probably my biggest trigger - I totally understand!

[Bakebeansrule]

I’m 100% with you and share your thoughts and feelings over this

[fidgetninja]

I also meant to add that medication has been life changing in helping, and I'm trying to get in to see a therapist. I think you speaking to a therapist about this is a great first step in trying to see it from a more rational perspective!

[ErinKC]

I also meant to add that medication has been life changing in helping, and I'm trying to get in to see a therapist. I think you speaking to a therapist about this is a great first step in trying to see it from a more rational perspective!

What medication have you on? I have waffled about meds for the last 4 years and always talk myself out of it as my therapist does help so much. But, I would love to be able to more effectively stop these relapses that keep popping up. I would tell anyone I know to try meds, but my health anxiety always stops me from doing it myself!

[fidgetninja]

What medication have you on? I have waffled about meds for the last 4 years and always talk myself out of it as my therapist does help so much. But, I would love to be able to more effectively stop these relapses that keep popping up. I would tell anyone I know to try meds, but my health anxiety always stops me from doing it myself!

Hi! I have tried several - Celexa, Sertaline (Zoloft), Lexapro, but the one that made all the difference was Effexor XR (75 mg a day, so a pretty low dose, though I have been on 150 mg a day in the past). Many people say the side effects are too difficult, but really the pros FAR surpass the cons for me. When you decide to come off them it can be a bit rough, but other than that, I don't have an issue with it. Without being dramatic, I can say it has saved my sanity. I'd be glad to answer any other questions for you if I can!

[katniss]

I wish I could provide some advice but all I can offer is some comfort in that you are not alone. I have this as well. You’ve summed it up so well. I agree with every single thing you’ve said. It’s not just my children though, I have this with my parents and husband as well. I have always had it since I was young enough to understand mortality. Whenever my husband and I are having a good time laughing and chatting, before I can actually appreciate the moment I start thinking what if something happens to me what will happen to his laughter then. It’s so ridiculous!! Love definitely makes us vulnerable. It’s like I can’t wholly enjoy anything. I appreciate everything and am incredibly grateful but I always fear mortality or illness. So I can never truly be happy because it’s always in the back of my mind.

[dodo]

100% agree. You’ve summed it up perfectly. Mine got a lot worse since I got divorced and ended up on my own too. And now I just feel like I can’t love another person as much as I love them as I’ve been let down by my ex but they have always been there. Makes sharing them very difficult too. If you get answers let me know!

[WiseMonkey]

My mother was an anxious woman, scared of everything but also personality disordered (NPD).

She also had an obsession with cancer often faking illnesses to get attention from people.

Her perceived fears definitely rubbed of on me (being the eldest) and also my younger brother.

IMO my stressful childhood later activated my CFS, which brings it's own stress.

ps. my mother passed away of old age (91) despite her fears and obsessions!!

[ErinKC]

My mother was an anxious woman, scared of everything but also personality disordered (NPD).

She also had an obsession with cancer often faking illnesses to get attention from people.

Her perceived fears definitely rubbed of on me (being the eldest) and also my younger brother.

IMO my stressful childhood later activated my CFS, which brings it's own stress.

ps. my mother passed away of old age (91) despite her fears and obsessions!!

Yes. I got this from my own mother who has had health anxiety as long as I can remember. Hers is focused both on herself and on everyone around her, so I grew up with her overreacting to ever ailment I had. Thankfully, mine does not manifest in this way so I'm never anxious about my daughter's health. I also make it a huge point to discuss my anxiety openly with her, which my mother never did. I explain to her that I have anxiety (and try to explain what that is in 4 year old terms) and so I sometimes get scared of things I don't need to - like sometimes she gets scared of monsters or the dark or other things that can't really hurt her. I see a therapist regularly, so I explain that just like you should go to the doctor for your body you should go for your mind, too, if you need to, etc... I'm so afraid of giving this horrible thing to her, so I really make a point of not passing it on. My therapist said that I grew up with a mom who made me believe that world was a dangerous place, so I definitely try not to do that with my daughter!

---------- Post added at 11:50 ---------- Previous post was at 11:47 ----------


I appreciate everything and am incredibly grateful but I always fear mortality or illness. So I can never truly be happy because it’s always in the back of my mind.

Yes. I almost feel like the emotion of love is so overwhelming that it needs to spill over into other things and so it manifests as anxiety. I wonder if there as a way to better deal with all the emotion and redirect it better if that would help bring some relief. I've talked about this issue with my therapist in the past, but never in super great detail so I'm definitely going to bring it up next week!

[NancyW]

This is the bane of my existence.
Reading this thread makes me want to sob.
My mind and heart are tortured by these thoughts and the best I can figure where it stems from is my father died when I was 1. Of course I don't remember him or his illness or his passing... but I am the product of being raised by a grieving family.
My mom never got over losing my dad. She poured her heart and soul into us kids but the fear in me is very deep rooted.

[ErinKC]

This is the bane of my existence.
Reading this thread makes me want to sob.
My mind and heart are tortured by these thoughts and the best I can figure where it stems from is my father died when I was 1. Of course I don't remember him or his illness or his passing... but I am the product of being raised by a grieving family.
My mom never got over losing my dad. She poured her heart and soul into us kids but the fear in me is very deep rooted.

I'm so sorry you experience this too and that it stems from a true tragedy. I cannot handle any story, article, TV episode, movie, etc... that involves a parent dying. (Basically the origin story of every Disney character, btw! So many dead mothers!)

I just have such a hard time handling the implications/high stakes of this much love. For me I think it started because after my daughter was born I had so much postnatal anxiety about keeping her safe that I became a complete control freak about everything - I exclusively breastfed and wouldn't even pump to let my husband do some feedings and I quit my job at the last minute to be home with her. Once the fear of something happening to her faded a few months in, she had become to entirely dependent on me that the idea of not being here for her was horrific. I actually remember that my first true trigger was (stupidly/strangely) an episode of Mad Men. My daughter has the same name as the daughter in that show, and in a late season her mother dies of lung cancer and she writes her a goodbye letter that starts, "Dear S... " . I sat there sobbing and it implanted this horrible thought in my mind.

These are the things about motherhood that no one tells us.