33 and too scared to move out

[Ruby77]

Yep, you heard correct. I'm 33 and still live with my parents. I suffer from anxiety and change really sets me off so the thought of moving out of my family home where i feel safe is terrifying.

But this in turn, further contributes to feeling useless and unable to look after or support myself.

Is anyone in a similar situation or can offer words of advice?

[KK77]

Don't be hard on yourself. Living with your parents is not shameful or wrong. Take the pressure off yourself and then you can start dealing with the anxiety issues you have re living alone and moving on.

One step at a time.

[Ruby77]

I feel like it is shameful as I can't function by myself, my anxiety is holding me back!

[Darksky]

Don't put extra pressure on yourself. Loads of 30 somethings live with their parents so cut yourself some slack. It's no ones business anyway who you live with or for how long. It's your life. Live it how you want.

[KK77]

I feel like it is shameful as I can't function by myself, my anxiety is holding me back!

What are you doing to treat your anxiety, Ruby?

[Ruby77]

Thanks for your replies, maybe I am my own worst critic.

Not a lot in answer to your question, I am on citalopram and have had a couple of counselling sessions previously but I find it difficult to talk.

When I get really bad I have sourced help from the NHS but the waiting list is so long, by the time I get to the top of the waiting list, I feel like I don't need it anymore.

Do you have any advice?

[Vintagemim]

I'm 26 this year and I can understand a little of how you're feeling. I want to move out but I get on really well with my family and I am scared to be out on my own. So I hope you know I sympathise, although our situation is different.

If change is what scares you, maybe you can think of small changes you can make in your every day life that you can try out. It wouldn't be right for anyone to suggest you go from 0 to 100 and move out now, but maybe a first step could be creating an ISA for saving towards a house? Or another small change that would challenge you, but show you it's not as nerve-wracking as you think.

Either way, you shouldn't worry about what other people think. It's probably just you being hard on yourself, but even if someone did think something bad, that person shouldn't be in your life anyway.

[Liddy1993]

Don’t worry about what anyone thinks. If you live with your parents for the rest of your life WHO cares. I still live at home and I’m 25 and have no plans to leave yet as I’m comfortable and rent is so expensive. Focus on your anxiety that’s what I’d be more worried about, moving out is also a huge change so why wouldn’t anyone be scared? I hate being at home alone overnight and don’t think I’d cope with living alone. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever.

[Ruby77]

I am saving to be able to afford my own place and that has always been my excuse for still being here.

But if I'm honest with myself, it's because I'm scared of leaving my comfort zone. I've lived in the same house my whole life and I'm not sure I can do anything else.

[jojo2316]

I love living in my comfort zone! I’m 42 and live on the same farm as my parents AND grandmother. I think inter generational living is brilliant

[Tyke]

Hi Ruby
There are options. You could try renting somewhere very locally so you could keep a lot of the links until you felt more comfortable about the new situation? If costs mean you'd rather stay put (or have to) that's fine. How do your parents feel about your independence? I say this because sometimes parents want their children to stay at home for reasons of their own. Would your parents be happy to help you branch out on your own if that's what you wanted?

[Ruby77]

Cost is a bit of an issue, I can't do it on my own. I don't have anyone I know to move in with so would have to house share with strangers and that is so far out of my comfort zone, it's not an option.

I'm saving to buy somewhere and so focussed on that, I've probably been ignoring the fact I'm terrified of it.

In answer to your question, I think they do like having my here. I do things for them as much as they do for me. They can't afford to help me out financially so I am on my own there.

[Liddy1993]

Definitely don’t feel you have to move out because of your age or because you think you should. Unless you had to move away from your hometown I don’t know why you would want to house share. Stay at home enjoy it and focus on saving to buy whenever that may be. I’m happy at home and comfortable and when the time comes if I want to move out great but I’m not thinking about it till it happens. If you never move out who cares live your life for you

[fruity]

Finally someone just like me. Im35 in August and I’ve got two kids im terrified same as you

[Midnight-mouse]

This is almost definitely going to be me and my partner and I’m absolutely fine with it. We both live with my parents and I’m nearing 25. Live your life your way, if your unhappy look for ways to change it, this is the one aspect of my condition I have yet to try and battle but I actually really enjoy being at home and I wouldn’t want to leave even if it was something I considered easy.

Positive vibes,

Mouse


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[Mindsight]

Book a holiday and go mingle whoop no bills no problems i wish i was in the shoes of the op

[Ruby77]

Thanks everyone, some of your comments made me chuckle!

I will continue to save and try not to let it get to me in the meantime!