Eating disorder/scared to sleep :(

[Mav]

I don't even know where to put this, but all i know is this is the place I find the most comforting people and the most supportive advice so here goes.

I am very embarassed to admit I've been suffering with an eating disorder for awhile now, but today when I attempted to induce vomit using a toothbrush, I had a bit of a heart palpitation, so i stood up straight and my head really hurt from the strain.

So I ofcourse stopped, and then I got this with a HUGE wave of anxiety hit me, I mean i don't want to die obviously.

So after that initial heart palp I felt (probably from the strain and being bent over the sink) I went to lie down, then when I took deep breaths I had a small fluttering sensation in my chest but only when I took a deep breath and it only lasted about 30 minutes after.

Its been 4 hours now, I feel fine I guess, but I am focusing my heart and I guess i am scaring myself. Im scared to sleep incase i just die in my sleep. My watch is telling me my heart rate is normal 70 bpm (idk how accurate that is), I cant feel my heart beat unless I focus on it.

Im scared ive done some damage to my heart even though i do feel okay, like I can get up and sit down fine, nothing hurts, I am alright.

Please don't tell me to go to the hospital or anything because I really do feel alright, just tired, and also nobody knows what I've done and I feel far too ashamed and embarrassed to tell anyone anyway and I dont want to stress anyone plus I was talking to my family fine, so I do feel okay, I think ive just really scared myself.

I feel panic more than anything else, I just want to be assured I am not going to die in my sleep if I fall asleep to be honest :weep:

---------- Post added 27-01-19 at 00:35 ---------- Previous post was 26-01-19 at 23:59 ----------

Please anyone? :(

---------- Post added at 01:59 ---------- Previous post was at 00:35 ----------

And now its 2am....great :(

[Fishmanpa]

Honestly, I more concerned about the eating disorder than any heart symptoms. That's some serious stuff there Mav :ohmy: You really need to address that professionally for your health and safety.

Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Mav,

I didn't know you had an eating disorder to deal with as well. Have you had any support with this? There are others on here who have them so hopefully they will see this thread and post.

What you have here is a cycle of a trigger leading to anxiety which has upset you and left you in an anxious state. Now you are worried about the whys when it's a classic pattern you will have been through many times.

You know you are healthy. Why would you not wake up? What is telling you this? Is it just anxious thinking because you had a palpitation and didn't like how it felt and it resulted in more anxiety that led you into a rabbit hole over your heart no working? Now you feel ramped up with all these feelings and can't sleep. But you know how common palps are and why and if you are healthy you know how rare it would have to be for you to be one of those people we read about. And you know why you can't live life thinking that way as it's only the same as that stray car that mounts the pavement for some poor soul.

It may be a rough night of insomnia but you may find it's gone tomorrow and you sleep again. In the meantime try to distract your mind with other activities so you spend less time worrying about what everything feels like & why. Get up and walk about. Don't look at the clock. If you haven't got to be up for anything then let it just come and you can rest for the day, although you might feel very rough, and it will soon pass.

Are you still feeling ill too?

[Mav]

Honestly, I more concerned about the eating disorder than any heart symptoms. That's some serious stuff there Mav :ohmy: You really need to address that professionally for your health and safety.

Positive thoughts

Thanks FMPa, I know it not good, I'm very ashamed of myself to be honest. I will take better care from now. I do feel okay now, it must have just been the strain. I have learnt my lesson its fair to say.

---------- Post added at 02:36 ---------- Previous post was at 02:29 ----------


Hi Mav,

I didn't know you had an eating disorder to deal with as well. Have you had any support with this? There are others on here who have them so hopefully they will see this thread and post.

What you have here is a cycle of a trigger leading to anxiety which has upset you and left you in an anxious state. Now you are worried about the whys when it's a classic pattern you will have been through many times.

You know you are healthy. Why would you not wake up? What is telling you this? Is it just anxious thinking because you had a palpitation and didn't like how it felt and it resulted in more anxiety that led you into a rabbit hole over your heart no working? Now you feel ramped up with all these feelings and can't sleep. But you know how common palps are and why and if you are healthy you know how rare it would have to be for you to be one of those people we read about. And you know why you can't live life thinking that way as it's only the same as that stray car that mounts the pavement for some poor soul.

It may be a rough night of insomnia but you may find it's gone tomorrow and you sleep again. In the meantime try to distract your mind with other activities so you spend less time worrying about what everything feels like & why. Get up and walk about. Don't look at the clock. If you haven't got to be up for anything then let it just come and you can rest for the day, although you might feel very rough, and it will soon pass.

Are you still feeling ill too?


Thankyou terry, you're right trigger...cue the same cycle. Its the same cycle for everything I guess.
The heart palp was probably from the position/strain so I understand it. I have made my peace with it now.

I feel calmer, I do feel fine, no pain or anything at all, the only thing that keeps me awake is anxiety and I have to learn to get better at recognising it. And ofcourse I should stop doing stupid things.

Thanks for your reply, helps so much (as always) , I do feel sleepy now so thats a good sign.

I am not ill anymore thankfully, I have been recovering well from that. Body still feels abit achey but I'm good!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Please don't be ashamed, I know it's a natural response, but we tend to take it harder and kick ourselves for our mistakes. If your eating disorder is under control then isn't this likely to be a wobble from feeling so ill and bouncing back into anxiety? I know I often feel less anxious with things like colds but then it seems to give me a jolt as it ends and hits me full one for a day or two.

