View Full Version : fear of pancreatic cancer
Hello, I am new here. I have had bouts of health anxiety throughout my life (I am middle aged and female). This one is by far the worst and I am finding that I cannot cope at all. I have had symptoms for 2 months- abdominal pain, shoulder pain, lower abdominal cramps and terrible nausea.
i have had an ogd (redux and mild gastritis) and am awaiting a scan next week. The pain is mostly right sided, sometimes central. Dr has suggested gallstones but I am not convinced. The pain is all the time.
I have no idea how much of the symptoms are due to my anxiety and how much are due to illness. I am certain I am ill, but I know its possible I am making the symptoms worse with HA.
I am finding waiting for tests intolerable. I am terrified that this is pancreatic cancer. I have also lost a lot of weight but my bloods are normal so far.
I have been reading here for a few months and just wanted to reach out for support. Somehow I have to get through this.
How much weight have you actually lost? And what was your weight before this weight loss?
I personally find that if I'm going through a particularly anxious period, and eating less, I can actually lose quite a bit of weight. When I went through my melanoma fear in September, incredibly I lost 10lbs. My appetite wasn't dreadful, but still the weight dropped off me.
Your symptoms are non-specific - that is, you're not reporting *anything* that is unique to pancreatic cancer. Your symptoms could be attributed to many, many illnesses - the vast majority of which are benign.
Health anxiety always makes us think the worst. It's good to hear your bloods are normal, and as your doctor isn't concerned, neither should you be.
I really think this will be a case of "told ya so", but I understand fully how agonising the wait is. Unfortunately, I don't think there's much can be done with regards the anxiety waiting for your tests. This is a normal response, and is seen in many people without health anxiety (e.g. cancer patients with scanxiety). Scanxiety etc should not be treated as 'health anxiety' because in this case, it is normal response.
Keep us posted
Good luck
Thank you for replying. It is great to be able to just say all this to someone else. I have lost just under 10% of my weight, so a lot. I was slightly overweight to start with so it hasn't pushed me anywhere near 'underweight'. It is just frightening to see the weight fall of. I have lost as much before due to severe HA, so I know it is a possibility.
I am trying to hold onto the fact that my bloods are normal and my doctor felt gallbladder problems were more likely. But my thoughts have been growing more catastrophic as the weeks go on with such unrelenting symptoms.
I am reading CBT material which sometimes helps.
I am trying as best I can to recognise that I cannot change the outcome...I must accept how this will unfold. God it is hard though. I wish I were stronger.
Waiting for tests really sucks. It is incredibly hard to keep anxiety under control, especially if you are prone to “catastrophic thinking”. Common things are common, as they say, so a benign diagnosis is FAR more likely..... but the wait still has to be endured. How long will it be, and what tests are you getting?
Thanks Jo Jo. It is absolutely awful....this waiting. I have an ultrasound scan on Wednesday so just trying to keep my head above water until then. My doctor has also done a stool test ....should get results in a few days.
I don't know if this is common but when I wake up from sleep I have cramps/pains all over my stomach and I get a huge surge of adrenaline. I feel like vomiting but don't usually. It generally calms down after I get up and moving. However the right quadrant pain is fairly constant, up into the shoulder. Every time I eat I have really bad trapped gas type pain.
I feel over the last few months I have become a hostage to my body. The physical symptoms are so draining but the anxiety is even worse.
It does sound exactly like gallstones. And your symptoms are being made worse by anxiety (that is where the adrenaline comes in). Wednesday is not long away, and you should get some answers straight away. What can you do to keep busy/distract yourself until then?
Xx
JoJo, I am living on this website for one! I am also doing my absolute best not to google symptoms. I have managed to stay away from my 'favourite' sites for a few days now. You are right, it isn't too long to wait now....
I am finding it hard to concentrate on movies or books so am listening to audio books on anxiety.
I find it impossible to be around family for too long because I keep having thoughts about how I am going to die and leave them. It is weird, like I am already detaching and preparing to leave.
If I come out the other side of this, I am going to take serious steps to change my life. It is like suffering a trauma that hasn't yet happened, over and over again in my mind.
Good luck today Beckett. Please let us know how you get on
The scan is tomorrow.....
I am beside myself with anxiety. It is barely tolerable.
I am having intrusive images of being given a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer.
My body is just pumping adrenaline and all I feel able to do is lie in bed.
