View Full Version : Ex-BF told me he has HIV OMG
OMG.
I don't have the words.
My ex-boyfriend contacted me to catch up and told me that a couple years ago he was assaulted and got HIV. He claims this was in 2015. I was last sexually active with him in 2013. I got tested 5 times since then, up until 8 months ago was my most recent one.
I'm thinking what if he's lying about the date and he had it in 2013-and then I have it now but the tests aren't picking it up, because I waited too long... I didn't get tested until 16 months after we broke up but the doctor used the anti-body test. It's called ELISA or something antibody.. I know the antibodies develop up to 6 months after last exposure, but then do they disappear??? so since it's been years, should I take a different kind of test to be sure, or would the antibodies always show up to this day and the test would have shown otherwise??? Should I ask my doctor to do a different kind of test or am I being dramatic? I can't think rationally right now and my panic is an all time high
AMomentofClarity
25-01-19, 04:14
Slow down and be rational....
The antibody test is 90%+ effective after 3 months post exposure, 100% after 6 months.
You got tested 16 months later. You’re 100% in the clear.
Thank you for your response.
I haven't had any risky behavior since then either... do you think the antibodies would have showed up until now too if I had it? I took my last test 8 months ago.. I know that's 5 years later but I don't know if you're supposed to take a different "kind" of test for that kind of time lapse post-possible exposure
You'll be fine! I've had a huge scare, my ex told me that he got the antibody test and it was inconclusive and he might have had HIV, he then did it again and it came back negative, but since then I've always questioned him ... I asked him to go and get another one and he showed me the result of no antibodies detected but it still freaks me out that they thought he 'might' have had aids!
You'll be fine .... no .. sorry - you are fine.
---------- Post added at 05:25 ---------- Previous post was at 05:24 ----------
I also have a friend who has HIV and he's almost alway 'not detected' when he gets his tests done, he's super healthy and is living quite well with HIV ... I think it's a very different disease these days.
Yes, while you don't have HIV, it is rarely the death sentence it once was. I know someone who has been HIV positive and very healthy since 1991. It is getting to the point where it is more a chronic condition than death sentence.
No risk here. You can swiftly move on from this with certainty.
Good luck
Thank you for all your responses, everyone. I'm trying to stay calm and not to google. I just don't know if I should ask my doctor for a specific kind of test instead of the just the normal ELISA thing they did... only because I know those tests look for antibodies but what if my body doesn't have the antibodies anymore since it's been years and that's why they're showing negative? I did the at-home saliva test twice over the last 3 years but I don't count those just in case of human error... but from doctor's alone like blood work I've gotten tested at least 3 times that I can recall...all negative but again I think those tests were just looking for antibodies and not the virus itself. Is there a test I can request that would look for virus itself or is there a chance that it's somewere hidden in my body that these tests just are not picking up after 5-6 years..and that's only if the EX is lying and really got it in 2013 while we were together instead of 2015 as he's stating...ugh. And I feel bad asking him over and over again while he is tryng to get through his own stuff, know it's very selfis of me.
Why would your ex lie? Has he any reason to?
I think you've had all the tests you need already. You're getting in a tizz over this and there's really no need. You ask if you are being dramatic? I can easily answer that one....yes. Your HA is doing all the talking at the moment and shouting down your rational thinking. You're fine, really. Oh and don't google:D
jonur,
There is an expensive test called RNA - it actually looks for the virus itself and is 100 % correct. I see you are in the USA, and so am I. I had it last January. It is expensive ( $ 170), and since it is not covered by insurance, most regular clinics do not do that. However if you google RNA test, it will show you where you can get it in your area.
I hope this helps.
Shadowhawk
25-01-19, 14:47
Yes, while you don't have HIV, it is rarely the death sentence it once was. I know someone who has been HIV positive and very healthy since 1991. It is getting to the point where it is more a chronic condition than death sentence.
HIV or not, this is a point worth noting again. I remember reading an article years back about how doctors are having to manage HIV patients with typical "old age" problems (hypertension, kidneys, etc), because many (most) cases of HIV can be managed well enough that the disease is no longer the reason for mortality.
