I'm tired of this

[gg478]

I'm going to apologize in advice because I'm going to go on a little rant. I'm sorry.

I'm tire of how I am I'm tired of having HA it has done nothing but cause me trouble. When ever I find something it worries me thinking I have cancer I hate this I hate that I can't stop worrying or thinking about it. I hate that it comes in waves like I would go a good couple of weeks then all of a sudden find something or have someone bring up cancer and I go right back to where I was. I wish I could go back to normal I never been afraid of getting sick I was never constantly looking discovering things. The fear of me getting cancer or some disease never once cross my mind now I can't stop worrying about it. I'm just so sick and tired of being this way I'm only 20 I hate how I am I hate myself for being this way I just tired of HA it keeps me up some nights it puts me in depression and when I think it's finally over it comes right back with a new cancer fear. I've been doing everything I can to better myself I've been riding an exercise bike for 30 mins almost everyday, I'm trying to eat better, I already don't smoke, I'm starting to meditate, I can't afford counseling plus all the therapist that I've seen growing up never really helped me with anything. I really don't know what else I can do to help better myself and help better my HA right now I'm currently worrying about oral cancer I can't get into see my dentist until march so my HA has been all over the place I really have been trying to control it but it just keeps getting harder. My family is tired of hearing my worries so are my only two friends and I don't blame them they done all they can do to help me. I don't if any of you any advice or anything that you do that helps you deal with but I would like to hear about them. Again I just want to apologize for the rant I'm just so tired of this. If you make it all the way down here I hope have a good day and hope you are doing well.

[BrightPhoenix]

I know how it feels. It's frustrating where you have these periods where you feel ok, but if you get a symptom that *won't go away* your brain ends up getting preoccupied with it.

It sucks that you're stuck in that "college person without insurance" hole that a lot of folks your age get. You should be able to get insurance through your parents' working, and if so then you should be able to see therapists and it shouldn't cost too much.

I THINK there's some free/low cost clinics with therapists that can help you available - I would ask around. Your mind is stuck in a feedback loop, and that feedback loop is nasty if you don't have the tools to deal with it.

[Twisted-Melody]

I really feel your worries :( I've had HA since I was about 10, though it got much worse when I started living on my own. My mum was a nurse, so she was my "safety net" for anything wrong with me. Now, I have to rely on myself (Google, in other words) which is not a good route...

Now, I work at home on my own. I'm 31. Recently (due to an illness) my HA has again reared its ugly head, but prior, for the first time in a while, it really felt like I was starting to get it under control. I know this may not help you right now, but it gets better with age. Now that I have something actually wrong with me, I realise how silly I was wasting so much time worrying about nothing. At the same time, a little bit of HA can be good - best to check your body and go to the doctors if something is odd. But when it takes up whole days, it's really awful. It makes me depressed and want to die sometimes.

But anyway, I want to try and help/ give you some advice. Though I'm in a rough patch now, what's helped me is therapy, meditation and rumination time i.e. give yourself only 30mins per day to worry about whatever it is you want to worry about. Google if you want to, or just sit and panic. But do it somewhere different (not bed, workplace, couch) - choose a spot you'll come to associate with worrying. Do this every day and soon you'll start thinking "I don't want to do this. It's a waste of time." You start to disassociate from it :)

It's really hard to do too! But honestly it helped me. Getting out of my head helps too, on days where the thoughts just won't leave me. I will go and walk my dog in nature and focus on that. It usually gives me perspective: that I don't have to just sit and worry about HA on my own. Socialising with friends helps too.

As for talking to family and friends about HA, boy have I bored my parents and partner about it! No-one likes to hear it all the time, so you should try and have more fun with them. That's not to say don't talk to them about worries, but try and control it. Notice what you're doing: Are you doing it for reassurance? Do you think they're a doctor? If you're like me, you'll need to learn how to give yourself reassurance, that way, you won't constantly be trying to get it from others. You need to learn self-love and how to support yourself because others won't always do it for you. This can be really difficult to deal with, but try and focus on more positive things together, play games etc. Soon, I doubt you'll talk about it as much. Also, I'm sure these people really care about you and just don't want to see you worrying all the time.

Recently, I have slipped and started panicking all day. Tomorrow, I know I will do better to get it under control. At the same time, if my symptoms get worse, I will be making a doctors appointment.

Hang in there x

[gg478]

I want to say thank you to everyone who has replied talking about their experience and advice and here's the good and bad news for me I got my dentist to allow me to come in earlier to just check everything out just to make me calm down basically bad news for me is that I have to wait till Wednesday and trying to convince my brain and anxiety to calm down. So thank you to everyone who reply and told their experience with HA.