I don't know what to do

[Scottish lass]

Sorry if this is the wrong place to post but I'm in such a state right now it took ages just to get this far. Yesterday my mum was diagnosed with cancer. I thought I was coping okay with it until I woke up at 4 am. I then spent next hour pacing the bedroom floor trying to figure out what to do. Which caused my anxiety to flare up so bad that I was sick. This used to happen a lot but I've been able to mostly control it recently using various techniques. Anyway being sick and feeling sick are one of my big anxiety triggers at best of times. So this in turn triggered what I'm assuming was a panic attack. I've seen people take them but never had one before so I'm in bit of a right state just now. I'm also looking after my father who is in early stages of dementia and a nephew who is on autism spectrum. I really don't know what to do. I work as a support worker for adults with disabilities and autism. Im not due back until Monday but I'm fixating on that as if I don't go there might not be anyone to cover. I have three sisters but one has a little boy who is severely autistic so I can't leave lit to her to deal with even although she's the sensible one. One is learning disabled and the other one lives abroad and can't get here until middle of week. Dad has two appointments coming up that he can't miss this week I'm meant to be working for both. Now I'm fixating on dog needs food can only get the food she needs in town as she's on special diet. Its 20 minute bus ride what if I'm sick on the bus I'm now totally fixated on this. Sorry I know I'm waffling. I feel better now I've wrote it down

[BlueIris]

I'm so sorry, that sounds completely awful for you. I'm not emetophobic at all, but I still got pretty nervous about trains for a while after an episode of intense nausea on one.


For what it's worth, if the worst of the panic is over then you're exceptionally unlikely to be sick. I have a tendency to vomit during intense panic attacks, but I can't think of a single time it's ever been more than once in a day.


Would there be any chance the dog could cope on ordinary food for a day or so while you get the special diet delivered?

[Scass]

I’m so sorry, what a sad situation you’re in. Your poor Mum & Dad, and obviously poor you.

Yes I think the shock probably hit you, and took it’s toll. You’re trying to process so many things at once.

Flexible working is a thing, and you have a legal right to ask for it so that you can help care for your parents. This may help to get them to their appointments.
The positive side for your Mum is that she’s in the system and will be very well looked after now. But it might help you to get some help and advice from age concern or Macmillan (I’m assuming you’re in the UK?).

Sorry, I’m being very clinical about this. But let your practical side take over every now & then so that you can get stuff done. But also, allow yourself to cry & be sad. Talk to us or your friends and family, don’t be alone.

My Mum had dementia, it sucks. If I can be of any help, please ask x


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[Darksky]

You have got an awful lot of your plate. I agree think practical. Take the dog for instance, have you totally run out of food? If not, couldn't you order it online. It would be cheaper I bet. Pet Drugs Online are good. Also Vetuk, Viovet....there's loads.
Your sister will be with you in a few days so help is on the way.

You're bound to be in a bit of shock at the moment, so don't beat yourself up. No one can do more than their best and there is help out there.

[whispershadow]

That sounds like such an awful lot to deal with, is there anyone outside of the family who can step in to help? :hugs:

[pulisa]

Yesterday must have been an awful shock. You must feel totally overwhelmed and panicked.

I do hope you managed to get the dog food? Maybe order a good supply in online or get the shop to home deliver if they offer this service?

Your priority is to your family and it's a question of getting through to the middle of the week when your sister will arrive. Is your Mum in hospital or coping at home? If she is at home she may be glad of the distraction and still be able to support your Dad at his appointments?

I'm sure your work will be understanding and there will be people to cover for you if you are unable to get in on Monday. What if you had flu and were unable to go in? There are always other trained staff who could cover. Put yourself and your family first-you have to in these circumstances.

I do hope you are ok..It must be a horribly daunting time xx

[Carnation]

I know that feeling Scottish Lass, you need 4 of you and someone to support you!
Ok, let's take your mum. You need to sit down and tell her how it has affected you. She's still your mum and although diagnosed with cancer as my mum was, she will probably be far more calmer than yourself. Her worry will be you! Don't bottle stuff up, your thoughts and worries will be sending you in to panic.
The other thing is, you can't do everything at once. Prioritise and see if you can change anything to make life a bit easier.
Lastly, ask for as much help as you can get.
Your reaction was a form of shock and not likely to be a repetitive situation. x

[Scottish lass]

Well I've decided to go to work today. Not much I can do here today anyway. Sister taking dad to Dr's today and my other sister arriving tomorrow from Africa. So she can take over she always does anyway. Problem is mum said she don't want her there she wants me. As I'm one going to deal with it all when she leaves. Anyway I'm okish for now. Thanks all for your replies.