Now, those without money or means of access to medical care obviously won't have that consideration, but as a whole, while its not cured, is is largely more treatable now.
All that said, you are well beyond the timeline where you would have been showing positive on the tests. And beyond that, i would advise (given no further risky behavior has happened), to stop taking tests. HIV, syphilis, and others can have false positive tests (be it for no disease biological issues, or simple lab screw ups), which can inadvertently send you down a rabbit hole until you get a confirmation test (ask me how i know that........ :whistles:). Believe me, i know how hard it is to accept that you are ok, but literally, its the best thing you can do for yourself right now.
Thank you all for your replies. I've been reading them over and over throughout the last two days trying to calm myself down, and sometimes it works.
I gave in an emailed my GP and she said "after so many years, you should be okay."
It's the fact that she said "you *SHOULD* be okay" is what's scaring me... and she said as adults no matter what we should always get tested once a year at least, and I get that, and she said "You can get tested now if you want or just wait until our next physical exam" which is in July...
I'm just hoping that antibodies weren't hiding after all these years or disappeared and it's the KIND of tests that they were giving me that wasn't showing me something..I asked for RNA or something but they said no, that's more for diagnosing something within the last few weeks or seeing which type of strain it is...but I feel like looking for the virus itself is more accurate than just antibodies that could be created because what if they are gone by now but the HIV is there or something... ugh so confusing and causing so much anxiety.. I had to take xanax (sp?) for the first time in months after doing pretty well without and I feel like it's actually adding to my anxiety than anything.
AMomentofClarity
26-01-19, 17:36
After 3 months, the antibody test is 99.97% effective.
You’ve been tested how many times after 16 months????
Do the math.
I understand the math and the months passed but I think what I wasn’t able to explain here or to my doctor is that what if within those 16 mo ths the antibodies came and lefts and after years theyre already gone and the tests only check for antibodies so thats why i am negative with the antibody tests while I could still have the virus itself just not the antibodies. Does rhat make sense? Ugh i know i sound crazy
Shadowhawk
27-01-19, 00:12
Thank you all for your replies. I've been reading them over and over throughout the last two days trying to calm myself down, and sometimes it works.
I gave in an emailed my GP and she said "after so many years, you should be okay."
It's the fact that she said "you *SHOULD* be okay" is what's scaring me... and she said as adults no matter what we should always get tested once a year at least, and I get that, and she said "You can get tested now if you want or just wait until our next physical exam" which is in July...
I'm just hoping that antibodies weren't hiding after all these years or disappeared and it's the KIND of tests that they were giving me that wasn't showing me something..I asked for RNA or something but they said no, that's more for diagnosing something within the last few weeks or seeing which type of strain it is...but I feel like looking for the virus itself is more accurate than just antibodies that could be created because what if they are gone by now but the HIV is there or something... ugh so confusing and causing so much anxiety.. I had to take xanax (sp?) for the first time in months after doing pretty well without and I feel like it's actually adding to my anxiety than anything.
When the doctors say should, it's not because they are hiding something, but simply for the fact that there are always extremely rare cases for everything outside the norm. And because the GP isn't there looking at you and/or tests, they can only go off what should be accurate.
Again, life is never without risk, and there will always be uncertainty. But right now, for this scenario, you have no logical reason to lose any more sleep over this. Your tests are negative, you have no symptoms, and the person was infected after they had contact with you. In the absence of symptoms or risky behavior, no doctor would have a reason to believe you have the disease or require further testing.
MyNameIsTerry
27-01-19, 01:41
When the doctors say should, it's not because they are hiding something, but simply for the fact that there are always extremely rare cases for everything outside the norm. And because the GP isn't there looking at you and/or tests, they can only go off what should be accurate.
Again, life is never without risk, and there will always be uncertainty. But right now, for this scenario, you have no logical reason to lose any more sleep over this. Your tests are negative, you have no symptoms, and the person was infected after they had contact with you. In the absence of symptoms or risky behavior, no doctor would have a reason to believe you have the disease or require further testing.
^ exactly this. The GP could say 100% or definite but they've been well trained not to mislead patients so they are cautious about giving certainties without a test in front of them they know gives that certainty.
A 99.9% from a doctor is them saying definitely.
Thanks again for the responses guys.