Honestly, if I have to have more tests after this I think I will go completely mad.
The physical symptoms are super intense and just fuelling my fear.
HA is surely up there with the worst mental health problem to have.
I am so glad I found this site though.....at least I don't feel so alone.
Agreed about health anxiety being a truly awful mental health problem. But I find this site invaluable- I feel that at least I’m not walking alone.
Sorry about getting the days wrong - I actually thought it was Wednesday this morning! Hopeless!
I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight- do you have any diazepam or something like that to help? Just one more night with this catastrophic thinking. Roll on tomorrow
Frankly I would kill for some diazepam. I am not on meds.....yet.
After tomorrow I think one way or another I am going to have to get some.
I haven't experienced this kind of relentless torture ever. One day has been worse than the next.
Thank you Jojo, it really does help to be able to say it.
Nicole0134
29-01-19, 21:11
Hope tomorrow goes well for you Beckett. The waiting is horrendous when you have convinced yourself it can be nothing but bad news. I wonder if non HA sufferers go through the same trepidation....probably not.
Thanks so much Nicole and JoJo.
Its over anyway......the technician said it isn't gallstones. I asked if there was anything abnormal and she said just shook her head no. So I have to wait until I see my GP on Friday to get any details.
One part of me is very relieved...the other....I wonder do I need a CT. I will see what the doctor says. All I know is the symptoms go on and I don't know whats causing them. My anxiety has come down a notch for sure but I am still scared that this is pancreatic cancer. I am afraid to weigh myself because I know I have lost more weight. I managed to eat something today for the first time in many days.
I am going to stay away from google anyway....I think I know everything off by heart now anyway.
JoJo I read your thread on pancreatic cancer last night. It bought me great comfort. Thank you.
Worry alone can cause the weight loss you are describing. And indeed most of your symptoms- although of course I do understand your anxiety. I think today’s result is good news. I know you don’t feel entirely reassured but actually ultrasound is pretty sensitive to pancreatic cancer. Has a gastric ulcer been considered? I guess your doctor will know what the next steps should be.
JoJo, I have reflux and mild gastritis diagnosed from OGD last week.....no ulcers. Perhaps these alone are enough to explain my symptoms. What frightened me was that I have had the reflux for at least 6 years (diagnosed by OGD back then) but the symptoms of fullness, bloating, nausea, rib and shoulder pain along with loss of appetite are all new (last 3 months). I have also had much more lower abdominal cramps in the last few months. So......I don't know what to think. I don't want unnecessary tests but I would like to know what the problem really is. And of course it is hard to dismiss the 'panic' cancer diagnosis when the symptoms won't let up.
This is no way to live though, in a constant state of fear.
It IS possible to have these symptoms and nothing substantially wrong physically. IBS, gastritis, SIBO can all cause many of the symptoms you describe. But I understand your need for answers..... although sometimes there AREN’T any clear answers. If you were to have a clear CT, would that be an end to it?
I think so.....I hope so....
My last big bout of health anxiety 2 years ago disappeared within days of getting the tests done (it was my ovarian cancer scare). I had a groin strain!!
However, that bout only lasted a few weeks. I am definitely in a much worse state mentally this time.
If I do have a CT and I still have symptoms I am going to ask for medication for anxiety. I have done a lot of therapy in the past but it hasn't protected me from these bouts of HA.
I think I will just leave the decision about the scan with my GP. Obviously my own thinking cannot be trusted right now.....which is not a nice feeling but there it is.
I think you sound very sensible and like you have a good understanding of how health anxiety works. And you are right to follow your doctor’s recommendation about whether a CT is necessary.
Glad to hear the scan went well, as you might be able to see from my post history and latest thread, I’m going through similar symptoms and worry!
Did you mention to the Dr directly about the pancreatic cancer worry? And did you ask why it isn’t that when they came back saying it isn’t?
Hi LD. Sorry to hear you are suffering too. The dr said she didn't think it was PC based on symptoms but of course she couldn't be definitive (which is no good to me....I have HA!!!).
The ultrasound was to check for gallstones primarily. It is the routine next step if you have these types of symptoms. The only reason I got one so quickly was because I went privately. I know some will say that feeds HA but I need to be able to work and I have a lot of family responsibilities so I just wasn't prepared to sit with it. everyone needs to make their own decision about what is best for them I think.
