Soda
23-01-19, 15:24
My long distance boyfriend is moving to my town in two weeks. Last time he was here I was a mess, very tense and just overly pushing him away. I was anxious the whole time.
I’ve convinced myself that I feel nothing, even though I’m pretty sure a lot of it is depression. There are certain things that I’ve been testing my empathy with lately. My boyfriend, a baby being born in my family...both I’m very numb about right now. Good things are happening and I feel like I can’t feel them.
I look at my boyfriend and there are no “sparks”, we have been together for a year. Is that normal? I still feel things when I kiss him, I feel like we are still building our physical relationship because we are long distance. But I’m just not in a sexual mood anymore and then the more I analyze that the more I can’t get there.
I was just in a good place yesterday, such a good place. We figured out how long it was gonna take for him to get here, I talked to him for a long while and felt very connected to him but when I saw his face on video I just thought “we are never gonna be as happy as we were in the beginning of our relationship, nothing is ever going to be fixed.”
We have a lot of arguments lately but most of them are spurred from tbe apathy because I just want to feel something (which I know is unhealthy.)
I just want him and I to get back to a warm loving place. I want it SO badly. I’m willing to fight for it so I know this apathy is just a blanket on me. But it’s so hard holding on when I feel like I’m not giving him enough by not feeling right now.
I’ve convinced myself that I feel nothing, even though I’m pretty sure a lot of it is depression. There are certain things that I’ve been testing my empathy with lately. My boyfriend, a baby being born in my family...both I’m very numb about right now. Good things are happening and I feel like I can’t feel them.
I look at my boyfriend and there are no “sparks”, we have been together for a year. Is that normal? I still feel things when I kiss him, I feel like we are still building our physical relationship because we are long distance. But I’m just not in a sexual mood anymore and then the more I analyze that the more I can’t get there.
I was just in a good place yesterday, such a good place. We figured out how long it was gonna take for him to get here, I talked to him for a long while and felt very connected to him but when I saw his face on video I just thought “we are never gonna be as happy as we were in the beginning of our relationship, nothing is ever going to be fixed.”
We have a lot of arguments lately but most of them are spurred from tbe apathy because I just want to feel something (which I know is unhealthy.)
I just want him and I to get back to a warm loving place. I want it SO badly. I’m willing to fight for it so I know this apathy is just a blanket on me. But it’s so hard holding on when I feel like I’m not giving him enough by not feeling right now.