I guess I am being overly paranoid because for the last year I've had so many issues with diarrhea and stomach pain and weird things in my GI and I've had scopes done and CT scans and just came back with IBS, but I was thinking what if all that was just wrong and they're actually symptoms of HIV and I've just been testing negative because they're using an outdated test or something that doesn't pick up a virus that could have been presented to me 5 years ago and in that timeframe the antibodies they test for went away.. this is the heaviest my anxiety has been with my health, usually it goes away but man this one is hard... I can't think rationally... or maybe I am and I truly am sick..
jonur,
If there is any way that you pay for the RNA test yourself, just do it . Peace of mind is a huge thing, much more precious than $170. There is a chain of STD clinics across the US that will do RNA test without question. You do not need doctor's referral or anything for that. Just find STD clinic near you, pay and do it. Worrying constantly does more damage to your body than anything else.
AMomentofClarity
27-01-19, 16:33
jonur,
If there is any way that you pay for the RNA test yourself, just do it . Peace of mind is a huge thing, much more precious than $170. There is a chain of STD clinics across the US that will do RNA test without question. You do not need doctor's referral or anything for that. Just find STD clinic near you, pay and do it. Worrying constantly does more damage to your body than anything else.
With all due respect, I completely disagree with this philosophy. The OP has already been cleared FIVE TIMES. But, refuses to believe the results. More testing is completely unnecessary, and They will probably not believe the results of the RNA test either.
First, your ex probably informed you because I imagine it's proper (and possibly required by law?) to inform ALL previous partners just in case their assumed infection date isn't accurate.
Second, as long as you're sharing your sexual history with your GP, they will order the correct tests relevant to your situation. So you've done this, and are clear.
Problem solved. You do not need more tests besides the usual annual checkup if you are sexually active with any new partners (or old but non-monogamous partners) over the past year.
If you are prone to health anxiety, I advise not pursuing this further. Learning the strength to let it go will help in the long run when you get future worries over future phantom illnesses.
Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk
First, your ex probably informed you because I imagine it's proper (and possibly required by law?) to inform ALL previous partners just in case their assumed infection date isn't accurate.
Second, as long as you're sharing your sexual history with your GP, they will order the correct tests relevant to your situation. So you've done this, and are clear.
Problem solved. You do not need more tests besides the usual annual checkup if you are sexually active with any new partners (or old but non-monogamous partners) over the past year.
If you are prone to health anxiety, I advise not pursuing this further. Learning the strength to let it go will help in the long run when you get future worries over future phantom illnesses.
Spot on post JRay! HA is like a schoolyard bully. It'll torment you to no end as long as you allow it to. You have a choice to allow it or run from it but it will always be a threat. You have to stand up to it. When you stand up to a bully, they think twice about messing with you again. Eventually you'll whup it's ass and it'll leave you alone when you pass each other in the schooyard.
Positive thoughts
Thank you all as usual. Some really important words here.
For the poster who suggested RNA testing, thank you... I will consider that but I also don’t want it to trigger more anxiety and for some reason I feel like it would.
I’m having another therapy session and will be bringing this up. I’m trying hard not to think that the antibodies tests are wrong and that somewhere inside these things are just hiding. Just don’t want to put others at risk either just in case.
Dave_Lister
28-01-19, 17:23
OMG.
I don't have the words.
My ex-boyfriend contacted me to catch up and told me that a couple years ago he was assaulted and got HIV. He claims this was in 2015. I was last sexually active with him in 2013. I got tested 5 times since then, up until 8 months ago was my most recent one.
I'm thinking what if he's lying about the date and he had it in 2013-and then I have it now but the tests aren't picking it up, because I waited too long... I didn't get tested until 16 months after we broke up but the doctor used the anti-body test. It's called ELISA or something antibody.. I know the antibodies develop up to 6 months after last exposure, but then do they disappear??? so since it's been years, should I take a different kind of test to be sure, or would the antibodies always show up to this day and the test would have shown otherwise??? Should I ask my doctor to do a different kind of test or am I being dramatic? I can't think rationally right now and my panic is an all time high
You are 100% negative. Any HIV test would be conclusive after 3 months.
You are fine!
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