If your symptoms are improving it is terribly unlikely to be anything serious. I hope you get some relief soon.
ssnmcauley
31-01-19, 12:02
Hi
I am having exactly the same fear. I have had some similar symptoms to you. My blood tests were okay except kidney function EGFR 79 - but I have had lower eGFR before so I wasn't concerned
I am waiting for stool elastase results which take ages - still not back yesterday and it was sent 3 weeks ago - so I am at my limit with anxiety right now
I have ultrasound on 6 February and almost dont want to go as they wont tell me at the scan and I cont think I can cope waiting
Hope you are okay now and that your symptoms are subsiding
Oh SSN, you have my sincere sympathy. The waiting for tests and then the results feels like a uniquely awful torture when you have HA. But I suppose there is nothing to do but face the basic tests or else this just goes on and on, with the anxiety possibly further magnifying the symptoms.
One mistake I made......I took to the bed for a few days. Very bad idea in the end and escalated my anxiety further. In my defence I was in a state of nervous collapse at that stage and just couldn't cope with being around people. If at all possible, keep your routine as normal as possible. The other thing I got caught up in was endless googling. Then rumination, then more googling. I was practically hysterical by the time I had finished.
I wish you well and hope you get some relief from these terrible symptoms soon.
Hi LD. Sorry to hear you are suffering too. The dr said she didn't think it was PC based on symptoms but of course she couldn't be definitive (which is no good to me....I have HA!!!).
The ultrasound was to check for gallstones primarily. It is the routine next step if you have these types of symptoms. The only reason I got one so quickly was because I went privately. I know some will say that feeds HA but I need to be able to work and I have a lot of family responsibilities so I just wasn't prepared to sit with it. everyone needs to make their own decision about what is best for them I think.
If your symptoms are improving it is terribly unlikely to be anything serious. I hope you get some relief soon.
Hi Beckett,
Out of interest, and if you don't mind saying, how old/what age range are you? I'm 30 FYI. My GP at the start wasn't worried at all, I think she still isn't worried but is just going through what she has to do to try and put my mind at rest. The GP I video called was really, really good - explained everything and said he wouldn't have even though or dreamed of PC if it wasn't for me mentioning it to him directly and he was only talking about it to put my fears to one side.
Ah yes, I wanted to go private but my wife and family told me not to and basically got angry when I kept suggesting it :roflmao: typical non-HA people! I'm still tempted, I'll wait and see what appointment date I get first and then decide. How much did it cost private for you (again, if you don't mind)?
My discomfort is mainly left side but it really doesn't hurt that much at the moment, it is more just an annoyance that won't go away. Do you suffer with reflux and/or indigestion? Mine is pretty bad and I'm taking various tablets from the Dr to try and sort that.
Had a CBT telephone assessment today - are you looking to do any therapy?
LD, I am more than two decades older than you.
Yes I have reflux and gastritis and on meds.
As for therapy....yes I have done quite a bit. I am now considering meds.
LD, I am more than two decades older than you.
Yes I have reflux and gastritis and on meds.
As for therapy....yes I have done quite a bit. I am now considering meds.
Meds aren't a bad route, I went on some with a bad HA flare up in September and they worked wonders after a few weeks. I'm off them now but I would say if you feel that therapy hasn't worked and you need that support, go for it!
Thanks for the answer to the questions, what meds are you on?
---------- Post added at 14:45 ---------- Previous post was at 14:43 ----------
Forgot to say, keep us updated with how it went with the GP today! GL!
Hi LD, I am just on Losec (a PPI) for the last few years. It had worked well.... thats why when these symptoms emerged I really panicked. Spoke to the Dr today and it will be 1-2 weeks before I get a report on the tests.
So I will have to wait and try and stay sane.
Hope you are doing ok?
Hey Beckett,
Yeah I'm ok, doing better mentally but still have my worries. Keep having sharp pains and discomfort in my left side, goes around to back and causes a burning pain. You have anything similar? Yeah my reflux isn't as bad after taking the PPI's which is a good sign I'm sure! 1-2 weeks seems normal for a report, but this is a good sign as normally if it is bad news or worrying they'll tell you much quicker.
Yes....pain in ribs and back, mostly on the right side. I am beginning to think some of could just be muscular tension. I certainly hope so! I have a lot of nausea on and off but it is a little better. Still cannot quite belief it is all anxiety. Either way, dying or not, staying away from Dr Google has helped.