You will learn from it. It's a learning experience, albeit an often horrible one. But as you get your anxiety more under control it gets easier to spot & manage. You react less sharply to triggers.

I bet we've all got things we attach shame too on here. An eating disorder must have many layers of it so it's hard to work on but remember this is a safe place where we talk about all sorts of intimate stuff so there is no need to be embarrassed of anything. There were some who supported each other on a thread a while back on the GAD board, it was Kimberly's thread (I think she changed her name to sunflower2).

If you are feeling sleepy then maybe give it a try and log off? Do some things that are calming or boring and not activating for you if you need to. You like meditation so if you can do that you may find it calms you enough to sleep...you may even fall asleep in the middle of it! But at worst it's a naff night and maybe a naff day to follow but your body will reset itself and whilst the day after can be a struggle you really can do it as we don't realise just how little sleep we can cope with.

That's something I found comes to you as well as you learn to accept and not fight against sleep. And insomnia is one of those where if you make it important it just hangs around. Try not to react to it (not always easy!) and the body just seems to sort it out.

[Mav]

Please don't be ashamed, I know it's a natural response, but we tend to take it harder and kick ourselves for our mistakes. If your eating disorder is under control then isn't this likely to be a wobble from feeling so ill and bouncing back into anxiety? I know I often feel less anxious with things like colds but then it seems to give me a jolt as it ends and hits me full one for a day or two.

You will learn from it. It's a learning experience, albeit an often horrible one. But as you get your anxiety more under control it gets easier to spot & manage. You react less sharply to triggers.

I bet we've all got things we attach shame too on here. An eating disorder must have many layers of it so it's hard to work on but remember this is a safe place where we talk about all sorts of intimate stuff so there is no need to be embarrassed of anything. There were some who supported each other on a thread a while back on the GAD board, it was Kimberly's thread (I think she changed her name to sunflower2).

If you are feeling sleepy then maybe give it a try and log off? Do some things that are calming or boring and not activating for you if you need to. You like meditation so if you can do that you may find it calms you enough to sleep...you may even fall asleep in the middle of it! But at worst it's a naff night and maybe a naff day to follow but your body will reset itself and whilst the day after can be a struggle you really can do it as we don't realise just how little sleep we can cope with.

That's something I found comes to you as well as you learn to accept and not fight against sleep. And insomnia is one of those where if you make it important it just hangs around. Try not to react to it (not always easy!) and the body just seems to sort it out.

Thankyou Terry, it was a difficult night last night because the more I tried to sleep, the more I would wake up. I must have woken up after every 20 minutes, sometimes accompanied with a racing heart. I did eventually manage to get to sleep at about 5 am.

It does worry me how many times I woke up, but i am trying to remind myself the anxiety messes with the mind and body more than i could ever know.

Wish I hadn't done what I did, I'm usually good and dont go that far with my eating disorder behaviours, I'm more of obsessive over the food(I have always thought that is just another OCD thing that I have to deal with).

Thanks terry, yes it truly was a naff night, im doing alright tonight surprisingly, after such an anxious night. Im at an event at the moment, I'm just gonna take it easy when I get home, try and get some studying done. I had breakfast and that helped.

I must keep reminding myself that i am not going to just drop down dead , when i feel alright. The fact that i kept waking up does stress me out, but I know I was so anxious, and my sleep pattern hasn't been thr best lately so that could have something to do with it.

Hope I dont keep waking up tonight like that, I must have woken up about 30x in the space of 3 hours. After that I was able to fall into a deeper sleep for about 5 hours

[Mav]

Last night I had a very anxious night, I am worried about how many times I woke up in the night. Does this happen to you guys when you're anxious?

I woke up maybe 30 times, like after every 10-20 mins until I fall asleep. It was so stressful :( really scared me. I did fall asleep eventually but it was very unpleasant experience waking up that many times.

[RadioGaGa]

Mav

This is classic anxiety. Anxiety wreaks havoc on your sleep.

Read this leaflet for advice on how to practice good sleep hygiene. (https://patient.info/health/insomnia-poor-sleep)

Good luck

[Mav]

Mav

This is classic anxiety. Anxiety wreaks havoc on your sleep.

Read this leaflet for advice on how to practice good sleep hygiene. (https://patient.info/health/insomnia-poor-sleep)

Good luck

Thankyou, I think the more you worry the worse it gets. I had moments where I woke up with a racing heart, or just really hot, or with a spinning sensation. It wasn't a pleasant night.

[nomorepanic]

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.

Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.

It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.

[pulisa]

Honestly, I more concerned about the eating disorder than any heart symptoms. That's some serious stuff there Mav :ohmy: You really need to address that professionally for your health and safety.

Positive thoughts

Absolutely. The anxiety symptoms are a minor detail. Please go to your GP and talk about your eating disorder so that you can be referred for specialised help. The sooner you go the better your chance of a full recovery. Don't think you can sort it out yourself-it will take a firm hold of your life and you really don't want to have to contend with this. There is help out there but you need to talk to your GP no matter how daunting this may seem.

I'm sure you will have come across the B-eat forum which has loads of information on EDs and offers support.