Franchesca
05-02-19, 05:08
It seems that this hell that has become my life never ends. I wrote a post about my dentist and antibiotics and infection and the pain from procedure. I was finally trying to forget that...it was SO hard as a housebound agrophobic to do that! I developed this bad habit of sitting up in bed, feet on floor, half asleep to go to the bathroom a few times a night, I'm actually falling asleep on edge of bed, I fell a few times, but usually catch myself, today no such luck, I fell not on my knees and wrists as usual, but on my side, my stomach is hurting so bad, I convinced I have internal bleeding?! I'm trying to tell myself it's just fear or nerves or the bran I ate earlier, gas or antibiotic...only one more antibiotics to go , thank God, my husband is angry, said he would drop me off at hospital ALONE, and come back too get me, I can't go alone, and we have terrible health insurance. I expect my back and knees too hurt but not my tummy.
I already use a walker and wheelchair, so the fall I'm sure has added "insult too injury" I took a klonopin, a tylenol, my antibiotic, deep breathing, praying, etc.. This terrible fear of inside bleeding is causing non stop panic.. I cannot believe I'm falling asleep on the edge of my bed sleeping then falling? I never heard anyone doing that..I know people fall out of bed, by rolling out, but I am actually sitting up, I don't have sleep apnea. I actually have BED ALARM and sleep with a dim light, I'm sleeping thru the bed alarm?! My PA does not know what too say, I wanted just to perhaps lay on box spring and mattress on floor, no bed frame but I will not be able to stand up to get out of bed with matron meniscus knee and back. Now this terrifying bleeding tummy fear. I am seeing a therapist I got from the low cost health dept, for about 3 months, but my husband does NOT think its helping and says I'm worse, I pray he is mistaken.
I have a child who needs me, it's destroying me to be like this, I try to hide it from him, and my husband is ready to leave., I really don't even blame him, I want too leave Me! I'm too old to go thru this, which of course makes me think I am going to die. I'm already physically sick, crippled, but now it's mental and emotional too, I feel like I'm dying. I even feel like GOD is mad at me, which I hope is not true, just a negative untrue thought. I pray desperatly for divine intervention, because everything has failed. I'm sorry I went on an on.fear, pain and isolation are awful things to live by. Thank you for listening, I so scared I'm not going to get better. Appreciate your help..Thank you.
I already use a walker and wheelchair, so the fall I'm sure has added "insult too injury" I took a klonopin, a tylenol, my antibiotic, deep breathing, praying, etc.. This terrible fear of inside bleeding is causing non stop panic.. I cannot believe I'm falling asleep on the edge of my bed sleeping then falling? I never heard anyone doing that..I know people fall out of bed, by rolling out, but I am actually sitting up, I don't have sleep apnea. I actually have BED ALARM and sleep with a dim light, I'm sleeping thru the bed alarm?! My PA does not know what too say, I wanted just to perhaps lay on box spring and mattress on floor, no bed frame but I will not be able to stand up to get out of bed with matron meniscus knee and back. Now this terrifying bleeding tummy fear. I am seeing a therapist I got from the low cost health dept, for about 3 months, but my husband does NOT think its helping and says I'm worse, I pray he is mistaken.
I have a child who needs me, it's destroying me to be like this, I try to hide it from him, and my husband is ready to leave., I really don't even blame him, I want too leave Me! I'm too old to go thru this, which of course makes me think I am going to die. I'm already physically sick, crippled, but now it's mental and emotional too, I feel like I'm dying. I even feel like GOD is mad at me, which I hope is not true, just a negative untrue thought. I pray desperatly for divine intervention, because everything has failed. I'm sorry I went on an on.fear, pain and isolation are awful things to live by. Thank you for listening, I so scared I'm not going to get better. Appreciate your help..Thank you.