Good luck....hope your symptoms keep improving!
Hi all. Just chiming in to offer some small reassurance, hopefully. One of my uncles died of pancreatic cancer a few years ago. He unfortunately ticked all of the boxes in terms of risk factors: lifelong heavy smoker and drinker, older age, and previous infections.
The reason I mention this is that pancreatic cancer - which is not a very common cancer - almost always presents very fast, very late, and very acute. If you have had intermittent discomfort for several weeks or months, that is highly unlikely to be pancreatic cancer, as the disease would have progressed rapidly within that timespan.
Hello CatLady!
Firstly, my condolences to you and the family regarding your Uncle. Thank you for taking the time to come here and try and off some reassurance - again, you don't know how much I (and I'm sure others) appreciate this.
I'm going through a tough few days at the moment with the worry. Everyone else thinks I'm mad - I'm 30 years old. However, I'm still having on/off back pain/discomfort, pain in left side, under ribs (especially after eating) and acid reflux/indigestion. I google'd again today "pain in left side after eating" and loads of pancreatic stuff comes up. That might be because I've been searching it quite a lot over the past nearly two months now. I just want someone to say that my symptoms aren't something bad, it really is just something small/anxiety and that will stop me worrying!
Sorry to hear about your uncle Catlady. It is very kind of you to post and your reassurance is appreciated.
Still waiting on test results and the anxiety has been up and down. Finding it hard to eat most days with all the worry. Absolutely terrible nausea yesterday and all the other ongoing discomfort.
I had an hour today when I actually felt calm.....I felt totally burnt out from the anxiety.....l was thinking, well if this is my fate there is now precisely nothing I can do about it. One of my biggest worries is dying and leaving my young daughter without a mother. Today, for a little while I felt all I can do is accept that if it happens. I can't control anything about this. I have had the tests and what happens now is going to happen whether I fight it or accept it in my mind.
Of course I hope I will survive but I cannot control the outcome.
Reading all the other threads here makes me so sad about the torment that HA causes......I know I have to find some other way to deal with life.
Is it the ultrasound report you are waiting for Beckett? I’m pretty sure you would’ve known at the time if there’d been anything significantly wrong....
Have you seen your GP recently?
Hi JoJo
Yes I am waiting on results (biopsies) from gastroscopy, ultrasound and stool test. My GP rang me yesterday but I missed the call as I was working. She was meant to ring today and when I tried to call her she wasn't free. Talk about having no control.....I find it excruciating to not be able to do anything. But, I am trying to accept it as being out of my hands.
How have things been Beckett? Any update? Hope you (and everyone else) is well
Hi LD,
Still waiting on results. I have the pain ongoing in back and ribs with occasional stomach pain. I don't know what to think at this stage. I feel my GP is very slow to do anything. I feel I need an MRI and CT at this stage as this pain could be anything. I have been trying to get on with life. I am taking pain relief most days. I wish I could have all the tests in one day and just be done because all this waiting is just destroying my peace of mind and it is so hard to try and keep going like nothing is wrong.
How are you? Any let up in the symptoms?
I think it is reassuring that you haven't heard anything yet, as hard as it is to wait a long time for results! If there was something sinister I'm sure they would be fast tracking you.
It's 3.5 weeks since my confirmed pancreatitis attack and the wait to get into gastroenterologist, and now the wait to get the blood results has been very stressful. I saw my GP today and I was hoping she would give me the blood results as I know that they are able to access them online even though it was the gastroenterologist who ordered them, but she said she wasn't able to. I've been advised that I'm either going in this Friday or next Tuesday to have the endoscopic ultrasound, so not too much longer to wait now. I'm absolutely petrified of the result - hoping they will tell me when I wake up that they've seen nothing sinister and didn't need to biopsy. If they feel they need to biopsy it will be another torturous wait for those results!
It must be so much easier to go through life not worrying that every illness or every test result is going to turn out to be something awful!
I hope you're keeping away from Google (and I should be taking some of my own advice there!).
Sending good thoughts!
Thanks Aussie just saw your thread and replied. I am just about staying away from dr google, but yes it is very, very hard.
At the moment everytime I get a wave of pain or odd sensation a surge of adrenaline follows. My nerves are quite honestly shot to hell. Mornings are the worst. I feel like I am in a plane dropping out of the sky overtime I wake up. Bloody torture.
