anxiousbelle
09-02-19, 22:26
Hi,
I haven't posted on here in a few years, but feel like I need some support. For the last ten years I have had a phobia of death, more specifically incurable brain tumours. It came off the back of watching a TV programme when I was younger, and just stuck into my brain.
Anyway, flash forward to now. Anxiety is relatively under control with medication. But this last week has been horrific. My boyfriends best friend, with whom he lives, with her and her boyfriend, 2 hours away from me, has been diagnosed with a brain tumour. He's in the hospital 24/7 with her, and trying to support his other friend who has panicked shaved his head, and proposed to her. Everything they wanted seems to have disappeared right before their eyes in the space of a couple of days. It's like watching my fear come to life and unfold.
The person I would usually turn to is my boyfriend, but obviously he is at his friends bedside, where I want him to be. Not dealing with his anxious girlfriend, so I haven't mentioned my anxiety or my upset to him, as ultimately he has enough going on. I can't go down to visit as he wants to be with his friends, and I don't want to impose on their house, or their very personal tragedy.
The added complication is that my boyfriend is Australian, and on a two year work/travel visa that will be coming to an end in November. We have little time left together, and it feels like its coming closer to the end. All of this is so much compiled that I just don't know how to function. Every word I speak to someone turns into tears, every message filled with negativity. I feel like I am stuck in a nightmare, and I just want to curl up in a ball and protect myself and all my loved ones from how cruel the world is.
I haven't posted on here in a few years, but feel like I need some support. For the last ten years I have had a phobia of death, more specifically incurable brain tumours. It came off the back of watching a TV programme when I was younger, and just stuck into my brain.
Anyway, flash forward to now. Anxiety is relatively under control with medication. But this last week has been horrific. My boyfriends best friend, with whom he lives, with her and her boyfriend, 2 hours away from me, has been diagnosed with a brain tumour. He's in the hospital 24/7 with her, and trying to support his other friend who has panicked shaved his head, and proposed to her. Everything they wanted seems to have disappeared right before their eyes in the space of a couple of days. It's like watching my fear come to life and unfold.
The person I would usually turn to is my boyfriend, but obviously he is at his friends bedside, where I want him to be. Not dealing with his anxious girlfriend, so I haven't mentioned my anxiety or my upset to him, as ultimately he has enough going on. I can't go down to visit as he wants to be with his friends, and I don't want to impose on their house, or their very personal tragedy.
The added complication is that my boyfriend is Australian, and on a two year work/travel visa that will be coming to an end in November. We have little time left together, and it feels like its coming closer to the end. All of this is so much compiled that I just don't know how to function. Every word I speak to someone turns into tears, every message filled with negativity. I feel like I am stuck in a nightmare, and I just want to curl up in a ball and protect myself and all my loved ones from how cruel the world is.