Normal suffer from anxiety - today depression, I'd rather have anxiety...

[tan235]

Hi All,
So I've had again a terrible bout of anxiety - worried about having shingles and then weird spots appeared on my body that freaked me out, I thought I had blood poisoning many times, nearly took myself to the hospital, I've taken photos of my small red wound and sent them to my friend whose a Dr who must think I'm crazy, now of course the wounds are almost gone ( which i also thought were spider bites) and the shingles is going and I"m left with a deep dark friend called depression.
I spent all day yesterday in bed watching horrors, I can't smile, my flat mate it talking to me but the whole time I want him to go away. My daughter is with her Dad for a week which couldn't be better timing. I HATE feeling like this.
My business is super busy - I have my own company but I"m failing it, I"m behind, admin is creeping up, tax is over due, GST is over due, emails are not being answered, I go to answer them and then it's almost like my body stops breathing and i just freeze, looking at my emails and then I close it. I hate feeling like this - what do I do?
This is new to me. I normally have anxiety but I"m still happy deep down, I still love myself, I still can cheer myself up - but today I can't. I just want to cry, the weight of the world is heavy on my shoulders today. I still love myself and I"m telling myself to listen to my body and slow down, but I have SOOOOO much to do yet i can't manage anything. Everything is a chore. ANxiety is telling me it's a brain tumour .... reality is telling me I have depression ... I don't want either.
I'd prefer to just have my standard nut-bar version of anxiety - I never use to get depressed, this sucks balls really bad, I feel pointless. ( I Know I"m not but this is how I feel) - HELP - what do you do when you feel like this?
Just sleep the day away or go for a walk?

[cath34]

tan235, I totally get it - I have my own business as well and what you wrote about the email thing is 100% me - I've had to put my business on hold for now. There are so many things I need to do but I can't seem to do any of them. Depression is terrible - but then again so is anxiety, I don't know which for me is worse. I've definitely done the "stay in bed all day thing" many times because I simply could not make myself get up, but I always end up feeling worse. I think it's OK to do that every now and then but definitely not beneficial in the long run. I had a bad day today but I'm about to force myself to go for a walk.

All the best to you and hope you feel better soon

[tan235]

Thanks for responding Cath - means a lot to hear that you're not alone in this crazy world.
I"m really trying, a friend of mine told me to try the 2minute approach, just try something for 2 minutes, such as starting my tax, do it for 2 minutes if by 2 minutes in I'm still blocked then stop, but at least I've started. My therapist thinks I might have ADD, however I think most of us do, so apparently having to do a lot of things can just become too overwhelming and add depression onto that ..... it's like there's an invisible force pushing me down ... I'm feeling a little bit better after a massive cry - now my eyes are twitching like crazy and i'm exhausted... I might try take myself to the pool for a swim... Thank you

[cath34]

A big cry always makes me feel better too - at least releases some of the tension. The two minute thing is similar to something my sister suggested to me once for stuff like emails - she said she'll time herself for 10 minutes on emails, then take a 10 minute break doing something like watching funny videos on YouTube or something, then repeat. I've tried it, but sometimes it's hard to concentrate on anything for that long.

Hope your swim helped, my walk at least got my blood flowing a bit, I'm in Canada and we're in the middle of a frigid winter so if you don't move you'll freeze lol