Hello Beckett and Aussie,
I'm feeling a bit better as it goes, which is helping. I still have indigestion (on and off), stomach discomfort and pains and general gas but it isn't as bad as it was and that is helping with my mental health. Ultrasound is booked in for next week (20th) - do you have any advice? Did you have to ask the technician to tell you if they thought it was ok or did they offer that information up? Did you ask them to look at the pancreas in particular?
Currently I've got a discomfort/pain under my left armpit but no lumps - I'm feeling a lot - any idea what this could be? It comes and goes at times. Did my stool test yesterday for the h.pylori so we will see how that comes out.
Final question, it is really obvious when you have oily stools? I'm going to toilet fine, but notice a slight shimmer on top of the water. It is only slight, few specks and doesn't look like anything I can find online when I google! Stools seem normal colour as well and come out fine.
Wishing you both the best - as Aussie says, the fact it has been so long is normally a good sign! If you don't hear back within a few days normally it isn't something major to worry about, plus you had the reassurance at the actual scan. Hope all of the tests you have as well Aussie go well.
Good to hear LDHarv that your symptoms aren't as bad, and if they're on and off that is reassuring as well. In terms of the ultrasound scan, usually they wont tell you anything so best to go in with that mindset so that you don't get worried if they're not saying anything. Sometimes you get one that is quite chatty and says what they're seeing but doesn't happen often. Last ultrasound I went for I told them that I was worried about pancreas and pointed to where I'm getting the pain, as my not so subtle way of saying either please tell me my pancreas is ok or at least make sure you look at it properly! Thanks for your well wishes, I need them!
So just an update......none of the tests have showed anything sinister. I haven't had a CT but doubt that will be suggested unless I insist. I don't think that is a good idea. The last few months of tests and waiting for results has pushed me to the brink. I am not sure how I will be now. I still have pain in shoulder though rib pain has eased off. Having done some reading I think I may have somatic symptom disorder. Yet, yet.......a small part of me still thinks I have pancreatic cancer. They just haven't found it yet. I am trying not to let this idea take hold in my mind.
Thanks to everyone for the support here. I would have gone insane in the last few weeks without it. The terror is worse than any actual actual physical illness. There have been days when I felt I might die in the next few minutes never mind the next few weeks.
I think this is really good news, and I think it is especially good news that you seem to have such a good understanding of how psychology can effect physiology. You know your symptoms can be somatic.... and so many people never accept that. Good luck Beckett! Xx
I think this is really good news, and I think it is especially good news that you seem to have such a good understanding of how psychology can effect physiology. You know your symptoms can be somatic.... and so many people never accept that. Good luck Beckett! Xx
Thanks JoJo. I am very grateful for your support.
Fantastic news that the scan was clear! As you know from my own previous posts, I was convinced the pain I was having was caused by pancreatic cancer. But as much as I thought the pain fitted the description, on top of the fact I then was confirmed to be suffering from pancreatitis attacks (confirming my fears that the pain was in fact related to the pancreas), it of course didn't end up being pancreatic cancer. It is the brain playing tricks on us. Particularly once tests and scans confirm nothing sinister. Hope you can now feel some relief!
Fantastic news that the scan was clear! As you know from my own previous posts, I was convinced the pain I was having was caused by pancreatic cancer. But as much as I thought the pain fitted the description, on top of the fact I then was confirmed to be suffering from pancreatitis attacks (confirming my fears that the pain was in fact related to the pancreas), it of course didn't end up being pancreatic cancer. It is the brain playing tricks on us. Particularly once tests and scans confirm nothing sinister. Hope you can now feel some relief!
Thank you so much Aussie. There was something non sinister on my liver (on ultrasound) which could have caused some symptoms. I won't know the full details until I see my doctor again in a few weeks. The consultant who read the scan was very dismissive about it. I quote 'its nothing.....a common finding at your age'. Try telling that to a hypochondriac!!! I also did have a positive stool test for blood but both colonoscopy and OGD were more or less normal (no cancer there anyway).
I suppose this is the problem with testing....things will show up. Particularly as one gets older. So, I am going to try and get back to normal living for the next few weeks and hope my doctor can reassure me re the liver in a few weeks.
Wishing you the best Aussie.
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