Making myself take a two week break from here

[LouiseAndy]

Hi all,

So I was in half minds about making this post. So I've had lots of health anixety like always. Lots of chest pains, acid reflux, toilet worries, lumps bumps... Now headaches!! Well I'm still here. Nearly two years since this all started and I'm still here! No matter how often Ive worried that I was about to have a heart attack (so many late nights laying there trying to feel my pulse to see if my heart was failing. This is a very often thing.)

I could talk until the cows come home about my health things yet I'm still here. That's what I kept telling myself, night after night feeling like it was my last. Sure I even have some funky chest pains and acid as I write this right now but I'm still here.

I could write a list of all the tests I've had since this started. What's been found, what wasn't found. So as other mental health and life things have started to drag me down. I've decided to force myself to take a break. Not logging everything and anything--which will be hard!! I know it will be hard not to suddenly come back and be like GUYS this time it's different!!

I'm 22, I'm in a good relationship, I have good friends. Nothing that I have feared has been wrong with me. The tests show I won't suddenly have a heart attack even matter how much my mind tells me. The list goes on and on. So I'm going to not allow myself to log in after another hour. Setting myself a two week mark limit!

I hope you're all well. I hope I can push past all of this. Much love to all of those who have time and time again tried to help me and reach out. I'm sorry if my but this it but that has made you feel like what you said didn't matter. Much love to you all x

[Scass]

Take care poppet!
I was your age when my anxiety was at its worst. You’ll be fine.

Also, a break is a good idea. Watch some good telly xx


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[pulisa]

I think a break from here is a great idea! Get away from all the aches and pains, symptoms and diseases which you don't have!! Just give yourself permission to enjoy being young and healthy! xx

[LouiseAndy]

Thank you to you both so much ❤️ you both have truly supported me in this.

I just wanted to give some quick updates:
1. Started college for the second semester, all seems good.
2. Joined a local drama soicty for the time rime and got a part.
3. The evenings are better brighter

Isssues:
Got very ill to the point of vomiting last night. It was awful, still feel quite ill and lots of pain. This is another time this happen not so long ago. So that's of stuff is happening here and I'm trying to let my ha not break into this. Like it was probably something I ate! Or some type of bus

Trying to fix thing by being kind to myself, being sick is awful- especially after being sick so I've not forced myself to try and sleep as I would often do. Just letting it do its own thing.

[Fishmanpa]

Two weeks starting today? :shades:

Seriously, I think it's a great idea! Update on the 25th! :yesyes:

Positive thoughts

[whispershadow]

Wishing you all the best, LouiseAndy :hugs:

[LouiseAndy]

Thank you all for the support x

I know I'm a few days early on a update because I have a scan on Tuesday that I'm been nervous for but look! What's life without these things! x Been waiting long enough for it! (September to be spot on, it keep being pushed back by then a personal issue for me etc etc.)

I also had some good times to clear my head! A big win! I think I got some type of dryness/cut on the inside of my nose. It causes...alot of issues. Things that would normally freak me out, blood when I blow my noose.....other icky things. It's still painful but I'm not freaking out and jumping the gun on some type of cancer x! For once. I think I need to stop blowing it so much, stop the blood as it doesn't have time to heal etc etc. Therapy methods x :blush:

I hope you're all doing well and I'll be back to either update the scan or the 25th as promised!

[LouiseAndy]

Well... Who would have thought I'd make it this long!

The results of that test went good as I think it could have! Some cyst explain some of what's going on! I did find the scan a bit hard because of traumatic issues I've had in the past but I've got through it! (my gp who's aware of these issues called me to talk about the results and the next step - since this process has been going on for nearly two years. Said she was proud of how well I handle the situation! Which is always lovely to hear after facing something scary for you!!)

So, otherwise. I've been mainly good? No gp visits since before Christmas! I've had a cold/feeling run down the last few weeks which causes me to panic a little something going-oh what if its- then I try to sit down and tell myself my therapy methods. Which work better sometimes then others! I try to remind myself off how many tests I've had over about a 2 year period now! Lots and lots. While some issues have come up, nothing to red flag!

I'm doing my best to over come some aspect of my anixety. As a long time suffer-there's lots of ways anixety touches my life and I'm doing my best to overcome!

[Scass]

Well done you, glad to hear you’re doing so well x


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[LouiseAndy]

Thank you so much Scass x!

Just after I wrote this I got a phone call saying they can a cancellation and I could have a appointment sooner for the coil. Of course I said yes-- then I came home and there was a letter from another hospital for the sample thing. I've made so many phone calls but no one can tell me anything about what's going on

[LouiseAndy]

Just wanted to drop in-

Still having nose issues. Sleep issues, exhaustion etc etc. Seeing lots of negative articles or news about things setting me off but doing my best to switch off and remind myself the world isn't about me and I shouldn't be so selfish in those moments of panic (Self-hate and punishment is another reason I go to therapy)- but! I went and got a cream-treatment on my face today as a small gift to myself. It was lovely x.

I manged to work things out with the appointments, I'm finally getting the coil in on the 20th!!! After a year and half!!! I'm looking forward to it but I have to get some type of a anesthesia...I'm hoping it's local as I wouldn't be able to cope with the thought of general as the idea of that is one of my worst fears!!! Long before I even had health anxiety or mental health issues :( I also was never realy given a proper run down of the scan results and I never got my smear result back? so my mind is tipping a lil