Health Anxiety has switched from mine to my husband's (cancer remission)

[cath34]

I've just suffered a horrible two months of health anxiety that has been focused on my own problems/perceived symptoms and I feel I'm just coming out of it now. However, it's like my anxiety needs something to latch onto so now I'm back to worrying about my husband who was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma three years ago (he is now in remission). I have no logical reason to worry that he's sick again except for the fact that he has a cold. I'm trying as hard as I can to refrain from asking him constantly if he feels OK because I don't want to stress him out and be annoying (he's the type of person who doesn't worry until there's a reason to worry).

I also feel guilty for spending the last two months obsessing over whether or not I have cancer when he's the one who went through it and all the treatments etc. He is 100% supportive of my HA and general anxiety but I feel like I've been totally selfish.

I just hate anxiety and am so, so, so tired of it and depressed over the loss of the last two months - I haven't been able to work or be there for my family properly. (I'm getting help and have an appointment with a therapist today).

Thanks for listening.

[cath34]

Just adding on to this in the hopes that someone will reply. So depressed at the moment - I just spent most of the day in bed, after a difficult night where I woke up sweating like crazy. My back hurts, and my stomach is hurting again after it feeling much better for the last couple of weeks. I've had a cold for the past week so generally feel like crap, but I don't know why that would make my stomach and back hurt more. I'm not as much worried right now that I have some sinister disease (although it's always in the back of my mind) as I am anxious and depressed that I haven't felt well for the last three months and worry that I never will again. I forced myself to get up and do some work around the house today but that's about it. I'm trying so hard to address my anxiety problem (therapy, meds etc.) but today it feels like a losing battle. Any advice or reassuring words would be so much appreciated. I'm trying not to burden my family with this too much.

[Carys]

Hiyer Cath,


I'm really sorry you didn't get a reply. I'm a little mixed up with your two posts....you had some percieved symptoms, but it turned out ok that it was just HA. However, now you have a cold but lots of other feelings of being really under the weather both mentally and physically. Is that right? Then later I read you've not felt well the last three months?

I think you are being really proactive, and sometimes expecting too much too quickly can make you feel despairing. After all, you want it gone like NOW don't you. You've taken steps to move in the right direction after realising that your mental health needed addressing, and that is really positive - you are right to get yourself up and about and involved in other activities however hard that might feel. I am presuming here that any physical reasons have been ruled out for your 'under the weatherness'? Will reply further after you've had time to reply.....

[cath34]

Thanks for replying Carys, I appreciate it more than I can say.

Yes I guess my thread seems a bit mixed up, I'm pretty new to this forum and not sure about the etiquette, I didn't want to be posting too many threads.

Basically my story is that I've always had some HA, but experienced a bout of it in the fall that was extremely bad (way worse than anything I've had before) related to digestive issues. I was given an ultrasound and blood work that came back fine, but following the usual pattern, had trouble believing everything was OK as my symptoms persisted. I recognized that much of it had to do with anxiety, and have been seeking help for that. For the past few weeks my stomach has felt better, and I've been able to eat normally again, and the medication I was given seemed to be starting to help me, but because I was worrying less about my own issues, I started worrying that my husband is going to relapse (I think one of the reasons my HA has gotten worse is directly related to his cancer battle). He just saw his oncologist for his 6-month appointment and everything was OK, so I'm feeling better about that, but now I'm focusing on my own issues again, which include back pain and a recurrence of the stomach pain I was having before. I still can't help but feel there's something wrong, but I'm working on trusting my doctor and hoping that will get easier to cope with with therapy.

Anyway, all in all, I haven't felt "good" or "myself" for the last three months, and although the last couple of weeks have been generally better, this cold, back pain and the fact that my stomach is hurting again are getting me down and making me feel like I'll never feel well again.

Thank you for all that you wrote, you are absolutely right that I want it gone NOW :) and I realize that's unrealistic but sometimes I just feel so completely exhausted, and despairing (exactly as you said!)

Again, thank you for your kind words,

Cath







Hiyer Cath,


I'm really sorry you didn't get a reply. I'm a little mixed up with your two posts....you had some percieved symptoms, but it turned out ok that it was just HA. However, now you have a cold but lots of other feelings of being really under the weather both mentally and physically. Is that right? Then later I read you've not felt well the last three months?

I think you are being really proactive, and sometimes expecting too much too quickly can make you feel despairing. After all, you want it gone like NOW don't you. You've taken steps to move in the right direction after realising that your mental health needed addressing, and that is really positive - you are right to get yourself up and about and involved in other activities however hard that might feel. I am presuming here that any physical reasons have been ruled out for your 'under the weatherness'? Will reply further after you've had time to reply.....

[Carys]

Hiyer, don't worry your 'etiquette' was fine, was just trying to work out the timeline. :D



I think sometimes crises can take time to manifest themselves and clearly your concerns about your husband were massive at the time and are still ongoing. It may be 3 years ago, but that time-scale doesn't mean the impact psychologically isn't present. I have experienced the 6 monthly check-up scenario myself and the lead up, the actual event and the wait for results are constant reminders of the background health issue (and a trigger for you). It doesn't surprise me that you are switching between your own 'under the weatherness' and concerns about your husband, you are scared; scared that something will go wrong with his remission and also that you might have something wrong. These life-changing events, a serious diagnosis, remind you of the fragility of life and to anyone with a molecule of HA this is going to set them off.



Its a horrid time of year this post christmas winter thing, and even people who feel well and full of energy can feel low and below par at this time of year. Viruses, cold weather, low mood are all part of the factors in setting off how you are feeling now. I'm sure you will feel well again, and I really understand the despair you feel (I have a different issue in that I'm struggling with meno transition and some days its hard to imagine I will feel 'me' and well again too), but things pass.......and as time moves on healing takes place. Be kind to yourself, have treats, find things to do that you enjoy and think of Spring. x

[cath34]

Carys, you absolutely hit the nail on the head and put into words what I'm feeling, I'm so grateful that you took the time to write back!

I totally agree that what our family went through with my husband's illness, even though he's been healthy for three years, is still affecting me greatly - I don't think I realized how greatly. Hoping to work on that in therapy.

You mentioned that you went through the 6-month checkup thing too, I hope that whatever was the cause of that is resolved for you. I also feel for you with the meno transition, I'm not quite there yet but it's not too far in the future. Anyway, I wish you all the best, hope you feel better soon as well, and crossing my fingers for an early spring for both of us. :) Thanks again so much!

[Carys]

Hiyer, I was diagnosed with breast cancer ...ummm....3 years ago this coming March. Its life-changing, a 'new normal' has to be created afterwards. I'm not the same person I was before that diagnosis thats for sure. For the first year after diagnosis you are tied up with treatment and short-term worries, and then those concerns change as time goes on....is it really gone....what if it comes back....what if in 10 years....what if....and so it goes on. I am clear, or rather was at last check-up, :) and I don't think about it all the time, infact not too much at all, but there is no doubt that sometimes it comes back with a bang into my head. (usually if I feel unwell with something else or generally stressed) .

You are also so right, its a 'family thing' and the knock-on effects are rippled throughout. Coming to terms with certain aspects of a family member needing serious treatment take up your mind during the first months, but after that repercussions can be felt for a really long time.I was fortunate to have counselling over that period, specific cancer counselling, and it definitely helped. The families aren't involved in that though, and in your case it seems clear to me that you would (and will) definitely benefit from some talking therapy to work through things and put them to rest from 3 years ago. :D